Forever Mine

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

DAKOTA

I wasn’t sure how long I stood in the middle of my living room just staring at the front door after Jay left. Too long.

It was pathetic. This back-and-forth wasn’t new. Every time Jay and I took a step forward, he pulled ten steps back. I was trying hard to be patient and understanding. He had a lot of baggage. He was terrified. Jay thought he wasn’t good for me, and he was just waiting for the day I “came to my senses,” as he would say, and left him. It would never fucking happen, but it didn’t seem to matter what I said or did. Jay would panic and put up yet another wall in a desperate attempt to protect his heart. What he didn’t realize was every time he took a step back to protect himself, he hurt me even more.

Every time he walked away. Every time he shut down was another dagger to my already fragile heart. I was already head-over-heels in love with Jay. He was it for me. I didn’t care about his past or the chaos he seemed to bring with him. I wanted it. I wanted every broken, scared, loving, sweet, loyal, brave piece of Jaylin Parks. I wasn’t going anywhere. I’d be right here for him every time he came running back. When the day came when the monsters inside his head got the best of him and he left for good…well, I’d be irrecoverably and irreparably broken.

When it became painfully clear that Jay wasn’t coming back any time soon, I finally forced myself to turn away from the door and head to the shower. I really did need to get ready for our family dinner. My mom was already going to know something was up. I couldn’t be late on top of it.

Normally, I looked forward to these dinners, to seeing my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephew. Lately, they were becoming a bit of a chore. It just didn’t seem the same without Jay being there. Jay was an important part of my life, one of the most important parts. Yet, he still hadn’t met the other people who meant the most to me. I was becoming pretty close to the people he considered family, Beckett and Riley. But he still wouldn’t take that step to meet mine. It hurt. As much as I was trying to be patient and understanding, it fucking killed me that we weren’t on equal ground in this relationship.

Stop fretting, Dakota. There’s nothing you can do about it. You knew this wouldn’t be easy when you decided to give your heart to a man like Jay .

I took a quick shower and finished getting dressed, doing my best to push how things just ended with Jay to the back of my mind. Didn’t stop me from checking my messages though, to see if he said anything. I was disappointed, but not surprised when there was nothing.

I made my way to my car and sent a quick text to my brother to let him know I was on my way. My mom still hadn’t mastered the whole texting thing, and my dad refused to even have a smartphone, so it was always easier to just reach out to my youngest brother, Finley, when I needed to talk to them. He still lived at home, since he was only nineteen. And because he was trying to become a famous streamer, he was almost always home, even when we weren’t having family dinners. My parents weren’t thrilled, but they always tried to support us, and since he was making some money between that and his work-from-home job, they kept quiet.

Instead of his usual thumbs-up or K response, a wall of text came back.

Finn: Hi, honey, it’s mom. Can you believe I didn’t buy enough butter? Do you mind stopping on your way and picking some up? Salted butter. None of that vegan nonsense your aunt always goes on about. Oh, also if you see those beers your dad likes, get them too. Thank you! Love you, mom.

I chuckled as I shot back a sure, no problem , and then put my phone in the center console. Mom always signed off on texts and social media messages like she was writing a letter. We tried to tell her a million times it wasn’t necessary. Now I was pretty sure she did it just to annoy her millennial and Gen-Z kids.

I pulled into the small parking lot of the local grocery store in my parents’ neighborhood. This wasn’t one of those big chain ones, and honestly, I had no idea how it managed to survive among them. I tried to come here as much as possible when I was visiting their place—support local businesses and all that—but sometimes those bigger stores were necessary.

The parking lot was pretty much empty, and to no surprise, so was the store. It was quick to grab the sticks of salted butter, not the vegan crap, which really, why Mom would think that would be what I picked out of all the options was beyond me. I also grabbed a case of my dad’s beer and a package of Jay’s favorite cookies before I went to the register.

There was only one cashier, an average-looking guy, maybe a little older than me. He looked miserable, so I smiled at him as I handed him my items.

“Good evening.” I dipped my chin politely.

He smiled at me, dull brown eyes getting a little brighter. “Evening. I haven’t seen you here in a while.” I frowned, trying to remember if I’d ever seen him before. It was usually Mrs. Reyes at the register. Still, I wasn’t an asshole, so I kept the smile in my voice as I answered.

“Oh I live in the city. Just visiting my parents.”

Something changed in his expression, but he went to ring up my groceries, so I gave into temptation and checked my phone for messages from Jay. Nothing.

I was weak. I admit that. I quickly messaged— I picked up those cookies you like. I know we ran out —before shoving my phone in my pocket again so I could pay the cashier. Was I bribing Jay with treats that I knew he still considered a luxury? Maybe. Look, I wasn’t always a proud man.

The first few months were like a honeymoon period. Even dealing with the death of his mom and his best friend going through some really heavy shit, that all slipped away when we were together. It was just Jay and me, and it was glorious.

But things were changing lately. It wasn’t that Jay was over us. If that were the case, I wouldn’t be fighting so hard. He was afraid I’d be done with him soon, and he was protecting himself. I hoped, maybe, with little gestures like this, he’d understand I was never going to be done.

I scanned my card and waited for it to say approved .

“Here’s your receipt.” I looked up at the cashier. Was it my imagination or did he sound colder than he did before? I shivered as I met his eyes. His expression looked dead as he stared me down. What the fuck was that?

Then it changed. He went back to that bored expression as he smiled at me and handed me my receipt. I almost didn’t want to take it, but since I had to be reading way too much into it, I grabbed the receipt so I didn’t look like a rude asshole.

“That your girlfriend?” he asked, jerking his head toward my pocket where I put my phone.

Um… “Boyfriend.” I swear something flickered again, but I ignored it. I was so ready to be out of this place and at my parents’. “Well, have a good night.” I gave him a little wave, grabbed my bag, and got the fuck out of there.

I was just closing my trunk when someone called from behind me, “Dakota, is that you?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin until I saw Dr. Kiley, one of the doctors who typically worked the ICU floor standing a few feet away. He was pushing an empty cart like he was heading into the store.

“Dr. Kiley? I didn’t expect to see you here.”

He waved his hand. “Oh, my main house is out of the city. I usually stay in my apartment during the week, but I need to get away, you know?”

I mean, sort of? I was sure plenty of the doctors had other houses, but we were barely out of the city here. I guess the houses were a little bigger, and most of them had yards. Did Dr. Kiley have children? I couldn’t remember.

“Well, I’ll let you go. I just wanted to say hi.”

I smiled. “Have a good night, Dr. Kiley.”

The doctor waved and then walked away from me. I shook my head. What a weird night.

The car felt empty without Jay, and even Beck and Riley. I hated this. I just wanted the two parts of my life to be melded into one. I wanted Jay to be part of my family. He was scared of what my parents would think of him, but he had nothing to be worried about. My mom had always been the neighborhood mama, taking in all the kids in the area, making sure they had food in their bellies and a safe place to stay. Mine and my siblings’ friends were over all the time, some practically living with us. My dad took to leaving the folding chairs in the laundry room because you never knew who’d show up for dinner. It was just the way we were. My mom would see that lost, hopeless look in Jay’s eyes and immediately want to hug him and feed him some soup. He had his family in Beck and Riley, but I was desperate to make him a part of mine.

By the time I turned into my parents’ neighborhood, I forgot all about the weird store trip. I was home. I went through a rebellious stage right after high school where I wanted to get away from my smothering parents and my busybody siblings, so I applied and went to college across the country. It lasted a semester. I just missed home too much. I transferred to the local college and had stayed close ever since. My two older sisters might’ve been overbearing and overprotective, but not having them a quick drive away, or dealing with a three-hour time difference was too much.

I pulled into my parents’ narrow gravel driveway, right behind my brother-in-law Ezra’s Jeep. I hadn’t even turned the car off yet, and I was already feeling ten times better. I noted that my sister Nora’s Pathfinder was parked on the dead grass that passed for Mom and Dad’s lawn. They tried, they really did, but both my parents had black thumbs and nothing survived once they touched it, even grass. My dad would always just shrug and say, “We kept five kids alive and healthy, it would be too much to expect us to keep a damn plant alive too.”

I shut my car off and made my way to their front porch. The house was old; Mom inherited it from her parents, but my brother Declan and I helped Dad repaint it just last year, and the bright blue porch made it look much newer. I scanned the yard for Dec or his fiancée Amari’s car but didn’t see it. I guessed they weren’t here yet. Good, I wouldn’t be the last one to show up.

I hadn’t even touched the door handle of the screen door when the inside one flung open, my nieces, Bridget’s kids, smiling up at me.

“Uncle Dakota!”

I walked through the door, unable to hide my smile as I brought the two kids into a hug and kissed their heads. “Hi girls, how are you?”

The older one, Molly, pouted at me. “Mom says I’m too young for a phone. Tell her she’s wrong.”

I looked up at the ceiling, just stopping an eye roll. Yeah, I wasn’t doing that. I learned that Bridget didn’t listen to anyone besides herself when I was around five, and I’d never told her she was wrong since.

“If your ma says you’re too young, then that’s that. Besides, I agree with her. You’re only nine.”

Molly rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She huffed off, and I turned to her five-year-old sister. “Hi, Gemmy, is your sister giving your ma a hard time?”

Gemmy nodded with all the seriousness a five-year-old could muster. “Yeah. She’s always yelling.”

I smiled softly. “Just wait till she’s a teenager.” Gemmy’s eyes widened, horrified. I didn’t blame her. Bridget was a real joy in her teenage years and Molly was just like her. I was glad I was just the fun uncle and could easily send them back to their parents.

“Where’s Grandma?”

Gemmy pointed to the kitchen. “She’s in the kitchen with Aunt Nora and Uncle Leo. They’re making soda bread!”

I grinned. “I’m gonna go say hi. Why don’t you go play?”

“Okay!” Gemmy ran off down the hallway, probably to the bedroom/playroom my parents set up for the grandkids.

I spotted my nephew, my sister Nora’s kid, Henry, sitting on the couch playing the Nintendo Switch. “Hey, Henry,” I called out. “Hi,” he mumbled without ever looking up. That was as good as I would get from him, so I just moved on to the kitchen.

Sure enough, Mom was in the kitchen cooking with Nora and Leo. Well, Leo and Mom were cooking while Nora sat at the table and rubbed her massive belly and drank lemonade.

“Hi!” I called out.

Mom turned toward me, a big smile on her face. “Dakota, darling.” She put down her spoon and came over to give me a big hug and kiss.

“Hi, Ma.”

“It’s so good to see you, sweetheart. Still no Jay?” She looked behind me like she expected him to pop out from behind the wall.

“No.” I forced my disappointment down. My family were like fucking hound dogs. They’d pick up on that immediately and interrogate me until I spilled every single fear and insecurity I had. “He had to work.” It wasn’t untrue, even if it wasn’t close to the whole truth.

“Oh. Well, be sure to bring him home some leftovers. I’m making brisket and potatoes. Oh, and soda bread of course.”

“I will, Ma. Thanks. He always raves about your food.”

Ma smiled brightly as she turned back to the stove. “I’m glad. I always worry about that poor boy. I just hope he’s comfortable meeting us soon.”

I sighed and opened the fridge, grabbing a can of beer before I went to sit down next to my very pregnant sister. I would offer to help, but Leo and Ma would turn me down. They did the cooking for these things. I could set the table, and sometimes if Ma was really backed up, make the salad.

“How’re you feeling?” I asked Nora.

She grunted and shifted in the chair. She had a pillow behind her back and her feet propped up on the other wooden chair.

“I can’t see my feet, which is fine because I can tell how swollen they are without looking since none of my shoes fit. My back is killing me, and I’m craving nothing but cheese fries. Besides that, great.”

I snorted. Even as she complained, Nora rubbed her belly lovingly, and Leo shot her an adoring smile. Nora really won the lottery with Leo. Henry’s bio dad was a fucking low-life and had no part of his kid’s life. He barely had anything to do with him since birth, but completely bailed when the word autism started to get thrown around. Leo adopted him when he was five and had been an amazing dad and husband to his little family. I was so happy for them.

Soon the back door opened, and Dad walked in. He was covered in grease, so he was probably working on one of the cars in the detached garage. He walked up to my mom and kissed her on the cheek. She swatted him away playfully.

“Go on and get cleaned up. Supper is just about ready.”

“Alright. It smells delicious. Hi, Kota, still no Jay?”

Ugh. “Hey, Dad. No, not yet.”

Dad gave me a reassuring smile. “He’ll come around. Trust me, I know how overwhelming it can be.”

By the time I was born, my dad was a total family man. He’d separated himself from all his past connections, opened up a small auto shop, and completely committed to being a dad and husband. I’d heard stories though, and Jay’s shady past didn’t even come close to the shit my dad had been up to.

Even after he met my mom, Dad was wild. Until she got pregnant with Bridget. That was the wake-up call he needed to completely turn things around. Still, I was positive they would understand Jay, and love him as their own. He just needed to take the step.

Dad left to go get cleaned up, and a few minutes later, Declan and his fiancée, Amari, showed up. As usual, the last one to wander in was Finn, even though he still lived here. Soon though, we were all sitting around the folding table in the living room, since the kitchen table wasn’t big enough, and filling our plates.

As the conversation milled around us, I tried to imagine Jay here with us. He’d be overwhelmed at first. But I thought as soon as he got over the initial panic, he’d love them. He had adjusted fairly well to Riley’s bio dad, Wes, being around, as well as Wesley’s friends, and my family wasn’t much different than that. Just a bit louder, and less deadly. Though my dad could probably rival that group back in the day.

I tried to let all my wandering thoughts go and enjoyed spending the night with my family. The food was delicious as always. My brothers and I good-naturedly teased our sisters as they sniped at each other like they were sixteen still. They gathered up the kids and we all went outside to play football to burn off dinner before an even larger dessert.

My phone buzzed just about the time the kids were all dozing on my parents’ couch and I was ready to take my leave. I swallowed when I saw it was from Jay.

Jay: I’m sorry for being an asshole. I miss you.

I thought about calling him but wasn’t sure if he was still at work, so I texted him back.

I miss you too. Are you coming back tonight?

Jay: Do you want me to?

Fuck, I could hear the vulnerability in his words. What could I possibly do to prove that I always wanted him with me? There would never be a time I’d say no to that question. I just knew he wouldn’t believe me if I said that.

Me: Yes. Always, baby.

It took him much longer to respond, and my throat was completely dry by the time the text came through.

Jay: I’ll be there

Air filled my lungs. He was coming back. We made it through one more day.