Grumpy Doctor’s Holiday Twins (Forbidden Doctors #17)

31. Melody

31

MELODY

A fter such a scare and a long hospital stay, it was time to go home. I had all of Holly's things collected, which surprisingly were so numerous, I felt like I was forgetting something. The entire hospital had heard of what happened and she had more stuffed animals than she knew what to do with. I had already put half of them into the collection bins for the toy drive which were to be emptied this afternoon and donated to local charities, and we still had enough to give Noel a few of his own.

Holly was feeling much better and didn't mind sharing, and when Dad arrived with John and Noel to pick us up, I was relieved. I was exhausted and ready to go home and shower and potentially nap. Though John hovered around us like a doting father.

"Are you sure you don't want to come to my house? I have the room and I can help keep a closer eye on her. Now that we know Noel tests positive for this, we need to watch him too." John's doting was sweet, but I had to do this on my own, and I knew that now.

Ethan hadn't even so much as texted since he stormed out of the hospital. John told me he sent an email stating he'd be resigning the interim post immediately, and that was the last communication anyone had gotten from him. By now, I thought he was overseas living his best life, and I had to put this all behind me.

"I'm sure. Just pull the car up and get things ready. I'll bring Holly down to the front entrance with the nurse." I turned to Noel and tousled his hair. "Go with Pop, okay, buddy? Mommy's coming soon." I was still waiting for the final release paperwork which the nurse said she'd bring any second.

Noel swatted my hand away and growled at me like the lion stuffy he was clinging to, and Dad snickered. "See you downstairs, baby." He used the joystick on his wheelchair to get himself moving and followed John out toward the elevator.

Holly sat on the edge of the bed looking around at the medical equipment as she hugged the teddy bear Lucas brought, and I sat next to her in silence. She was probably just as ready to get up and moving as I was to be home. She'd been in a bed so long, I wondered how she'd ever feel tired again.

"I'm hungry," she moaned, and she rolled her neck. She wasn’t really hungry. I'd seen how much lunch she ate. It was the chocolate pudding they gave her for dessert that she wanted more of, and I'd told her no. It was a good sign, though, given how little she wanted to eat the past few weeks.

"I'll give you whatever you want when we get home, baby." I pulled her against my side and she hugged her teddy.

"Mel?" I heard, and I turned over my shoulder to see Lucas walk into the room. I knew what he wanted. I never answered his question the other day when he was here and asked me what I'd think about making a go of it with him. I knew I could be content with a partner who doted on me and cared for my kids, but I didn't want contentment. I wanted deep, passionate love. The sort of love I had with Ethan. And while I knew things were over between us, I just wasn’t ready to move on yet. My heart wasn't healed.

"Here, baby," I told Holly, giving her my phone with a game pulled up. It would occupy her while we talked. She was glad to take it and scooted back up on the bed to play while I walked across the room to where Lucas stood.

"Hey," I said softly. He looked down at me and took my hand and held it, and the hopeful look in his eyes didn't escape my notice.

"I, uh, I heard they were releasing her. I guess you'll probably be off work for a while to help her recover?" The way he laced his fingers between mine wasn't the way a friend would act, but I had to let him down easy. The last thing I wanted was to break another man's heart.

Maybe someday, after my heart was whole and I had moved on, I could revisit this situation. Maybe years from now, I could try again with him and see if we really did have something. But now wasn't the time. I was too sad and heartbroken.

"Yeah, just a few. I decided to hire a nanny to help too, a nurse I know who is retired now." I smiled at him, but it was painful because I knew what was coming.

"I see…" He swung his arm, and mine went with it. "Have you given any thought to what I said? I know it was so overwhelming the other day. I just wanted you to have time to think it through."

Lucas had been so patient. In fact, if anyone else in the entire world stood the two men side by side and ranked them, they'd think I was an idiot for not choosing him. Except my heart wanted what it wanted. Grumpy old Ethan was the man I loved. Not sweet, caring Lucas.

"I did," I told him, and I looked down. "Lucas, I think you are such an amazing man. You are sweet and funny and kind. You have great style and a wonderful personality…"

"But?" he said, leading me to my next point.

I looked up at him and smiled sadly. "But I'm in love with Ethan, and right now, my heart really hurts. He's leaving town, and I don’t know how to feel about that. In fact, he might be gone already." My bottom lip quivered as I spoke, and my heart sank. There was no reason to believe Ethan had even stayed in town. I hurt him so badly, he couldn't even look at me. He had no reason to want to stay now, except his twins, and I wasn’t sure he even wanted them to begin with.

"I see," he said sadly. Then he let my hand go. "I understand."

His acceptance of the fact made me feel even more sad. Ethan would have been ranting and raving, stomping his feet and angry, lashing out. Lucas stood there with slumped shoulders and a sad expression, not lashing out at all.

"I'm so sorry, Lucas. My heart just isn't ready for this." I couldn't even tell him that maybe someday, it would be. That would only be setting him up for more disappointment in the future.

"It's okay." He nodded and forced a smile. "You take care of your baby girl. I'm alright. And I'm still here to be a good friend. I know you need that, and I won't make it awkward either."

I gave him a big hug and thanked him for understanding, then the nurse came in with the papers. We got everything squared away and she got Holly in a wheelchair. We made it down to the front entrance and John was waiting. It took a few minutes to get everything situated and Holly buckled, but John lingered by the SUV just outside of Dad's earshot when we were done.

"Have you heard from him?" he asked, and I knew he meant Ethan. I never told anyone about Lucas or his desires for me, so I knew it wasn't that.

My head hung in sadness, but it was for the best. He'd made his mind up. "No. I think he left town already." Wherever Ethan was, I felt like it was obvious he wanted nothing to do with me. I texted him a few times, but he hadn't responded. He never called. He hadn't come into the hospital to collect his things, and as far as I knew, he was moving on with the job at Doctors Without Borders.

"No, he didn't," John said, and he scowled. "My God, I could?—"

"What do you mean? How do you know?" Butterflies danced in my stomach, but it wasn't like it changed anything. He told me he had to be in Europe after Christmas. There was every possibility that he was just here to be with his family.

"I mean, I saw his car at his parents' place earlier today. He's still in town, so I'm going to?—"

"No, John." I was firm and I wasn’t changing my mind. I didn't need anyone to chase him down. He didn't want to face me, and I hurt him. It would do no good to force the two of us back together. "Let him go. I know his heart has always been fixed on having that job with Doctors and I never wanted to stand in his way. I kept the twins a secret because he would only tether himself here and that would make him miserable. If that's what he wants, then he should have it. Just let him go."

Through all of this, all I wanted was for him to be happy. I knew happiness was elusive at best for him, but the best chance he had now was to take the job of his dreams and forget this life existed. I knew him well enough to know once he got there and got into his routine, he would settle in and find a new life. Who was I to stop that?

"Mel, that's insane. He should be helping you." John looked so angry, but he didn't understand. I placed my hand on his chest and sighed.

"I love you, big brother, but this is my choice. Let Ethan go. Okay? I don't need help. And one day, I'll meet a man who is incredible and loving and the twins will love him." I smiled sadly and opened the car door, preventing him from saying anything else.

As much as it hurt, that was what I had to do. Ethan would leave in a few days, and then the healing could begin. I just prayed it wouldn’t hurt this bad forever.