Her Texas Cowboy Protector (The Winchester Cowboys #3)

Chapter Eleven

Landon glanced in the back seat where Natalie slept with her head back. The other two were probably doing the same thing. He and his dad rode in silence so that they could.

Everything had gone well at the border. His dad had been waiting for them with no problem. And June Canton, an FBI agent from the San Antonio office, had been there to meet them as well. Ricardo had contacted her as soon as he’d heard about their kidnapping. June had introduced herself and said that she’d be contacting each of them for an interview once they’d had a chance to get home and settle in for a day or so. In the meantime, she’d said that she’d network with Ricardo.

In Laredo, he’d bought a pre-paid phone and then everyone had contacted their families and then their banks as they got back on the road.

Rachel’s parents were driving to Austin to pick her up. She wanted to stay with them for a while. Natalie’s parents were meeting her at her apartment. Jordan had called his boss and had told them all afterwards that he was taking a couple of weeks off.

Landon sighed and turned to the window. The kidnapping experience had affected all of them deeply. He’d never go to Mexico again. Never. And, even if he were to travel to other countries, he wasn’t sure he’d ever feel safe. And after killing three men, he had a deep-seated dread of the night. He knew he’d see their faces. A shiver ran through him. He’d never be the man he was again.

“No!” Natalie woke with a scream. Sobbing, she jerked herself to the edge of her bed, her feet hitting the cold floor with a thud. The dream. Oh God, the dream. In it, the man who had leered at her in the Humvee had raped her. She covered her face with her hands as her body shook convulsively, her cries held back by the pressure of her fingers.

She’d thought that she’d feel comforted being home where she was surrounded by her own things, but maybe she should have stayed with her parents when they’d suggested it.

Taking a deep breath, she rose from the bed, determined to calm herself. Wiping her tears, she headed for the kitchen where she fixed herself a cup of hot cinnamon tea. Blowing gently on it, she stood before the sliding glass doors, peering outside into the gloom. The dark shadows matched her mood.

She grabbed the blanket off the couch and bundled it around herself, then went out onto the balcony and sat in her rocking chair. It was terrifying to be outside alone, but she’d be damned if she was going to give in to the sensation. The chair made a gritty sound as she moved back and forth. Dirt must have blown onto the concrete while she’d been gone.

She realized that her mind was wandering, trying to offset the horror of her dream. Sighing, she took a sip of her hot tea, the rising steam warming her nose.

On the drive back from Laredo, Landon had suggested that counseling might be helpful. She’d dismissed it at the time, unable to think about anything other than getting home to her own things, to her own bed. Now, after experiencing the horrible dream, she realized that it might not be a bad idea after all. Just because she’d been able to keep it together while she was in the hands of their captors didn’t mean that she wasn’t just as affected by her experience as Rachel was.

God, poor Rachel. How would she ever recover from what had happened to her? She’d been demoralized, beaten and completely withdrawn from the stress. What would it take for her to come back from that? Would she ever be the same cheerful, fun-loving woman she’d always been? Natalie shivered at the memory of Rachel’s empty eyes as they’d said goodbye.

And Jordan. He’d wanted desperately to help Rachel and couldn’t even help himself. His guilt and remembered helplessness might overwhelm him.

God, they were all wrecks. She took another sip. Her tea was cooling. She drank several more swallows, the warm liquid soothing her throat.

Should she get a dog? Maybe having something to cuddle with, to stroke and talk to would fill the dark void inside her. A dog might even prevent more nightmares. What breed should she get? She’d do some research. Find some that were good cuddlers. Then she remembered. She didn’t have a phone anymore. Her mom had offered to loan her phone to Natalie, but she’d refused. She’d get one in the morning. Her eyes teared up again, and she wiped the moisture away.

God, she couldn’t go back to work. Couldn’t even imagine herself in her office dealing with one urgent crisis after another.

Leaning her head back, she stared at the night sky. She wished she could see the stars, but the lights of the city were too bright.

Her thoughts turned to Landon, and suddenly she realized she didn’t want to see him. Not after that dream. She felt anxious, unsettled. God, she even felt unclean. She remembered the awful man’s eyes, how they’d clung nastily to her. Then the dream flashed back again, and she shuddered, squeezing her eyes shut.

No, she needed to get a handle on herself before she was ready to spend time with a man. Even Landon. She felt too vulnerable. Too anxious.

She finished the last of her barely warm tea but wasn’t ready to go back to bed. The dream was still too real.

Even in the gloom, deep bruises from the zip ties stood out starkly on her wrists. Her stomach felt sick. She remembered Rachel wetting herself, and the disgusting smell. She remembered it all, the bloody, awful deaths, every detail, and it was too much. Just too damned much.

The next morning, Landon paced the length of the front porch, worried sick about Natalie but unable to call her. When they’d dropped her off at her apartment, she’d barely said goodbye. It was like she couldn’t wait to see the last of him.

Debra poked her head out of the screen door. “Would you like a cup of coffee, son? I swear, the way you’re walking around this porch is going to set your healing back days if you don’t stop.” She emerged into the chill morning air and held out a steaming mug. “Now, take a seat and drink this.”

With a sigh, he sat in one of the comfortable padded chairs and took the mug from her. “Thanks, Mom. I know you’re right, but I’m a wreck with worrying about Natalie. I can’t stand not knowing how she is.” He took a swallow of coffee. “My imagination’s going crazy. I just need to know for sure whether she’s okay or not. She wasn’t at all herself yesterday when we dropped her off at her apartment.”

“I understand, honey. But promise me you’ll rest while you worry, okay?” The corner of her mouth drew down as she turned toward the door. “Let me know as soon as you hear something.”

“I will.” Honoring his promise to his mom, he stayed seated, sipping from his mug and looking out across the pasture at the grazing cattle.

He couldn’t just sit still. Not any longer. He walked down to the barn, taking his time so as not to jar his head on the uneven ground. After getting a bucket of feed, he called up the horses and put a halter on Reggie. He couldn’t ride, of course, but brushing him was a relaxing chore.

He tied Reggie up in the barn and, as the horse ate from the bucket, he moved the brush in small strokes.

Reggie flicked his ears back, liking the attention.

Landon curried both sides of the horse, taking his time, feeling his heart slow with the rhythm of his strokes.

By the time he turned Reggie out again, he was in a much better frame of mind. Despite having been careful, though, his head ached deep inside. He walked slowly on the gravel drive on his way back to the house.

When he walked in, his mother looked at him and shook her head. “Why do you have to be so stubborn? I’ll get your pain pill. Go lie down, and I’ll bring it to your room.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

After taking off his boots, he eased himself down onto the bed, wincing in pain as he lowered his head the last few inches. His mom was right. He was a stubborn fool to have gone down to the barn. But at least he was feeling calm.

Debra came in with a glass of water and his pill. “Take this and then rest.” As he took the pill from her, she said sternly, “And I mean rest for at least a couple of hours, mister.”

He smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”

She waited for him to swallow the pill. As she took the glass back, she smiled. “I love you, son, and I just want you to mend.”

“I know, Mom. I’ll rest.”

She shut the door behind her as she left, and he closed his eyes.

His phone rang. When he answered, Carson said, “Hey brother, Haley and I want you to come over for dinner tonight. Are you up for it? We figure you must be going stir crazy by now.”

“Oh, you know I am. I’d love to. What time?” He smiled, already looking forward to getting out of the house.

“Be here at six. And, hey—we’re really glad that you all got back safely, bro.”

“Thanks, I am too. I’ll see you later.” He sighed and closed his eyes again. It was time to stop stressing about things he couldn’t change. He couldn’t contact Natalie, and until he did, he couldn’t help her. He’d have to learn to live with that fact until she got in touch with him. With that decided, he sought the dark oblivion of sleep.

The next afternoon, Natlie returned with her mother from a trip to the grocery store. They each carried several full bags of food and, more importantly, she still had several bottles of good wine to bring up from the car.

Before they’d left for H-E-B, her mom had helped her find the name of a good therapist. She’d called the office and after she’d explained her situation, the woman had fitted her into the schedule the following day at noon.

Before coming home today, they’d stopped by the phone store, and she’d gotten another phone. Luckily, she’d been eligible for an upgrade, and it hadn’t cost her an arm and a leg. They’d even been able to download her contacts to her new phone.

“I’ll go back and get the wine, honey,” her mom said as she put her bags of groceries on the kitchen counter.

“Thanks, Mom.” Natalie set her bags on the floor and began to put the items in them away. She was so tired her hands were shaking, but she didn’t want her mother to know. The last thing she needed was for her parents to insist again that she stay with them. She couldn’t bear that. She needed the quiet of her apartment. Being around others was like sandpaper on her over-stressed nerves.

As her mom walked back in, Natalie said, “I’ve got it from here, Mom. You can head out.”

Her mom frowned. “Are you sure, honey? I can help you put the groceries away.”

“It’s fine. I’m almost done. I’m going to lie down as soon as I’m finished. I’m exhausted.” That was sure to do the trick, and she felt a little guilty.

Her mom’s face fell. “Okay, then. I’ll let you rest. You call if you need anything, though. Promise?”

“I promise. I’m fine, though, Mom. I just need to take a nap.”

When her mom had gone, she let out a deep sigh and leaned against the cabinet, closing her eyes. God, it had been all she could do to leave the apartment. Being around company was utter misery.

She quickly finished putting everything away and opened a bottle of wine. It was early for a drink, but at this point she didn’t care. Taking her glass with her, she went out onto the balcony with the couch blanket. Wrapping it around her, she sat in the rocker.

The soothing back-and-forth motion and several sips of the full-bodied wine soon had her feeling better. She’d bought some of her favorite frozen meals and a thin-crust pizza and decided on the pizza for dinner. It would make tasty leftovers for the next day.

She knew she needed to call Landon. She was dreading it, though. Should she call him now and get it over with? Then she could cook her pizza and eat in peace.

She picked up her phone and stared at it for a moment, then dropped it into her lap. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t talk to him. Instead, she texted:

I’m sorry, I just can’t talk right now. I’m feeling really messed up after what happened to us. And I’m sorry, but I don’t want to see you for a while. I need space. I know this probably hurts you, Landon, and I hate that. I care about you, but I just can’t be around you right now. This is my new number in case there’s an emergency, but please don’t contact me otherwise. God, I’m so sorry.

She sent it, feeling like a total shit. Then she sent another:

I’m going to start counseling tomorrow and I hope it helps. Please don’t hate me. Please try to understand.

He texted right back:

Of course I understand, honey. Don’t feel bad. And I don’t hate you. I could never do that. Take all the time you need. Just get better. I’ll pray night and day for that, sweetheart. And, honestly, I’m having my own problems, so I do understand.

As she read it, she burst into sobs. She got up, hugging her belly. She didn’t deserve him. She strode back and forth across the small balcony, getting dizzy at the turns. When she finally tired, her hunger had fled. She went to the kitchen and, instead of cooking the pizza, poured herself more wine. On her empty stomach, though, it only made her feel worse.

Closing her eyes, she returned to the balcony and sat very still. Her ordeal was over, but it seemed her troubles had just begun.