Heart of Christmas (Curiosity Bay #4)

15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Audrey

I’d made peace with the fact that I’d probably never see MacGregor again. Hearing what happened that morning so many years ago put my mind at ease and gave me a sense of clarity. There’d been so much animosity and embarrassment that I’d harbored over the years, and for what?

MacGregor was an attractive man who had an aura about him that just drew people in. I knew it that first night I met him, and I’d seen it since, even at the wedding. He was the type of guy with a presence, and I was drawn to him—back then and now.

I wanted to believe in a forever after, but even knowing that what happened so many years ago was a colossal misunderstanding, it was hard to trust and believe blindly.

Ever since that night with MacGregor, I couldn’t trust myself to choose someone who wouldn’t do it again, and worse, I wouldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable in a way that would allow any connection to take place.

I’d take a ferry ride to Seattle, put on my pretend face, and hope that someone would see through it and like me.

But it was never that simple.

Even after over a decade since I’d spent the night sharing my hopes and dreams with MacGregor and giving him my heart, I was still unsure if I would ever be enough.

“You okay?” MacGregor whispered in my ear.

My eyes met his, and I nodded. “Yeah. Just lost in my thoughts.”

“Good thoughts, I hope.”

I nodded again as the door opened, and Amelia, James, and my little nephew wandered inside. I looked at my mom and realized she’d called in the troops. I was surprised that Brad hadn’t shown up, too.

“Isn’t it beautiful outside?” Amelia asked, giving me a quick hug.

“Absolutely magical,” I said, glancing at James and my nephew, who’d already gone to the counter to order.

“We’ve been at the park all day, sledding down that tiny hill.”

“Fun.”

Amelia glanced at MacGregor. “You’re that guy from the wedding.”

Macgregor smiled and nodded. “Yeah. That’s me.”

She cocked her head slightly. “If memory serves me well, Audrey wasn’t particularly thrilled with your presence.”

“With good reason,” MacGregor added, resting his hand on my shoulder.

I rested mine on top of his and squeezed it. “It’s a long story, but I no longer want to tear his head off.”

“That’s always a good sign for any relationship,” Amelia offered.

I shook my head frantically. “No. We’re not together.” I smiled at MacGregor and pointed toward James by the counter. “That’s Amelia’s partner, James.”

Amelia smiled wryly and nodded as her little nephew shouted for her. “Duty calls.”

“Want to walk to the park?” I asked MacGregor. “Maybe get out of my family’s clutches a little?”

He chuckled.

Being out in the park seemed like a better option than finding out who else my mom called to the coffee shop to check out MacGregor. I glanced over at her and saw that familiar twinkle in her eyes. More relatives had to be on the way.

“Sounds perfect,” he said as I squeezed his hand again.

“We’re off to the park,” I explained.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” my mom sang, and MacGregor laughed.

When we got outside, he grinned and shook his head. “Why do I think that’s not a very big list?”

I chuckled and nodded. “For sure. My mom doesn’t hold herself back from much. Sorry if they embarrassed you or put you on the hot seat back there. It’s kind of ridiculous. It’s not like we’re dating or anything.”

His expression fell. “True.”

We slowly walked through a snow trail, crunching with each step, until we reached the park.

“Hey, Audrey.” Bryce’s voice hit me like a ton of bricks.

We’d grown up with him on the island, and he always seemed to be in everyone’s business. His dog Herman, a toothless Doberman Pinscher, barked incessantly for him to throw the snowball he’d been holding.

“Hi, Bryce,” I said, waving as Herman chased the splat of snow that evaporated into a pile next to his foot. “Great day to be on Marigold, huh?”

“Sure is.” He nodded. “Is Mae on her honeymoon or was she trapped in Seattle?”

“She made it.” I grinned, noticing Bryce’s eyes land on MacGregor.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” Bryce said flatly.

“Oh, right. This is MacGregor,” I told Bryce, who still didn’t look impressed.

“What’s your first name?” he asked MacGregor.

“That is my first name. I’m MacGregor Benson.”

Bryce clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Never trust a guy who has two last names.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Where did you come up with that?”

Bryce brought his eyes to mine. “Was he your plus-one?”

“No, Bryce.” I rolled my eyes at the boy I grew up with. He’d probably had a crush on each of us sisters independently over the years, but we all knew better. “He wasn’t my plus-one to Mae’s wedding. He’s just a friend.”

Those words instantly relaxed Bryce as Herman jumped up and nipped at Bryce’s glove to play more.

“That’s good.” He smiled at MacGregor and nodded. “I know a player when I see one, but they can make great friends.”

My stomach tensed as Bryce glanced at me and grinned. There were so many problems with that statement I didn’t even know where to begin. “What do you mean?”

“We tend to warn our female friends of all the creepy behaviors that can be done. You know, the one-night stand excuses, the right texts-wrong girl excuses…” His voice trailed off as my mind swirled with Bryce’s words. “You know.”

“I’m not a player,” MacGregor said, straightening his shoulders. “I live in the middle of nowhere.”

Bryce looked around the park. “So do I, but that doesn’t stop me.”

I stared at these two men, unsure of where to begin.

First of all, Bryce wasn’t a player. If he thought he was, he’d become extremely delusional in recent months. Secondly, MacGregor just looked like a player. He oozed the sex appeal and charm, which was what got me in trouble in the first place. However, hearing Bryce call him out didn’t exactly calm my fears.

But I couldn’t be sure that he’d actually slept with a lot of women. I mean, I presumed he had, but he was single. Why wouldn’t he?

Would it matter?

Did it matter?

No, because this thing between us wasn’t going anywhere.

He had implied that he didn’t have many relationships, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have relations.

Ugh. Why did it even matter?

I’d spent the last decade assuming MacGregor was a player, and I was just one of many in his tallies, and now I didn’t even know. Bryce bringing this up didn’t help me stay sane, either.

“Hey, Bryce,” Bethany’s voice rang through the cold air as I turned around to see her trudging through the snow.

MacGregor immediately tensed as she approached. Her eyes landed on him, and her grin only widened.

“Fancy seeing you again, MacGregor.” Bethany smiled and stood in front of me, bending over to pet Herman.

I looked between the two of them and frowned. “How do you two know one another?”

Bethany ground her teeth into her bottom lip, and a touch of pink surfaced on her already rosy cheeks. “Just old acquaintances.”

My lips pushed into a deeper frown. “I could say the same.”

Bethany’s eyes connected with mine while MacGregor stood frozen.

“It was a long time ago,” Bethany assured me.

“Being acquaintances?” I asked, raising my brows.

“Yes. Exactly. I was still attending school and was a receptionist at a finance firm where he worked.” She shrugged. “Although, I did try to convince him to come to my place after Mae’s wedding, and yesterday too… come to think of it.”

My insides tensed.

MacGregor hadn’t mentioned either of those things.

I merely nodded. “Interesting.”

MacGregor kicked some snow for Herman to chase before turning his attention back to me.

“Right when I thought the coffee shop couldn’t get any more awkward, the park does.” I grinned and studied MacGregor but couldn’t read his expression.

“And the plot thickens,” Bryce said, eyeing Bethany and me.

“Bryce, don’t stir the pot,” Bethany warned. “MacGregor is clearly smitten.”

“With who?” I asked.

Bethany smiled. “You, obviously.”

I shrugged. “Just catching up from a long time ago.”

She eyed MacGregor. “Honestly, it would be great if you two just got together so I’d finally have a shot at an available single man who comes to the island. You Evans sisters take all the good ones.”

Bryce scowled. “I take offense.”

I smiled and stole a look at MacGregor, surprised to see him watching me.

“Well, just so you know, he ignored my advances multiple times since he arrived on the island.” She pushed her lips into a playful scowl. “Like usual.”

The one thing I loved about Bethany was how unapologetic she was about doing what she wanted when she wanted and with whom she planned on doing it. She always seemed so carefree and easygoing with her body and mind. There were moments like these that suddenly made me feel like a prude, hanging up and pining over some guy from over ten years ago.

My brows shot up. “Okay. Good to know, but it’s none of my business.”

MacGregor glanced at me. “It’s true. She actually scared me.”

“You’re so full of it.” I rolled my eyes and laughed. “No woman is going to freak you out.”

Bethany chuckled and nodded. “I think I might have. He couldn’t get away from me fast enough at the coffee shop. I just offered him some holiday cheer and a warm meal.”

“When was this?”

“Yesterday,” MacGregor said.

“You could have gone to her house instead of sleeping in your car?”

She frowned. “Sleeping in your car? You didn’t tell me you had nowhere to go.”

“At the time, I thought I could wander across the street and check back into the hotel. I didn’t realize all the rooms would be booked.”

So, MacGregor could have stayed at Bethany’s. He didn’t necessarily have to stay in his car.

“Where’d the car come into it?” she asked, perplexed.

“I found him snuggling on his backseat yesterday and offered my place.”

“How strategic,” Bryce mumbled.

“It wasn’t strategic. I was desperate, and the car seemed like my only option.” MacGregor scowled, looping his arm around my waist.

“I wasn’t going to turn you down for dinner and then come crawling back to try to stay at your place. That’s not exactly polite,” MacGregor explained to Bethany.

I looked up at MacGregor and chuckled. “But staying at my house was polite?”

“With you, it wasn’t about being polite.”

“What was it about?”

“Getting to see you again.” His eyes stayed on mine, and my heart skipped a beat as his gaze lingered on mine. “I honestly had no other options, and it wouldn’t have been right to go to Bethany’s. I wasn’t going to sleep with her.”

Thankfully, Bethany and Bryce had started chatting about the forecast, and I leaned over to MacGregor.

“What? You thought that you were going to sleep with me?” I joked.

He laughed and shook his head, bringing me a little closer. “Not what I meant at all.”

“It’s not my business who you sleep with,” I added.

“How about Bryce?” MacGregor asked. “He seems like an available guy. Any history there?”

My brows rose in annoyance. “Seriously? Like that’s your business?”

“Didn’t say it was. Just curious.”

“Curious?” My brows pulled together as a mix of emotions churned through me. Had I touched a nerve? Did he care?

He nodded. “Just curious.”

“Would it matter?” I asked.

“It wouldn’t feel great,” he confessed.

“I’m headed home,” Bryce said, glancing over at me. “Herman looks cold.”

I smiled and nodded with a wave as Bethany and Bryce wandered away.

“Do you think he heard?” MacGregor teased.

I folded my arms over my chest and chuckled, uneasy, as I watched Bethany leave.

“Doubtful. I’m still shocked Bryce considers himself a player. His most exciting moment in a day is heading to the post office. It’s like clockwork. We can all go outside on the sidewalk, wait for him and Herman to show up, shoot the breeze, and head down to the post office.”

MacGregor brushed some snow from my hat. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a player.”

A few seconds of silence hung in the air.

“I can tell something is up,” he said, facing me.

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you are.” His arm slipped from my waist.

I wasn’t about to confess that my feelings from ten years ago were showing their annoying selves. It didn’t matter that he’d slept with Bethany or whether I’d slept with Bryce.

I hadn’t, but it didn’t matter.

That was the thing of it. MacGregor was a single guy who could do single-guy things like I could do single-girl things.

It was merely surprising that he happened to live several states away and that two of his flings ended up on the same island.

If that wasn’t a red flag, I didn’t know what was.

My heart couldn’t handle what happened last time, and if it turned out that I was wrong about the new and improved MacGregor, I’d be shattered.

“I’m fine.” I flashed him a mischievous grin and bent over, collecting as much snow as my hand could hold.

MacGregor lifted his brows, catching the playfulness in my gaze. “Are you challenging me to a snowball fight?”

“Who, me?” I teased, packing the snow firmly.

“You don’t know what you’re in for.”

“All talk, dude.” I laughed, holding my rock-hard snowball.

“I live in snow country,” he countered. “Be careful what you wish for.”

His eyes connected with mine, and I felt a thrill race through me as the biting air scraped my cheeks.

Before launching my snowball, I raced behind a tree and craned my neck to see him making one of his own.

I aimed and threw mine right at his back.

It smacked hard and left a circle of ice crystals.

“Oh, it’s on,” MacGregor said, standing.

But instead of one snowball in his possession, he’d somehow managed to have five already rolled and ready.

I quickly hid behind the trunk and heard crunching feet in the snow approach as giddiness filled every part of my body. I spotted a boulder about twenty feet away and bolted toward it as I felt the first snowball land on my arm.

“Is that all you got?” I shouted, diving into the snow near the boulder.

His laughter swirled through me as I quickly made as many snowballs as possible with my clumsy, gloved hands.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” he teased as I shot up and launched my largest snowball at his chest.

Without missing a beat, he tossed one in my direction, and I raced behind the boulder, feeling the need to catch my breath.

But I didn’t know if it was from the snowball fight or how MacGregor looked at me.

I peeked around the boulder, but there was no trace of MacGregor, the only sounds escaping from families surrounding us and the occasional crunch in the snow.

“You’re in so much trouble,” MacGregor said from behind me.

His laughter boomed as his eyes locked on mine, but he threw no more snowballs.

He came at me, dropping the snowballs and wrapping his arms around me as we tumbled into the snowbank.

Feeling his body press into mine as he held me close made my entire world spin into something I didn’t understand. The sensations pulled me back to the past… that night… and flipped me into the present—to this morning when his lips found mine.

And it was all too much. I wanted things I couldn’t have.

I blinked, looking into his green eyes as his gloved hand brushed snow from my cheek. His dark golden hair framed his face, his chiseled features undoing all my resolve, and the look in his eyes…

“You’re absolutely stunning, Audrey,” he whispered, dropping his gaze to my mouth.

“If only it were that simple,” I said softly.

My pulse hammered between my ears as I secretly wished for another kiss.

But it would be foolish to go there, to get wrapped up in something that wouldn’t be sensical, practical, or even possible.

As if sensing my worries, MacGregor stood, pulled me up, and held me.

“It’s a shame there’s so much…” His voice trailed off, and he looked into my eyes.

“History?”

“Misunderstanding between us.” He shook his head. “I can tell that no matter how hard you try to believe what I told you, the years you spent hating me keep pulling you back to your version.”

His words stung, but they weren’t untrue. I rested my hands on his chest and let out a deep breath.

“I told you that I never hated you,” I said, breathing slowly as reality set in.

I didn’t want to believe I was just a one-night stand with MacGregor, but Bethany had been, and it didn’t faze her.

But it fazed me, and I knew I’d never be the girl who could forget.