His Tiny Sun

Chapter 11 - New Variables

CHAPTER 11

New Variables

Alan hummed the opening melody from Jonah’s friends’ videos as he peeled his carrots at the kitchen table. Their videos weren’t really the type of content he usually sought—he preferred educational clips—but he’d watched a few anyway because he wanted to get prepared in case he ever got to meet them in person. Their little tune happened to be quite the earworm.

The videos had been educational in their own way. For instance, Alan learned that the girl—Isabel—was a foodie, and the guy—Sean—was enthusiastically creative, to put it mildly. Alan found it a little strange that Jonah was friends with them, considering their wholly different vibes, but he figured people might think the same about him and Eric. Some bonds triumphed over differences.

Alan put the carrot peels into the compost bin, then started dicing his vegetables. Jonah had been kind enough to accompany him to the grocery store when Alan mentioned he was missing some ingredients for the meal he was planning to make later. In reality, it had just been a roundabout way to inform Jonah that he didn’t solely eat chocolate and instant noodles, but Alan was glad that it had led them to spend even more time together. Walking down the grocery store aisles with Jonah had filled Alan’s heart to the brim with excitement, and he’d struggled not to hold his hand while Jonah taught him all about comparing the cost of items per unit of measurement to figure out the cheapest options.

He was so smart.

Alan exhaled a contented sigh, then focused on the task at hand. He would hate to end up at the hospital because he accidentally chopped off one of his fingers. Eric had bought him one of those super sharp chef knives to bribe him into making more food—his own words—so Alan had to be extra careful. He loved fantasizing about Dr. Delamare taking care of him, but there was nothing sexy about losing a finger. It would be an awful way to end such a beautiful day.

“Chop, chop, chop,” he sang to the beat of the channel melody, “chop little veggies, chop chop. ”

The building shook suddenly, announcing Eric’s arrival. Sometimes it felt as though he were wearing concrete shoes, especially when he was in a good mood.Predictably, the door burst open and Eric set foot in their apartment, his brilliant smile almost blinding Alan.

“Alan!” Eric shouted.

“Eric!” Alan shouted back. “You have a date!”

“I have a date!” Eric closed the door, then pulled out his phone and shoved it in Alan’s face. “Look at this !”

Alan blinked and leaned back a little in an attempt to focus his eyes on the screen.

“Take it! Swipe left!” Eric dropped his phone in his hand and ran to the bathroom as if his hair was on fire.

Alan wiped his hand on his shirt, then looked at Eric’s phone with a smile. The man looking back at him had shiny ginger hair, intense brown eyes that were framed by dark eyeliner, and a smirk that stirred some kind of arousing alarm in Alan’s belly. The feeling reminded him of those dark romance novels he’d read in the past.

Flavien…sounds like an artist’s name.

In the second picture, Flavien had both arms folded behind his head and was biting the bottom hem of his T-shirt, revealing his perfectly sculpted abs and a neatly trimmed line of hairs luring the observer’s eyes downward. Alan swiped to the next picture and gasped. Flavien was looking at the camera with bedroom eyes, entirely nude—apart from a washcloth barely concealing his partial erection—and dripping wet as though he’d just stepped out of the shower. The caption read: ‘Follow your dreams’.

More like follow your dick.

Alan switched back to the previous picture—not wanting Eric to know which one he’d looked at last—then put the phone down on the table. He couldn’t decide whether he had a good or bad feeling about the man, but it would be foolish to judge him solely by his social media pictures. Alan would wait until Eric invited him over to form an opinion.

He wondered what kind of impression his own profile gave to people who didn’t know him. His current picture was getting old, and he’d been pondering taking a selfie in front of a mirror to replace it, but it felt so silly. Was he supposed to look at himself? At the screen? At the lens’ reflection in the mirror? What pose should he take? What clothes should he wear? Should he smile, or should he do that dramatic pouty face that seemed so popular?

Eric walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips, accompanied by the scent of ylang-ylang. Unsurprisingly, he’d forgotten his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. Alan didn’t mind, though; Eric was obviously too excited to focus.

“So? Whaddya think?” Eric asked with a big grin.

Alan smiled. “He looks nice.”

“Nice?” He bent down to wrap a second towel around his hair. “You mean hot as hell !”

“Did you use my shampoo?”

“Yeah. Sorry, I ran out.” He straightened back up. “Aww, chicken pot pie?”

Alan chuckled as he resumed chopping his vegetables. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna eat it all by myself.”

“You better not,” Eric said as he headed to his room.

Chicken pot pie was one of Eric’s favorite meals. Actually, most home-cooked meals were his favorite meals, seeing as his childhood diet pretty much consisted of cereal, frozen dinners, and instant noodles.

Alan put his diced carrots into a bowl, then grabbed the celery. He always cut onions last because then his eyes got too watery to see what he was doing.

“Guess where he’s taking me!” Eric shouted from his room.

“A restaurant?”

“Yes, but not any restaurant! Remember that place where there are no prices on the menu?”

Alan gasped.

“Yup! And he’s paying.”

That was one heck of a first date. The man must have been overflowing with money. Alan doubted Jonah would ever bring him to an expensive restaurant—he seemed pretty frugal—but he didn’t mind. Perhaps, if their relationship evolved into something more, Alan could treat him to a five-star meal. It would feel nice to spoil him.

Alan thought back to the delicious tacos they shared earlier. He'd had a bit of a sugar crash after they’d walked for a while, because he once again forgot to eat breakfast. Jonah, who’d been mostly quiet all morning, had given him an animated lecture about how he shouldn’t be eating all that sugar on an empty stomach—or at all, ever.

Alan had never wanted to kiss someone so badly in his life, but he’d resisted, of course. Jonah had set clear boundaries, and Alan would do everything he could to respect his wishes. Still, having a handsome man worry about his well-being had stoked a powerful desire within him.

Which he’d released as soon as he got home.

Alan would have to tell Eric about his feelings for Jonah soon, but not tonight. Not when Eric was nervous about a date of his own.

They hadn’t even kissed anyway, so it wasn’t like they were together. Jonah did share his number with Alan, though, and told him not to hesitate to call if he needed anything. Alan had immediately wondered if needing to hear his voice was reason enough.

Eric stepped out of his room, holding two shirts.

“The green one. Will you be coming back home tonight?”

“I’ll text you, but probably not,” Eric said as he threw his red shirt back into his room, then put on the other one. “ He ”—he dragged out the word—“doesn’t live with his mom.”

“Huh?”

Eric walked to the fridge. “Jonah.”

“He lives with his mom?”

Eric snorted and took out one of his post-workout drinks. “Yeah. What a loser.” He closed the refrigerator door, his smile immediately turning into a grimace as their gazes met. “Sorry.”

Alan gave him a sad smile. “It’s alright.”

Eric bent down and pulled him into a tight hug. “I didn’t mean it. I was just being a stupid ass.”

Alan put down his sharp knife and returned Eric’s embrace. “I know.” He would give anything for the chance to live with his parents—or to spend just one tiny little day with them. Alan was so young when they died, he didn’t even know if his memories were real or made up from all the stories his uncle had told him. It hurt sometimes.

Alan still had the encyclopedia his parents liked to read with him before bed. When he felt defeated, he looked at the images. They made him dream. They gave him hope. There was so much beauty in the world; he couldn’t leave it so long as he hadn’t seen it all with his own eyes.

Eric’s mom was still alive, but she’d never been the same after his dad left. As it turned out, his frequent business trips were a lie; he was actually visiting the secret wife and kid he had in another city. The shock crushed her, and her grief ate her alive, making her fall into a deep, long-lasting depression. To young Eric, it was as though both his parents had abandoned him on the same day. He pretended he didn’t care, but it had obviously wounded him deeply. Although Eric was on good terms with his mom now, the bitterness never truly went away.

Perhapsthat was one of the reasons he fought with Jonah all the time. Eric’s dad was a doctor.

Alan patted Eric’s back. “You need to dry your hair. You don’t wanna be late.”

“You’re right.” Eric let go of him and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. “I’m lucky to have you. Please never change.”

Alan smiled. “I promise.”

———

? Alan: :) :) :)

? Jonah: All done?

? Alan: Yeah!! And it went really well! I deserve some ice cream!

? Jonah: Let me guess, chocolate?

? Alan: Nope!

? Jonah: Caramel?

? Alan: Nope!

? Jonah: I give up

? Alan: Raspberry!

? Jonah: Excellent choice

Alan wished a few acquaintances from class a wonderful summer on his way out of the building. They would meet again in a few months to tackle one of their most critical semesters, but for now, present Alan was ready to relax. He would go home, put on his favorite summer outfit, and sit on his tiny balcony to bask in the sun.

Eric had sent him a text just a little before noon to let him know he was spending the day with Flavien. Shortly after, he’d started posting pictures of delicious looking tapas and margaritas on social media. Alan was happy for Eric, and pleased for himself as well. Some alone time right after his last exam would feel good. Alan loved Eric, but their apartment was tiny, so privacy wasn’t something they had a lot of.

Alan barely paid attention to his surroundings as he walked home, busy as he was daydreaming about all the moments he would share with Jonah over the summer if their relationship evolved to the next level. He was aware he’d have to be patient; Jonah had obviously been wounded by past partners. However, after the time they’d spent together, Alan was confident they were a good match. All that was left for him to do was to gradually earn Jonah’s trust.

Alan exhaled the biggest sigh as he set foot in his apartment. He rushed to his room, where he dropped his backpack—wincing at the loud thud of his laptop hitting the floor—then took off his boring school clothes to put on his cutest summer outfit. His reflection caught his eye in his full-length mirror, making him smile. He loved his ice cream cone shorts. Perhaps it was finally time for him to take that selfie he’d been thinking about.

Alan grabbed his phone and took a picture, then another, then a few more. The lighting looked wrong, the angle looked wrong, his smile looked wrong—but he looked wronger without. Perhaps it just wasn’t right for him. It was so boring, so ordinary.

As Alan was about to pocket his phone, an idea crossed his mind. He cropped one of the photos, then chuckled to himself as he set it as his profile picture.

Alan made his way to the kitchen, where he grabbed a key lime pie flavored popsicle from the freezer. The delicious scent reached his nostrils as he took off the wrapper, making his mouth water—it was one of his favorite summer treats. He inhaled its scent as he walked to his balcony, only giving himself permission to take a bite once he’d sat down in the sun to savor it in the most optimal conditions. Alan closed his eyes and relished the late afternoon warmth as the cold, creamy, citrusy delicacy filled his mouth.

What a beautiful day it was.

Alan’s phone vibrated.

? Jonah: Look at you all summerlike while I’m stuck at work

Alan smiled as he put his phone on his thigh, then typed with one hand.

? Alan: You only have 20 minutes to go .

? Jonah: You stalking me!?!?

? Alan: I know at what time you start. It’s basic math.

Jonah sent him a picture of himself looking at the camera with narrowed eyes and pursed lips in an expression of exaggerated suspicion. Alan felt the urgent need to squish those cheeks with his hands, and those lips with his own.

? Alan: Can’t help it if I’m smarter than you.

? Jonah: So THAT’S why your face is cropped out. Your head was too big to fit in the picture

Alan gasped, and even though he didn’t like the way he looked in the photo, he sent Jonah the original. Jonah had just shared a selfie, anyway. It was only fair that Alan did the same. Or so he told himself in an attempt to silence the internal voice insisting that Jonah would be disappointed.

After Eric left for his date, Alan made the mistake of looking at more of Flavien’s photos. This inevitably left him feeling self-conscious. Jonah had been adamant that there was nothing wrong with the way he looked, but he never actually said he liked his appearance—

He said he liked you, dummy , Alan scolded himself as he put a smile back on his face. He was being ridiculous.

? Jonah: Pfft. Photoshop.

Alan giggled, then felt something cold trickling down his right hand. He’d forgotten all about his popsicle. He jolted up, put his phone into his pocket, and licked the melted delicacy that was now dangerously advancing toward his elbow as he stumbled to the kitchen sink. It didn’t taste so good, mixed with the saltiness of his skin.

Alan dropped his popsicle into a bowl, then washed his hand and forearm. He was grateful that he didn’t have any exams to prepare for anymore. Jonah was a major distraction. A very clever, funny, caring, handsome distraction.

Alan’s phone vibrated as he dried his hands.

? Jonah :BTW my friends are having a viewing party for the premiere of season 7

? Jonah: Well not so much as a party, it would just be us 4 if you wanna come

A party with Jonah’s friends. Jonah wanted him to meet his friends. Jonah wanted his friends to meet him. Alan would make new friends.

Stay cool.

? Alan: The same friends you were with the other day?

? Jonah :Yeah. It’s totally fine if you prefer watching it at home though

? Alan: I’d love to!! They looked fun!

? Jonah: Nice! I’ll confirm the time and get back to you

Alan abandoned his popsicle. He rushed to his bedroom and grabbed his notebook, then went to the living room, where he sat on the sofa and turned on the TV. He had some studying to do.

I should probably check out their oldest stuff.

If they were of the nostalgic type, it was probable they’d fondly discuss the first videos they ever made. It would be an awesome conversation topic for Alan to join in on.

He sorted the videos from oldest to newest, then selected the very first one and cast it on his TV.

Alan gasped in surprise as a younger version of Jonah appeared on the wide screen. He’d changed a lot, but his eyes were the same; Alan recognized the spark Jonah had when he was passionately expressing his opinion. Except, in the video, he wasn’t. He was listening to his co-host as he discussed the first season of the anime Jonah had recently started watching again.

What struck Alan the most was how skinny Jonah was back then. It was a reminder that life hadn’t given men like Jonah, Eric, and Flavien their hot physiques for free. They’d worked hard for it. Jonah’s present build was evidence of his determination and tenacity. If Alan had started working out years ago instead of reading and playing video games all the time, he’d be much more imposing now.

It’s never too late to get started , he told himself. He just had to find a gym that offered self-defense classes. And to register. And to show up.

Alan’s smile grew wide as Jonah from the past started talking. He exuded arrogance and appeared full of himself as he shared his opinion about John. It was hard to believe that John had been Jonah’s favorite character from the very beginning. He was such an asshole in season one .

Alan had to admit that teenage Jonah looked a lot less likable than he did now, and his style certainly didn’t help. Jonah’s appearance reminded Alan of the popular kids who used to bully him.

In the video, Jonah’s hair was short and gelled into a sea of tiny spikes. It must have taken at least twenty minutes for him to style it that way every morning. Alan had never been patient enough to put so much effort into his appearance.

He was glad that Jonah had decided to grow his hair longer. It suited him better, and running his fingers through it would definitely be more enjoyable.

Jonah’s co-host, who was neither Isabel nor Sean, started talking again. He had short blond hair, and his face was covered with freckles. His voice was sweet—calming, almost—and the warm kindness in his eyes made Alan want to become his friend. It helped that Alan agreed with everything the boy said.

Alan noted the name of their show, then did a search on the channel. Only three results came up, the most recent one being from five years ago. He wondered why they’d stopped making videos together. They seemed to be enjoying themselves and each other’s company.

Perhaps they had a disagreement and grew apart? Not all friendships were made to last, after all.

Alan pulled up his conversation with Jonah and typed, but changed his mind just before pressing send. Ultimately, it was none of his business.

Best focus on studying Isabel and Sean thoroughly.