Grumpy Doctor’s Holiday Twins (Forbidden Doctors #17)

32. Ethan

32

ETHAN

C rowds were already gathering near downtown and the main drag northward toward the highway. The parade was set to start any minute, and I was supposed to be meeting my parents to sit with the family and watch the entire thing, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not only did I not want to weave through that many people to find our traditional spot on the mayor's front lawn where he hosted only the most prestigious of guests, but I just didn't even want to be here.

The people from Doctors Without Borders still hadn't called me back, but being so close to the holidays, I didn't know what to expect. I knew from experience that we were always so busy this time of year, anyway. Now it was a waiting game. In the meantime, I had nowhere to be but miserable Mistletoe Springs in the heart of their Christmas wonderland parade, and for some reason, making my mother happy was important to me now.

The wind bit down on my neck and I turned my collar up, grumbling under my breath about why anyone would want to be so miserable outdoors this time of year for things like this. I'd come up with some excuse as to why I didn't show up on the mayor's lawn, but from where I sat, I had a good enough vantage point to let my parents know I'd seen some of the parade, at least.

Movement to my right caught my eye and I watched as John approached me. He carried two paper cups with lids and cardboard sleeves on them and he wore the most hideous ugly Christmas sweater I'd ever seen. It matched most of the people who had passed by me already who were all decked out in ridiculous Christmas attire. It made my black trench coat stick out like a sore thumb. I felt like Where's Waldo , Grinch edition.

"You look like the grim reaper," John said as he sat down. The cup of coffee he extended toward me was the olive branch between us. I was certain. After my behavior in the doctors’ lounge last week, I figured he'd be done with me, especially when I sent him that email quitting the position he had me in and never followed up.

"It scares people away," I told him, thankful for the first hot sip of the steaming black coffee. It warmed me slightly, which was much needed in cold temps like this. "I thought you'd never speak to me again."

"I thought you'd be somewhere warm and sunny by now."

"Touché." I raised my cup slightly and let my eyes scan the area. There was no sign of Melody or her twins, though with such a sick child, I didn't know if she'd be here. She was obsessed with this parade every year, and the joy in her eyes as she put together that float was so real. I hated that she'd have to miss it, but it didn't dispel my frustrations or the pain I felt.

"When do you leave?" John asked, but he didn't make eye contact. In fact, he didn’t even look at me. We sat shoulder to shoulder staring at the passing crowds who were lining up for the parade the way we had many times before. It wasn't out of the ordinary for us to have a conversation like this. What made it feel odd was how horribly I had messed up on more than one occasion, and he acted like nothing had happened.

For months before Melody left, I told her if John ever found out about us, he'd go berserk. He would flip out and I would be dead. He'd find a way to unalive me and that would be that. It had been my sole motivating factor to keep the relationship private. I didn't want to admit how much I needed this friendship, how much stability it brought me knowing every time I came home, every time I called, I'd have a friend. I was afraid, and I was a fool.

"Day after Christmas. I decided to stick around and give some gifts." My mind shot to the small barrette I bought Melody. It wasn't a huge gift, but it was special to me. I could have still given it to her, passed it through John or something, but I figured I'd return it now. She wouldn't want to hear from me at all.

The very fact that she was willing to keep her secret and let me leave town without knowing I had twins meant she probably didn't want me around. She made a life without me and I had hurt her by pushing her away. I built that wall and she left town, and I just wasn’t the same anymore. My God, did I love her so much, but relationships don't just rely on love. I needed respect and honesty too.

"Hmm… Is that the way you want it?" John asked the question I had asked myself at least ten times a day since the moment I stormed out of the hospital.

Was it the way I wanted it?

I couldn't even answer that question for myself yet. All I could do was just stick to the plans I had made months ago and in a year's time, I'd feel differently. I'd establish a new routine again, meet new people, see new places, and soon, it wouldn't hurt so bad.

"She was going to let me leave town without even telling me, John." I took another sip of the coffee, but this time, I let the scalding brew really burn my tongue. Feeling physical pain was better than letting this hurt seep out and attack my best friend again.

I was starting to realize why dating my best friend's younger sister had been a bad idea. Not because of the risk to my friendship, but because of the risk to my heart. I was a bitter, angry man now, and while I blamed myself, I couldn't help but feel powerless to control that bitterness. It came out directed at anyone in front of me. I hated that.

"Did you ever even ask her why?" For the first time in this conversation, John angled his shoulders and looked at me. His eyes weren't full of malice or frustration. There was compassion there, and a knowing, and I couldn’t look at him for very long before I had to look away out of guilt.

"What's to say? She made her point very loud and clear when she kept that secret." I clenched my jaw and watched the flashing lights of the police cars as they rounded the corner in the official start of the parade. "The minute I knew they were mine, I wanted them. But how can I look past that lie?"

I heard John sigh hard and from the corner of my eye, I watched him rub his forehead. "Ethan, people do things for stupid reasons. You've done quite a few really dumb things too. Do you think your kids are going to understand when you rock up someday to be a part of their lives and know you had the chance but you skipped town because you were angry with their mother?"

The searing words penetrated my chest like an anvil. I felt sick to my stomach and enraged that he was calling me out. I was the one she lied to. I was the victim here, and she didn't deserve his compassion. Or maybe she did, and I was just a fool again. My head hurt too bad to think straight.

"She's standing by the old historic phone booth on the corner two blocks north on Main. She has the kids, and she's alone. I am supposed to meet her and help with them, but I think you should go." He stood and patted my shoulder. "Listen to her, Ethan, with an open mind. You might be surprised."

"Aren't you upset with me?" I asked, and I looked up at him.

"I'm beyond livid." His eyes were set, but I could see he was doing this for her, not himself. "I'm just telling you, if you break her heart, you won't need a plane ticket to Europe. You'll need a casket."

John walked away, his feet crunching the hard-packed snow, and I sat there for a long time watching the floats roll past. The marching band played a few Christmas tunes, and the longer I stared off into the distance, the colder my coffee got until I was shivering so bad I couldn’t stay seated anymore. I got up and walked and felt numb and heavy. Each step carried me closer to the parade route, though I didn't really intend to go speak to her.

I'd heard John's threat, but he wouldn't actually hurt me. What he was saying was that if I didn’t do what he thought was the right thing, our relationship really would be over. I just couldn’t bring myself to face her again. I didn't even know what words I could give her or what words she'd say to me that would change how I felt. It was pointless. I would leave town on Boxing Day and start over again.

The crowd cheered and hollered for the hospital's children's ward float. The reindeer were a success. It made me feel more bitter that Dr. Hart's addition to the parade was a success. He walked alongside the reindeer handlers waving and smiling, throwing handfuls of candy toward the crowds. Children darted into the street to scoop it up before the next float passed, and in the distance I could hear the loud whine of the fire trucks bringing up the second half of the parade.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the fluffy ball on top of a child's hat and watched a toddler jet into the street after a piece of candy. I was near the crosswalk after having weaved past a large family all crowded together to stay warm. The boy was unmistakable. It was Noel, and his smile was bright and cheerful. He held the piece of candy up in his hand triumphantly for a split second before the fire truck's loud horn blasted, startling him. The boy took off running, but in the wrong direction, right into the path of the truck. He was terrified, and I didn't see Melody anywhere.

Without thinking, I ran. My feet slipped on ice, but I raced into the street and scooped him up, circling back and stopping just outside the path of the firetruck as the driver laid on its horn again. My heart was pounding and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My hands shook violently while I pinned him to my chest, and his screams of fear in my ears drowned out the crowds. I stood there with him clinging to my chest as tears welled up.

Suddenly, I was surrounded by people. A few women walked me toward the curb and Melody reached for her son—our son. But he didn't want to go to her. Even when she tried to take him, he clung to my neck, and I could only shake my head as I wept. My son almost died. That driver never saw him. He would have been hit, and I'd have lost him forever.

My God, I was a fool.