His Secret

53. Adrian

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

ADRIAN

I see him watching me when I’m with my friends. I see him when I’m pretending I’m into some girl because my friends say we’d be good together.

It hurts, but I need him to hate me. I need him to not want a future with me, because my father won’t allow it. I don’t want him to lose out on any internships or job opportunities because my father’s being spiteful.

Matías is perfect. He’s kind and smart. He’s honest and funny. His heart is warm and full of love, and he’ll be okay. He’ll find someone who can give him what I wish I could. But he can’t think there’s a chance for us. Otherwise he might wait forever. He’s that loyal.

I bump into him one day and pretend I didn’t know it was him. I acted like I was too much in a rush to even see his face, but I’m always aware of his presence. I feel him the moment he comes into my radius.

Seeing the hurt on his face when he saw me with my arm around a girl whose name I don’t even remember made my heart split down the middle. There are many nights that I cry under my blankets, wondering what the hell I’m doing .

Without him, I laugh less. I miss who I was when I had him, and I hurt myself by hurting him. I’m now depriving us both of what brought us happiness. But I have to believe it’s for the best. I have to believe he’ll move on and be happy. If it can only be one of us, it has to be him.

I’ll never find another Matías. Nobody will make me feel the way he did. He became my best friend. The romantic part was icing on the cake.

I will always love him, but staying with him will hurt him in the end, because I have nothing to offer. Just more secrecy. More lies.

He doesn’t know it now, but maybe one day he’ll understand that by doing this, he’s getting the chance to live open and free in a way he could never have with me.