His Tiny Sun

Chapter 16 - Breakfast and Apologies

CHAPTER 16

Breakfast and Apologies

? Eric: I’m sorry

Alan put his phone back on the nightstand, then carefully curled up back in bed next to Jonah. Alan had feared his friendship with Eric might not recover this time, but once again, Marina had saved the day. What would they do without her?

The recent events had taken a toll on Alan; he slept for twelve hours straight. He only woke up twice when Jonah wanted to check if he had any new symptoms, and once to go to the bathroom.

Alan hoped Jonah was able to get some rest, too. His weekend had been heavy on emotion as well.

Alan’s eyes widened as a thought crossed his mind. “Jonah,” he murmured, shaking him slightly. “Jonah, don’t you have to go to work?”

Jonah groaned. “What time is it?”

“Seven thirty.”

“In the morning? Never mind, stupid question.” Jonah wrapped his arms around Alan, pulling him close. “I took the day off.”

“Oh…because of me?”

“No.” Jonah kissed the top of his head. “Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah,” Alan said, even though it wasn’t exactly true. He’d spent a long moment studying every inch of Jonah’s room—to which he’d barely given any attention the previous night—and found that it was the complete opposite of his own. It was orderly, minimalist, and scarcely decorated, but Alan liked it nonetheless.

There was something remarkably soothing about Jonah’s bedroom. It was like a small refuge from the chaos that was life—a controlled environment where predictability greeted them in its reassuring embrace. Or maybe Alan simply liked it because it was Jonah’s.

Once Alan had thoroughly surveyed his environment, he’d spent another moment just watching Jonah sleep. It was still hard to believe that he’d woken up in such a gorgeous man’s bed.

“How do you feel?” Jonah asked as he inspected Alan’s bandage, then his eyes, like he’d done multiple times since the incident.

“Better,” Alan said, suppressing a wince as Jonah’s fingers brushed his tender skin. The pain from his forehead and the tension in his neck caused him a lot of discomfort, but the cocoon of Jonah’s care and affection made it much more bearable.

Alan languidly moved his fingers across Jonah’s arm, tracing random shapes he imagined were endearments in an ancient language. He wished they could just stay like this forever and ignore the rest of the world, but the sooner he made things right with Eric, the sooner he would be free to explore his relationship with Jonah without an overwhelming feeling of guilt making him nervous and nauseated all the time. “Eric sent me an apology. I’d like to go and talk to him.”

“Can’t you just call him or something?”

“No. I want to do this face-to-face.”

Jonah pulled away and looked into his eyes. “I don’t like this.”

“When Eric apologizes, it means he’s calmed down enough to talk.”

Jonah narrowed his eyes.

“We’ve been friends forever,” Alan said. “I know him. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

Jonah sighed. “Alright. But I’m not letting you do that on an empty stomach. Shit —did you even eat last night?”

Alan’s stomach chose that exact moment to gurgle. “No.”

Jonah groaned. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ve gone longer without eating before—” Alan shut his mouth. Giving Jonah more reason to worry was not the right move.

The look in Jonah’s eyes made Alan fear the worst, but he didn’t say what was on his mind, which was uncharacteristic of him. Perhaps Jonah didn’t want to add to Alan’s pile of concerns, but his silence was far more anxiety-inducing than whatever words he was keeping inside.

“We have two options,” Jonah said at last, the gravity in his voice keeping Alan on alert. “We can go grab you some breakfast somewhere or…” The muscles in his neck tensed as he se emed to swallow with difficulty. “We could go upstairs, and…you could meet my mom.”

Alan’s eyes opened wide.

“Only if you like—I don’t want to rush—actually, never mind.”

“I’d love to,” Alan said quickly.

Jonah exhaled what seemed like a full day’s worth of air from his lungs. “Alright. Let’s get some food in you.” He patted Alan’s arm, prompting him to get up from his bed. “Do you like French toast?”

“Yeah,” Alan said with a smile. As he got up, he gave Jonah a quick hug, borrowing some of his strength. Although Alan was excited that Jonah felt ready to introduce him to the most important person in his life, it was pretty nerve-wracking—especially on such short notice and with no time to prepare. Alan couldn’t let this opportunity slip away, though, and he sincerely hoped he’d manage to make a good first impression.

“Don’t let yourself be intimidated by her, uh…enthusiasm,” Jonah said as he reached for Alan’s hand. They’d fallen asleep fully clothed, which gave Alan even less time to prepare mentally as they immediately left Jonah’s bedroom.

Alan’s stomach gurgled further as Jonah led him toward an old wooden staircase. Alan gave his surroundings a quick look—taking note of a comfy-looking sofa and a cast iron fireplace—but ultimately focused back on their destination. With each step they took, delicious new scents reached his nostrils and made him salivate: coffee, cinnamon, vanilla, and warm butter. Whatever Jonah’s mom was making smelled heavenly.

“Mom,” Jonah said as they reached the top of the stairs. “This is Alan.”

Alan barely managed to hide his surprise when he saw how short Jonah’s mom was. The way she beamed at him, however, made him swiftly change his facial expression to mirror hers.

“My Jo-Jo has a boyfriend!” she enthused. She wiped her hands on a towel, then walked up to Alan and took his hands in hers. “Look at you! You’re such a cutie avec tes beaux grands yeux bleus 2 . Did Jonah do this to you?”

“Mom! What the hell!”

Alan squeezed her hands. “No. I bumped my head by accident.”

She leaned close. “You tell me if he doesn’t treat you right and I’ll scold him.”

“ Maman! 3 ”

Alan giggled. “I promise.”

“Come. Come sit here,” she said as she led him to the kitchen table. “Do you drink coffee?”

Jonah pulled a chair out for him. “I’ll take care of it. Would you like a latte?”

Alan took a seat and beamed. It was his second favorite hot beverage. “Yes, please.”

Jonah’s mom looked at him for a moment, her hand pressed against her heart and a big smile on her face. She had the kindest-looking eyes Alan had ever seen, and her curly gray hair shone in the morning sun that filtered through the window, making her look like an angel. Alan was willing to bet that the hugs she gave were divine.

She turned around and hastily resumed what she was doing. Alan watched, mesmerized, as the two of them busied themselves side by side. She looked far too tiny to have birthed such a tall man, but there were unmistakable similarities between the two, so he doubted Jonah had been adopted.

She tugged on Jonah’s sleeve to make him bend down and said something into his ear, which Alan assumed was French, as the bits he heard made no sense to him.

As soon as things were settled with Eric, Alan would download one of those language learning apps. It would be his project for the summer.

Jonah’s mom gave him a big kiss on the cheek, which he pretended to be annoyed about, but Alan could see in his eyes all the affection he had for her.

Alan urgently studied the kitchen’s decor as he felt tears pricking his eyes.

The room was modest, but obviously optimized for doing a lot of cooking and baking. The walls were a nice shade of yellow, which paired well with the distressed white cabinets, giving the kitchen a warm and rustic look. Most objects in sight were strictly functional, apart from a glorious dried flower bouquet and a handful of small decor items, including what looked like pictures of Jonah when he was little.

A plate appeared in front of Alan, on which was a delicious-looking, divine-smelling, mouth-watering cinnamon roll. “Fresh from the oven.”

Alan gasped. “It looks so good! Thank you!”

“It’s a pleasure, mon chéri 4 . Do you like French toast?”

Alan cast a quick glance at the pastry, which he estimated contained half the calories he needed to go through his day, then looked back at Jonah’s mom with a big smile. “I do!”

Jonah put utensils and a sugar pot on the table, followed by a large mug with latte art that looked like a beautiful fern leaf. He sat down with his own tiny coffee, then grabbed a fork and cut himself a chunk of Alan’s cinnamon roll. “If I don’t keep an eye on her, she’s gonna overfeed you, and then I’ll have to carry you to your door.”

Alan quickly took a bite, trying to hide how flustered the prospect of being carried by Jonah made him. He hoped he would one day be confident enough to share with Jonah the Wallet Incident story he’d reposted on his erotica account.

Alan groaned as the warm, gooey, cinnamony pastry touched his tongue and filled his mouth with an avalanche of bliss.

Life was good.

———

Alan took a deep breath, then walked into his apartment. Just like magnets, his eyes found Eric’s, and what he saw in them gave him reassurance that everything would be okay.

Eric dropped the controller he was holding and furrowed his brow as he brought his hand to his forehead. “I did this to you?”

“It was just an accident,” Alan said as he closed the door, Jonah’s look of disapproval popping into his head.

Eric appeared on the brink of tears. From the looks of it, he must have had an awful night. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was a total mess. “Is it bad? I saw blood on the floor.”

Alan put his backpack down and joined him, taking a seat at the other end of the sofa. “Jonah said I might get a black eye, but otherwise, I’m fine. It’s just a cut and a bruise.”

Eric’s nose and brows twitched at the mention of Jonah’s name. No matter what Alan had seen in his eyes when he walked in, they still had a lot to discuss. There was no avoiding it.

“I promise I didn’t mean to hide it from you,” Alan began. “I just…wasn’t sure if there was anything to tell at all.” Alan’s throat squeezed as he remembered the words Eric told him the day before. “I didn’t sleep with him, I swear. We hadn’t even kissed…”

Eric looked away.

“…until last night.”

Eric’s face twitched again. “What do you even see in him?”

Memories of all the moments Jonah made Alan’s heart flutter flooded his brain…followed by memories of the times he broke it. It was a legitimate question to ask, especially after the way Jonah had treated Eric. The thing was, Alan found himself unable to give a clear answer. He just felt it. “I…don’t know.”

“Hm.”

Alan gazed at his hands, while Eric stared blankly at the opposite wall of their living room. For once in his life, Alan hadn’t come prepared, and it made him feel lost. He’d been meaning to figure out a plan while Jonah drove him back home, but he was far too distracted by his reminiscing of the lovely moment he spent with Jonah’s mom to focus. Alan had hoped that the affection filling his heart would help him improvise, but he’d been mistaken.

After a moment, Eric threw his hand on the sofa cushion between them. Alan reached to hold it with a silent sigh of relief.

“I didn’t mean what I said yesterday,” Eric mumbled, still looking away. “It just hurt to see the conversations you’ve been having with him. He never told me good night, or asked about my day, or sent me pictures of his meals. He just texted me when he wanted to fuck.” His voice lowered to a murmur. “But it’s not your fault I’m unlovable. ”

Alan’s heart broke into tiny pieces. “Eric. You know that’s not true.”

Eric shrugged, blinking away the moisture in his eyes.

“The way he treated you was not okay,” Alan said, “but it has nothing to do with you.” He frowned as a dozen thoughts fought for his attention, and he found himself struggling to choose what to say next.

“ Jonah has deep emotional wounds ,” he wanted to share, but not only would it be betraying Jonah’s trust, it would also fail to make Eric feel better about himself—if anything, it would make things far worse. Jonah had opened up to Alan a lot more than he did with Eric, and in a much shorter period of time.

“ He made me cry too ,” Alan thought to say, but it would be akin to admitting that Alan chose a man who hurt him over his childhood friend. A friend who’d always supported him and kept him safe. A friend he considered his brother.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you the support you needed,” Alan said, ultimately.

Eric shrugged again, still avoiding Alan’s gaze, but he didn’t let go of his hand.

“There’s something I’d like to tell you. Not to excuse what I’ve done—I’ve been the absolute worst friend in the past few months—but I just want to explain.” Alan sighed. “I already knew Jonah before you brought him home the first time.”

Eric whipped his head to look at him.

“Well, I sorta knew him,” Alan specified. “I had noticed him at the café and…I’d been trying to work up the courage to talk to him for weeks. And one morning, he suddenly appeared in our kitchen. You were right to believe I was avoiding you, but it wasn’t because I hated Jonah; it was the opposite. I felt awful for being attracted to the man you were dating. And because of that, I wasn’t there for you when you needed support. I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Alan opened his mouth, but no words came out. There was no way to phrase ‘I didn’t trust you not to overreact’ in a non-hurtful way.

Eric squeezed Alan’s hand. “You and Marina are the most important people in my life. You’re my family. If I’d known you were interested in Jonah, I would have stopped seeing him.” He gave Alan a somber look. “I’d never let anyone get in the way of our friendship.”

Alan didn’t know how true that statement was, but it sparked guilt and shame nonetheless. They now had tangible proof that Alan valued their friendship far less than Eric did.

“Do you wanna know what he likes in bed?”

Alan nearly choked. “ Eric! ”

Eric snorted. “You’re such a prude.” His teasing remark in no way meant he wasn’t hurting anymore, but it indicated that he now needed to process the rest on his own. He let go of Alan’s hand, his smirk turning into a fierce stare as he said, “I still stand by what I said. If he ever hurts you, I’ll punch him in his stupid ugly face.”

Alan gave him a smile, internally crossing his fingers that Eric would never find out about his recent heartbreak. “Thank you. And I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to the gym.” Eric sprang to his feet and made a beeline for the door, right next to which his bag happened to be sitting. He’d been prepared for an emergency exit.

Alan gave him one last smile, then crashed on the sofa with a wince as soon as Eric closed the door. For a moment, he wondered whether one could die from having too many emotions in a short span of time. Surely, that was something they’d already have covered in his classes if it were a real thing.

Alan took out his phone to send Jonah the text he’d requested. Jonah had been reluctant to let him go talk to Eric on his own, and the only way Alan had managed to convince him to let go was to promise he’d give him news in a timely manner.

? Alan: We’re good now!

? Jonah: Come see me

? Alan: You’re still downstairs?

? Jonah: Of course I am!!!

Alan jolted up and stared at the door in horror, his anxiety soaring right back up at the impending disaster.

Oh, no.