Hammers & Heartstrings (The Riley Siblings #3)

13. Aggie

Chapter Thirteen

AGGIE

S o, it turns out, being an asshole runs in my family.

Since Knox is the oldest, he is the biggest asshole by default, especially since the fucker crashed his boat into shore because he was banging his wife over the railing and not driving like he should have been.

The accident was minor at best, mostly cosmetic because they weren’t going very fast and ready to dock it, but the dumbass went overboard, dragged Hazel with him and when he took the brunt of the fall to protect her, Knox fucked up his bum shoulder again. The shoulder he’s only a few months out from his fourth surgery on.

Blake, being the obnoxious younger and older brother he is, is an asshole as well because he keeps talking about how Knox crashed his boat since he still idolizes our big brother. But he also thinks he’s an idiot and no matter how much I love my brothers or the fact that we’re in our thirties, I am perfectly content pretending neither of them have penises or the faintest clue how to use them.

Considering they are both married to women way out of their leagues and popping babies out right and left, the evidence proves otherwise, but I’m good with living in denial.

And that brings me to, well, me and how I’m also an incredibly huge asshole.

When I got to Florida, I was in a panic so bad I couldn’t find Blake for an hour after I landed and he had to page me. I couldn’t drive the rental and forgot to text Noah until well after I got to the hospital to see Knox.

He was understanding and relieved, got a kick out of Knox’s accident, then told me to call him in the morning after I had a chance to rest because he’s amazing and wonderful.

I didn’t call, though.

I haven’t called him once and I’ve been in Jupiter for three days now.

I’ve responded to most of his texts, but I won’t answer his calls, always make up some bullshit excuse to not talk to him, then go radio silent until Noah starts trying again.

It’s wrong, so fucking wrong and unfair, but now that I’m away from him, my fear is completely out of control.

I’m terrified of his upcoming project for Gateway.

Fucking terrified, and it is definitely making all my decisions for me right now because I haven’t talked to my goddamn soulmate or my baby girl in three fucking days. And I’ve started to reconsider going back to New Orleans at all.

If Tank wasn’t there, I probably wouldn’t because that’s the kind of mess I am right now.

I know I just need to talk to Noah, tell him how I’m feeling and trust him enough to pull this off without falling off the wagon, but I guess I’m not strong enough to do that. I keep thinking about all the other times he hurt me, all the ways he let his career and addiction tear us apart, how not only did I lose him as my best friend, but he almost fucking died from overdosing twice.

And Noah threw me away before, I’m sure he could do it again, baby or not, and if he doesn’t, he could still end up back in the hellish lifestyle he’s hated for the last four years and forget all about me.

I’m spiraling bad here and even though the answer to all my problems is literally right in front of me, blinking in a rapid succession of text messages right in front of my face, I can’t seem to get my shit together enough to deal with it.

I’m simply convinced being in love with Noah Thorn is going to destroy me, so I’m destroying myself first.

NOAH: Clover and I just landed. I know you said we didn’t need to come out, but we fucking miss you and I’m worried as hell.

NOAH: Why won’t you answer my calls?

NOAH: I’m really worried, Aggie. This isn’t like you. I don’t understand what’s going on and we need to talk about it.

NOAH: Goddamnit, answer me. Please. I’m trying to keep my cool for Clover’s sake but I am mere minutes from losing my shit here.

NOAH: Agatha. This is bullshit. I fucking love you. I want to marry you. I want a life with you that means we have lots of babies and go on adventures then get to grow old together and still bang like rabbits when we’re senile and can’t remember who we are.

NOAH: I was stupid enough to walk away from you once and I will burn everything to the ground before I do it again.

That was all yesterday.

Today, Noah has sent less text messages, but he’s still mad and definitely hurt.

NOAH: We’re taking a car to Knox’s place. You have until this afternoon to get your head out of your ass because we’re flying home at 5. I have a meeting tomorrow morning but then my ass is back on a plane to bring you home, kicking and screaming if I have to so be fucking ready.

NOAH: I’m not going down without a fight, Agatha. You don’t want to be with me anymore, then you can tell me to my fucking face, otherwise you have a lot of fucking explaining to do and not just to me, but to our daughter.

NOAH: Leaving Orlando now.

I read through his messages again and when I realize that last one was almost two hours ago, I jump up from the bed and run into my brother’s living room.

“Noah is on his way!” I yell like I’m actually on fire.

Knox arches a brow. “And...”

“I can’t see him!”

He frowns. “Why not?”

“Because!” I burst into tears, then clutch my stomach. “I just can’t!”

“Oh honey.” Hazel hops up from the couch and zig zags through their many cats to hug me. “Aggie, what is going on? We thought you were happy.”

I nod like a bobble head. “I am.” Then sob like a lunatic.

“Then why the hell are you crying and refusing to see your man?” Blake asks as he strolls down the hall.

“I know!” Sid’s voice squeals from his phone screen.

And as if those words were magical, both of my brothers’ heads snap toward me and their jaws drop in sync.

“You’re...” Blake blinks as Knox grunts, “No fucking way...”

I just nod and cry harder into Hazel’s topknot because she’s tiny.

“Does he know?” Blake asks.

I shake my head.

“Are you gonna tell him?” Knox growls.

“Yes. God.” I wipe snot on my shoulder. “I would never keep something like this from him, but I found out the morning I came out here and didn’t get a chance to tell him before Ma called.”

Both of my brothers frown but Blake speaks, “So why don’t you want to see him? Aren’t things going well between you two?”

I nod as Hazel rubs my back. “Things are perfect now but... but... but they’re about to go to shit.”

“I do not understand anything that’s happening right now.” Knox blinks. “Things are perfect, you’re having Noah’s baby after years of being in love with each other without knowing it, but you don’t want to see him?”

“Right.” I flap my arms. “And he’s going to be here any minute!”

“But—”

“I swear, I will explain everything once he leaves, but I need you to keep Noah away from me. Don’t be mean, just make up something.”

“Like what?” Blake sighs. “It’s not like Noah doesn’t know either of us almost as well as he knows you. He’s gonna be able to tell we’re lying.”

“I don’t care! I can’t see him right now, so tell him whatever you can think of! You’re a goddamn writer for fuck’s sake!”

Then I run back down the hall, slam the door of my room and sink to the floor while I silently pray my brothers have my back.

A few minutes later, I hear muffled voices I’d recognize even in a coma, the love of my life and the mini love of my life greeting my family with the love and affection that they genuinely share. I hear Clover squeal at some point, probably when she sees the herd of cats or maybe the giant bunny, and her excitement has me falling apart.

I can’t do this.

I can’t walk away from them no matter how bad it hurts me in the end, but my god, I don’t know if I can keep loving Noah when that hurts almost as much. I don’t know what to do anymore, I just know that I’m fucked either way I look at it.

“Kitten?” A soft knock on the bedroom door. “Aggie, baby, Blake said you’re sick.”

I roll my eyes.

Real fucking creative Mr. Best Selling Romance Author.

“He said you’re worried about getting us sick, but I need to see you.” A thump against the door means Noah’s forehead is now resting on it. “I fucking miss you, Aggs, and I’m so fucking worried it’s making me sick to my stomach.”

I cover my mouth so he doesn’t hear me sobbing. Apparently, loving me isn’t any easier than loving him.

A few beats of silence pass before he sighs, “Our flight leaves at five. We’d love it if you would come say goodbye or at least give us some sign of life.” Another thump, another sigh. “We need you, Aggie. We fucking need you and we fucking love you so goddamn much. Please, baby, give me something. I’m scared shitless because it feels like I’m losing you, and I don’t think I can handle that. Please.”

As silently as possible, I bawl my eyes out like a little bitch, but I don’t make a sound. I have to think. I need to figure this out before I talk to him because if I don’t, if I can’t properly explain what the fuck is going on with me, then there is no use in trying. I’ll fall back into the same cycle with Noah and then I’ll lose everything if we crash and burn.

“I love you, Aggie. I love you and I need you, and I’m not giving you up. I will fight for us the way I should have all along, so you better be prepared for it.” One more thump. “I love you.”

Then I hear him walking back down the hall, hear him and Clover say goodbye before they leave and fuck me, what have I done?

“Alright, that’s it.” Knox booms as the door I’m leaning on pushes open and slides me across the hardwood. “You start explaining and do it now because if you walk away from those two after everything you’ve gone through to get here, I don’t care if you’re my baby sister and pregnant, I will kick your ass myself.”

So, I do.

I spill my guts to my brothers and sister-in-law’s, and tell them everything they don’t know, sort of, about what’s happened between me and Noah over the last two decades.

I tell them how scared I am now that this is real and everything I’d ever hoped my life could be and I tell them how much I miss them too, how having Noah and Clover and the new baby just makes me miss them that much more because family is everything to all of us. I even blubber about wanting to move to Georgia so we can all be together, but I’m convinced Noah won’t want to because of Clover’s school and now the new record, and that’s just another reason this won’t work out between us.

“That’s some bullshit if I’ve ever heard it,” Sid says from Blake’s phone.

He nods. “First of all, Noah would follow you into the pits of hell without ever asking, so Georgia is a done deal in my eyes.”

“And it’s okay to be scared, Aggie.” Hazel gives me a sweet smile as she sits down on the floor next to me. “Especially after everything you two have been through, but you can’t let it ruin the greatest thing to ever happen to you.”

“Sunny’s right, sissy.” Knox grunts. “Fear is good in small doses, keeps you sharp, but it can’t be a determining factor in how you live your life. You’ll pass up the chance to truly be happy if that’s the case.”

“We knew years ago that you and Noah would end up together.” Blake smiles, then sits down on the other side of me. “We could see it a mile away, the way you loved each other even back then.”

I shift my puffy eyes from him to Knox as he nods. “Why do you think we let him hang around all the time? If he wasn’t your forever, Blake and I would have kicked his ass like every other dumb shit you’ve dated and left it at that. Noah has always been different, Da even said so and now it’s crystal fucking clear you’re meant to be together.”

I snort and blow a snot bubble. “So, what do I do now? I fucked this all up.”

“Why, you perform a grand gesture of love, of course.” Sid wipes a few tears from her cheeks, then whips out her tit and starts nursing Charlie. “It’s basically a rule at this point.”

I nod as a plan starts to form. “I’m gonna need some help.”

Both of my brothers grin as Hazel claps her hands together. “We’re in.”

I seriously fucking love my family.

“Here’s the plan.” God, I hope this works.