Hammers & Heartstrings (The Riley Siblings #3)

6. Aggie

Chapter Six

AGGIE

“ I f this turns into some huge dramatic thing, you’re going to be in so much trouble,” I whisper as Noah and I walk toward Clover’s classroom, hand in hand, Jax and Vin snickering behind us.

“It won’t.” The shithead smirks. “I’m just supporting my fiancé after she had issues dropping off our daughter this morning.”

I’m going to punch my best friend in the nuts.

Then I’m gonna kill him.

Then I’m going to cry my eyes out properly because I’m a huge fucking mess over this entire clusterfuck.

Noah dragged me out of the house practically kicking and screaming after his ring shopping remark, but I relented and calmed down once we got on the road and ran my errands—which included a stop to my gynecologist for my annual pap smear then a visit to the pharmacy to get my birth control. That’s why I didn’t tell Noah specifically what my errands were and I sure as fuck didn’t plan on having him tag along while I did my lady shit.

After we got that out of the way, we went to the pet store and the art supply shop I love, and I thought maybe Noah was just kidding about the ring thing, but I should’ve known better because I know him. And when we rolled up to this eclectic little jewelry store in the Main Quarter that I’ve always dreamed about being able to buy something from, I thought I was going to be sick.

Noah wouldn’t let me come in with him, said he didn’t want to ruin the surprise, so I sat in the Hummer and tried to make small talk with Vin and Jax to take my mind off things.

It didn’t work.

I just spouted off a bunch of crazy nonsense about Knox’s retirement fight, about Blake’s newest book—both of which I’ve already discussed with them multiple times because they were at the fight with us, and they participate in my mom’s book club via FaceTime every month just like Noah and I do—then proceeded to get super fired up again when I told them about Bobby’s mom.

Jax and Vin are used to shit like that and while I should be, especially after years of seeing my best friend’s name dragged through the mud and the people closest to him meeting a similar fate, I’m just not. So, the two of them chuckled while I started ranting again, then they said super sweet things to me for having their back. Not that they need it, but they appreciated it all the same.

By the time I was semi-calm, Noah came back, and the bastard had the hottest shit eating grin on his face when he slid into the backseat next to me, then he dropped the biggest bomb he’s ever dropped on me. Even bigger than when he told me about Clover, and he did it in the form of a ring.

It took everything in my power not to fall apart completely when I opened that velvet box, to not throw it in his face, tell him how much it hurts to play this stupid game and run out of the car crying with promises to never come back.

Noah bought the most perfect engagement ring ever.

It’s exactly what I would have wanted him to buy me if this was real and he hadn’t broken my heart so many times in the past.

It’s a Claddagh ring, a tradition in my family.

Black gold, the band like vintage lace, the cuffs by the hands shaped like infinity symbols.

The heart is an opal—his birthstone—the crown is peridot—my birthstone—and around the heart is a ring of tiny sapphires, which is Clover’s birthstone.

It is the most beautiful, most thoughtful and meaningful ring I’ve ever seen and while I have no idea how he managed to get it made so damn fast, I can barely look at it without wanting to bawl my eyes out.

But I made him a promise, promised Noah I would help him out until his album is released, so I just need to suck it up until then. I’ll keep reminding myself that this isn’t real, that Noah isn’t mine and never will be, try to stay strong and keep things in perspective no matter how intense they will no doubt get.

And they are going to get intense.

It was bad enough telling his band we’re together, then really bad when I declared our engagement to a PTA bitch at Clover’s school, but what makes things about a million times worse?

Ever since the party Friday, Noah has had paps on his ass like flies on shit.

And those vultures got pictures of us walking into my gyno appointment, the pharmacy and every other stop we made, including the goddamn jewelry store.

The tabloids are going to have a field day with this shit, and I need to start preparing for the phone calls I will no doubt be getting later.

Something else I totally can’t handle in my fragile state of mind.

“You’re an ass,” I hiss. “I’m so mad at you.”

Noah chuckles, lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. “Ah, but you love my ass. And a mad kitten is my favorite kind of kitten to play with.”

“We’ll see if you still feel that way after I pull out the claws later.”

“I love it when you pull out the claws.” He arches a brow as we get in line. “Something you are well aware of.”

I am—damn him.

Noah used to love it when we fought, way before he was a famous rockstar and I was a struggling tattoo artist. He’d purposely piss me off just so we could sneak away and have super rough angry sex that turned into makeup sex, two of my favorite kinds of sex in general. And ever since Friday, Noah has been making comments like that, reminding me of how things were before life got in the way, how hot and heavy shit was between us for a small period of time.

Not that I need the reminders.

Noah is still the best sex I’ve ever had, and that was when we were teenagers .

Has it made me wonder how good we’d be now that we have more life experience under our belts? You bet your ass it has. I think about sex with Noah all the damn time, but it’s also a way to keep things in perspective. We have years of experience because Noah didn’t want to be with me, didn’t want to stay with me and make us official. He didn’t want my forever then and proceeded to rack up numbers I don’t even want to know since, something else that means I can’t think about sex with Noah.

I swear to God I don’t care about his history, don’t care that he slept with other women, but it’s the why behind it that means he’s off limits in that regard.

We could have been each other’s first, last and only, but I wasn’t what he wanted, so everyone who’s shared a bed with him since me is just another slap in the face.

Maybe it’s stupid to look at it like that, to use something as insignificant as other sexual partners as a reason to keep things platonic, but I have to do it. It already hurts enough to be in love with a man who never wanted more than my friendship, I don’t need to invest more into Noah Thornbie than I already have and sleeping with him will be a huge investment. Playing house is enough to have me close to a nervous breakdown and if I started banging the man I love, who also happens to possess a huge dick with the actual ability to use it, I’d be a goner for sure.

“Stop it,” I whisper as I pull my hand from his. “You aren’t allowed to say things like that.”

Noah chuckles, goes to grab my hand again, but I cross my arms instead. “Kitten, I was just?—”

“I realize we’ve dug a hole for ourselves with this shitshow, but try to keep your focus on the reason we’re in it. This isn’t about anything except making sure Clover is okay until you find a new nanny. Strolling down memory lane doesn’t benefit anyone.” Especially me.

“Aggie, I?—”

“Oh my god, Clover !” I gasp as that realization hits harder than a sledgehammer. “What the hell are we supposed to tell her? I blurted that shit to Bobby’s mom and we know she can’t keep her damn mouth shut. Between that and the unavoidable attention from the media, she’s going to think we’re getting married.”

How could I be so stupid?

My obliterated heart aside, that little girl is priority one and now that I opened my big fat mouth, she’s bound to hear about it. And fuck, after our talk this morning, the one where she said she wishes I could be her mom , this could break her heart, too.

I know Noah shelters her from the media as much as possible, keeps Jax and Vin on her so she isn’t photographed or anything, but with the paps presence growing, there’s no telling what those smut-seekers are going to shout at her.

I can take my ring off when she’s around, hide it from the Clover as much as possible, but that won’t really do anything if other people are coming at her over our engagement.

Oh my god, and when I take her to work with me... oh shit. Oh shit, this is bad. Ash is definitely going to say something because of the weirdness between him and Noah, and Halee, that bitch will make my life a living hell because she wants my best friend bad enough to do it, and she won’t hold back even when Clover is around.

“I have to quit my job,” I blurt. “I have to quit my job and never show my face in public again. I can keep things normal at home, but I can’t ever leave the house again. We can have everything delivered, hire a private tutor and you’ll just have to do shit for the band on your own. We have to keep this from her or else...” My eyes well with tears. Fuck, this is so bad.

“Kitten.” Noah tugs my arms apart, pulls me to him and grounds me with his solid presence, just like always. “Don’t worry about Clover. We don’t need to tell her anything unless she asks, and she won’t have reason to because I will continue to keep her away from everything I possibly can.”

“But what about Bobby’s mom? Or when she’s at work with me? Noah, we can’t shelter her from everything, and I don’t want her to get hurt.”

He hugs me tight and kisses the top of my head. “We will handle it if it becomes an issue, but until then, just relax and trust me when I say everything is going to be fine.”

I take a deep breath and inhale my favorite scent in the whole world. “I don’t want to hurt her, Noah.” I don’t want to hurt me either, but it’s already happening and I’m far less important than that little girl.

“And that’s exactly why you won’t. Neither of us will hurt Clover because we love her too much to let that happen.”

Boy, I really hope he’s right.

Hurting Clover will completely destroy me.

After a few more minutes of getting my shit under control, the line starts to move and slowly but surely, more parents come in as kids start filing out.

When we’re almost to the door, Bobby’s mom walks out with her little turd son, shoots me a glare that falls the second she sees Noah, his arm around my shoulders while I lean against him.

“That’s her,” I whisper into his chest when she stops to talk to another mom.

“Brace yourself, kitten,” he rumbles against my face seconds before he turns to Clover’s teacher. “Miss Leslie, do you have a minute?”

She nods and smiles. “Of course, Mr. Thornbie. What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to make a change to Clover’s emergency contact card.”

I frown.

I’ve been on that since he enrolled her at the beginning of the year. There isn’t anyone else to add, so I’m not sure what he’s getting at.

“Sure.” Miss Leslie pulls a sticky notepad from her pocket. “Are you adding or subtracting?”

Noah grins. “Neither. I just wanted to make sure that if I can’t be reached for some reason, the next person to be contacted is my fiancé.”

Her brows lift as she looks between us.

He nods. “Agatha Riley is already on the list, but I’d like for her to be contacted second in all matters pertaining to my daughter.”

“Of course!” Miss Leslie smiles. “Congratulations, you two. I always thought you made the perfect couple.”

Well, there’s another big old slap in my face.

But Noah just smiles wider. “Thanks.” Then he lowers his voice a little, but still loud enough for Bobby’s mom to hear since she’s leaning toward us now. “We haven’t shared the news with Clover yet, so if you could...”

Miss Leslie nods. “Absolutely. My lips are sealed.”

“Thanks.” Noah smirks. “My princess would tan my hide if she knew I proposed without her, so I’ll have to do it all over again when we come up with a grand gesture.”

“With Clover’s creativity, I’m sure she’ll have about a thousand ideas for you.”

Despite the way this preschool teacher is driving a stake further through my heart, I smile because she is right. Whoever is lucky enough to win a real proposal from Noah and Clover is going to be dazzled because that punk is even more creative than her dad.

“That she will.” Noah smiles. “Thanks again.”

We step to the door and I watch Clover herd the other tots, get them in a perfect line, and make sure they all have their crap.

Her pigtails are loose and messy, the white-blonde curls tangled in her tiara. The hot pink tutu has paint all over it, as do her black and white striped leggings and the blue Bleak December t-shirt she’s sporting. She has a very serious look on her face while she does her job as classroom helper, her tongue between her teeth in concentration, just like Noah when he’s writing a song.

I love that girl so fucking much, just as much as I love her father, and no matter how much I don’t want to hurt either of them, I’m going to. It’s unavoidable really, because when we stop pretending, I’m going to have to leave them both.

At least Noah and Clover will be able to move on. They won’t wither away to nothing like I will, and that makes the sting of what I have to do a little less painful.