Forever Starts Tonight (Wilder Family #4)

Chapter 16

Poppy

Did I cater in delicious baked goods to butter up my siblings for this family meeting?

You bet your ass I did.

Mom was only slightly affronted when I didn’t ask her to make anything, but she got over it pretty quickly when she tried the chocolate croissant.

In front of me were my small stack of colored notecards, the agendas I hadn’t passed out yet, and three colored pens in case anyone made a really good point I needed to write down.

On the large screens at the back of the room, my sister Adaline and brother Erik were patched in from their respective homes in Seattle. Adaline had clearly just crawled out of bed, still yawning into her coffee mug. Parker’s square was still ominously black. I’d only texted him five times, but hey, sure … live your life, Parker.

“You know,” Greer said, “that back bedroom that used to be Parker’s would be the best nursery.”

Mom nodded. “Best view of the yard.”

Greer pursed her lips thoughtfully. “It did have the best view. Why did Parker get it again?”

“Because he was my favorite the week we decided,” she said smoothly .

Ian snickered into his coffee.

Greer sighed. “Figures.” She turned her face toward me. “What room are you thinking, Pops?”

“I—” I shifted the edge of a notecard that moved out of place. “I don’t know. I may not … I might find a place, actually.”

Greer’s, Mom’s, and Cameron’s heads all swung in my direction. The others were chatting among themselves and hadn’t heard.

“Why?” Cameron asked. “You have a free place to live and built-in help.”

Greer shared a look with Mom. “And built-in help,” she repeated, eyes wide.

Mom’s facial expression was more curious than anything. “You never said anything, Poppy.”

Weird. Maybe because you couldn’t get a freaking word in edge-wise when your family had dozens of people in it, all talking at the same time.

“I don’t blame you for wanting space,” Ivy interjected. “Now that Jax is back, you’re part of the hottest love triangle since…” She tilted her head. “I don’t even know what cultural reference to make right now because I spent too much time studying in college.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not a love triangle. It’s a … different shape that doesn’t have three points. It’s a line. I’m in a line relationship because there are only two people.” I started handing out the agendas. “Please, I promise all this will get covered. Living arrangements is on the list.”

Cameron’s eyes widened as he read the sheet in front of him. “Family boundaries?” he whispered. “Does our family know what those are?” he asked Greer.

She shrugged helplessly.

“Good morning, everyone. Let’s get started.”

Cameron raised his hand. “We’re not waiting for Parker?”

The square reserved for his Zoom screen was still black, and I tried not to glare at it too badly. “Nope. If you note the top of the agenda, it says seven thirty a.m. It’s now”—I glanced at my watch—”seven thirty-two, so I think we’ve waited long enough.”

Ivy smiled. “Take it away, boss. It’s your meeting.”

I’d stood at the head of the conference room dozens of times in the past few months, running meetings about distribution updates and shipping data and discussing strategy of what needed to be done when. Most of the time, my siblings sat in the chairs just like they were now—Ivy and Cameron to my left, his hand underneath the table on her leg. Greer was on my right.

Ian didn’t usually attend these meetings, but he and his wife, Harlow, sat in the middle across from Mom.

I picked up the first notecard and opened my mouth to talk.

“I like your dress, Poppy,” Adaline said through the screen. “You look really pretty.”

I blinked, looking down at the white sundress with little red flowers on it. “Oh. Thank you.”

“Did you get that in town?” Greer asked. “I might need to see if they have other colors.”

“Yes, I?—”

“You do not have the chest to fill that out,” Adaline told Greer.

Greer narrowed her eyes at the screen.

Cameron dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. Ivy rubbed his back with a slight smirk on her face.

I stared down at the first notecard. Point 1- Firmly address why I didn’t tell them. Do not apologize.

“Are you feeling okay, Pops?” Erik asked. He had the computer screen tilted too far away from his face and he looked like an alien.

With a smile, I nodded. “Tired today, but good, thanks, Erik. ”

He leaned in closer. “Lydia wanted to know if you got that link she sent you about the baby stroller she wants to buy you.”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Adjust your monitor, old man. We’re looking straight up your nose.”

With a grimace, Erik did as instructed, glaring when Cameron let out a low snicker.

Ian opened his mouth to say something, and I nailed him with a fierce glare that shrank him back in his seat. Notecard in hand, I looked around the room and found my mom’s face first. Her smile and encouraging wink had my tense shoulders relaxing.

“Thank you for coming,” I told them. “I’ll try to keep this brief because I know everyone has a busy day ahead of them.” I smiled at my sister-in-law. “Except Harlow, who told me the longer we talked, the less she’d have to try to write today.”

Harlow raised her coffee mug in salute, earning a dry smirk from my brother at her side.

I smoothed a hand over my belly. “First and foremost, I know you’re probably all wondering why I didn’t tell you it was Jax,” I said quietly, my eyes moving to each face around the table. “It wasn’t because I was ashamed or afraid. And I never wanted to lie. But I refused to let him be the last one to know because it’s not fair. Believe me, what happened yesterday was pretty much worst-case scenario for me.”

Cameron’s jaw tensed. Ian kept his gaze down at the table. Greer shifted in her seat.

“Most importantly, I won’t apologize for not telling you,” I said. “You may not understand, but I feel really strongly about that. And you know, women have this tendency to feel like we always need to apologize, right? Even if we haven’t done anything wrong.” My pulse hammered as all my siblings watched me like an animal in an exhibit. “And I wasn’t wrong by wanting to tell him first. Even if it didn’t happen the way I’d imagined.”

Cameron cleared his throat, shoulders moving as he took a deep breath.

As soon as he was done doing the big brother annoyed because I’m not in control right now shifting, I held his eyes for a moment, then moved to Greer.

“I do, however, expect you to apologize to him for how you reacted,” I added quietly.

My sister’s eyes glossed over. “Poppy, I’m so sorry if I made you feel worse.”

“I appreciate that, but I don’t need the apology. He deserves one, though.” My eyes burned too, but I refused to drop her gaze. “I should have spoken up yesterday, but there were a million people watching us, and I felt like”—my voice wobbled slightly—”like everything was exploding around me, and I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or…”

Greer reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing my fingers tightly. “I’ll talk to him today.”

A sigh of relief came out in a rush, and I nodded.

Erik cleared his throat. “I wasn’t there, so I can only imagine what Greer did?—”

“There was a hammer involved,” Ian answered.

Greer grimaced.

“Of course there was,” Erik said dryly. My oldest brother, stern and serious, gentled his tone when he shifted his attention back to me. “Listen, Poppy, I think we all understand why you didn’t tell us about Jax. It makes sense.” My relief was short-lived because he wasn’t quite done. “But it’s not a bad thing that your siblings are protective of you.”

I notched my chin up. “I know that. But there were two people involved in this situation. Jax didn’t seek me out, and he didn’t seduce me. In fact, he was very against me being there in the first place,” I explained. “He swore a lot when I first showed up, but my Uber driver was already gone, and we’d both been drinking. I mean, I was one bottle deep when I showed up, so...”

Cameron dropped his head in his hands and emitted a low groan. Ivy patted his back.

Erik slicked his tongue over his teeth, looking very unimpressed. “All the more reason that he should’ve kept his distance. You’re ten years younger than he is, Poppy. Ten years. And not only that but he was more than aware of your crush on him. It was reckless, at best.”

I tilted my head. “And how much younger than you is your wife?”

His jaw tightened, and he looked away. “That’s?—”

“Different,” I finished for him. “It’s always different for the rest of you than it is for me.”

Cameron lifted his head, deciding it was time to insert himself. “We’re allowed to be worried for you, Poppy. That’s part of being a family. Even if it wasn’t Jax, we’d be worried.”

“I’m not telling you not to be worried,” I said. My notecards got tossed onto the table because we were officially off the damn script. Acceptable family boundaries was third on my meeting agenda, not first. My head started spinning. “This isn’t what I wanted to be talking about right now, okay? I just…” I paused, steadying the emotions that threatened to swamp me. “I just want you to listen.”

“We are listening,” Adaline added gently. “We can do all those things at the same time. Worry about you, and care about you getting hurt, and we can listen to what you’re trying to tell us.”

“Are you listening?” I asked. “Because right now it feels like everyone is just talking over me.”

Everyone went quiet, and I noticed my mom covertly brush a finger under her eye.

“I know I’m younger than Jax. That I’m younger than all of you,” I said. “But I’m twenty-five. I’m not a kid. Yes, it was impulsive to go to his place. I know that, okay?” I speared Cameron with a look, and he returned it steadily. “I’m not perfect. I’m just me. And I’m trying to figure this out as I go, but it is unfair for you guys to cast me in some helpless role like I can’t take care of myself. Should we talk about the shit you guys got into when you were my age? Or older?” I asked.

Erik’s eyes dropped.

Greer shifted in her seat.

“I never judged any of you,” I said hotly. “I never freaked out when you up and moved away and didn’t come home for years,” I said, eyes shifting pointedly between Erik and Ian. “I didn’t yell or threaten anyone when you married a stranger,” I said to Greer. “Or when you slept with your first crush, knowing he was leaving the next day,” I said to Adaline. She dropped her gaze.

The far left screen flared to life. Parker’s sleepy face filled the screen as he yawned, stretching his muscled arm over his head. “Am I late?”

My eyes narrowed. “Oh, don’t even get me started on you .”

He blinked. “What did I miss?”

Ian swiped a hand over his mouth, spearing our youngest brother with a stern look.

A part of me wondered if I should take a break. Do some breathing exercises. Maybe some meditation in the hallway. And then, honestly, I just said fuck it, and let my rarely shown temper take the freaking reins.

“Everyone in this family has screwed up over the years, but I’m the only sibling who seems to warrant special treatment, like I can’t make my own fucking decisions,” I said, voice a touch louder than was comfortable. “I knew what I was doing when I slept with him. That he wouldn’t want more, and I was okay with that. I knew that it was a risk and I might get hurt, but that’s life . I didn’t want to wake up one morning and wish I’d missed a chance to know if he ever felt the same. Or what it would be like to pretend he was mine for one night. And yes, it hurt when he left, but I’m still here. I didn’t crumple, I didn’t break, and I’m doing my best in a really complicated situation.”

A single tear spilled over, and I let it fall. “Every single one of you has made decisions that the rest of us might disagree with, but when you made them, I listened to you when you wanted to talk. I never made you feel like you couldn’t handle whatever was going on in your life. And I loved you through all the shit you’ve pulled over the years.”

When I finished, I was breathing hard, and my hands were shaking a little, but holy shit, did it feel good to say all that.

That was the thing about being the steady, easygoing sibling at the back of the pack. I might only get one freak-out per year, but I would make it count .

My mom was the first to speak. “I’m proud of you, Poppy. I think it was brave for you to face us all like this.”

“It was,” Adaline agreed. Greer was quietly crying in her chair, and Ian gave me an encouraging nod.

“Did I miss the first agenda point?” Parker whispered. “I’m really lost.”

“Maybe set your alarm next time,” Cameron snapped.

“I did,” Parker said. “I swear, it got turned off.”

“By who?” Erik asked.

Parker grimaced. “Never mind.”

Greer took a deep breath. “You’re right, Pops. We should’ve trusted you to handle it yourself. And no matter what you said earlier, I think we do owe you an apology for earlier.” She managed a tiny smile. “I really am sorry.”

Cameron met my eyes. “I’m sorry, too.”

Parker cleared his throat. “I wasn’t there, so … I don’t think this is a moment I need to add anything.”

Erik rolled his eyes.

“Forgiven,” I told them. I picked up the agenda and exhaled a laugh. “Well, the agenda was a nice idea in theory.”

Mom smiled. “Anything else you want to let us know? ”

I swallowed. “I don’t know what this will look like for Jax and me as co-parents or the types of decisions I might make. But unless I ask for your advice, I need you to respect the way he and I move forward.”

Everyone nodded.

Wearily, I sat back down in my chair, resting a hand on the top of my bump. “I think I’m done.”

Ivy raised her hand. “May I have the floor, boss?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the boss, Ivy, at least in this building. But sure.”

She waved that off. “While we have the whole family here, I think this is the perfect place to discuss your promotion.”

My head reared back. “What promotion?”

Ivy leaned back in her chair, studying me with a shrewd look on her face. “I’ve been thinking about our plan to have you manage the store, and I’m not sure it makes sense anymore, what with the forthcoming bundle of joy and all.”

Cameron cut his girlfriend a curious look. “When did you decide this?”

“Right now,” she said, never taking her eyes off me. “Managing the store isn’t very flexible, and it’s not like you’re going to bring one of those baby cages into work every day.”

“Baby cage?” Parker asked in a horrified whisper.

“Do you mean a playpen?” Greer asked, fighting a smile.

“Sure, whatever it’s called,” Ivy said dismissively. “But as the Wilder House Director of Operations, you could work from home a few days a week if you wanted.” She tilted her head, glancing around the room. “What do we think?”

Cameron smiled. “It’s a yes from me. Poppy is ten times more organized than any of us here.”

Greer nodded. “Yes from me.”

We all turned to Mom. She owned Dad’s and her shares in the company, and with a big smile, she nodded too. “As long as I still get to babysit a couple of days a week, it’s a yes from me too. ”

My throat was tight with emotion as Ivy’s face spread with a satisfied grin. “Thank you,” I told her. I picked up the agenda and shrugged one shoulder. “Well, I guess that’s it if you need to get to work now.”

Parker yawned. “Not me. It’s the offseason. I’m going back to bed.”

“Maybe go work out instead,” Erik said. “You looked slow last week in that video you posted.”

Parker flipped him off, winked at me, and his screen went black.

Cameron shook his head. “Greer, let’s go. You’ve got an apology tour to make.”

After hugs from both of them, then Ian and Harlow, and a minute later, Adaline and Erik logged off. It was just Mom, Ivy, and me.

Ivy watched my face carefully, and that always made me a little nervous. From the moment I met her, she had an uncanny ability to read me. Sometimes it was good, and sometimes, like now, it made me want to hide under the freaking table.

“So,” she drawled, “I hear you’ve shifted Jax Cartwright into the friend zone as of last night.”

I ran a hand over my belly and smiled. “Yup. We talked last night. He asked what I needed, and”—I shrugged—”that’s pretty much it.”

“You talk to Dean about him yet?”

Slowly, I shook my head. “I’m going to call him later when he’s off work.”

Mom’s eyebrows rose slowly. “What do you think he’ll say?”

Ivy snorted. “Captain America will have the perfect response, as per usual. God, he’ll probably want Jax’s autograph or something.”

I chucked a wadded-up agenda at her head, and she caught it with a neat snatch of her hand, eyebrows raised like, c an’t you do any better than that?

“You’re as bad as Parker,” I told her. “I think it’s admirable that he has firm personal boundaries.”

“Is it also admirable that he cheats at chess?” Ivy muttered.

“That boy beat you fair and square, Ivy,” Mom said.

Ivy screwed her lips up, and I coughed to cover my laugh.

“I bet they’ll get along just fine,” I said.

Mom and Ivy traded a loaded look.

“Stop it,” I told them. “They will.”

“Sure,” Ivy said condescendingly. “You and your love line, non-triangle love triangle. I can see it now, Jax and his working vocabulary of seven words sitting with Dean while he waxes poetic about his renewed V-card.”

I tried to mimic her boss-bitch glare, but I had a feeling it wasn’t quite as effective, especially when she simply smiled innocently.

Mom chuckled. “Why don’t we do this,” she said. “I’ll have everyone over for dinner in a couple of nights. That way, Jax doesn’t feel like there’s too much pressure on meeting Dean.” She shrugged. “Just a normal night at the Wilders.”

“Dinner with Jax,” Dean repeated slowly, his bright eyes trained firmly on mine. “Dinner with Jax in front of your entire family?”

I risked a small nod. We were sitting on the back deck of his house after dropping my little news bomb about the baby’s surprise paternity and his sudden reappearance in town. I did call him, like I’d said, but this was no conversation to be had over the phone. I needed to see his face. He deserved that, if nothing else.

Maybe this was what Jerry Springer felt like. It was awful—delivering world-altering news, yet again, knowing he’d probably feel like I was yanking the floor out from underneath his feet. I was on a roll this week, honestly. Jax and my family and now Dean. You’d think it would get easier, but it really hadn’t.

It was one thing to accept the baby, but surprise ! He was my brother’s best friend, so he was around all the time, and double surprise ! I had a Titanic -sized crush on him my entire life.

Out of anyone in this situation, Dean was the innocent bystander. He didn’t have the front-row seat to my crush on Jax like my family. And he certainly wasn’t complicit in the same way Jax was.

It never felt good to hurt the innocent bystander. To tell them you’d lied.

His unwavering support, his genuinely big heart and obvious feelings for me made this a bit like plucking the wings off a butterfly. Honestly, he was so beautiful it wasn’t even fair. And the deep-seated goodness inside him was even more beautiful.

In a strange way, seeing him be a little discomfited by this was a relief.

“Holy shit, Poppy,” he said, swiping a hand over his mouth and leaning back in his chair. After a moment, he stood, setting his hands on his trim hips and staring out into the backyard. He was still wearing his bright blue scrubs, and I’m telling you, a man and his ass had never looked as good in scrubs as Dean Michaelson.

Which was what made it even worse that I didn’t feel those things when I watched him. The tingly things. The press-my-thighs-together things. The heart turning over in my chest things.

“If it makes you uncomfortable, I can tell my mom it’s not a good idea,” I told him. “If you need time to make peace with this, it’s okay.”

Dean tilted his head back and took a seat again, angling himself closer to me as he sighed. “No, I don’t need time. It’s … it’s the right thing to do.” He slid his big hand over my thigh and squeezed. “I can be an adult about this.”

I reached for one of his hands with mine. His eyes fell closed at my touch, but he didn’t pull away. If anything, his grip was tight and possessive, like he was unwilling to let me back away now that I’d initiated.

“Should I be worried?” he asked lightly. “About this man who’s taken up your thoughts for so long.”

I sucked in a quick breath, choosing my words carefully. “Jax is a good man who wants very different things than I do. He’s always been very up front about that. He doesn’t want marriage or a family. I think he’ll support the baby—financially at least—but I don’t have any expectations from him beyond that,” I answered truthfully. “I want to be friends with him. It’s something we’ve never tried to do before.”

Dean searched my face, and I could see his belief in me stamped as plain as day across his handsome features. He slid his hand over my cheek, brushing his thumb along my lower lip. “Okay,” he murmured, brushing his lips over mine for a tender kiss. When he pulled back, Dean wrapped his arms around me, and I melted into his embrace. “Okay,” he said again. “Then let’s have dinner tomorrow night.”

I pinched my eyes closed, letting the warmth of his body be louder than any of the other doubts running through my head.