Hero for the Holidays (Four Corners Ranch #9)

Chapter Fifteen

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

T HEY ’ D PASSED T HANKSGIVING BY , which had been rowdy since it had been a combined affair between the Kings and the Sullivans. Lila’d had a great time, though when they’d gotten home she’d cried because Thanksgiving made her happy and sad. Because last year she’d been in foster care and that had been saddest of all, but neither year had Jack and Melissa. And it just hurt.

They’d turned the corner into December, Christmas lights going up on the barn at Sullivan’s Point and all around town.

Then they finally got their court date.

Landry was pumped and ready.

It had been a good distraction, knowing their paperwork was in and processing and all they were waiting for was their day in family court. They were going up to Portland, which was where her case was centered.

And it had given him a reprieve from thinking about Fia. And the way that she’d about blown his head off that night they’d talked each other into a frenzy on his porch swing.

She hadn’t mentioned it after that. In fact, the next text she’d sent him had been something wholly innocuous, and it had been like they’d never engaged in that sexually charged conversation to begin with.

And like they hadn’t gotten off while thinking of each other, just like old times.

Though it hadn’t been isolated pleasure back then. They’d have just sneaked out to find each other. They’d have had each other. Back when they were teenagers, they’d taken what they wanted.

Reckless.

Heedless.

Unfortunately, now they understood things like consequences and emotional fallout.

Which was a real libido killer.

Or should be.

But he’d been on edge ever since.

He knew that it was not what he should be thinking about now.

But he found he did. At least once a day.

Maybe because his life didn’t look anything like it had just a few months ago, and he was still blown away by that. Still completely flabbergasted by the truth of it.

He and Fia had both gotten calls about the date.

They were doing it together.

The social worker understood their situation, and she had been very supportive of them and the whole process. It had been fairly expedited as far as these things went. But considering that Lila had no other guardians or prospective guardians, it had been pretty easy.

Lila, for her part, seemed subdued about heading up to Portland.

“Aren’t you excited?” he asked. “Adoption! IMAX theaters.”

“It’s just weird,” Lila said.

Of course it was. Because for her, it had been home once upon a time and now it wasn’t.

“Sorry,” he said.

She shook her head. “It’s okay.” She paused for a moment. “Landry, I have to tell you something.”

For some reason that made him hold on to his breath. “What’s that?”

“I actually do want to be here. I did want you to find me. And I was afraid that once you did you wouldn’t actually want me. So I pretended like I didn’t care. I felt guilty too. Guilty finding a way to be happy when...”

He understood that. His whole life was tangled up in that kind of emotion.

“Don’t feel guilty.”

“Fia already talked to me about it. I told her... I told her about this. At the birthday party, I told her how much I wanted to find both of you.”

Fia had told him some of this, of course. He was grateful she’d been there for Lila. That she’d been the right person for Lila to reach out to then. He appreciated Fia in that moment on a level he hadn’t yet.

For her intuition as a mother.

She had it all along, you just didn’t appreciate it when it conflicted with what you wanted.

She always knew what Lila needed.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” he said, his throat tight. “I’m glad that you want me.”

“I’m afraid of going back there. I’m afraid I’m going to have too many memories. I’m afraid I might forget how to be happy here. Because I’ve been happy. I don’t want to lose that.”

“Lila,” he said. “You can be happy here. You deserve it. That’s what Jack and Melissa would’ve wanted for you. Your mom and dad loved you. More than anything. Look at the way that Fia was. How she said she was glad that you didn’t miss us. That’s the way that parents love their kids. Fia understood that earlier than I did. She understood that really loving someone is selfless. It’s not about what you get back from it. It’s just about that love. That’s why Fia gave you to your mom back then, and hoped that you would be happy without her. You have to know that your mom would want that for you now. Your dad would too. It’s what I would want for you, Lila. If you hated it here, I would want you to go be where you could be happiest.”

He realized then that wherever that was, he’d follow her. Because he would sell out. He would move to Portland. He would live in a suburb. He would uproot his entire life and everything he’d ever imagined he was for her.

Being her dad was a bigger part of him than anything else he’d ever been.

“I’ll sell the ranch,” he said. “My stake in it. I’d move wherever you wanted me to. I’d live with you here or Portland, wherever.”

“Really?”

“I can’t be happy without you, kid. You’re my family. You’re mine. I love you like hell. But yeah, if you hated me, I would want you to find another family.”

She seemed to consider that.

“I know you’re right. Because my mom and dad were the best. And I know that they wanted me. And that they wanted me to have a happy life and to have all of my dreams. I do know that.” She sounded too old then, and entirely too weary.

He hated fate for making her that way.

He hated that he didn’t see a way this could have turned out better. Because at seventeen he really couldn’t have done this.

So that brought them back here.

“I was too immature to want that for you back then,” he said. “I clung to this dream that I had, and it wasn’t about you. It was about me. I can see now that sometimes loving somebody with everything means being willing to let them go.”

He looked up and saw Fia standing in the doorway. She had tears on her cheeks.

“Wow, that’s...wow, Landry,” she said.

He stood, his stomach pitching when he saw her. When he looked at her beauty. He didn’t think there would be a time when Fia Sullivan didn’t affect the landscape of his soul. “It’s true. I was too idiotic to realize it before. But I get it now.”

“You really do.”

“Come on,” said Landry. “We’ve got an adoption to get to. We’re about to be a family.”

His eyes met Fia’s. It was weird. They were about to be a family. Kind of. They were each adopting Lila. But they weren’t a couple.

It was for the best.

They would always be bonded together by Lila, though. That had been something painful and sad in the past, and now it meant something joyful.

It couldn’t quite mean what he’d wanted it to when he was a teenage boy.

Maybe he had to let that go to. Maybe they both would.

Maybe they finally would be able to.

Finally.

They booked a hotel with an indoor swimming pool, and got connecting rooms. Lila would be in Fia’s room, and Landry would have one to himself. They went to an IMAX movie and to the Old Spaghetti Factory, and then Lila spent the evening swimming in the pool.

Fia, much to his chagrin, didn’t even seem to be driven to put on her swimsuit to get in the hot tub. He decided that he would, though.

He noticed that she was staring at him, almost a scowl, from the plastic chair by the pool.

“Don’t be a hater,” he said. “You could join me.”

He pretended it was about her wishing she was in the hot tub and not her being mad that he was shirtless. Though he had a feeling she was mad about the shirtless thing. Because he had a feeling that she was mad at him too.

“I’m good,” she said, testy, pulling up the mystery book that she was reading so that it covered her face.

He chuckled, and lay back in his chair.

Then they all walked together to the elevator and up to their rooms.

He put the key card in the door and met her gaze as she did the same. There was something vaguely erotic about it. “Good night,” he said.

She pulled her card out ferociously, and the door light turned green. “Good night.”

And tomorrow was adoption day.

And that would be better than IMAX, the Spaghetti Factory and knowing that he got under Fia Sullivan’s skin.

F IA WAS HAPPY to finally meets Lila’s caseworker, Angela. They shook hands in the front of the courthouse, and the woman gave her a warm smile. “In all my years in child services, this is the most extraordinary case I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah. We’re pretty sure nobody would believe it if we tried to sell it.”

“Definitely not,” she said. “I’m proud of you both for agreeing to co-parent like you are.”

“They’re great at it. They get along and everything,” said Lila, sparkling.

Fia felt like that was not strictly true. But she wasn’t going to say that, because they were being praised, and she thought that was probably a good thing, and she should go ahead and just let them get praised.

“Are you ready?” Angela asked.

“Yes,” they all said.

The process itself was quick. It was like she imagined a justice of the peace wedding might be. She had written a small letter to read. And she turned to Lila, her heart pounding so hard she thought everyone could hear it.

When she’d given her beautiful red-haired baby up to her mother, Fia’s heart had overflowed with love and words she didn’t think she would ever get to say.

Now she had a chance to say it.

All of it.

“‘Lila, I have loved you since the moment I knew you existed. I gave you up knowing that I had to want better for you than what I could give at the time. I love that your mother made you into the girl that you are. She will always be the one who raised you this far. She will always be so important. And so loved. Not just by you, but by me. I’m so grateful to her. So thankful for her. And I’m so pleased that I see her shining out from your eyes whenever I look at you. Because it’s the things she taught you that went into making you who you are. It was everything I ever wanted for you. And now I want to do her justice. I want to do the best job that I can for you. I know that you’ll make her proud. But I want to make sure that I do too.’”

And then Landry surprised her by pulling out his phone and reading to them both. “‘I’m going to protect you both. And protect this family. Because it’s the most important thing in the world. You both are. From here on out. This is it. The buck stops here. I’m going to be the best dad that I can be, Lila. And I know that I’m going to make some mistakes. Hell, I already have.’” He looked at the judge, checking to see if he was getting a scolding face for having said the word hell . “‘But I promise to love you enough to make up for them all. Because you’re worth it. And I promise to keep growing into the father that you deserve. The father that you need. Every day. I’m not going to stay stuck in the things that I believed in the past. I’m going to learn, and grow. For you.’”

Her heart felt bruised. And just so filled with joy. Because it was the best thing he could have ever promised.

Far from feeling like she was still parenting with seventeen-year-old Landry, she felt like she’d found a partner who was truly going to do the best job imaginable.

“It’s very rare to have such a touching story in court,” said the judge. “It has moved me, more than I can say. And I am happy to say that you are now officially adopted, Lila Gates.”

They had opted, for now, to keep Lila as Lila Gates. Someday, she might want to change her name. Maybe. But they had wanted to honor Jack and Melissa.

They had wanted to honor how much Lila loved them. And how much she didn’t want that love to fade. Love couldn’t be greedy, and even if Fia wanted her and her daughter to have the same last name someday... She didn’t need it to happen now.

Well. You wouldn’t. Because you and Landry aren’t together.

That was true. But that was okay. It really was. They didn’t need to be together. They didn’t need anything more than what they were.

They exited the courtroom, and Landry held their papers up high.

Other couples in the waiting area clapped.

Then Landry hugged Lila, picking her up and spinning her around, and Fia felt like she left her body. Because she had never seen anything so damned attractive as that man overflowing with joy over having his child.

Their child.

Theirs.

And she knew a moment of pure unadulterated joy that she didn’t allow to be invaded by guilt or regret or what-ifs , that Lila was theirs. That they were a family. That she had the second chance. This opportunity to be a mother to her daughter in this way.

Because she knew sacrifice. Sacrificial love.

What a wonderful thing to be able to love like this.

Landry had booked them into a fancy restaurant for lunch, and she enjoyed watching Lila give him pointers on what to order, since he wasn’t familiar with the type of cuisine, and she said that it was her favorite. And only then did she remember the way he looked last night.

Shirtless in the hot tub.

It was a very shallow thing to notice. There were so many other things about Landry that were attractive, if she was going to lean into noticing what was attractive about him, and not try to be above such things. His abs should be the least interesting thing about him.

He was a good dad. He was protective. He had written a beautiful statement for Lila in the courthouse.

But his abs, though .

And his chest .

He was everything that a woman could ever want.

He had been the boy that her fifteen-year-old heart had raced for, and now he was exactly the man that her twenty-nine-year-old self wanted to climb like a tree.

And it could not happen. They had just said vows, not to each other, but to Lila. To a judge and a caseworker. They had just pledged themselves to making this family. It had to be bigger than attraction.

Bigger than abs.

Landry professed each new Thai dish they tried his favorite. The sun streamed through the window putting a halo of gold around Lila and Landry. Fia couldn’t actually remember the last time she’d had so much fun.

Except that she could. Riding in Landry’s truck when they were teenagers, blasting the radio. Kissing each other while they drove, even though it wasn’t safe.

Memories tinged with gold and magic.

It was with him.

It was always with him.

They went to the zoo and walked around until Fia’s legs were about to fall off. Lila screeched and cooed over every animal. But somehow and most especially, the prairie dogs and the naked mole rats.

Fia was left questioning why anyone could possibly be that impressed with a rodent.

Especially a naked one. You couldn’t even scratch it behind the ears.

She did not relate.

But she didn’t say that.

They left with so much memorabilia from the gift shop, Fia wasn’t sure how they were going to fit in the car.

And a balloon. A very giant balloon. She blamed that one on Landry, who was clearly trying to recapture something with such a frivolous purchase. She couldn’t blame him.

They’d missed a lot.

But today they were working to make up for it.

They got into the car and drove back to the hotel. They were all exhausted and starving again in spite of their giant lunch because of all the walking they’d done.

“What if I order a pizza and some bottles of soda, and we rent a movie from this antiquated pay-per-view system?” Landry asked.

“Sounds good,” said Lila happily.

Watching a movie in Landry’s hotel room might’ve been illicit when they were teenagers, but tonight they were going to have a teenager with them.

So it shouldn’t make her feel all intense.

“Yes, sure. Lila, why don’t we go to the pool while we wait for the pizza?”

“Sure,” she said.

Fia tried to read her book, but she was just going over the words. Over and over again. They meant nothing. They felt like nothing.

Then Landry texted to say that the pizza had arrived.

“Come on,” she said. “It’s time to eat.”

She bundled Lila out of the pool and took her into their room to get changed. Then, when they were in their pajamas, she knocked on Landry’s door.

He swung it open. “Come on in.”

“What movies are there?” Lila asked.

“There’s a couple that are still in theaters. Superheroes.”

“Lame. But okay,” said Lila.

“How about this one? It’s a mystery. Big cast. Should be fun.”

“Oh yes, that.”

They got the pizza and the bottles of Coke. For some reason Fia felt so restless she couldn’t stand herself.

“I’m going to go get some ice,” said Fia.

She got a bucket full of ice, filled her cup all the way to the top and poured her soda in. Which was exactly how she needed the ratio to be for her to enjoy the drink.

Then they settled into watching the movie.

About midway through, her ice began to wane.

“I need to go get more ice,” she whispered. “You don’t need to pause it.”

She got up from the bed she had been lounging on, and Landry sat up from the bed he was on. She waved a hand. “It’s fine.”

She slipped out of the room and walked down the hall, and only then did she notice how much tension she was holding in her chest.

Definitely Landry’s fault.

She went to the ice machine and then turned and nearly ran into him.

She clutched the ice bucket to her chest, her heart thundering. “What are you doing here?”

“I decided I wanted popcorn,” he said, gesturing to the vending machine behind her.

“Oh. Of course. Right.”

“We haven’t had a chance to talk about today.”

“No. We’ve been too busy doing today.”

His blue eyes were too sharp. Too keen. She was afraid he could see that she was thinking less about the adoption than she should be, and more about him .

“You good?” he asked.

“I’m great.”

She was. There was just the tension. But that didn’t need to mean anything. It didn’t need to be anything.

“Yeah. True.” He brushed past her and went to the vending machine. He smelled so good. What was the matter with her? Why was he dominating her thoughts and feelings like this? Why was she perpetually sixteen with him?

That this was a permanent state with Landry did not thrill her at all.

“Landry,” she said.

At the same time he said, “Fia.”

“You first,” he said.

“Today was really special. Thank you.”

“Yeah. It was.”

And then suddenly, he was moving toward her, intent in his dark blue eyes. He wrenched the ice bucket out of her arms and set it in the catch tray of the ice machine. And then he wrapped his arms around her, lowered his head and kissed her.