Hammers & Heartstrings (The Riley Siblings #3)

7. Noah

Chapter Seven

NOAH

S omething is wrong with Aggie.

I don’t know what, not yet, but something is definitely going on with her and it’s making me sick to my stomach.

With a grunt, I turn up the speed on the treadmill and push myself harder.

She’s been living with us for just over a month now and while she’s totally crushing it at taking care of my peanut, Aggie has put a wall between her and I.

Everything is the same mostly.

We still talk, still joke around and hang out, but we don’t touch anymore. Not unless we’re in public, anyway.

For example, we went to another small gathering for the band. You could almost consider it a dinner party except there were drugs and groupies, but it was much lower key than the promo party, and there were maybe twenty people or less.

While we were there, Aggie wore her ring, held my hand, cozied up to me anytime it seemed appropriate. She let me hug her and hold her, let me give her a few slightly PG rated kisses, but not on the lips. She even initiated a couple herself and while it gave me hope that she was starting to come around, I know it was all for show.

How do I know, you ask?

Because the second we were in the car on the way home, she dropped the act, avoided looking directly at me and put a stop to any and all physical contact. And Aggie took off the damn ring and put it in her wallet.

Aggs and I have always been affectionate toward each other, always.

Her family is super touchy-feely, has no problem with PDA of any kind, and since I was pretty starved for that as a kid, I jumped all over that shit.

Not that my mom and Pop didn’t hug me or whatever, they were just busy as fuck. Mom worked three full time jobs in order to provide for us and Pop kept working at the machine shop until I made enough money to support him for the same reason. They weren’t around much, but I know they loved me. I just spent so much time at the Riley’s house that they became my family too, and I was never short on hugs again.

It’s always been a big part of my relationship with Aggie, hugs and hand holding, cuddling and little kisses. Before we started banging, during, even sporadically in the super fucked up years to follow, and since I’ve been sober, we fell right back into the comfort and consistency of our relationship like those years never happened.

Until now.

Now Aggie won’t even let herself be alone with me for more than a few minutes.

There isn’t a ton of time for that because Clover is very demanding of both of our attention—I’m good with that—but I thought we’d be able to hang out after she went to bed or whatever.

Nope.

When Clover goes to bed, so does my kitten.

While Clover is at school, Aggie goes out to do whatever the hell she does until she picks her up.

When they get home, they make lunch together, eat together, clean up together and then Aggie helps Clover with her reading and writing, then she takes a short nap and, you guessed it, so does Aggie.

The rest of the day is pretty much the same unless Aggs has to work, then they go to the shop together if I’m busy, or Clover stays home with me if I’m not. I’m involved and mostly welcomed in all of that as well, but as much as I love the family dynamic we’ve seemed to create, I’m really starting to worry about my best friend.

And I fucking miss her.

I miss Aggie so goddamn much and she’s living in my fucking house, sleeping in a room right down the hall.

How does that even work?

“Daddy?”

My eyes lift from the settings on the treadmill I’m about to break thanks to the speed it’s set on, and land on my little girl standing in the doorway of my home gym.

“What’s up, baby?”

Clover kicks her bare foot at the floor, her beat up stuffed tiger clutched to her chest with one hand—the first toy I ever bought for my peanut—and her just as raggedy stuffed purple elephant gripped tight in the other—the first toy Aggie ever bought for her—those two my girl’s absolute favorites. She has a worried look on her face, something that makes me shut off the treadmill and immediately start toward her.

“What’s wrong, peanut?”

She rolls her lips between her teeth, her wide blue eyes bouncing between mine. “Why is my Gigi sad?”

I almost trip as I crouch down to her level. “What do you mean Gigi is sad?”

“She’s sad.” Clover’s lip quivers. “I heard hers crying when I woke up from my nap.”

I’ve got my girl in my arms and we’re booking it down the hall to Aggie’s room within seconds.

I stop outside her door, hand raised to break it down if I have to, but what I hear has me hesitating.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Aggs is definitely sad, definitely crying, and I am definitely going to fuck someone up because of it.

Just not in front of my daughter.

I set Clover on her tiny feet. “Why don’t you go watch a movie in my room, peanut.”

“What abouts my Gigi?”

“Don’t worry about it right now, baby. I’m gonna talk to her and find out why she’s sad, then we’ll both come in and watch the movie with you, maybe even order pizza and eat dinner in my bed tonight. Sound good?”

She looks at Aggie’s slightly ajar door, then nods. “Okay, Daddy, but you have to makes my Gigi not sad anymore. I want hers to be happy.”

I give her a soft smile and kiss her nose. “Me too, baby. I’m going to try really hard to make your Gigi happy.” Forever, if she’ll let me.

I wait until Clover walks to my room and closes my door then get to my feet, lift my hand again right before all the air gets knocked out of my lungs.

“Everything is going to shit though,” Aggs cries softly. “I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

“What’s going to shit, exactly, sissy?”

Knox .

Aggie is talking to Knox.

He wouldn’t make her cry. That big old bear would be the first one in line to fuck up whoever did.

“Yeah, I thought things were going well?”

Blake .

Fuck, this must be bad if she’s Face Timing her brothers in the middle of the afternoon.

“For starters, Halee cut me down to one day at the shop, appointment only, and regardless of the small clientele I’ve been able to build, that’s not enough to keep me afloat.”

“You said—” Knox again.

“I lied, okay?” Aggie cries harder. “I lied about everything. I’m barely making ends meet and now my job is in jeopardy because I moved in with Noah, which wasn’t just to help him out, by the way.”

“That stupid southern belle kicked you out?” Blake asks, a bite to his tone.

Aggie sniffles. “Yeah, but it was fine because Noah needed me. It’s just, now I’m barely working, and I have hardly enough for a security deposit saved and... and...” She completely falls apart as her words trail off, and if she wasn’t talking to her brothers, my ass would be in there right fucking now.

“And what, sissy?” Blake again.

“And I have to move out.”

My head jerks as if she just slapped me, as if Aggie said those words right to my face.

Why the hell would she want to move out?

“Why?” Knox echoes my inner panic. “I thought you and Noah were?—”

“Lying. It’s all lies, everything. I’m about to be jobless, I’m already homeless, and Noah and I are just pretending to be engaged because of a bunch of stupid shit we’ve both said to the wrong people. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t be here anymore. It hurts way too much.”

The room starts to spin as I slide down the wall next to her door and plant my ass so I don’t fall over.

I don’t understand.

Being here, living with me and Clover is hurting Aggie?

“Because?” Knox asks.

Blake huffs. “Because she’s still in love with Noah and they aren’t really engaged, dumbass. Keep up.”

“Is that true, sissy?”

Aggie sobs for a minute then apparently composes herself enough to answer. “I’ve never not been in love with him.”

Now the hallway is spinning for an entirely different reason. Until everything takes a nosedive, fucking crashes and burns.

“But I can’t be in love with him anymore. Loving Noah is useless. He didn’t want me when we were kids and the only time he ever said he did was before he was sober. It didn’t mean anything because it was a desperate attempt to hang onto our friendship when I kept pushing him away.”

“But things are different now, Agatha.” Knox sighs. “Noah is sober, has been for a long time and you’ve said yourself he’s the best version of himself we’ve ever seen.”

“Not to mention, and I mean this with all my heart, Noah has been in love with you his entire life, sissy, you’ve just been too stupid to see it.”

If I swung that way, I would kiss Blake right on the fucking mouth for saying that the next time I see him. Hell, maybe I will anyway. I’m sure he’s a great kisser.

Aggie sniffles again. “Whether that’s true or not, it doesn’t matter. Too much has happened between us, too much has changed. Noah is amazing, but he doesn’t want more from me than the friendship we’ve always had and even if he did, I’m not sure I could give it.”

“That’s fucking bullshit,” Knox grunts.

I’m gonna kiss him too.

“It isn’t.” Aggie tries to argue. “He doesn’t want me and I’m not sure I even want him to. What if we tried to make something work and Noah just walked away again? What if he never wants to commit, never wants his life to consist of more than just him and Clover? What if I’m just a placeholder for?—”

“Stop, Agatha.” Both of them grunt, then Blake says, “You ever think about the good what ifs ? Like, what if Noah asked you to move in and help him out because he wants to commit and can’t find the words? What if he knows he’s burned damn near every bridge leading to you and this is his way of trying to build a new one? What if the idea of losing you or walking away is no longer an option, so he’s finally doing something about it? What if Noah is still in love with you but hasn’t had the confidence to try to make something work until now because he knows what your history entails, knows he has a lot of work to do and no idea how to do it? What if he wanted you to move in so he could show you what you mean to him in order to put in the work while you watched his every move?”

There’s a long pause and I hold my breath.

Fucking A man, those guys not only have my back, but they hit the nail right on the fucking head. At least I know I have team Riley in my corner, should make things easier when I decide to really propose to my kitten and ask them first.

“My life isn’t one of your books, Blake.”

“Mine wasn’t either,” Knox snaps. “You know where I was when I found Hazel, know the kind of place my head was in. We had a history, sure, and we hit snags along the way, but we didn’t have almost thirty years of foundation like you do. I found my forever when I thought it was impossible at best, so you need to get your head out of your ass and grab your forever before Noah decides your stubborn ass isn’t worth fighting for.”

Forget kissing him, I’m gonna make out with Knox.

“Cool down, TKO.” Blake chuckles. “While we were both miraculously blessed with slightly less messy circumstances with our soulmates, Aggie wasn’t.”

I frown. Maybe I won’t be kissing Blake.

“ Thanks .” Aggie sniffles sarcastically.

“That’s not what I meant. You and Noah have almost thirty years of history and no, it’s not all good, but is it worth it to wade through all of that in order to get your forever with the dude who is clearly your soulmate?”

Another agonizingly long pause. “Noah is worth everything but?—”

“Then there aren’t any buts . Stay guarded, stay smart, but don’t close yourself off, sissy. Don’t push Noah away just because you’re afraid of what could happen. Some of that is too good to pass up.”

“Just keep an open mind, an open heart and see what happens,” Knox says.

“And for the love of God, do not move out of that house. I’m hoping to talk Sid into visiting soon and I intend to spend every second of it swimming in that indoor pool.”

Aggie sniffles, but I can hear her smile. “You guys really got sappy when you started getting laid on a regular basis.”

I snort into the back of my hand as Knox and Blake laugh. They don’t argue though because she’s right, those two were broodier than I’ve ever been before they got married.

“I love you guys.”

And that’s my cue.

I hop to my feet as quietly as possible, then tip toe to my room with a spring in my step.

Aggie loves me .

Aggie loves me loves me and she loves my peanut, but she’s scared and that’s okay. I understand that I’ve hurt her so many times I could never blame her for being afraid to give me her heart again.

Which is why my devious mind immediately starts to form a plan, one that will hopefully show her that I will never ever hurt her like that again because she is my forever, my soulmate .

There isn’t much time, not before the expiration date she’s given herself, but I’m egotistical enough to believe I can make Aggie see how much she means to me, how sorry I am for everything I put her through before the album drops. And I’m going to show her I will never take her for granted, never walk away from her or do anything else that stupid again.

I just want to love her until we’re both old, grey and crazy enough to forget the bad, and only remember the good.

I just want to love her for the rest of forever.

That’s not too much to ask, is it?