Hey Girl (Turn it Up #9)

Chapter 21

21

REBECCA

O ver the next few days, I do little to function, getting out of bed only to go to the bathroom, nibble a cracker, or take a sip of water. But each time, I can’t help taking a quick peek out through the curtains at the porch.

Monday afternoon, I see Chris bundling Iggy up in his blanket like a baby.

Tuesday morning, I see him curled up on Chris’s chest as he sleeps.

Tuesday afternoon, some Amazon boxes have arrived and been opened, and I see Chris doing arm curls with Iggy in matching hoodies.

Wednesday morning, I see Chris emerge from a brand-new tent that has been pitched in the yard while he yawns and stretches, and dear God… He and Iggy are in matching pajamas.

Wednesday afternoon, I hear music and look outside to see Chris dancing back and forth on the porch with a brand new BOSE system sitting on the ledge, just as two Mormon boys start coming up the front walk. Chris immediately grabs a stick and chases them away, shrieking some kind of bird noise. Those poor boys. I’m going to have to send a check to their church.

Thursday morning, I find Chris sprawled out on my porch swing, scribbling on a notebook with Iggy on his lap and… holy shit… is that a beard on his face?

By now, I’ve had a fruit basket, his favorite coffee, and a box of cookies sent to him on all different occasions. No notes or anything attached, as even written words seem to be hard for me, but hopefully the gesture conveys something. It took turning my phone back on briefly, and holding my breath while I turned off all notifications and put a stop on my email. But fortunately Grub Hub and Amazon don’t require any real interaction.

Chris

Piggybacking off Rebecca’s Wi-Fi, I’m holed up in my secret bat cave, aka, a new Coleman tent I purchased off Amazon for $199.99 with rush delivery, when a call comes in from Ron.

“Ron, get me up to speed man,” I answer on my Bluetooth headset. Hey, as long as I’m stuck out in Rebecca’s yard I might as well play Special Ops.

“Chris, we’ve found the original source, and I’ll cut right to it. It’s Tatiana.”

That miserable whore.

“Apparently when you were dating her, she found a way to sync your phone with her laptop,” he continues. “You never use yours and so she saw herself free and clear to connect it with her computer accounts. So she’s been seeing every text, photo, you name it, since you broke up with her.”

“Son of a motherless goat fucker!” I shriek into my headset. “How did you find all this out?”

“Dirt and Dish had no choice but to reveal their source when they were presented with a subpoena, not that that will get them out of the lawsuit,” he explains. “When they told the authorities it was Tatiana, it was her turn to get served and have all her electronics seized for investigation. She got taken in for questioning, and the rest is history,” he concludes.

So it’s over, but Rebecca still needs to recover and people still need to pay, which it sounds like they will, but I won’t be able to breathe that sigh of relief until it actually happens.

I need to try again to talk to Rebecca, but before that, I think it’s time the world heard from me. And I’m going to show them a Chris Tal Windsong Richards they’ve never seen.

After trying and failing multiple times to get Iggy to hold my phone for me, I prop it against a rock in the yard, lean back against the trunk of the large maple tree, and settle in as I go live on the ‘gram.

“This goes out to Tatiana, Celebrity Dirt & Dish, and anyone else that has fed into the narrative she’s trying to control. Any of you that have commented negatively, and/or played any part in this disgusting display of bullying… I only hope that all of your insecurities get exposed to the world and used against you.

“Bullies go after whom they both feel threatened by and who they think they can defeat. Tatiana, you have every reason to feel threatened by Rebecca. You may have physical qualities on the outside that society, and once, even I, find appealing, but on the inside, you’ve revealed yourself to be unbearably ugly.

“You hate that Rebecca has exponentially more to offer than you do. You can’t stand the thought of someone choosing her over you. You’d kill for an ounce of her intelligence. Your poor soul felt backed into a corner by your inadequacies and felt you had no other choice than to attack… and that’s just sad. You are a very sad human being, you should seek help, and Rebecca is ten times braver than you’ve ever been in the ring.

“Speaking of your shortcomings, you weren’t too bright on this one, seeing how easy it was to find out it was you that went running to that rag with the photo. There’re at least two felonies to add to your growing record there and the cops should be at your door any minute.

“As for Celebrity Dirt&Dish, you’re a lost cause. I can tell you all I want about how much you lack grace, integrity, and any shred of decency, but you’re going to keep doing your thing - humiliating people for your own benefit. Consider yourselves a waste of time.

“For those of you so damn curious about Rebecca, all you need to know is this: She thrives all on her own, despite being dealt a more challenging hand than most, striving daily to overcome an impediment and the emotional distress that comes with it. She has something going for her that Tatiana and her followers never will, which is a radiantly beautiful sense of self. Too bad about the rest of you.

“This woman… She rescues animals. She gives them a home, or finds them one. Like this little guy, here. His name is Iggy, and he’s my bro. And he thinks Tatiana sucks, too, for being so nasty to his mommy, who rescued him from a shelter when he had this wicked bad skin problem so nobody else wanted him. But she nursed him back to health, and isn’t he the most handsome little fella now…?

“That’s the impact of Rebecca’s love. It makes people better. Like me. She’s been loving my sorry ass, and put up with all my attention deficit whatever, and she made me want to be a better person. And I’m not going to let Tatiana’s fucking shit, which, let me reiterate, is a criminal offence, be her thanks for that.

“In closing, I want to say to those who have supported us, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are truly beautiful people, and it means the world to me and Rebecca. Thank you for recognizing true love when you see it. I won’t be on social media for a while, as I will be doting on the woman I love. And Tatiana… (pauses for dramatic effect)... may your coochie dry up, and the sores of a thousand dogs make your hair fall out in clumps.”

And with that, I sign off.

I scale the front steps and tap on Rebecca’s door.

“Rebecca, baby?” I call through the door. I give her a moment to answer, and when she doesn’t, I simply sit down with my back to the door. Hopefully she can hear me through the mail slot. “I just want to tell you that the police and an army of lawyers have nipped this thing in the bud. I know that doesn’t change what’s already happened, but I feel like it should be a sign that you can start to heal now.”

There’s more silence, but I think I hear a creek in the floorboards, just inside. I keep talking, hoping she can hear me. “I know the whole ‘this will blow over’ notion is super cliche, but I’ve learned something working in this industry … it’s actually true. The paps and the gossip rags are seriously a bunch of simpletons—one-track-minded vultures that squabble and flail to the next carcass to pick at.”

I hear another floor creak, closer this time. I try not to let it give me scary haunted house vibes. But I feel a breath release from my chest and a small smile pull at my lips when I hear a muffled sliding sound. I don’t acknowledge it. I just keep talking. “One time, the Scope ran a story that Jack was cheating on Mayzie. Jack. Right? But he and Mayzie gave them the middle finger and went about their business, and it was forgotten five days later. And oh! There’s that time I tried absinthe with Leo, and we woke up cuddling in the men’s room at Heathrow airport. Mouse, my morning wood blew over, and so will this! I mean… not that my morning wood blew all over Leo, but you catch my driftwood.”

Still nothing. “I know you don’t believe me right now, baby, but I promise you. It goes away.”