His Tiny Sun

Chapter 10 - Chocolate and Super Powers

CHAPTER 10

Chocolate and Super Powers

Jonah stared at his bedroom ceiling, his eyes bleary from lack of sleep. The sun had long arisen, casting a soft glow on the yellowish-white paint and revealing a spiderweb clinging to the ceiling light. He didn’t remember the last time he had such a shitty night, and the mere thought of having to dust his room made him want to pull his covers over his head and stay in bed all day.

He barely slept, his night filled with endless nightmares, between which he spent long periods staring at the darkness as his mind flung a torrent of maddening thoughts at him. He’d studied the situation from all angles and made a decision, then changed his mind, then made another decision, then reevaluated the situation, to no end. He still didn’t know what to do.

Jonah grabbed his phone from his nightstand and typed before he chickened out. It was a bad idea. He would regret it. But what other choice did he have?

? Jonah: I don’t know what to do

? Sean: whats up

Jonah hadn’t had this type of conversation with Sean in a long while—or perhaps ever—so he had no idea what to expect. He was desperate, though, and had no one else to talk to. This wasn’t a topic he could bring up with Isabel; sex didn’t even seem to be a part of her life. Sean, on the other hand…

? Jonah :He wrote porn about us

? Sean: and he sent it to u??? dude has balls

? Jonah: No he posted it on his fanfiction account

? Sean: link? ( ?° ?? ?°)

? Jonah: Fuck no!!!

? Jonah: He deleted it anyway, it’s not there anymore

? Sean: post nut clarity

? Jonah: You’re not helping! !

? Sean: he wants to fuck, just send him a pic of ur dick whats the big problem

? Jonah: Never mind. I don’t know why I even texted you

Jonah groaned as his phone rang and Sean’s big stupid face appeared on his screen. “ What ?”

“You’re not telling me anything!” Sean shouted in his ear. “How am I supposed to help? I can’t read your mind!”

Jonah lowered the in-call volume and let out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t want to just fuck him. I want…” He sighed again. “I don’t know what I want.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Jonah gritted his teeth. “Shut up. It’s complicated.”

“Seems pretty simple to me.”

Jonah rubbed his eyes and sat up in his bed. “I fucked his roommate.”

“Okay?”

“Who’s also his childhood friend.”

“Yeah?”

“I was a dick to him.”

“So you were being yourself.”

“Is that why you called me?” Jonah spat out. “To tell me I’m a dick?”

“I called you because you’re being stupid! So what if you fucked his friend? He clearly doesn’t care! Sounds to me like you’re making up excuses.”

Jonah felt his whole repertoire of insults barge into his mouth, but he swallowed them back and forced himself to calm down. Lashing out at Sean would accomplish nothing. It was practically a miracle that Sean had put up with him this long. “It’s hard, alright?” Jonah said, his throat squeezing painfully. “It’s the first time since…”

Sean let out a long sigh. “I know.”

“I think I want—” Jonah paused, finding himself incapable of pronouncing another word. He gazed at the picture on his desk, Elliot looking back at him with that warm, carefree smile he’d worn so well—frozen in time forever. His were always genuine, unlike Jonah’s, who was constantly concealing his insecurities behind a mask of arrogance. It had never fooled Elliot, though. He could see right through him.

“I feel so pathetic,” Jonah whispered.

“Come on. You’re not pathetic,” Sean said, audibly distressed. Emotional support had never been his strong suit, but neither was it Jonah’s.

“I can’t even make a decision,” Jonah said.

“I’m deciding for you.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Easy! Just ask him on a date.”

“I don’t know how !” Jonah shouted through gritted teeth.

“Okay. First off, you’ll want to go to a public place, but avoid the cinema. It sucks. You can’t even talk during the movie, and the handjob in the dark thing is just a myth. If you don’t want things to move too fast, just make sure there’s always something between you two, like a table, or hockey equipment. Restaurants are risky ‘cause you can’t really escape during the meal if he bores you to death, or asks you how many kids you want. Drinks are off the table since you’re a snob, so maybe ask him if he wants to grab a coffee? We can even do the earpiece operation like in the movies—wait, no, never mind. I don’t know how gays flirt. Do you guys make dick innuendos or something? Challenge each other to a lightsaber duel?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly how we do it,” Jonah said, his lips involuntarily twitching into a smile.

“Seriously, though, he wrote goddamn porn about you two. It’s like you’re playing the date game on easy mode with cheat codes. Just don’t be a dick and you’ll be fine.”

Jonah let out a long breath. “Thanks, man.”

“You can look up conversation topics online—”

“— Please . I’m not that pathetic.”

“There’s nothing pathetic about wanting your first real date in forever to go well.”

Jonah felt his eyes moisten as Sean’s words hit him like a ton of bricks. “You’re right.”

“Damn straight I am! I’m a fucking genius. Now go. Bet he’s staring at his phone, wondering if he should be texting you first.”

———

Jonah took one last deep breath, then put a smile on his face as Alan climbed into the passenger seat, accompanied by the delightful scent of Strawberry Milkshake and Warm Ocean Breeze . He was wearing a light blue shirt that brought out the color of his eyes today, and bright yellow pants that reminded Jonah of his mom’s citrus and mango smoothies. “Hey. ”

Alan placed his backpack at his feet, then beamed at Jonah, melting his heart into a cozy puddle of warmth.

“I brought your T-shirt,” Jonah said, suppressing a laugh. “It’s underneath you.”

Alan looked down and chuckled. “Oops.” He pulled his T-shirt from beneath his butt, then studied it closely with a look of pure wonder. “Wow! You’re amazing!” He unzipped his backpack and pulled out Jonah’s hoodie. “I didn’t get to wash it, sorry.”

“That’s fine. Just throw it in the back seat.” Jonah released the handbrake of his car, then left the parking lot he’d sworn he’d never return to.

“The weather’s really nice today,” Alan commented.

It was an ordinary summer day. “Yeah.”

“Did you sleep well?”

Jonah had to take one of his old sleeping pills he’d been convinced he wouldn’t need anymore. “Yeah. Did you?”

“Yeah! I had a really good night.”

“Nice.”

“I dreamed I was at the beach. It was a really vivid dream. I could feel the sand tickle my toes, and the breeze in my hair. The water was cold, but it felt good. Invigorating. I found a seashell, and when I picked it up, it started talking.”

Jonah had never understood why some people felt the need to relate their dreams. “What’d it say?”

“I can’t remember. It seemed really important, though.”

“That’s too bad.”

Silence fell between them, and Jonah had to resist the urge to turn on the radio. Though he’d never admit it, he’d spent most of the previous day browsing dating advice websites. The articles all seemed to contradict one another—making Jonah want to throw his phone at the wall—but most agreed about one thing: there was no cause for panic if silences happened.

Jonah stopped at a red light and glanced at Alan, who was looking out the window with a big smile on his face. His fingers were tapping his knees—to the rhythm of a tune playing in his head, probably—and his eyes were shining bright with excitement. He was like a tiny sun, tagging along for the ride and lighting up the monotone interior of Jonah’s car.

“You’re in a good mood,” Jonah said.

Alan looked at him just as the light turned green, which made Jonah glue his eyes back on the road. “I am!” he confirmed, then fell silent again.

“We’re almost there,” Jonah announced a few minutes later, as though Alan didn’t know that already.

“I really like this part of the city.”

“Yeah. It’s nice.”

Coming early had been a good idea after all; Jonah was able to park right in front of the café. He held the door open for Alan, even though it was a cliché thing to do. He was aware that his conversation skills—or lack thereof—could give the illusion he didn’t enjoy Alan’s company, so he hoped these little gestures would compensate.

“Hi Sonia!”

“Hi Alan! Same as usual?”

Alan beamed. “Yes, please!”

“Regular coffee for me. I got it,” Jonah said, presenting his credit card to the barista.

Alan gasped and placed his hand on Jonah’s forearm. “No need!”

“I want to.”

Alan held his gaze for a moment, the warmth in his eyes reaching the deepest corners of Jonah’s heart, then let go of his arm. “Thank you.”

Jonah completed the transaction and saw Alan put a whole five dollar bill into the tip jar. A five dollar tip on a thirteen dollar order—ten of which were for Alan’s. No wonder the barista remembered his name.

“Thank you! You can take a seat, it won’t be long.”

Jonah put his wallet in his pocket as he followed Alan, who walked straight to a table that was nearly hidden behind three gigantic plants. There was no way the employees hadn’t dubbed it ‘ The Date Table ’. It had obviously been placed there for that very purpose.

Jonah took a seat across from Alan, who checked a notification on his phone, allowing him to let his gaze wander. Although he came here most mornings, it was the first time Jonah actually sat at a table—apart from when he’d briefly chatted with Alan before heading to work. It felt weird to see this familiar place from a different angle, and to actually take the time to study the decor for once.

The place was colorful and eclectic, the walls covered by all sorts of objects that gave a strange, almost unsettling vibe. It was such an odd move, marketing-wise, but it must have worked, seeing as they’d put out of business every single other coffee shop in the area.

Jonah’s gaze swept over the tables as he surveyed the other patrons, most of which were sitting alone and looking at their phones. One man caught his eye. He was staring blankly in front of himself while drinking his tea, looking both lonely and annoyed with the human race all at once.

Jonah could relate.

“So…”

Jonah looked back at Alan, whose gaze immediately fell to his fidgeting hands. He tried to find something to say, but his damn brain refused to cooperate. He’d thought all night about topics they could potentially discuss, and now that Alan was sitting across from him, the words just wouldn’t come out. “I uh…should warn you…” Jonah said, making Alan look at him with apprehension. “I’m not so great at making conversation.”

“Oh—” He smiled. “I have just the thing!”

Jonah watched Alan pull out his phone and repeatedly tap on the screen. Meanwhile, a coffee appeared on the table, followed by a large mug topped with caramel-drizzled whipped cream, and a side of what looked like chocolate squares.

“Thank you!” Alan exclaimed, then put his phone in the center of the table and looked at Jonah with a triumphant grin.

Jonah’s heart fluttered at his adorableness, the sensation only allowing him to utter some kind of inquiring sound in response.

“It’s a conversation topic generator!” Alan said, jabbing a finger at his phone.

Jonah glanced at the screen.

‘Name a place you would like to visit one day.’

“France,” they both said at the same time, then exchanged a look of surprise.

“You speak French?” Jonah asked.

Alan chuckled. “No. I only know croissant and baguette …and fromage . Oh, and café !” he enumerated, butchering the words with a heavy accent. “Do you?”

“That’s pretty much all you need to survive over there,” Jonah teased. “My mom’s a French tutor, so I manage.” He took a sip of his coffee and watched Alan break all his chocolate squares into smaller pieces. “What’s underneath all that whipped cream?”

Jonah asked.

“Hot chocolate!”

“You eat chocolate with your hot chocolate?”

“Yeah, it’s really good! So you take a piece, put it in the spoon,” he said, doing just that, “then you dunk it just long enough for it to melt a little. And then, you scoop some whipped cream on top. Wanna try?”

Jonah felt his blood sugar spike just thinking about it, but he couldn’t say no to that face. “Sure.” He carefully took the spoon Alan was offering and put it in his mouth, his taste buds waking up all at once at the sugary assault. It was good, he had to give it to him; the chocolate was velvety, the caramel complemented it perfectly, and the whipped cream smoothed it all out and almost made Jonah forget the sheer amount of sugar he’d just ingested.

“It is,” Jonah conceded as he gave the spoon back—to Alan’s visible satisfaction—then tapped the phone screen to stop himself from commenting on how unhealthy it was.

‘If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?’

“Nothing.”

“My looks.”

Jonah stared at Alan in disbelief. “Your looks? There’s nothing wrong with the way you look.”

Alan did his chocolate dunk-melt-scoop thing, then looked at him with a subdued smile. “I got carded last week because I was buying rum flavored chocolates for Eric.”

“Happens to a lot of people.”

Alan gazed at his spoon as he slowly stirred his pool of liquid sugar. “The cashier was convinced my ID was fake, so she asked for my driver’s license. I don’t have one. She refused to complete the transaction.”

“ What ?”

“It would make my life a lot easier if I looked my age.”

“That woman’s a fucking bitch. Did you complain to her supervisor?”

Alan’s half-smile faded. “No. I just went back home. Everyone was staring at me. It was embarrassing.”

Jonah didn’t know what to say. He’d never faced that issue; he’d looked like an adult ever since he was sixteen. He could see, however, why some people might believe Alan was still a teenager. Small stature, soft voice, eyes full of wonder, joyous smile that made him look as though life hadn’t broken him yet. There was nothing fucking wrong with his appearance, though, and Jonah was furious that those people just stood there and stared, while Alan was getting publicly humiliated. “Fuck ‘em. You look perfectly fine.”

Alan’s smile grew back, accompanied by a light blush across his cheeks.

Jonah had to resist the urge to verify if Alan’s cheek was as smooth as it looked, so he tapped his phone screen instead. He still wasn’t sure he could give Alan what he was looking for, and he refused to mislead him.

‘What advice would you give your past self?’

No.

‘If you could go back in time, what would you change?’

No.

‘Discuss your best childhood memory.’

No.

‘Who is the most important person to you?’

No.

‘If you could have any superpower, what would it be?’

“Oh! I know!” Alan exclaimed. “I wish I could make food appear by just thinking about it.”

Jonah chuckled. “Really? Of all the possible superpowers, you’d choose that one?”

“Yeah! Can you imagine? Every time you’re craving something. Poof . It materializes in front of you.”

Jonah rested his cheek in his hand and smiled. “That can’t be healthy.”

Alan grinned. “Who said I wouldn’t be craving salads all the time?”

Jonah looked pointedly at Alan’s mug, then back at him.

Alan wrinkled his nose and stuck out the tip of his tongue. “I promise to eat all my veggies, doctor .”

‘To be taken orally, once a day.’

‘Doctor, you taste so good.’

Shit.

Jonah watched the spoon enter Alan’s mouth, then slowly slide out as he sucked it clean, his tongue poking out and catching a drop of the melted whipped cream that trickled down his lip. Jonah took off his sweater as he felt himself overheating all of a sudden. Putting on a T-shirt underneath had been a good idea.

Alan tilted his head slightly. “What about you?”

Jonah gave it some thought, grateful for the distraction. The obvious answer was time travel, but he would rather not have to elaborate on the reason, so he went for his second choice. “Teleportation.”

Alan nodded slowly, then pursed his lips as he pensively held Jonah’s gaze. “Could you teleport objects with you?”

“Yeah.” Jonah chuckled. “Otherwise, I’d be naked all the time.”

Alan chewed on his bottom lip and rested his chin atop his linked fingers. He squinted at Jonah in silence for a moment—as though he’d just given him a challenging equation to solve—then opened his mouth. “Could you teleport people with you?”

Jonah shrugged. “I guess. Anything I’m in contact with.”

“Direct contact? With your skin?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“That would be tricky,” Alan said, still holding his gaze. “Unless they curled into a ball in your arms and you had a hand down their pants, they would surely lose their shoes, socks, and underwear in the process.”

“Then I guess it should extend to whatever is touching directly what I’m touching directly.”

Alan nodded slowly, his eyes laser-focused on Jonah’s. “What if you’re barefoot at home, would you teleport a floorboard with you? Or the whole floor? Or the whole house?”

Jonah laughed. “You’re making this far more complicated than it needs to be.”

“Nah…” Alan said with a self-satisfied air. “I believe it’s you wh o hasn’t thought it through.”

Jonah huffed. “And what about your superpower? Having food appear each time it crosses your mind? Does your soup just splash on the floor if you’re not holding out a bowl? What if you see an ad for a coffee shop on the side of the road, do you get second degree burns on your crotch while driving and cause an accident? You do realize you’d have to wash your clothes— and your bed —all the time, right? You don’t even know how to clean fresh stains. Good luck dealing with all that crusty gravy on your sheets— what ?”

Alan gave him a smug little smile that made Jonah’s insides twist with annoyance and a violent urge to wipe it off with a kiss. “Hypothesis confirmed.”

Jonah narrowed his eyes. “And that is?”

“You like arguing.”

“I do not !”

Alan’s smile widened, and so did Jonah’s—albeit reluctantly.

“I’m not scared of saying what I think, that’s all,” Jonah specified. “If someone doesn’t like my opinion, they can kiss my ass.”

Alan giggled at his remark, making Jonah’s heart swell with an emotion he wasn’t ready to feel.

“So uh was it Eric’s birthday or something?” Jonah asked.

Alan’s smile fell. “Huh?”

“You were buying him chocolates.”

“Oh. No, we just get each other stuff from time to time.” He shrugged.

Bringing Eric up had obviously been a bad move, but Jonah needed to know what he was getting himself into. If those two were close enough to get each other presents on a regular basis, then how could Alan not resent Jonah for the way he’d treated Eric? If the roles were reversed, Jonah would hate the bastard who dumped his friend. “Does he know you’re here with me?”

Alan’s eyes widened, then his gaze fell to his hands. “No.”

Fuck.

Alan’s answer—and his body language—didn’t sit well with Jonah. He couldn’t allow himself to get attached to someone who would back out in a few weeks because of his guilt. “Are you sure this is a good idea? Won’t you regret it?” he asked, his throat tightening around the words .

“No!” Alan exclaimed, reaching for Jonah’s hand. “I really like you.”

Jonah tensed at the unexpected touch. “You don’t know me.”

Alan let go of his hand, the panic in his eyes making Jonah feel like a total jerk. “But that’s the reason we’re here…right?” Alan asked. “To get to know each other better?”

Jonah stared into the distance, finding himself incapable of looking at Alan’s expressive eyes. The café had already gotten much busier, but the man who’d been drinking tea was still there. Their gazes met for a second, bringing Jonah’s feeling of loneliness to the surface.

Jonah was one of the popular kids back then, with a new girlfriend every two weeks, and too many friends to keep count. Loneliness was not something he’d been accustomed to. But then Elliot died.

He spent the following year locked up at home, ignoring all his friends’ calls and texts. Nobody could understand him, he believed. They all stopped trying to reach out, eventually. One by one. Except for Isabel and Sean, who’ve always been there for him, no matter how long and frequent his periods of radio silence have been since that day.

Alan sniffled, making Jonah look back at him. He appeared to be on the verge of tears. It was Jonah’s fault. It broke his heart.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to be an ass,” Jonah said, blocking out the alarm blaring in his head. “I guess I’m just surprised you don’t hate my guts.”

Alan wiped his nose with his napkin. “Did you hurt Eric on purpose?”

“Of course not!”

“Then why would I hate you?” He held Jonah’s gaze in silence for a moment, then spoke again, “You’ve never been anything but kind to me.”

Jonah opened his mouth to say something, but the words dissolved as Alan’s eyes suddenly sparkled with a fiery passion.

“Do you know how many of Eric’s partners take the time to chat with me after I show them the way to the bathroom? None. Ever. They all act as though I don’t exist. But you didn’t. On the night of the debate, you gave me a ride home so I wouldn’t have to walk alone in the dark. When you forgot your wallet in Eric’s room, you helped me calm down from my panic attack. You could have ignored the cloud picture I sent you by accident, but instead, you drew a seagull on top and made me smile. You took it upon yourself to clean the shirt I’d spilled my drink on because I’m a klutz. You didn’t have to do any of this, but you chose to anyway.”

Alan sat straighter and held his head high. “I like the conversations we have. Every single time you send me a text, my heart does a little dance. It’s true, I don’t know you all that much, but everything I learn about you makes me like you more. I like you , okay? When you look at me, I feel seen; I feel significant. You’re very handsome, and you smell really good, and when you hug me—oh god I’m so sorry people are staring aren’t they?”

Jonah smiled. “Yes.”

Alan buried his face in his hands with a faint whine. “Sorry.”

“Wanna go for a walk?”

Alan nodded, then got up, snatched his backpack, and rushed to the door.

Jonah put his sweater back on and picked up the phone Alan had left on the table. He got a text notification just as Jonah was about to turn off the screen.

? Eric: I have a date tonight!!

So, Eric had already moved on. Jonah wasn’t surprised; after all, they’d only seen each other once in the past month and barely exchanged a few words through texts. Still, it was a relief to know for sure, especially after the declaration Jonah had just gotten from Alan.

Sean had been right. Jonah truly was playing the dating game on easy mode with cheat codes. He couldn’t just throw this chance away, no matter how frightened he was.

Jonah made his way toward the exit and joined Alan outside.

“Thank you,” Alan murmured as he took his phone back.

“I like you too, by the way. But I’m not uh…” Jonah crossed his arms and watched pigeons pecking at the sidewalk. “I need to take things slow. Emotionally.”

“I understand and I appreciate you telling me.”

Jonah failed to suppress his surprise as he looked at Alan, who had nothing but kindness in his eyes.

“Did I make you uncomfortable when I hugged you?” Alan asked.

“No.”

“Can I hug you now?”

Jonah took a deep breath, then unfolded his arms. “Yeah.”

Alan carefully closed the distance between them, stood on his tiptoes, and wrapped his arms around Jonah’s shoulders.

Jonah sighed as he returned Alan’s embrace. He closed his eyes and relished the strange feeling that came with holding a person who’d somehow turned his whole world upside down. His cheek came to rest on the side of Alan’s head, and a smile grew on his lips as he smelled his hair.

Ylang-ylang.

“You smell good, too,” Jonah murmured.

Alan chuckled. “I’m cheating. I know what your favorite scent is.”

“You smelled good before,” Jonah said, then patted Alan’s back gently. “Wanna go for that walk?”

No matter how comfortable their hug was, they couldn’t just stand there and block the sidewalk. Jonah felt Alan nod against his cheek, and then they let go of each other.

Alan took a step back and gazed at him in silence for a few seconds, his eyes shining bright and his smile as large as his face. He looked on the verge of exploding, but in a good way—or perhaps he was just having a sugar rush. “May I hold your hand?” Alan asked. “You can say no, I won’t be offended.”

Jonah hesitated for a moment. There was still a lot of uncertainty swirling in his head, but he couldn’t say no to that face. “Yeah.”

Alan reached for his hand and delicately wrapped his fingers around it. It felt good—it felt right—and Jonah once again found himself filled with the burning desire to keep Alan safe.

Alan beamed, then they started walking toward a destination unknown under the morning sun. “So, what did you think of the finale?” Alan asked.

“ Ugh . Don’t get me started!”

———

? Sean: howd it go?

? Jonah: :)