His Secret

23. Adrian

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

ADRIAN

I tug at the collar of my button-up as I sit at the dining room table, surrounded by my family and their close friends, Mr. and Mrs. Thistle.

“We’re so glad you two could join us,” my mom says, smiling at my sister and me.

I nod my head, a forced grin on my face.

“Of course, Mom,” Amelia replies.

Mom quickly turns to talk to Leanna Thistle at her left, and Amelia leans over to whisper out of the side of her mouth. “Like we had a choice.”

I snort, rolling my eyes.

“How’s school going?” my father asks from the other side of the table, eyes trained on me.

“Good.” I clear my throat, straightening up. “I’m passing all of my classes, and football?—”

“Well, I’d hope so,” he says, cutting me off. “There’s no other alternative but to pass them.” He smiles for the sake of his friends, like he’s joking, but he’s not. I either pass each class with flying colors, or I’m cut off financially. “And football is of no importance,” he says dismissively. “I’m afraid you’ll only damage your brain playing that game.”

“Anybody special in your life, Adrian?” Leanna asks me, reaching for her wine.

My mind instantly goes to Matías, but hell would freeze over before I’d confess that here and now.

“No, not really,” I answer with a smile. “I’m too busy with school anyway.”

The last part is added in the hopes that it appeases my father. He only wants me to succeed, so if I mention I’m only focused on classes, maybe he’ll be happy.

“Well, if you didn’t play football, you’d probably have more free time,” he says. “College is the perfect place to find a partner. You’ll know they’re also pursuing a degree and have hopes and plans for the future. Then you can leave college together with an idea to build your future together.”

I inhale and nod. Nothing I say will ever be good enough for my father.

“How about you, Amelia?” Mom asks, turning the attention to my sister.

“I’ve started to see someone,” she says with a small smile. “It’s in the beginning stages, but he’s a good guy.”

“What’s his major?” Dad asks.

“Uh, animal science.”

Dad scrunches his face slightly. “Well, it’s something. How did you meet him?”

“Stacy introduced us.”

Mom grabs her glass of wine and takes a drink while Dad sits up straighter in his seat. His eyes flicker to his friends, but it’s not like they don’t know how he is. “I thought we discussed her.”

Amelia shifts uncomfortably. “She’s in two of my classes. I can’t ignore her completely. ”

“We don’t need the way she chooses to live her life to rub off on you.”

With a small scoff, disguised as a chuckle, Amelia says, “I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“It’s a mental illness, Amelia,” Dad says sternly, his eyes moving to me. “It’s not natural and it will not be tolerated in this family.”

“I know, Dad,” Amelia says.

I nod at him, feeling sweat break out all over my body.

Amelia’s friend Stacy is a lesbian, and our parents only found out because they overheard a conversation Amelia and I were having where she mentioned Stacy and her girlfriend.

Thanksgiving dinner stretches for hours, and Amelia and I know we’re not excused until our parents get up. We have quiet and uninteresting conversations until Dad stands, signaling dinner is officially over.

“We’ll be in the study,” he says to Amelia and I. “Help the staff take the dishes into the kitchen.”

We nod our obedience. Once they leave, two women who’ve worked for our family for years emerge into the formal dining room, and begin gathering plates.

Amelia and I join in, but Mary stops us. “We got it. It’s okay.”

“He could come back,” I say simply.

Mary nods and all four of us clear the table and get the dishes into the kitchen.

“Go have some fun,” Mary says with a hand on my shoulder.

“Thank you.”

“Bye, Mary. Linda,” Amelia says, hugging them. “Thanks for everything.”

Amelia and I head through the expansive house until we get to the staircase that’ll lead us to our rooms .

“Same place?” she asks before going into her room.

“Yeah.”

I quickly change out of the formal clothing we’re required to wear for dinner, and get into a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I make my way up to the third floor that holds an expanded loft, then open the French doors that lead to the deck.

I’m outside for a few minutes before Amelia appears, wearing fuzzy socks, fleece pants, and a thick robe tied tight around her body.

“What a fucking bore,” she says, dropping into the chair next to me. “I hate coming here.”

“I’m thinking of not coming for Christmas.”

Her head snaps in my direction, eyes wide. “Do you have a death wish?”

I shrug. “I’ll blame school or something. I can’t keep coming out here. They’re awful to be around.”

She nods. “I know. It’s never fun.”

“So, you have a boyfriend?” I ask.

She scoffs. “No. I just figured I’d say that considering how he reacted to you not having a girlfriend.”

“Nice.”

“I messed it up by bringing up Stacy.”

“Yeah,” I say with a nod.

Amelia takes a scrunchie off her wrist and ties her long, brown hair up into a messy bun. “So, nothing new with you?”

I haven’t told Amelia about Matías, because I haven’t told her that I’m gay. I know I can trust her more than my parents, and I don’t think she’d spill the news to them, but I’m still struggling to say the words out loud to anyone.

Speaking them out loud means there’s no more hiding, and I’m not sure I’m ready to be out from the cover of secrecy. Secrecy is my safe blanket, and once it’s off, I’m visible and vulnerable to the world .

“Not really,” I say.

She watches me for a few seconds but doesn’t push it. We spend the next few hours outside until we think we might actually freeze to death, then we hug and go to our individual rooms.

In the morning, I’m sitting in the library because nobody ever comes in here. Matías is sending me pictures of him with his mom’s new dog. The dog is a small little thing and sits on his shoulder as he’s on the couch.

I laugh and tell him to try to smuggle it back to school.

He sends me a video of the dog barking while simultaneously running in a circle, head in the air like he’s barking at the clouds.

Okay, maybe don’t bring him. He’s loud for such a small dog.

He’s crazy. He’s not barking at anything. Just mad at the air, I guess.

When are you gonna be back?

Miss me or something?

More than you know. I’ll be leaving in a few hours.

I miss you too! I’ll be back in South River this evening. It’s not a far drive.

Can’t wait to see you.

Me either. I love you.

Love you more.

I look up, a smile still on my face, and find my father in the doorway.

My smile drops immediately, and I take my feet off the coffee table and put them on the floor. “Hey.”

He doesn’t say anything, only quietly makes his way into the room where he goes to the window and peeks out.

After an uncomfortable amount of time, he finally speaks. “You’re due to come work for me once you graduate. I’ve built this company and made it into what it is. You are in position to take the reins when I’m ready to retire, which won’t be any time soon, but you still have plenty to learn.” He faces me. “You and your sister have never needed to get a job or pay for your own phone bills or anything like that. You are my children, and I’m aware that I’m responsible for you, however, because I do pay for everything, I believe I’m entitled to some information.”

I begin sweating, because I have no idea what he’s getting at. Talking to my father is never a relaxing situation. We’re never able to talk or joke with each other. He’s only capable of lecturing me.

“I know kids tend to think their parents are oblivious, but I am not. I know you better than you think I do. Likely better than you know yourself. I watched you grow up. Hell, I raised you. You’ve had the world at your fingertips. Born into money, blessed with good looks, and given the best tutors money could buy. You’re a smart boy, Adrian. I know you are. You are my legacy—what lives on after I die, and what you do with my company is important to me. I want it to remain in the family. I want it to grow and be bigger than ever, and I think you can do that.”

I nod, swallowing. “Yes, sir.”

“A few years ago, you were here visiting for Christmas. You remember?”

I dip my chin, not sure where this is heading. My brain works overtime trying to remember what happened three years ago.

“Just eighteen,” he says. “So young, so stupid.”

“Sir?”

He huffs and walks over, his jaw tense. “I’ve been hoping that your little internet searches were simply curiosity. Dumb, childish curiosity. You had just started college, and you’re surrounded by a plethora of individuals who were not raised the way you were. You start getting ideas or information from kids whose parents didn’t teach them right from wrong. With the internet at your fingertips, I understand you can type in anything to seek answers. In the last few years, you’ve yet to bring a girl home, let alone even mention one. You’ve never had interest in dating, and I can respect keeping yourself focused on more important things, but I hope it’s only that.”

My heart races in my chest. What the hell is going on? What did I look up three years ago and how does he know?

“My company will not go to a deviant, and no child of mine will be gay and still be my child.”

He stares me down, waiting. For what? For me to deny it? To question it? No matter what I do or say, it won’t be the right thing .

I simply nod my head once, tears brimming in my eyes. After a few more seconds of watching me, he walks out of the room.