Her Christmas Wish (The Cottages on Ocean Breeze #1)

Chapter Eight

G ray froze in his tracks.

Not sure he’d even heard her correctly.

“I’m sorry.” The words were strong. But sounded sincere enough that he slowly turned. “That was completely out of line. But I would appreciate it if you would hear me out.”

“To what end? You made a generous offer. You need to walk it back. I never should have accepted in the first place. We both know you owe me nothing, Sage. Not even, apparently, politeness...”

He stopped then. Knowing that last dig to be beneath him.

Almost on par with hers.

Which made them what? Both pathetic?

“If you’d rather not accept my offer, that’s your choice. What I have to say still has to be said.”

“Okay.” He stood there, waiting. Felt more in control, stronger, more like himself, with his exit strategy halfway complete.

“Could you please come back and sit down?”

Good Lord, what was the woman trying to do to him? Extract every last nerve ending in payment for the humiliation she must have suffered? He’d left her to let hundreds of guests know, with only two days’ notice, that there wasn’t going to be a wedding. Canceling the caterers, the flowers, the church and minister, the lovely beachfront country club...

As his mental list quickly piled up on itself, Gray had the sense that moving back to the chair would be more prudent. He did so.

“I can’t force you to accept my help,” she started in a few silent seconds after he’d done as she’d asked and reclaimed his chair. “I would, however, appreciate you giving some strong consideration to agreeing to the working relationship since I’ve already involved the senior partners in my firm, as well as others whose expertise I might need.”

Another surge of guilt hit, along with the list that had been piling up on him a moment ago.

“I’m listening.”

“We agreed that while we will have a professional relationship—whose term is yet to be determined—that we will stay completely clear of each other on a personal basis.”

He frowned. “Yes.” He said the word succinctly, before continuing with, “And I’ve been very careful not to take any chances...”

A wave of her hand...and the way that appendage landed at her hair again, with those fingers working strands...piqued his curiosity.

In a completely unprofessional manner.

“I’ve realized that when I made that stipulation, I hadn’t taken into consideration some circumstances that have since occurred to me.”

She was looking at him. But blinking more than normal. And if he wasn’t mistaken, her upper lip was trembling.

Interesting. Growing more so by the second.

“I’m listening,” he said again, pushing aside the thought that he owed the woman more than he’d ever be able to repay with money and should be doing whatever he could to put her at ease.

“These...circumstances...are largely out of my control, and while I’ll admit up front that my proposed stipulation change is grossly unfair to you, I must make it, anyway.”

That was when it hit him.

She’d seen him with Harper the night before.

And wanted him to keep his trysts—as she’d obviously pegged the uninitiated contact—out of her sight.

The only reason Gray could think of for her to make such a request would be if she still harbored feelings for him.

His body leaped to life...again. Annoyingly so. He wasn’t a guy who walked around getting hard. Ever. And had done so three times in little more than twenty-four hours?

Still... Was there some way he and Sage could reconnect?

He’d had the thought through the years, thinking they’d have to wait until they were forty. But if it was strictly physical...

“My change is that there be a one-time session, today, to discuss any potential information that could affect our abilities to keep clear of each other, personally, in the days and weeks to come.”

Definitely a slam of the door on a strictly physical possibility.

And...he frowned...on any problem she’d had with Harper visiting with him the night before. Because his having what he’d perceived Sage to have seen as a date...wouldn’t have affected their abilities to steer clear of each other.

If anything, his having another woman would make it more awkward for him and Sage to have contact.

The woman would be a definite buffer.

He was confused.

Didn’t like being that way.

Tried to read her expression and came up blank.

“I agree to the session,” he told her.

And hoped to hell he hadn’t just opened another Pandora’s box.

What the hell was with all the drama? Sage cringed as her brain spit back a quick replay of her last five minutes.

And, figuring the buildup for a childish attempt to stall, hating that she’d seemed to need one, blurted, “I have a four-year-old daughter.” Without officially starting the session.

“I know.”

Her mouth fell open. She closed it. Stared at him. Opened it again to say, “You know.”

And got that nod. Short, easy bobs.

His gaze held hers without any visible tension. He hadn’t tensed.

She hadn’t shocked him.

“You looked me up?” she asked then, the only logical conclusion, since Scott wouldn’t have lied to her. Was feeling a flush of...something not terrible at the idea of Gray having been interested enough to... No, wait.

“No.” His response interrupted her.

And when he was done, she said, “Harper told you.” She was truly fond of the woman. Couldn’t hold it against her at all to have talked about Scott’s family to one trusted to stay in his home.

Flooded with resentment, with no good cause, she awaited Gray’s confirmation. Using the time to get herself in check once and for all.

“No one told me,” he insisted, steepling his fingers in front of him, with his elbows on the arms of his chair.

Drawing her attention to the bit of chest hair she could see at the top of the loose-fitting scrub shirt.

“I saw you with her Tuesday night.” He saved her any further embarrassment by filling a potentially volatile silence with words. “My first night on the beach. I was on Scott’s porch, and she was riding on your hip as you carried her off toward your place...”

He’d seen her with Leigh.

And was completely nonchalant about it. Didn’t seem to care one way or another that she had a child.

The family he’d let her believe they’d have together.

Until two days before the wedding when he’d told her he didn’t ever want to father her, or any woman’s, child...

He’d been watching her.

Had met with her the day before, knowing about Leigh.

Was that why he’d so easily agreed that there’d be no personal contact between them? Because she had a child?

When he’d told her he’d tried to get on board with the idea of having a family, but just couldn’t, that the idea of marrying her knowing that a family was coming was keeping him up nights, and not in a good way...

Wow.

She took a breath. And another.

She thought of Leigh. Her heart lit up inside as her brain replayed the little girl’s laugh, and her initial fight for life.

Sage’s own life righted itself for a moment. Long enough to say, “Okay, then, I hope you understand that she’s had the run of the beach from my place to Scott’s since she was able to crawl. She might, at some point, appear down by Scott’s and I would then need to come get her. I ask only that you be kind and polite if that were to happen.”

He grinned. “She gets away from you, huh?”

He was enjoying this? Giddy with relief that he’d escaped the life himself?

“She knows her rules and is fantastically good about abiding by them. She just gets ahead of herself sometimes when rules collide. She’s allowed to move freely on the four-cottage stretch of beach as long as either Scott or I are present. Sometimes, she misinterprets that word present . She knows we’re always watching her, keeping her in sight. And she’s incredibly fond of dogs. She knows every member of the canine population on Ocean Breeze, calls them by name and thinks they’re her family.”

“Even Aggie? That girl is a hundred twenty pounds minimum.”

“And the sweetest living being on Ocean Breeze.” Her lawyer hat was on. Defending herself. Her parenting. “But she knows she’s not allowed to run up to or away from Aggie. She’s not allowed to be in touching distance, unless a trusted adult is with her. Precisely because of her size. And Aggie’s.”

She could show him a picture where the two had fallen asleep together, though. On the beach one night, during a bonfire. Harper had been sitting right there, too. Leigh had crawled up into the other woman’s lap to pet Aggie. She’d fallen asleep, with her body on Harper and her head on Aggie’s thigh.

A sweet memory. Not one she was going to share with a man who’d rather leave her than father her children.

And, the other side of her brain reminded her, not wanting children in no way made Gray a bad guy. On the contrary, the fact that he’d been honest with her—albeit last minute—was honorable. Minus the last-minute part.

For a second there, she wished she could shut that part of her up. But she knew better. A good lawyer always looked at both sides. It was the only way to predict what an opponent could throw at you. And to make sure your client’s business was fully prepared and protected at all times.

Likewise, in her personal life, she had to make sure that she and Leigh were emotionally as well as physically safe.

And that meant taking honest looks.

Even if they hurt.

They’d established that they both knew she had a daughter. He wasn’t comfortable with any of the reasonings popping up as to why that fact had been important enough to Sage that she made a point of having a major conversation over it. Like, what, she’d really think that if the kid showed up close to him, he’d be rude to her?

A four-year-old?

He had to be reminded to be kind?

His reluctance to have a family had obviously come off worse than he’d realized.

Watching Sage sit there, fiddling with her hair, Gray wanted the conversation done, and wasn’t quite ready to let it go. “Are we still in session?”

She blinked as though, while she’d been looking in his direction, he most certainly had not been her focus. Bringing to mind, once again, that father of her child.

She’d mentioned her and Scott looking after Sage.

Not a dad.

And not a topic he had any justifiable reason to raise...

“We can be, if you have something you need to bring to the table.”

Because she’d said it was a one-time thing. He got that. Either then or never. The child’s father was off-limits, but, “What’s her name?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your daughter. Granted, I know diddly about kids—other than all of those I deal with every day at work when they come in with their parents to have a pet cared for...” The dig was beneath him. But was boldly out there, unretractable, so he went on. “But it makes sense to me that I would appear kinder if I knew what to call her.” He stopped. Didn’t like the blank look on her face. Had to wipe it off.

And came up with, “If she ever comes down my way...you asked me to be kind...”

Figuring he was in the weirdest, most awkward conversation he’d ever had, Gray was oddly willing to remain sitting there and be in it.

“Her name is Leigh.”

No last name. Was it Martin? Like hers? Or did the child have her father’s name? Had the guy been around when Sage had carried the child? Had he been there to help her through the birth?

Was he still there and just traveling at the moment?

Whoa. What in the hell was he doing? What was she doing to him?

A father being present for a birth? Not his cup of tea. Or anywhere close to his normal train of thought.

“Leigh what?”

She frowned. “Leigh Marie.”

Okay, still not what he’d been asking. And he couldn’t come up with a viable explanation for wanting to know the child’s last name. Had to get himself off the wrong turn.

“You mind sharing any pointers, just in case she happens down my way, and you aren’t immediately on her heels? Do I ignore her unless she calls out to me? If she starts to come up her uncle’s steps, do I tell her she can’t?”

She stared at him, more like a deer in the headlights than the confident lawyer he knew her to be.

He didn’t blame her.

He was halfway being facetious. The whole topic was over-the-top. A kid comes down the beach, of course he’d be kind.

He liked kids. Enjoyed having conversations with them.

He just couldn’t bear the weight of the day-to-day being responsible for one. The overall daily shaping of one.

None of which he shared. Wasn’t information necessary to their current status.

He awaited Sage’s response mainly because he wanted to understand and abide by her wishes.

Or at least understand so that he had the ability to abide by them, even if he didn’t want to do so.

Ultimately, at that stage of life’s game, she called the shots.

And didn’t seem to be coming up with any feasible plan.

Gray sat forward, rubbing his hands together lightly. “Look,” he told her. “I’m great at being kind. You could ask any of the thousands of patients I’ve tended to over the years—they just won’t be able to answer in English, of course. But if you saw me around animals, saw how I treat them and how they respond to me, maybe you’d feel more comfortable.”

She was still staring. Her chin trembled a bit.

“I swear to you,” he continued, feeling like he was on a good roll. “If she, or you, or she and Scott, or the three of you come down the beach, I’ll be fine, Sage, I promise. I didn’t break things off because I didn’t care about you. Or like you. To the contrary. I want the best for you. I always have.”

He tried to stop there, but the words just kept coming. “I’m glad you have Leigh. You got what you most needed out of life. I didn’t want to be responsible for depriving you of that.”

Her lips tilted upward a bit. Not quite a smile but going in that direction.

“I actually like kids.” He let go of the thoughts he’d just determined to keep to himself. “They’re honest to the core, say what’s on their minds and have a very refreshing way of viewing life in the moment. They also say some of the funniest things...”

He stopped as she shook her head.

And figured, when he noticed the moisture that she blinked from her eyes, and his gut wrenched for her, that he’d just lost the hope of a quick launch back into his own world.