Her Christmas Wish (The Cottages on Ocean Breeze #1)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

A s Gray had locked up his new cottage and walked back down the beach with Sage—keeping a body’s worth of distance between them—Sage gave Gray another reprieve. She’d figured they should wait to tell anyone, including her twin, about the baby for another couple of weeks, at least. After Thanksgiving.

She was only a couple of weeks along. Anything could happen. She hadn’t even seen her doctor yet. And they’d wait even longer before telling Leigh. At least until the baby started to show. Nine months would be far too long for a four-year-old to be patient. And...the first trimester was most at risk for miscarriage.

Miscarriage. The word offered the possibility of not having to be a father.

And didn’t seem like a win to Gray.

Because he knew what it would do to Sage?

He wanted to think so. But as Sunday rolled into Monday and then further into the following week, as he and Sage texted random thoughts and questions to each other, Gray was finding himself—not suffocating.

Of course, he was spending a good bit of his time with contractors, and an architect, working on buildouts for his clinics, and for the cottage as well. He wanted everything in place for work on his new home to begin as soon as the sale went through title, which could be by the end of the week.

Some of the texts pertained to cottage questions. Where Sage had three good-size bedrooms, he only had two. She’d have hers, and a room for each of the kids—though she’d be giving up her home office. She also had a large, windowed alcove off the kitchen, outside the laundry room, that would work just fine for her desk and files. She’d put in a pocket door, for privacy.

But him, with only two rooms...he decided to have another added, and two closets put in. One for each child’s things for those random occasions they had to spend the night. And there’d be beds, for when they had to take naps.

But not a crib. Sage had assured him that the baby could sleep in something called a Pack ’n Play at Gray’s house.

And they’d texted about Christmas lights for the beach. The decorations would be going up before they shared their news with everyone. She’d offered to help him pick out what he needed. Had sent him a list from an online store. He’d clicked and purchased all of it.

She’d scheduled her first doctor’s appointment. He’d be attending, though not in the room for the initial examination. His choice. She’d seemed relieved with it.

He’d be there for the birth, though.

One night his text had asked if she was scared. She was a little. So many unknowns. So much could go wrong.

He’d told her not to borrow trouble. Something his grandmother used to say to him.

He’d found that he handled the situation much better if he just thought in terms of Sage. She was pregnant. She’d be going through a lot of changes, physically as well as emotionally, over the next months. His job was just to support.

The after-the-baby-came part...a thought would trickle in occasionally. He’d stopped pushing them away. But didn’t search for answers, either.

Sage didn’t pressure him to. At all. To the point that on Thursday, one week before Thanksgiving, when they were out on the beach, with Leigh playing with Morgan—who was in Gray’s care as Scott had a business-related evening out—Gray said, “Either you’ve changed a lot, or you’re holding back on me.”

He didn’t like the idea that, with all they were going through, sharing, she wasn’t being fully open. “It’s not going to work if either of us aren’t honest,” he told her. Something he’d already learned the hard way.

“I’m not holding back, Gray,” she told him. “And I don’t feel like I’ve changed, either, other than, well, my whole life is changing, from the inside out, if you know what I mean.”

He did. And grinned. But couldn’t let it go. “In the past, you used to have all these scenarios of us as parents, as a family. You built such pretty pictures when you talked about them. You don’t do that anymore.”

“You thought my scenarios were pretty?”

“Of course I did. Who wouldn’t want the happy family cushioned in love who took on all their struggles and challenges together?”

Her head turned toward him, sharply. “You.”

He deserved that, he guessed. Shook his head. “I wanted it, Sage. I just knew that if I walked into that with you, I’d be setting you up for failure. But that’s no reason for you to quit dreaming your dreams...”

Her sigh hit him deep. Her gaze was turned toward her daughter as Leigh threw out a crooked pitch. Then the little girl ran after the ball, along with Morgan, as it headed toward the water. “Stop!” he called, at the top of his lungs, with no hint of compromise included.

The child stopped immediately. Glanced down. Saw her toes just touching wet sand. As a wave came up and stole her ball.

Morgan dove into the wave, swimming with it, retrieved the ball and swam back.

And Gray turned to see Sage, with tears on her cheeks, looking up at him.

“What?” he asked. He’d yelled too harshly, he knew, but...

“You,” she told him. “I just love you so much.”

He didn’t get it. He screamed at her kid when she was right there. And loving him made her cry. Was she some kind of masochist?

Her gaze turned back to Leigh, who’d moved farther up the beach, toward Scott’s cottage, to play ball. And then she looked at him, eyes open wide and shining with emotion.

“You had a tough childhood in many ways, Gray. And it taught you young to go it alone. In your heart. Losing your mom so young. And then watching your grandmother go, with no way to stop it...”

He stiffened beside her. Hands in his pants. He’d asked her to open up. He had to listen. He didn’t have to like it.

And couldn’t really argue her words, either. Just wished she’d get to the damned point.

“You learned as much about loss as you did about loving,” she said. “The two going hand in hand, so to speak. Kind of like...having your things sold.”

He’d forgotten he’d told her about that. Being happy to get a new toy. Knowing that it would be sold when it had to be. And he needed her to get to the point. Faster. Didn’t much feel like failing so early in their little lifetime project.

“I didn’t quit dreaming my dreams, Gray,” she said softly. “I just opened my eyes to let them become real.”

He frowned. “I don’t get it.” Not a usual thing with her. He didn’t like it. Dug his toes over the sides of his flip-flops to feel the sand.

“I was so busy building our family, playing my part of mother, that I failed to be a fiancée. And a wife. I didn’t think about you, Gray. And your needs. And you, having grown up used to the women in your life being unable to see, or if they saw, attend to your needs, you had to take responsibility for yourself. Feeling as though you didn’t have a place in my dreams, you erased yourself from the picture so there’d be room for the guy who did.”

Okay. Maybe not so flowery or...whatever...but...there was some truth there.

“There is no other guy, Gray. I’ve had ten years to find him, and I’ll admit to trying. Hard. It didn’t work. Because you were the man of my dreams. Just you. And the problem was, I didn’t look to know that you needed me to see you.”

Oh. Okay. Yeah. Wow. He stared at the ocean. And then the dog and child just yards away from them. Still running. Emitting occasional screams and barks.

And his gut settled.

Dogs and children. They were who and what they were.

And accepted what they were given.

As he had.

“So now...that you...as you say, see me?”

“You’re the man of my dreams.”

He turned slowly to look at her. Read the truth in her eyes. Felt no surprise. His heart leaped. Soared. And then slid into land.

“So what, you want to get married? Is that what you’re telling me?” He tensed at the words. But didn’t entirely hate the idea. In some ways, it made sense.

“No.” She didn’t blink. Didn’t hesitate. “That’s just it. I want to be with you in whatever capacity you can thrive, being with me. And if that’s a cottage down the beach, and you disciplining our child to keep her safe, while we stand together after work exercising my twin brother’s dog, then I’ve got my dream come true.”

Gray’s throat got tight. So much he couldn’t swallow. He had to blink at the prick behind his eyes. As he wondered, if he’d ever dared to dream bigger than a business and a house on a cliff, would his dream be coming true, too?

He knew the answer.

Just wasn’t sure how to access the dream.

Sage waited another month before making her doctor’s appointment. Her doctor’s office had offered the option, as long as she was careful about her diet. And she’d needed the time. Knew that Gray did.

And, in a practical sense, she’d wanted to be able to do the first ultrasound and exam in the same office visit.

For all that was changing in their lives, and the passion that always seemed to be sizzling under the surface between her and Gray, the month had been surprisingly...calm. With all of his buildouts going on, both in the clinics and on the beach, Gray was occupied constantly. And seemingly never alone.

And any off time had been surrounded by neighbors in holiday mode. From the Thanksgiving feast set up on a long table and served buffet style around a bonfire on the beach, to the weekend of light hanging and attaching as a pathway in the sand along the beach, too. Everyone helped everyone, wore smiles and had a few drinks. Everyone but Sage, on the drink part, that was.

No one seemed to realize she’d been without her customary glass of wine.

One night, when Leigh had been with Scott and Iris, Sage had walked the entire two-mile strip of beach along the pathway of lights, taking in the individual decorations on every single cottage—even the ones that were still deserted—pretending that she was perfectly content alone with her unborn baby. But, in truth, she’d hoped to run into Gray.

It hadn’t happened.

The two of them had had a moment, in the courthouse, after the judge had granted her request to detach Gray’s income account from the assets frozen in the GB Animal Clinics case. They’d exited the small courtroom into an empty hallway, and he’d grabbed her up and kissed her.

Fully. On the lips.

And in spite of being fully in her professional persona, at work, she’d engaged full throttle. They’d both jumped back as soon as their tongues touched. And neither of them had mentioned the episode since.

They’d both appeared at all the big gatherings with neighbors. Just no more alone time.

She and Leigh had put up their tree without him.

But she’d hung a stocking for him, along with Scott’s. She had one for Iris, too, if the photographer chose to join them.

Leigh had asked Gray to come look at her tree. He’d told her he would but hadn’t gotten there yet.

Nor had he and Sage entertained in-person private conversations. She’d initially instituted the text message communication plan to get them through the first few days of shock. And there they were, a month later, continuing to hide behind phones.

Thing was, it was working. She was hearing more of Gray’s thoughts than she’d have heard in person, at least based on past experience, and was falling more in love with him every day. Something she hadn’t thought possible.

If only they could do the doctor visit by text. She’d made the appointment to take place during her lunch hour, while Leigh was fully occupied in her preschool class at the day care. And Gray was meeting her there. He wanted to be present for the ultrasound. She’d made it very clear he needn’t be, but being a doctor, he knew the technology. Had run countless ultrasounds during his career, and when he’d reminded her of that fact, she’d wanted him there. For his sake. Not hers.

They weren’t romantic partners. Or even sexually active. And he was going to be standing over her stomach, bared to the top of her hair down there. To manage her stress, she’d insisted that he not be brought back to the room until she was already on the table and ready to go. Thankfully, her doctor was a gem, and the ultrasound technician about as understanding as they came.

Both knew that Gray was the child’s father. And that they weren’t married. She’d already had her exam and she and Gray would be meeting with the doctor after the completion of the ultrasound.

She’d chosen her clothes accordingly. Leggings—they had an elastic waistband. And a formfitting tunic-type short dress that she could roll up to her breasts. And not care if the bottom of it got a little gel on it.

He’d worn dress pants and had tucked in his button-down shirt. Could be the chosen clothes were for a business meeting that morning. Or might have been for the doctor visit. Didn’t much matter to her heart. It lit up the second she saw him come through the door. His longish hair falling around his ears, and those brown eyes locked on hers.

They were about to meet their baby for the first time.

What bit of it would be developed so early in gestation.

She already knew the doctor had heard a heartbeat. Gray didn’t.

The technician had already been in the process of spreading the gel on Sage’s stomach when Gray walked in. She barely noticed the cold. But was suddenly nervous.

Extremely so.

Would Gray freak out on her? He was the scientist. Seeing the proof of life on the screen would make everything real to him.

And...she was living a dream she’d had so many times. Getting ready for the first glimpse of her baby with the man she loved.

“Okay, ready?”

Sage nodded as the technician looked her way. Took a deep breath. And felt Gray take hold of her hand. She didn’t glance away from the screen they’d been told to watch.

But she started to breathe again.

And listened as Gray and the technician threw around some technical terms, talked about fetal fluid balance and aquaporins. Both seemed pleased with what they were seeing.

“There,” Gray said first, his tone still sounding doctor-like. Professional. “Right there.” He pointed to the peanut-looking shape in the center of the screen, while the technician pushed buttons to record images and continued to move the radar device on Sage’s stomach.

When the tattooing sound first started, she’d thought it was some kind of digestive gurgle inside her. Was embarrassed. Until she recognized the evenness of the sound. It was way more rapid than she’d expected before arriving at the office that morning.

“We have a heartbeat!” the technician’s voice announced with obvious pleasure.

As enthralled as Sage was, she’d already heard the sound, though at a slightly different pitch, through her doctor’s stethoscope.

What she was most of aware in those first seconds of steady beat was Gray’s total and complete silence.

Afraid, suddenly, dreading what might be happening to him, preparing for him to walk out on her, she kept a smile on her face and glanced up at him.

The look of utter awe on his face made her heart skip a beat.

But the moisture around the rims of his eyes...that right there...most definitely a dream come true.

She’d seriously imagined, back in the day, that he’d cry when he heard their baby’s heartbeat.

And knew, without a doubt, that, as odd a family as they were, they were meant to be.