Her Christmas Wish (The Cottages on Ocean Breeze #1)

Chapter Nine

H e liked kids. This man, who’d crushed her heart because he couldn’t bear the idea of fathering a child with her, sat there blithely telling her he’d grown a fondness for children?

As though he didn’t know...

Of course he liked kids. Blinking, Sage shut down the overload of emotion being dumped on her by being with Gray again. She was better than that.

Just seeing him again...

He looked so good. Was as...warm...as she’d remembered. Still had that tone to his voice, the look in his eye.

Why in the hell couldn’t she get beyond the man?

No answer was forthcoming, which was why she had to get her butt in gear, do her best work and get him out of her brother’s cottage and back into his own life.

Blissfully apart from her and her small family.

But...he liked kids.

“You’ll like Leigh.” The words that finally made it out of her mouth were not at all what she’d been about to say. “She’s astute beyond her years, and so innocent at the same time.” Thinking of her daughter brought genuine joy to her heart. A smile to her lips.

And cleared her vision, too.

“If she makes her way down to you, she’ll probably just start jabbering. She won’t talk to a stranger, but I’m going to tell her tonight that Uncle Scott has a friend staying with him, so she’ll likely make an excuse to check you out.”

Gray’s brows rose. “Check me out?”

With a chuckle, Sage said, “She has a system for weighing the people in her midst. You won’t know it, but she’ll come home and tell me what she finds.”

Gray sat back, his hands on the chair arms, as they’d been the day before. “Such as?”

Sage shook her head, brimming with humor as she met Gray’s gaze. “I never know. One time it was he stinks . I thought she meant the father who’d brought a new child into her day care was a bad guy. Turned out he had on some cologne that she didn’t like. Another time she told me a lady had crossed eyes. She meant that the lady looked like she was in a bad mood—you know, cross. She has a friend who bubbles up a lot. And no, she didn’t mean burps. Kaylee starts laughing with her mouth closed and then opens it...and she laughs a lot.”

Gray’s expression sharpened, and she realized that she’d been going on as though they were friends. Not very temporary professional associates.

“I’m sorry,” she quickly inserted. “You didn’t need to hear all of that.” Never, in all her years in practice, had she ever lost sight of her professionalism in such an overt way. Even when her own associates asked about Leigh. Which was why it wasn’t good to mix business with conflicts of interest. Once she got him going, if he chose to remain with her firm as a paying client, she’d be turning him over to one of their other lawyers.

“No need to apologize.”

His kindness, the personal look in his eye, as though they were two people who were friends, shook her up again. “It was unprofessional.” She could hardly tell him she didn’t usually do that. Though she wanted him to know that her professionalism was never, ever an issue, she didn’t want to give him any sense that he was messing with her equilibrium. So she finished with, “You stiffened, and that look in your eye...”

He was still looking at her. Like he knew her. “Your voice...it’s the first time I’ve seen the real you in more than ten years.” He stopped. And when she said nothing, added, “It was nice.”

It was nice.

She couldn’t share that thought. Or let it become something. Wasn’t sure she could trust herself, not at the moment. And, out of desperation, she said, “So, you like kids. Does that mean you’ve finally come to the realization that having them wouldn’t be the kiss of death?”

The question was bald, bold and wholly inappropriate. She sat up straight behind it, taking him on.

She had to know. Not because she expected a change of heart. If the man wanted kids and a family, as gorgeous and kind as he was, he’d have them.

She’d been rude because it was the only way to ensure her defenses.

“No.” He didn’t blink, didn’t even have the decency to look away as he delivered the succinct, one-word answer.

Almost as though he knew.

And wanted to ensure that the walls she’d put up against him remained firmly intact.

The “session” ended as abruptly as it had begun. Sage had asked him if he had anything that needed to be said, any requests or requirements. He’d repeated the “no” he’d just issued on the other topic.

And the business meeting began. He signed a ton of papers. Met a couple of attorneys who would be advising Sage where appropriate and was told that either of them would be happy to represent his new firm once he was ready to hire a corporate attorney.

After they left, Sage gave him a portfolio filled with everything he’d signed and walked him to the door.

“I want to make one thing clear,” she started, and Gray braced himself.

But didn’t back away. Maybe he should have. Enough was enough. He needed to hand her back the paperwork and walk away. In any other situation, with any other person, he was certain he would have.

Which meant that he should have done it with her, too.

Instead, as he took a couple more steps with her, he waited out Sage’s silence, curious to hear what else was bothering her. What other concerns she had about him.

Because for a woman who was over him, fine with having him around and fully happy with her life, his presence sure did seem to be bothering her.

Which wouldn’t please him in any way if hers wasn’t also bothering him.

Stopping with her hand on the doorknob, she turned to him. Looked him straight in the eye. “The pro-bono work I’m doing is strictly because I want to do it. Because I think you’re a good man who got a raw deal and I can help. The other partners, saying they’d be happy to represent you...they were obviously impressed with you during our meeting. Their offers were sincere, and in no way tied to what I’m doing.” She pointed to his portfolio. “This isn’t an attempt to earn your business later.”

He’d been falling for her all over again right up until that last part.

“You trying to tell me you don’t want me to accept their offers? You don’t want to be in any way associated with me long-term?”

Eyes wide, she said, “No!”

The one word he’d given her. Twice in a row.

He felt the impact.

Tapped the portfolio against the palm of his free hand. Smiled. And was about to thank her when she added, “I couldn’t represent you, regardless,” she said. “A firm mandate. To ensure that pro bono doesn’t turn into attorneys doing seemingly free work with a behind-the-scenes quid pro quo in effect.”

He needed to let it go. Let them both off the hook and get the hell out of there. Take a shower. Put on something besides scrubs. Instead, he held her gaze. “So you’d be okay with me accepting one of their offers?”

She blinked. Took a deep breath. “Yes, of course I would.”

He could tell she’d meant it. And that she’d just lied, too.

Which had Gray smiling all the way to his SUV.

The woman wasn’t as completely over him as she wanted to be.

He had no thoughts whatsoever of getting back together with her. They both knew it wouldn’t work. But it felt good to know that he’d meant even half as much to her as she’d meant to him.

That he wasn’t the only one feeling a sharp pang of regret as a result of their unexpected reunion.

Turned out at least one old adage was true.

Apparently, misery did like company.

He’d asked two questions as one. You trying to tell me you don’t want me to accept their offers? And You don’t want to be in any way associated with me long-term?

Which he’d then segued into, So you’d be okay with me accepting one of their offers?

All three of them ran through her mind the rest of the afternoon, plagued her on and off on the drive home, interrupted by Leigh’s back seat sing-along. Sage had one of the little girl’s favorite albums of educational kid songs cued up through her phone.

And when her mind would free her enough, she even sang along with a couple of them. Smiling at her daughter through the rearview mirror when she was stopped at a light.

But then, as she concentrated on driving, sensations from the day intruded, bringing her back to the conversation with Gray.

She’d never been in a situation where she didn’t agree with herself. Where parts of her were warring inside her to the point of total cacophony. Temptation, she got. Could fight. It was a part of life. Wanting what you knew you shouldn’t have.

Or heart against head. She’d been there, too. More than once.

But the stuff with Gray...it was head against head. Her mind saw it both ways.

And her heart felt pain and joy both ways, too.

She didn’t get it.

How could she be in such conflict with herself?

Any way she looked at it, any time she asked herself, she truly wanted Gray to be able to continue with her firm if he wanted to. She wanted him to be successful to the point of needing and affording a corporate attorney.

She also wanted to know that he was being well taken care of.

And she so desperately needed to know that he would soon be completely and permanently out of her life.

She was pulling onto Ocean Breeze when the reason for her conundrum hit her. She was over Grayson Bartholomew, which was why she’d truly wanted her brother to offer to help the man in his time of need.

He wasn’t a bad guy. She’d never have been so deeply in love with him if he had been. And because she was over him, the hurt inflicted by the inability of their lives to fit together was past. A part of her past. A memory.

The current problem had to do with the fact that she’d never let go of how badly she’d been hurt. Unbeknownst to her, she’d been living the life of the victim—even while she’d taken control, taken charge and had built the life she’d wanted more than any other.

It wasn’t the pain itself that was getting in her way. It was the fact that she’d been hurt. That her life’s plans had been so abruptly and painfully interrupted.

It was hard to believe, with all that she’d accomplished, all that she’d built. But in that one area, she hadn’t moved on.

Leigh was still happily busting out tunes as Sage pulled into their driveway. And, glancing back at the little girl, Sage smiled, feeling as though she was back in control. She knew the problem.

So could find the solution.

“As soon as Mommy gets changed, you want to walk up the beach and meet a nice man who’s staying with Uncle Scott for a while?” she asked her daughter. Gray might not be home. And if not, they’d try again another time.

The point was they’d try.

“Can I play with Morgan?” Leigh asked, her still-babyish features pulled into a frown.

“If she’s out, of course you can.”

“Yeah!” Leah chimed, her little feet kicking back and forth as she reached to unlatch the buckle across her chest, and then the trickier one at her waist. No matter how long it took, Sage wasn’t supposed to help. She’d been given the mandate quite clearly shortly after the little girl’s fourth birthday and respected Leigh’s need to take charge of her own destiny in the areas where a four-year-old could do so.

And reminded herself of that when, twenty minutes later, barefoot and in a black-and-white-flowered sundress, Sage headed out to the beach. She wanted Leigh to hold her hand.

Needed her to.

The next minutes weren’t going to be a cakewalk. But in the end, the result would be like a birthday celebration. A rebirth.

A new birth.

For herself.

“No!” Leigh said, not in a scream, but quite emphatically, pulling both of her hands into her chest. “You telled me, here to there, I don’t have to.”

She’d set those boundaries, yes, but...

“You held Uncle Scott’s and Miss Iris’s hands the other night.”

“I know,” the little girl said, as though she was tired of being told something she already knew.

Focused fully on the child, Sage wondered what she’d done. Had she somehow transmitted her uneasiness to Leigh? “Are you mad at Mommy?”

With her arms crossed against her chest, Leigh stood there. “No.”

“Then why don’t you want to hold my hand?”

“Because I want to do this!” Leigh yelled out with a laugh and turned a somersault in the sand.

Her heart giving a jump, her insides filling with light, Sage said, “A somersault! Oh my goodness, Leigh Marie! Did you learn that today?”

With sand dropping from ringlet curls, Leigh jumped up and danced back and forth between her two feet. “I been learning at school, and today I gotted it!” At that, she bent and turned another circle feet over head in the sand. And then reached for Sage’s hand.

“I did it good, huh, Mommy?” the little girl asked, as she half danced next to Sage, pulling on her arm with each hop, as they made their way slowly down the beach.

“You did great!” Her own joy bubbled over—as it generally did where Leigh was concerned, and Sage felt better than she had since Scott had first dropped his bombshell two days before.

She was living her best life.

And was back up on top of it.