Here’s the Thing (Seddledowne #4)

Chapter 5 – Ashton

five

ASHTON

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

— FRIEDRICH WILHELM NIETZSCHE

“ I just want to work out without the freaking paparazzi suffocating me.” The barbell was digging a groove into my shoulders. I’d probably have a bruise tomorrow. I lifted through my legs and set it on the Smith machine. “If I have to answer whether or not he’s really single one more time…”

I was done with my set, so I stepped out and let Holden take my place.

It was spring break and I’d thought coming home for the week would be relaxing. But that’s before I’d known Ford would be there. Currently, the Dupree brothers were getting our sweat on at The Upward Dog, Silas and Lemon’s gym. And getting bombarded by the pap. They’d dogged us doubly ever since Whiskey and Women won their first Grammy last month.

“Good luck with that.” Holden chuckled as he looked over at Ford, surrounded by a news crew. “I blame him for me being in the doghouse with Christy tonight.”

“Uh oh. I feel a story coming on.”

He chuckled and blew out his breath. “The kids and I were at the Tastee Freeze today, just sitting in my truck, waiting on our milkshakes. Suddenly, a pap knocks on the window. Only I didn’t know it was a pap because he was wearing a Seddledowne Stallions T-shirt. Sneaky douche. Said he’d pay me two thousand if I’d confirm the rumor that Ford is Dad's lovechild from another woman.” Holden snorted. “I gave him the bird and rolled the window up.”

“I’d have taken it. Dad could roll it off.” I could use the money.

“Yeah, but could Mom?” Definitely not. Holden shook his head, grinning. “Anyway. Later, we’re at home eating dinner and all of sudden we look over and Liam and Maddie are flipping each other off.”

My chest shook with silent laughter. “Christy’s still mad, now?” I leaned my head toward the Downward side of the gym. All the Dupree ladies were currently in a barre class, including Holden’s wife.

“Yeah. It happened right before we came here. But no worries. Your book is my secret weapon. If she hasn’t forgiven me by the time we get home, I’ll read her the chapter you dropped last week. She hasn’t read it yet.” He winked. “Please, never, ever get Jack and Raven together. Their sexual tension is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ll just be washing dishes or playing with the kids and bam!” His hands smacked together. “She’s pulling me to the bedroom to work out her frustration .”

I snorted. “Must be nice. ”

His eyebrows flicked up and he grinned. “It is.”

“Sorry to disappoint. Javen will be participating in the hippity-dippity hopefully by next week.” It was Mom’s term for doing the deed. “People are leaving in droves because they say the suspense has gone on too long.” Yeah, I was the co-author of Spy vs Sigh . No one on the entire planet knew except for Holden, Silas, and their wives. But they were good for the secret. They’d known since day one and had never let it slip. “As soon as I can convince Austen to write the chapter. I have tried six ways to Sunday to talk her into it and she won’t.” Austen was what I called my co-author. Her full Incognito handle was Austentacious119.

“Tell Austen I’m Team Waiting Indefinitely.” Then he dropped into a squat, paused, and heaved up. “Seriously, though, when are you all going to try and get a literary agent?”

“We aren’t there yet. We don’t have the fan base. And truthfully, I don’t know if Austen will be okay with it, ever.”

“She still won’t tell you her real name?”

I shook my head. “No. And I’m okay with that.”

He winked. “’C’mon, you know you want to ask her out.”

I rolled my eyes. Austen was hilarious, witty, and had become one of my best friends. But… “She might be the ugliest woman on the planet. She lives in New Mexico, has six kids, and has zero interest in dating right now. Says she wants to focus on her career and being a mom.” I tilted my head. “With my luck, she isn’t a woman at all.”

Not to mention that she thought I was a recluse who lived in Alaska with my rotund cat named Blubber who was supposed to be a mouser but would rather nap. Oh, and I enjoy ice fishing and dog sledding in my spare time. The fear of anyone finding out I was Ford’s brother was real. The deception was worth it, even if I did have to keep up with the time differences between Virginia, Alaska, and New Mexico. And the weather .

Holden shrugged, righting his hands on the bar. “You’d be a good Insta-dad. You’re everyone’s favorite uncle.” He dropped into another squat and lifted.

“ Six kids, ” I emphasized.

He chuckled. “I believe in you.”

Holden glanced over at Ford who was looking more annoyed the longer the pap hounded him. “You gonna take him up on the offer about the little house?”

Ford had bought a ridiculous piece of land, right next to Dupree Ranch. He said when he saw it for sale, he couldn’t resist. It was seventeen hundred acres. Some billionaire weekend cowboy had sold it to him. It was move-in ready, complete with a mansion, a huge basketball court, a stage for his band, two lakes, an Olympic-sized swimming pool, a pickleball court, and an indoor shooting range. And a “little house.”

Pfft. Little house? The thing was three thousand square feet and five bedrooms. But, I guess, compared to his mansion it would be considered little.

I snorted. “What do you think? Would you take it?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. But he doesn’t bug me the way he bugs you.”

True. Holden had always fallen in with Sophie and Silas when we were kids. It made sense, only being eleven months younger. I’d kind of done my own thing growing up. Usually that looked like curling up somewhere with a good book. But Ford? He couldn’t entertain himself like I did. And he didn’t like books. So he was constantly bugging me to hang out, listen to music I couldn’t stand, watch terrible shows—the guy was a sucker for reality TV. As an adult, he was still hounding me.

I shook my head. “There’s no way I could live right next to him. Besides, I don’t want to commute to work.” Not true. I didn’t mind the drive. It was a straight shot from Seddledowne to Sweet Grass, and the only thing in between was rolling green hills and farms for miles.

Holden tipped his head to one side. “Annoying brother, free rent, and you get to live by family.” His head went the other way. “No annoying brother, you’re forty minutes away from us, and…how much do you pay a month for someone else’s mortgage?”

Too much to save up for a down payment on my own home. I needed to hang in there for another five or so years and I’d make enough.

“Having Ford as my landlord is like my worst nightmare,” I grumbled.

“He’s just lonely on that big old ranch,” Holden said. “He needs company.”

“He gossips worse than a pack of middle school girls. And he’s constantly inviting Hank, Travis, and Grady to visit.” The other three members of Whiskey and Women were about as sketchy as they come. It was only a matter of time before one of them got busted on drug possession charges. No doubt they were the ones fueling Ford’s alcohol and drug addiction. The agony it had put Mom through was unbearable. “If I ever see them again, I’ll probably beat the crap out of them and wind up in jail.”

The corners of Holden’s eyes crinkled. “See, you do love Ford.”

I scoffed. “’Course I do. He’s my brother. But he still drives me crazy.”

“Well, you should at least tell him about your book. He just wants to be included.”

“So he can blab to the whole world? No, thank you.”

Holden gave me a disapproving look. He and Silas were always pestering me to be better friends with Ford.

“Look what he did to Anna at Blue’s game. ”

Holden shrugged. “Anna and Blue are married now because of it.”

“That doesn’t recuse him.”

“The professor pulling out fancy lawyer speak.” Holden chuckled. “The whole world needs to know how good you two are.”

“I appreciate the compliment. But if people find out, it will be because we wanted them to.” If it happened any other way Austen would bolt. My gut told me that. One day I’d wake up and her handle would’ve vanished. “And because we earned it. Not because my celebrity brother played the nepotism card.”

A crinkle formed between Holden’s eyebrows. “He’s not doing well. He puts on a good show, but deep down he’s struggling.”

I huffed and glanced at Ford who looked like he was doing perfectly fine. Sure, he was a bit annoyed at the moment, but also, three different reporters were trying to get a news story on him and the new ranch. How bad could his life actually be?

Holden’s brow raised. “Yesterday, when he wouldn’t pick up the phone at two in the afternoon, Mom went to his house and he was passed out, drunk. Literally.” Holden’s eyes were wide with a censure that said I needed to take this seriously. “It’s been happening a lot more lately.”

I watched my younger brother for a minute, a tug of worry filling my gut.

But then Silas walked up, grinning. He’d been stuck behind the counter, signing people up after telling the pap none of them could come in unless they bought a year pass. “Suckas.” Silas laughed. “I just made two thousand dollars.”

Ford, who looked exhausted from it all for once, shooed them toward the exit. “Next time, fellas. Let’s let the customers work out in peace. ”

But there was one guy still talking to a cute girl at the leg extension machine.

“Hey!” Ford yelled, heading over there. “Get away from her. You’re wasting your time. I’ve never even seen her before.”

“Somebody isn’t high for once,” Holden mumbled. He wasn’t wrong. A bad mood was a tell-tale sign that Ford was sober. I hated to admit it, but drugs and alcohol gave our baby brother a much better personality.

I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted at the reporter, “Don’t believe him. They dated for two months in ninth grade! She was his first everything .”

Holden and Silas laughed.

Ford whirled on me, his eyes lighting up like a pair of blowtorches.

But I wasn’t done. “She’s actually an extraterrestrial being and she’s raising his secret lovechild. Who happens to be green. They have to hide him in the basement. Why do you think he bought that massive ranch?”

Thankfully, the woman laughed and shook her head. Ford could take a lesson. Instead, he glowered, looking mad enough to kill.

“You better hide all the castration tools.” Silas chuckled under his breath.

The pap finally exited when Ford snapped at his bodyguard to do his job. Ford hated using the man. He prided himself in being a down-to-earth guy. It was his brand. He only kept Jeff around for emergencies. But apparently, Ford’d had enough today.

As he walked over, his entire forehead in a crease, I said, “Keep frowning like that. Pretty soon, you’ll have to put more Botox in that pretty face than David Hasselhoff’s.”

“Shut it,” he muttered as he stepped under the barbell on the Smith Machine. Holden was wrong. The rims of Ford’s eyes were red and he had that half-dazed look that screamed he’d taken a hit of something before he arrived tonight.

“What’s up your butt?” Silas asked, stretching his arm out.

Ford swung his glare on Si.

Holden leaned in with a sly grin. “Peyton shut him down earlier.”

I huffed. “Leave her alone. You’ve hounded the crap out of her. Move on. She’s not interested. She’s not the only pretty girl out there.”

“Just the only one who won’t give him the time of day,” Silas said.

“Your fame and money aren’t going to work on her.” Holden chimed in. “She’s not ready for a relationship, man. She’s not over Braxton. And once she is, she’s going to want someone who will be committed.”

“I’d get her over him real quick.” Ford winked and I almost puked in my mouth. “I’d be committed. If I could have her .” I glanced at my two older brothers. Their skeptical expressions said they were as unconvinced as me. “Besides, I’m not the one y’all should be giving the pep talk to. At least I didn’t make out with another man’s fianceé.”

My jaw clamped. “Please. You’ve slept with how many married women?”

“None,” he said.

“That’s not what The Nashville Noise said,” I corrected. Yes, I’d subscribed to the tabloid. It was too fun getting under Ford’s skin.

Ford cracked a thumb knuckle. “Fine. At least none who told me they were married.” He settled the barbell against his shoulders. “You act like I don’t have any morals.” He dropped into a squat.

Silas and Holden snorted at that.

“Quit trying to deflect.” Ford smirked. Then he pushed the weight up. “It’s been almost two months and you’re still letting that kiss lull you to sleep every night. Admit it.”

“M-kay.” I yawned.

“The Kiss of Shame,” Holden said dramatically, a twinkle in his eye.

Silas’s brows flicked. “The Professor’s Passionate Kiss.”

Ford grinned. “A Kiss to Remember, A Moonlight Kiss.” He pressed a hand to his heart. “The Stolen Moment.” He snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it. Scorched Love: The Homewrecker’s Revenge.”

I bit back a laugh. They didn’t need any encouragement. “All three of y’all should get a job with Harlequin. The kiss wasn’t even that good. Certainly not good enough for a title.” Lies. It was the best freaking kiss of my entire life. Infinitely better than I’d dreamed it would be. And I’d dreamed of it a lot in the last nine years.

“Not that good.” Ford snorted. “Holdie and I saw it, remember? Hands were everywhere. Lips frantic. It was twenty-seven degrees outside and you’d created your own steam bubble it was so hot. If that thing had lasted another sixty seconds there would be another baby Dupree on the way.”

“Mhmm.” I scratched my brow. “It doesn’t even matter.” Tally and I hadn’t spoken since. Correction. We’d “spoken” once. When she sent me a text right after that said, I’m so sorry. I made a horrible mistake. That can never happen again.

A horrible mistake? It’s what every man wants to hear after he puts everything he has into a kiss.

I was her freaking professor and I had to stand in front of her three times a week and pretend that kiss didn’t happen. Pretend her telling me it was a mistake didn’t kill me every day.

Holden propped his hands on his hips. “Matters to Madden. He got traded to the Stars this week. From what I read, it sounds like he requested the trade. ”

My head snapped up and it felt like I’d been bucked in the ribs. Madden left Richmond? That news dug the spike in even deeper. He was collateral damage in a moment that I regretted more than any other in my life.

Did I regret kissing Tally? No. Did I regret kissing Tally when she was engaged to Madden? With everything in me.

I didn’t do things like that. Ever. I was the Dupree Golden Boy. The one who always did everything right. Who never gave my parents a moment’s worry. Not anymore. I couldn’t even look my mom in the eye.

The thing was, I would not have gone looking for that kiss. The woman had suckered me. Lured me in with her tears, vulnerability, and Disney princess eyes.

“You should talk to her,” Holden said. “Take her someplace where she can’t run and tell her how you feel.”

“Here we go.” Silas folded his arms across his chest. “Holden’s answer to everything. Bear your whole soul even if it might get swatted away. No big deal.”

Holden cocked his head. “You know full well if Lemon hadn’t sat in your lap and made you see sense, you’d still be single. And if you hadn’t made me see sense with Christy, I would be too.” He looked at me.

Ford guffawed. “Nah. Silas would be married.” His face broke into a coy grin. “To Christy.”

The three of us shut him up with a glare.

Holden looked at me. “You’ll never get to the other side of things if you don’t talk it through.”

Ford shrugged. “It doesn’t always work. I’ve been trying that with Peyton and?—”

“That is not what you’re doing,” Silas interrupted. “You’re badgering the woman. And you don’t even love her. You just can’t take no for an answer. You’ve never been able to. The minute you get her, you’ll move on to someone else. ”

Silas must’ve struck a nerve because Ford swore at him. “How would you know how I feel?”

Silas pursed his lips. “You don’t even know her.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Okay. What’s her favorite color?”

Ford’s face was flat but then he thought a second. “Purple.”

“That’s too easy,” I protested. “Everyone in Seddledowne knows that.” Peyton had painted her house a light lilac, she loved the color so much. Lemon had been so worried it would turn out hideous but it was quite nice.

“What’s her kid’s name?” I asked.

“Cash,” Ford snorted like I was an idiot.

“His full first name,” I amended, delighted at the way his face went blank.

“Cash isn’t his full name?”

I shook my head.

“Cashton,” he tried.

I dug my heels into the floor, enjoying the show. “Nope.”

“Cashwell.”

“Try again.”

“Cash-mere.”

I scoffed. “Definitely not.”

“Cashflow. Cashanova, Cashadelic.” He snapped. “Cash machine.”

All four of us chuckled.

“No, no, no, and no. It’s Cassius. Like Brutus’s friend in Julius Caesar.” I scratched my beard. “Women like it when you learn the little things. Like their kid’s name.” My head bobbed. “And when they don’t see your face staring back at them from a magazine in the grocery store checkout line with the headline: Ford's Flings Outnumber His Hit Singles!” I clicked my tongue. “They like that too. ”

Ford ignored my dig, glancing at Holden and Silas. “Y’all knew Cash’s name was Cassius?”

“Yeah,” Holden said.

Silas smiled. “Yep. But it would be pathetic if I didn’t. Clem and Peyt are best friends. Clem was in the delivery room when Cash was born.”

“Let’s try something else,” Holden said. “What’s her favorite band?”

Ford shrugged, a cocky smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “Double Dubs. C’mon, give me something hard.”

“She hates your band,” I said. “Despises. She says your fake accent sounds like a cat trying to yodel underwater.”

Silas choked on a laugh. Ford glowered, finally a little humbled.

“Don’t take it personally. She doesn’t like any country music.” I shrugged one shoulder. “It’s 5SOS.”

“A boy band?” Ford said like it was disgusting.

“She loves boy bands,” Silas said. “Cried for days when The Jonas Brothers fell apart.”

Ford’s hands went up, resting at the back of his head like he was king of the world. “Nah. She just says that. She secretly loves us. Probably listens to every one of our songs and thinks I wrote ‘em about her.” He nodded at me. “I don’t know why we’re talking about me and Peyton anyway.” He grinned like saying their names in the same sentence meant they were a done deal. “I’m not the one who needs help fixing his love life. Ash-tonishingly Average over here needs all the help he can get. I’ll fix my own. It’s only a matter of time before I wear her down.”

“Wear her down? Do you even hear yourself?” Holden shook his head. “But…” He swung his attention to me. “Chevy’s not wrong. We need to fix your…situationship.”

I jammed my hands into my hoodie, sick to death of this pointless conversation. “There’s no ‘ship. There’s not even a friend ship left.”

“Dude,” Ford said. “You don’t share a smokin’ hot kiss like that unless there’s some kind of ‘ship. She has feelings for you. Stop telling yourself she doesn’t.”

“He’s right.” Silas kicked at the ground.

“C’mon, man, you have to admit that’s true,” Holden added. But I didn’t. Clearly, they saw the kiss differently. All I saw was a big fat humiliation sandwich with a side of supersized guilt.

Ford opened his fat mouth to start back up but I couldn’t take anymore. Didn’t want to have this conversation ever again.

“She used me!” my voice cracked. “That’s all it was.” Three people turned to look at us. “It wasn’t some unspoken confession of feelings,” I hissed. “Or a passionate moment with hidden meaning, okay?” I’d thought it was at the time and I’d been beating my head against the wall trying to figure out how I’d read her so wrong. “She wanted a way out of her engagement and she got it,” I seethed. “You’re idiots if you believe otherwise.”

The three of them stared at me, saying nothing. They knew it was true.

Silas’s gaze shifted over my shoulder. Holden and Ford’s followed. I turned and immediately deflated. The barre class was over. A stream of women were making their way into this side, probably to find their husbands or boyfriends. My distraction-free time with my brothers was up.

Christy came through the door and Holden took off like a whipped puppy.

She gave him a sad smile as he walked up. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I didn’t need to. He was apologizing for being a bad example to their kids earlier. He picked her up off her feet in a make up hug. There’d probably be way more than a hug when they got home. Those two couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Yup. They were kissing now. He lifted her and her legs hooked around his waist, crossing behind him as he walked her through the gym, their mouths never breaking the kiss.

Good grief.

Lemon walked out and Silas was next. Goner than gone. When he got to her they gazed longingly into each other’s eyes. He kissed her and slid his hands down her butt, fingers fully spread and squeezed. She smiled against his mouth.

“Get a room!” I shouted.

Ford laughed next to me.

Silas winked at us as he walked her to the exit.

Peyton and Anna moseyed out next. Their eyes were bright as they laughed together.

Ford grunted. “That hot, sweaty woman in leggings?” He sucked his teeth. “Hell, yes.” Then he took off to badger Peyton some more. Peyton saw him coming, took one step for the exit, spotted the mass of paparazzi outside, did a one-eighty, and jogged for the Downward door. Ford jogged after her, growling. She shrieked and kicked into a sprint. She made it through the door just in time to slam it in his face. He jiggled the handle. Locked. Sucker. But then he reached up over the doorjamb, found the key, and unlocked the door. When he pushed it open, I heard Peyton shout a swear word that, had it been me, would’ve sent me back the way I’d come. Ford only cracked his neck from side to side, enjoying the challenge, and took off after her.

I shook my head and laughed. Poor woman.

Anna walked over wearing a sad smile similar to Christy’s but for very different reasons. It was the same smile she’d been giving me ever since The Tally Kiss. Dripping with pity. I hated it .

But I loved Anna. So I pulled her into a tight hug. “Saw that Blue rocked the forty this evening.”

“Yup.” She squeezed me back. “But I knew he would.”

I tipped my head toward the exit. “You ready to get out of here?” With Blue out of town at the NFL Scouting Combine, she and I were going to be buddies this week. We were lucky JRC and the vet school’s spring breaks had aligned.

But then one last woman came through the Downward door.

Tally.

I hadn’t known she was here.

My breath hitched at the sight of her. Her big brown eyes caught mine and she looked down, her cheeks pink.

Her person?

Maybe I had been once. Not anymore. She could barely look at me now.

“I hate that you’re not friends,” Anna said in a hush. “You should talk. Just…hash it out.”

“She doesn’t want to talk.”

“She does.” Her eyes turned down much like Tally’s. “Okay, she doesn’t—but I’m pretty sure it’s only because that kiss scared the crap out of her.”

Scared the crap out of her? That’s the reaction every guy is hoping for.

I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Or she was disgusted by it.”

“Nah.” She shook her head, a twinkle in her eye. “I don’t think so. And I know my friend.”

I grunted. If that was true, Tally wouldn’t be halfway across the room, pretending like she was suddenly interested in how the leg press machine worked.

Anna squeezed my arm. “Just talk to her.”

I kicked at a piece of lint on the floor, jamming my hands further into my hoodie pocket. “I’m not going to force her to talk to me, Anna.”

Anna’s head tilted, studying me. Then she pushed up on her toes and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “That’s why you’re going to get the girl in the end.” She jogged over to her friend.

Maybe I would get the girl in the end. But I doubted it was Tally.

I wouldn’t beg her to love me.

I was holding out for a love like my two older brothers had. The kind where it’s equal. Maybe not from day to day or week to week, but overall. The love they gave was the love they got back. I’d be miserable if I settled for anything less.

I let my gaze linger on Tally for a moment longer. The sheen of her dark hair, the curves of her hips. The urge to hold her like I had outside of Capitol Cuts ripped through me, wild and overwhelming.

My lungs felt like they were filled with lead, each breath weighed down with the pain of knowing I would probably never hold her again. Two minutes of ecstasy had put me through almost two months of hell. I’d given her everything I had in that kiss. My heart, my soul, every hope for a future together. And it hadn’t been enough.

I wasn’t enough for her.

And if after years of friendship, of heated discussions about every book under the sun, of teasing and laughing and picking on each other…if after all that, I still wasn’t what she wanted?

Then I never would be.

I turned and walked out of the gym.