Heart of Christmas (Curiosity Bay #4)

9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Audrey

MacGregor’s eyes focused on mine as he relayed his version of events. His gaze never veered. He looked sincere, sounded genuine, and waited for me to say something.

Nausea filled every part of my body as chills skittered over me.

“I don’t know which is worse. Thinking you left me that morning or knowing I never gave us a chance,” I said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

The right corner of his lip turned up, and he slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry, Audrey. It was dumb to leave you alone. I guess it never occurred to me that you’d think I’d ditch you like that.”

My cheeks flushed as I thought back to the pile of money left on the counter. I’d never told a soul. I was too embarrassed about the whole thing. I’d never been someone who’d sleep with a guy on the first night, but with MacGregor, everything felt right—until that morning.

I’d never felt so used, embarrassed, and sick when I thought he’d paid me for that night. I didn’t know what to do. I panicked, packed my bags, and headed to the airport early.

“When I thought you’d left that cash for me and didn’t even have the decency to stick around for breakfast, I was broken. It felt like the entire night was a lie. We’d shared so much together. There wasn’t one second that wasn’t filled with us talking about our futures.” Heat swirled in my cheeks as I thought about all the things I’d fabricated for myself that morning.

He nodded, keeping his eyes locked on mine. “I know. The night was special. It was like condensing four weeks of dinner dates into one night.” MacGregor walked around the kitchen counter and stood less than a foot from me. “I know the damage is done. I saw the hurt in your eyes at your sister’s wedding when you saw me. You looked defeated, and I don’t want you to feel that way.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Hurt? Ha. Try furious.”

His smile widened, and he nodded. “Okay, furious.”

I shook my head. “What are the odds you knew my sister’s fiancé?”

He let out a deep breath. “I know. When I saw the last name Evans on the wedding invitation, and it was happening on Marigold Island in Curiosity Bay, I knew it couldn’t have been a coincidence. I just prayed you’d be at the wedding.”

“Did my brother-in-law know?”

“No. Not until the wedding night, and I didn’t tell him much then, either.”

I nodded, thinking back to that night. I couldn’t hide my surprise, but I had to fight with everything I had not to show how attracted I was to him. MacGregor had become a man in ways that my imagination couldn’t even come up with. His broad shoulders looked beefier, his jawline even more defined, the scruff along his cheeks, the golden color of his hair, all things I shouldn’t notice or care about. But I noticed it all and cared even more.

“He was pretty worried about me making a scene,” he added.

“I’m sorry for not listening to you earlier.”

MacGregor pressed his lips together and shook his head. “You weren’t ready, and honestly, I’m surprised I’m even here right now, knowing you thought I’d left a wad of cash for you and took off. That’s awful.”

I chuckled and brought my gaze back to his. “Tell me about it. To say it has warped my dating life is putting it mildly. I get jumpy whenever a man pulls out a wallet.”

MacGregor laughed softly and sighed. “I can imagine.”

“I’m glad I never told my siblings about that night, and I normally would have.” I frowned. “But I was too mortified and felt like… just ick.”

“You’re beautiful,” he said softly. “Even more beautiful than before, and thinking I had something to do with you not finding someone after that night makes me sad.”

My gaze fell away as heat swarmed my body. I’d been fighting my feelings for him since my sister’s wedding, but tonight’s revelation only worsened things.

I wanted to believe he wasn’t a bad guy. It didn’t help that his dog’s name was Jasper. I was merely falling into my mom’s overly romantic version of life events.

I’d been shocked when he told me his dog’s name.

Jasper? As in the flower I had on my hairpin. My logical brain knew this was purely a coincidence. MacGregor adopting a dog named Jasper didn’t mean he was the one for me, regardless of what type of memento my mom picked out for each of her newborn children. So what if my hairpin’s flower was a jasper? A Jasper plus a Jasper didn’t equal a Jasper.

“So, you’re back in Wyoming?” I managed to choke out.

I stepped back and glanced outside to see the snowflakes piling up along my deck.

He nodded. “I am. I built a place on the opposite side of my parents’ ranch. My brothers and I are helping my parents with everything now that they’re older. I think my brothers want to take it over soon. I do love the animals and the horses.”

“And you?” I remembered MacGregor not wanting ranch life for himself in his twenties. My, how things had changed.

“I’m not sure, to be honest. I like being outside, but I’ve done well doing other things too.” His voice lowered. “What about you? Are you happy at the antique store?”

My stomach snarled into knots, realizing he’d remembered more than I could have imagined from that night.

“Happy enough.” I nodded, turning back around to face him.

“Doesn’t seem like they’re getting the lights on anytime soon. Should I start dinner?” he asked, smiling. His green eyes were even prettier with the candlelight bouncing off his gaze.

As I looked at my dark Christmas tree, all I could think about was how I’d screwed up something that seemed so good, had so much potential.

I smiled, willing away all the feelings swimming through me. “You don’t have to do that. I can whip something up pretty quickly.”

He stepped closer, and all the air in the room became electrified. His hands wrapped around mine, and MacGregor’s eyes stayed on me.

“It’s the least I can do. Let me make dinner since you’re so kind about letting me stay here.”

My fingers tingled from his touch, but I knew better than to go down this rabbit hole again. I fell too hard last time. The guy had managed to conjure feelings in one night that were impossible for me to feel with anyone else, and I’d tried. The amount of lackluster dates I’d been on created a shiver through me.

“Tell me what you have in the fridge. I’ll open it once and grab everything to save the cold air in case the outage is longer than we hope.”

“I have chicken thighs on the top shelf defrosting and veggies in the bottom drawer.”

“Perfect.” He spun around, used his phone light as he opened the fridge, and quickly grabbed the chicken, some peppers, a lemon, and zucchini. He spotted a jar of capers, grabbed them, and shut the door before setting everything on the counter. “Do you have pasta in your pantry?”

“I do.” I pointed to a pocket door for a closet I’d turned into my pantry.

He slid it open and scanned his phone along the shelves, and I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of MacGregor standing in my house after all these years. He certainly knew his way around a kitchen.

He reached for a box of linguini. “You know, you’re really damn sexy when you’re ornery.”

“I’m not ornery.” I frowned and shook my head.

“You can be very ornery.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “How do you think I felt when I saw my one and only John at my sister’s wedding?”

“A John?” His brows rose.

“You know. Isn’t that what they call the guys who…”

He hung his head in his palm and groaned. “I couldn’t have planned a worse moment in our lives if I tried.”

I hid a chuckle and shook my head. He put the box of pasta on the counter and walked toward me.

MacGregor slid his hands up my arms, landing on my shoulders, and caught my gaze with his. A familiar flutter destabilized my resolve as something stirred behind his gaze.

“Do you forgive me for making you feel like…” He stopped himself. “You know what? Audrey, I’m so sorry about screwing everything up between us and making you feel like you were worthless and the only thing that mattered that night was sleeping together. I would rather have never slept with you that night if it meant we could have continued a relationship to see where things might have gone. That is the honest truth.” He stepped a little closer and bent down, kissing my forehead. “I mean it, Audrey. I’m truly sorry. There won’t be a day when I won’t kick myself for not putting it all together. I just never stepped back and thought about things from your perspective.”

Feeling the tenderness of his lips leave my forehead from another quick kiss created a surprising ache as I looked at him.

“I have an active imagination,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m sure if it had been any other woman, they wouldn’t have put those things together, but the cash, and then you were gone, and I…”

“You’re not like any other woman, Audrey.” He shook his head. “It’s why I fell so hard that night.” He turned around and focused on the box of pasta. “So, where are a skillet and a pot?”

I was lost in the words he’d spoken. It was like that night so many years ago when I’d just get swept away in our conversations, but he obviously wanted to change the subject. Who could blame him? I hadn’t exactly made things easy for him since he arrived on the island.

Even though things seemed like a terrible mix-up, I couldn’t let myself get lost in the craziness of MacGregor. These feelings weren’t natural, and even though I’d been trying to replicate them with every other guy I’d dated, it didn’t mean MacGregor was The One .

It simply meant that our attraction hadn’t faltered over the years.

“Go sit in front of the fire, and I’ll take care of dinner.” He glanced over his shoulder and smiled.

“I get the feeling you’ve done this a time or two.”

“I love cooking.”

I remembered.

Shuffling to the couch in the family room, I looked behind me to see him setting the pot of water on the stove, striking the match, and igniting the gas burner manually. He opened several drawers, looking for spoons and knives, and I didn’t want to stop staring at him.

With the snow piling up outside, the candles flickering inside, the lights out, and dinner being made by one of the sexiest men I’d ever come to know, it felt like I’d been thrown into some alternate universe, and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t care.

I reached for one of my Christmas snow globes and shook up the scene of two ice skaters circling a snowman in the center of a miniature town. Setting it next to one of my cinnamon candles, I watched the iridescent snowflakes swirl around the globe and pretended my heart didn’t skip a beat when I looked at MacGregor.

After all, the morning would come soon, he’d be long gone, and I’d have to pinch my arm to remind myself it wasn’t all a dream.