His Tiny Sun

Chapter 9 - Unfamiliar Territory

CHAPTER 9

Unfamiliar Territory

Alan stretched his legs with a relaxed groan. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so well. He wrapped his arms around himself, bowing his head to inhale the scent of Jonah’s hoodie as he imagined having woken up next to him.

As they both stirred awake, the warmth of Jonah’s body pressed against his back would be the first thing Alan noticed. Jonah’s scent would reach his nostrils next, right before Jonah pulled him closer to press soft kisses on his neck—that would tickle and make Alan giggle. And finally, he would feel Jonah’s eager erection poking at his butt because they would never have enough of each other.

“Good morning,” Alan murmured as he rolled on his back and gazed at the flock of paper cranes he’d hung from his ceiling.He watched the colorful birds rotate almost imperceptibly while he revisited his memories from the previous night.

Jonah’s eyes when he looked at him, his smile when he listened to him, the warmth of his embrace when he hugged him. The firmness of his muscles, the timbre of his voice, his tall stature that made Alan feel so safe.

The short ride in Jonah’s car that made Alan dream of ice cream dates and trips to the beach.

‘It was nice seeing you.’

That had to mean something.

Alan didn’t have a lot of hands-on experience when it came to relationships, but Eric did, and he’d told him all about it. “ If they text you right after your date, it’s pretty much a done deal. It’s just like when they turn around to look at you one last time before walking away. ”

Nobody had ever texted Alan right after a date, and although the previous night had not been an actual date, Jonah’s unprompted message felt significant. It meant he was still thinking about Alan when he got home.

Alan sighed. Did he, of all people, really have a chance with Jonah? It seemed like a foolish fantasy, yet the signs were there. According to Eric’s past advice, it was now Alan’s turn to make a move, which worried him. There were so many ways he could mess this up.

Best think about it thoroughly.

Perhaps he could send Jonah a good morning text? Jonah had told him ‘Good night’ once, but they’d already been chatting, so it may have just been a polite way to end their conversation. In comparison, ‘Good morning’ felt like a declaration—a commitment, almost. It meant: the first thing I thought about when I woke up was you …which happened to be the truth, but Alan was afraid it would be the wrong approach. How many potential partners had he scared away because he’d moved too fast?

Literally all of them.

What if he didn’t move fast enough, though? Someone like Jonah certainly had plenty of secret—and not-so-secret—admirers. Alan couldn’t afford to keep him guessing for too long, especially if Jonah turned out to be attracted to all genders like Eric. It made for a large pool of potential competition.

Make it clear, but not too direct.

What if he wasn’t direct enough, though? Eric had told him that some people were oblivious to flirting and needed to be pinned against a wall to understand. Alan desperately hoped it wouldn’t come to that because there was no way he could make it work. Not only did Jonah look super strong, but he was at least a whole foot taller than Alan. He wouldn’t budge at all if Alan tried to push him against a wall.

Alan doubted Jonah was one of those people, anyway. He was obviously aware of how attractive he was. Perhaps he was the type to pretend not to notice when he was being flirted with, though. According to Eric, the hottest ones liked to play hard to get.

Alan groaned and considered dumping a few ounces of Irish cream into his coffee before texting Jonah. His tipsy self had been so smooth while they rode to his apartment—like a flirty mastermind. If only he’d thought to take notes when he got home.

His cheeks heated up as he recalled the way his night had ended. He hadn’t exactly been in a note-taking kind of mood.

Alan removed his earplugs and put them in his nightstand drawer, then took out the notebook in which he’d highlighted some of the patterns he’d noticed since he started texting with Jonah.

Too much praise shuts him down. → Limit to once a day. Questions about his personal life are answered minimally but are usually followed by questions of his own. → Good last resort option. Questions about his interests are hit or miss. He either writes back an essay or gives a two-word reply. → Not enough data to identify a pattern. Jonah likes to send images as a conversation opener. Doing the same gave positive results in these cases: fancy clouds, cat I crossed paths with (Jonah loves cats?), fanart of his favorite character. Jonah is remarkably talkative during his work hours (bored?) → Best moment to ask personal questions. Avoid talking about your health. → Very unpredictable results. Don’t talk about Eric.

Alan sighed. Nothing in his scant notes was of any use for the current situation’s parameters. He hadn’t had the opportunity to gather data about Jonah’s weekend self yet…and had to take into account the fact that Jonah saw his ex making out with a girl the previous night. Alan had no way of anticipating the way Jonah would be feeling today.

Perhaps he should play it safe and send Jonah a simple question—ideally about the previous night, so it would give them a chance to share their feelings if it came to that. It didn’t even have to be an interesting one; just anything to get a conversation going.

Yes. Good plan.

Alan unplugged his charged phone and brought up his conversation with Jonah.

? Alan Thomas: Thanks for the ride last night. By the way, your friends looked familiar. Do you know where I might have seen them before?

Alan pressed send, then noticed the little envelope icon at the top of his screen. Ever since his favorite reader started leaving thoughtful comments on his stories, his heart always did a little dance when he got an email notification—even if it was almost always some newsletter he didn’t remember signing up for, and was too lazy to unsubscribe from.

I should really start doing that.

A closer look at the notification confirmed, to his absolute delight, that his favorite reader had left him a new comment. He excitedly opened the email, then frowned as he took in its contents…or lack thereof.

It must have been a mistake. Perhaps they’d accidentally replaced their whole comment with a fire emoji right before pressing the ‘Submit’ button? Alan had heard of someone who’d done something similar in the past, in an email they were sending to a professor. It must have been incredibly embarrassing.

Alan glanced at the title of the story and dropped his phone in panic.

No. No. No no no.

He hurriedly climbed out of bed to snatch his laptop, then opened a browser to access the fanfiction website he posted his stories on.

Alan gasped and clicked the ‘Delete’ button.

Oh, no.

Alan had accidentally posted his erotica on the wrong account. What would his subscribers think?

Alan gasped again.

Eric.

———

A nice walk outside had allowed Alan to gather his wits and evaluate the situation in a calm, rational manner. By the time he’d reached the university library, he’d come to the conclusion that Eric couldn’t possibly have read his erotica. Eric had been far too busy with that girl. He still had an email in his inbox notifying him that Alan had posted something new, but the link to the story no longer worked, and Eric wouldn’t make anything of the title. He wasn’t aware that Jonah had forgotten his wallet in his room a week ago.

It had been an incredible relief, and Alan more than ever wished to give his favorite reader a big hug. Without them, he wouldn’t have realized his mistake so quickly. Eric finding out that Alan had a crush on his ex through his porn would have been a complete and utter disaster.

An unlikely one, though, he had to admit.

Eric was very supportive of his hobby and often asked him questions about the stories he was working on, but Alan doubted he ever actually read them. Perhaps he had, once or twice, when he was bored out of his mind and had exhausted all other entertainment options, but picking up books had never been part of Eric’s pastimes of choice. Alan was pretty sure the only reason he wasn’t failing his classes was because Marina summarized all their assigned readings and highlighted the keywords for him.

If, by some kind of reverse miracle, Eric asked him about the broken link, Alan would just say he wrote the story while drunk and ended up deleting it in the morning because it sucked.

All was well that ended well, and Alan couldn’t help smiling at the sky on his way home as he thought back on how productive his day had been.

It helped that he didn’t have his phone distracting him this time, having left it on top of his bed in his hurry to flee from Eric in the morning. He’d only realized it wasn’t in his backpack once he’d reached his destination, and the prospect of having to walk that distance again twice had been enough to convince him to let it go. For once, Alan’s laziness had been beneficial. Still, he hoped nobody had taken his extended silence the wrong way.

Jonah probably wouldn’t mind, Alan figured—it wasn’t like they were together or anything—but Alan felt bad about disappearing right after asking him a question. Eric, on the other hand, had possibly freaked out a little, especially since Alan forgot to let him know he’d gotten home safe the night before.

He would soon find out.

Alan opened the door to their apartment, relief washing over him when he saw Eric sitting on the sofa, playing one of those fighting games that required him to press far too many buttons all at once. It was a good sign. It meant he was in a good mood.

“Hey! I got us groceries!”

Alan groaned in delight as he closed the door. They’d been living off grilled cheese sandwiches and instant noodles for the past few days because their schedules were too chaotic to go grocery shopping. Or perhaps it had just been plain laziness. They could have ordered online, after all.

“Thank you!” Alan said. “Sorry if you tried to reach me today, I forgot my phone in my room.”

“Yeah, I noticed. I heard it. How’d your studying go?”

Alan took off his shoes. “Really well! How was your day?”

Eric paused the game and looked at him. “Sorry for abandoning you yesterday.”

“O-oh, don’t worry about it,” Alan said with a smile. “It’s not your fault I didn’t know anyone else at the party.”

“Except for him .”

Alan’s anxiety soared. Had Eric seen them talk? Or worse, had he seen them leave together ?

Alan put his backpack on a kitchen chair and pretended to look through its contents to hide his face from Eric. “We don’t know each other nearly enough for me to go sit down with him and his friends.”

Eric snorted. “Bet he would have loved it, though.”

What?

Alan did his best to stay calm. “What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

What’s going on? Is this a trap?

Eric clicked his tongue. “Why do you think he added you as a friend on social media?”

Don’t say wallet.

Alan turned back around and shrugged. “I didn’t really think about it.”

“He sent you that request right after I ignored his call,” Eric said with that look that never failed to make Alan feel like a naive child. “He’s just trying to make me jealous.”

“Is it working?”

Eric grimaced. “No way. We’re over. He’s never setting foot in this apartment again.” His face twisted with anger. “He’ll probably try using you to get to me, though. That dude has issues.”

Alan pulled out a chair and sat down, his legs starting to feel wobbly. “What makes you think that?”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice?” That look again. “He stared at you all night, like a predator on the prowl. I wasn’t even into that girl all that much. I just wanted to show him he wasn’t getting to me.”

“Oh.” What else was there to say?

“Listen,” Eric said, his tone of voice mirroring the look in his eyes. “I can’t tell you who you should or shouldn’t be friends with, but Jonah’s toxic. He’s a manipulator. He’ll take advantage of you.” His voice lowered to an angry murmur. “Just like he did to me.”

Alan’s gaze focused on his own hands as Eric’s words stirred all sorts of emotions inside him. Was Jonah really toxic? He definitely wasn’t a good partner to Eric, and Alan had to admit he’d appeared to be using him at times. So, why did Alan firmly believe Jonah was a good person? Maybe he’d just let his attraction to Jonah cloud his judgment.

Is Jonah trying to manipulate me?

Had he even forgotten his wallet in Eric’s room? Alan hadn’t seen it, after all. Jonah could have made the whole thing up. It seemed a little far-fetched, but Eric wasn’t entirely wrong for giving him that look. Alan knew he tended to turn a blind eye to people’s faults, and he had the tendency to forgive far too easily.

“Anyway, if he ever tries anything with you, let me know and I’ll punch him in the face,” Eric said. He turned back around and resumed playing his game. “I got you something, by the way. It’s in the fridge.”

Alan got up from his chair and dragged his feet to the refrigerator, where he found a box from his favorite cheesecake place sitting among a sea of delicious-looking fruits and vegetables. Warmth flooded Alan’s heart at the gesture, his gratitude nauseatingly mingling with the emotions he was already brimming with.

The cheesecake place was a thirty-minute drive from their apartment. Eric had gone all the way over there just to get Alan his favorite dessert.

Alan walked to their semblance of a living room and leaned against the back of the sofa to wrap his arms around Eric’s shoulders. “Thank you.”

Eric paused his game and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Wanna play something together?”

Alan straightened back up. “Maybe later, I need to rest a little. My brain is overflowing with psychology terms.”

“Ew.”

Alan took a few steps toward the kitchen table, then paused and hesitated for a moment before saying, “I’ll try to cook us something tonight.”

Eric punched the air. “Yeah!”

Neither of them was particularly good at cooking, but Alan at least had the patience to follow a recipe—when he wasn’t too emotionally exhausted, that is. Eric made the absolute best sandwiches, though, which Alan would really appreciate at the moment, but he urgently needed to go hide behind a closed door for a while.

Alan grabbed his backpack and walked to his room, where he let himself crash on top of his bed. He stared at his phone, immense sadness overwhelming him as he thought about the conversation he’d just had with Eric.

Alan’s dating life was a never-ending series of humiliating disasters. He wasn’t sure he’d survive finding out that Jonah was using him. Alan was one failure away from believing he was impossible to love.

And even if it weren’t the case, Alan now had confirmation that Eric would never approve of their relationship. What had he been thinking?

That was the problem—he hadn’t been thinking. His attraction to Jonah was making him stupid.

Alan reached underneath his pillow and grabbed Jonah’s hoodie, which he then pressed against his face. He took a deep breath, then another, inhaling its soothing scent while he tried to gather the strength to pick up his phone. He was tempted to turn it off and hide it in a drawer until his last exam was over, but he knew he’d just be thinking about it constantly. There was no other option but to face the situation head-on.

Alan took one last breath of Jonah’s scent, then grabbed his phone and checked his notifications.

Ten missed texts from Jonah.

Ten.

Alan read the most recent one—

? Jonah Delamare: Sorry, you’re probably studying. I’ll leave you to it.

—then scrolled to the first one.

? Jonah Delamare: They run a youtube channel. You probably saw one of their stupid videos on social media.

Oh, right!

Alan remembered now. They went viral a few years ago because they made a video where the girl rated different flavors of Pocky, while the guy tried to put as many as possible into his mouth without breaking them. From what Alan had gathered, they’d become popular enough to turn their channel into a full-time job.

The following message was a picture of a white T-shirt, which Jonah had sent three hours later.

? Jonah Delamare: Good as new! We can swap next time we see each other.

Alan’s eyes widened. How had Jonah managed to take such a nasty stain out? He thought for sure his shirt was ruined. Could Jonah have bought a brand-new one and pretended to have cleaned it for him?

No. Don’t be silly.

? Jonah Delamare: Speaking of, are you free tomorrow?

Alan’s eyes widened even more.

? Jonah Delamare: I was thinking we could grab a coffee or something.

A date. A date with Jonah. Jonah was asking him on a date. Just the two of them. Looking into each other’s eyes. Maybe holding hands.

Calm down.

Alan closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. His heart felt like it wanted to break out of his chest, and his face was on fire. Eric’s warnings echoed in his head—‘ toxic,’ ‘manipulator,’ ‘take advantage of you’ —but he pushed them aside. Eric was bitter and resentful, and he had every reason to be.

Jonah had never been anything but friendly and generous with Alan. Granted, if Alan were the perfect friend, he’d take Eric’s side and shut Jonah out of his life. However, he had a small, selfish voice inside his head, telling him it was his turn to feel wanted. Eric constantly had someone on his arm or in his bed. Meanwhile, Alan felt so lonely, he’d recently been considering using one of those apps that let you rent a person to cuddle with for an hour.

He’d never forgive himself if he pushed away the only man who’d shown him interest in over a year.

Alan might lack relationship experience, but he’d read all about manipulators in one of his assignments. If Jonah truly turned out to only be using him to get to Eric, then Alan would see the red flags and block him out of his life—after crying himself to sleep.

Jonah deserved the benefit of the doubt. It was the right thing to do.

Alan opened his eyes and checked his other texts. They consisted of pictures of Jonah’s TV screen and long rants about how John deserved better. It made Alan smile.

Be cool. No rushing things this time.

? Alan Thomas: Sorry, I forgot my phone at home this morning. I can’t believe you were able to get the stain out! thank you so much!

You’ll have to teach me.

? Alan Thomas: I am free tomorrow!!! Goliath Café? The best time is early in the morning on sundays, otherwise it’s too crowded.

As early as possible, please.

? Alan Thomas: I just realized you probably like to sleep in on Sunday mornings. We can go in the afternoon if you want. I’m free all day.

And all night.

? Alan Thomas: Or did you have another place in mind? That works too!

I’ll go anywhere you want.

? Alan Thomas: Can’t wait to hear your thoughts about the season 6 finale!

And the sound of your voice.

? Jonah Delamare: Cool. I’ll pick you up at 8?