Her Christmas Wish (The Cottages on Ocean Breeze #1)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

S age knew her twin was onto her the second she asked him to keep Leigh for her Sunday morning. She didn’t say why. He didn’t ask. The pause on the line was enough.

Also odd was when he asked where she needed him and when. As though only her schedule mattered. Accommodating her alone, not the both of them as was their way.

Something generally done only in emergencies.

And still, she didn’t say where she was going, or why.

Which would be more of a “tell” to him.

She was pregnant. Was going to be a mother for a second time. And was going to be growing the child, inside her. Would feel her baby move there. Would breastfeed.

Sprinkles of delight burst through her.

And life quickly bottled them.

The oddest part, concerning her brother, was that he didn’t ask if she was okay.

That one she didn’t get.

But didn’t push, either.

She didn’t have an answer to give if he’d asked. She had no idea how she was. Except a mass of emotional confusion. A living, walking dichotomy.

There was so much to do. Thanksgiving on the beach was an easy thing, but Christmas! The lights. Shopping. Gray’s cottage down the road.

Gray’s we need to talk rang in her ears with every step she took. The phrase generally didn’t bode well in relationship-world. But he was right. They did need to have a serious discussion as soon as possible.

She had Leigh to consider. What to tell the little girl. When to tell her.

After she’d been to the doctor, for sure. Had a blood test that would definitively tell her that she was carrying Gray’s child...

Which, with the timing of everything, would happen mid-December. Before Christmas. A family holiday.

As the thought struck, she texted Gray with the time to meet.

An hour after she dropped Leigh off at Scott’s.

No point in putting either of them through what was inevitably going to be a difficult conversation until she knew conclusively that there was a topic for the talk.

Dressed in black jeggings, a white button-down, form-fitting shirt and tennis shoes, Sage went to a twenty-four-hour clinic, got pricked, waited on the results and parked her car behind her own cottage. From there she walked the road to Gray’s new cottage.

Just the thought, Gray’s home...a small thrill went through her as she looked at the old place. She’d seen it a hundred times or more. It had just been dilapidated and sorry-looking.

That Sunday morning, it seemed to glow with possibility.

No matter what the outcome of the upcoming communication, Gray had found something powerful enough on Ocean Breeze to want to settle there.

Even before she’d dropped her bombshell.

He was waiting for her inside. Opened the door to her knock dressed in another pair of his cotton pants—dark ones, with a dark striped shirt with the tails hanging out. He still hadn’t shaved. His hair was mussed and kind of frizzy on the ends like it got right after he dried it.

None of which mattered.

“I just came from the clinic,” she said, as though he’d know which one. The one didn’t matter. She handed him the results.

“You are.”

“Yes.”

That signature nod of his...felt good. In its normalness. Lord knew absolutely nothing else about the moment had a hint of ordinary to it.

Years before, she used to dream about the moment when she’d tell Gray she was expecting their first child.

Never, in any scenario, had she been having her second child at the time. Or not been married to him.

Part of her swelled with excitement as reality set in. But a smaller part. More, she was ravaged for him. And anxious about her own future, too. She’d be fine. She knew that. Just...getting from her current moment to the fine part. There was so much to get through.

Telling her brother. Leigh. Carrying a baby. Keeping it healthy. Having one.

But toughest of all was right there in front of her. Ready to start.

She saw Gray’s look of determination as she stepped into the dusty and otherwise clean front room. Noticed the drywall peeling off walls. A hole in the ceiling with an exposed beam.

Saw him standing there, in his new, falling-down home, walked up to him, threw her arms around his neck and held on.

A hug was the last thing Gray had expected. The tight clutching, as Sage held their bodies together, was more than he was prepared to overcome. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her with as much force. As though, through the strength of their arms, they could suffocate all the inconsistencies between them, kill all of the problems and just be together again.

As they’d been when they were younger. He started to get hard.

Until he became aware of her stomach pressing against his and pulled slowly, reluctantly, away.

She started to chatter then. Walking around his place, noting obviously needed repairs. Making suggestions. As though she thought he’d meant that they really would talk about revisions to his place when he’d suggested they talk about renovation ideas.

While Gray wanted to hear everything she had to offer on the matter, his mind was not at all focused on the work he had ahead of him. That he could handle just fine.

And sleep like a baby at night.

Baby.

That was the stumbling block.

Or dark, unending pit, from which he’d never escape.

The thought struck. And he gave it a mental eye roll. Maybe ten years ago, it had felt that way. Thank God he’d grown up some since then.

Funny, though, in a non-humorous way, how thoughts from the past, both good and bad, kept tripping him up.

Forcing him to sort through them.

Separate the true from the not so much.

And on to what was...

Sage was turning a circle in the living space, stopping in front of a half wall opening up to another large area off the kitchen. An eating nook, the Realtor had said.

“You could open up this wall—take it out—and have this be an e-shaped great room...”

“I intend to be in the baby’s life, Sage.” He couldn’t prevaricate any longer. The truth was building up inside him, needing escape.

To be dealt with. Accepted.

“I can’t promise that I’ll want to do everything that’s required of me, when it’s required, but I can guarantee that I will do so. I will be where I need to be, when I need to be.” He always had been. Another long-ago truth. The resentment had been a part of him, but so had the faithfulness. He’d never turned his back on his mother or grandmother. Never, ever seriously considered doing so.

He’d actually strongly resisted Child Services’ attempts to give him, in their words, a better home.

“For better or worse, this kid has me for a father. We can’t change that.” Words he’d been rehearsing all morning. And on a roll, he continued. “What we can do is minimize the damage.”

He was pretty sure Sage was blinking tears from her eyes as she turned to face him. He didn’t let his gaze linger long enough to verify. “How do we do that?” Her question sounded like Sage. Calm, capable. Willing.

Right at the part where he faltered. “That’s the part I don’t know yet,” he told her. “I’m going to be close...we know that. It’s a given. Done deal.”

“You still have time to back out.”

“Would you quit saying that?” The sternness in his tone came as a surprise to him. But was legitimate. “I want this place. The first night I wandered down here...it was the first time in my entire life I felt like a place was home...”

He glanced over at her. Saw her mouth drop open.

Shrugged off his passion for a broken-down building, and said, “We have real things to work out.” So many of them, he couldn’t seem to corral them. They just kept jumbling around in his head. Like kids jumping on a trampoline.

“Leigh should have a trampoline,” he said then. Finding something that felt sure. “She loves to tumble, and the sand’s not the safest place for that. They have them now with sides that go up so little kids don’t bounce off them. I saw one at one of the places I looked at...”

He stopped. Stared at her staring at him. “Sorry. I’m new at this. And not even slightly good at it, apparently.”

“No!” Sage gave him that trembly smile again. He started to wonder if it was a good thing. “No, you’re doing fine,” she said, nodding.

“I’m avoiding,” he told her.

“I know.”

He shrugged. She nodded again. Then took a sudden step forward, as though attached to some apparatus springing her into action. “But that’s okay, Gray. I’m the one person everyone would have tagged for being over the moon with this news, and I’m struggling to wrap my mind around it all. The implications...what it will mean...everything that’s going to change...it’s overwhelming. Can I ask you to do one thing, for right now?”

He nodded. It wasn’t like he had any choice. There were hundreds to do. “Can you please just let us take a few days to process? If something occurs to you, you text me. If something comes up for me, I text you. Maybe that’s how we start to work through it all.”

He liked that. A lot. A step back. Managing the fallout.

“That would be...yes, I can do that,” he said. Then met her gaze. “Thank you.”

She smiled.

And he said, “Now I have one thing to ask of you.” One thing that was bothering the hell out of him.

“Sure, what?”

“Don’t ever give me an out on my responsibility again. Not ever. I’m not that guy, Sage. I would have thought you, of all people, would know that. It was my somewhat twisted attempt to be responsible that led me to call off our wedding ten years ago. I’m not irresponsible. I just know squat about raising kids. I foam at the mouth, so to speak, at the thought of being responsible for one, because of that lack. And I tend to resent those I’m responsible for, on occasion.”

“Did you ever think that maybe you resented your grandmother’s illness? Not her?”

The words stopped him cold. Semantics. And yet...

Something to think about. Sometime. Right then, “Okay, here’s my first text. I’m in. Financially is a given. But I’m in for all of it. I need to know what’s going on. Need to be privy to every choice, even if I don’t have a say in it. And I need to know that if I say something stupid, or that won’t work, you do what you do. Don’t hold back.”

Her eyes seemed to have gained a sparkle. “What do I do?”

“Be you. Kindly, calmly point out where I’m mistaken.”

“And my first text back is, sounds good.”

She smiled. He smiled.

And Gray looked around his new home. Figuring it for a very good choice.

Sage wouldn’t let happiness bloom. Was afraid she’d lose sight of Gray’s less overt expression of his needs. But damn, life suddenly felt...better.

With a world of possibilities looming that she’d given up on.

Their lives wouldn’t be traditional. She wasn’t getting married or raising a family with her husband.

But Gray was back. He was there to stay. He loved her—though he hadn’t actually come out and said so in so many words—and he knew he loved her. He also knew she loved him. Looking at him, that was a given. And they were going to parent their child together. There were shadow sides, too. Like having to ruin a perfect moment with reality.

“Text number two,” she said softly, as Gray stood there, looking around his space as though ready to start in on the renovations part of the meeting. “Leigh.”

His eyebrows rose and his gaze settled on her intently. “Something’s wrong with her?”

“No. She’s four, Gray. And sensitive. We need to be careful, as we take on this baby somewhat together, that she doesn’t feel...left out.”

His head reared back as his eyes opened wide. “You mean me, right?”

She nodded.

“You’re mother to both, I’m father to one. Do for the one but not for...” He was frowning. Shook his head. And as her heart was sinking, knowing that he was overwhelmed with being a father at all, he added, “See, this is what I mean. Things I don’t know to think about. But I’d like to think that I’d have just gotten this one right without needing to talk about it. I’m already there for her. Right? We already established that one. So...” He glanced at her, looking as though an idea had just hit. “Do we tell her together? Let her know that I’m going to be in her life now, too?”

She hadn’t gotten that far. Felt her heart flood with warmth. “I think she’d like that. And it would maybe make finding out that she is going to be sharing me with another baby a little easier to take. Knowing she gets you in the bargain.”

“We could bring her down here. Tell her I bought the place, and tell her about the baby here, too. You know, outside the space that just belonged to the two of you. Let her be a part of things. I’m assuming...” His eyes lightened as his gave her a sheepish grin. “Who am I kidding, I’m only just now coming up with this, but I’ll need to have kid things here, too, right? So that means her things as well as the baby’s. For when you’re working late and I’m on duty. That kind of thing.”

He stopped talking. Seemed a bit like he was lost. But he wasn’t overtly sweating. Or pacing. Or suggesting the meeting was over. He stood there. Nodding that nod of his.

“I think that’s important, yes,” she said, as her mind opened up wider. They were going to make it work. This new, more mature Gray, and the less selfish, more aware, more mature her.

“And maybe the new child can call me Mr. Buzzing Bee,” he continued. “I really like that name. In case you couldn’t tell.”

Because he’d named his new clinics after it.

And there was her reminder. It was all working out. Just not as she used to dream she’d be raising a family. He wasn’t ready to be Daddy yet. Might not ever be ready.

But if Mr. Buzzing Bee was who he needed to be, that was exactly who Sage would welcome into their family.

And be forever thankful that he was there.