His Tiny Sun

Chapter 15 - The Cost of Friendship

CHAPTER 15

The Cost of Friendship

“Aren’t you gonna answer that?” Alan asked. He’d lost count of how many times Eric’s phone had dinged since they sat down to play their favorite farming video game together.

They had wildly different tastes in games, but this one was a rare exception they both enjoyed. Alan took care of their farm and went fishing, while Eric headed to the caves to mine and kill monsters. It was like the game had been specifically made for them to team up. The only task they both enjoyed was decorating, but their tastes varied greatly, so their farm was comically eclectic.

“No,” Eric said.

“Are you upset with him?”

“I dunno.”

Alan pouted briefly. He’d been counting on Eric’s relationship with Flavien to help him take the news better. “What do you mean?”

Eric shrugged. “He’s excessive.”

“Excessive as in…” Alan trailed off.

Eric jerked his chin toward his phone, which chose that exact moment to vibrate again.

“Maybe he’s worried something happened to you?” Alan offered. “Since you’re not replying…”

Eric gave Alan a blasé look. “We’ve been dating for one week. Besides, what good would it do for him to text me every single hour of the day if I was rotting dead in a ditch in the middle of nowhere?”

Alan winced.

“I don’t know…” Eric continued, looking back at the TV. “I don’t think it’s gonna work out.”

It was just like Eric to push away a partner who gave him the attention and validation he needed. Alan sympathized with Flavien; he’d been in his shoes so many times before. Alan hadn’t expected a man with such good looks to find himself in that kind of position, though. “Maybe you could talk to him? Tell him you need to take things slow? Emotionally?”

Eric raised a skeptical eyebrow.

Alan shrugged. “It’s worth a try. You might be surprised by his reaction.”

“Yeah…maybe…” Eric put down his controller and grabbed his phone, his lip curling as he read what Alan assumed were Flavien’s recent texts. Eric typed a short response, two to three words at most, then flung his phone back on the coffee table next to Alan’s. “Wanna order something?”

“Actually,” Alan said as he got up from the sofa, “I was planning on making pizza.”

Eric’s face lit up like a kid’s on Christmas Day. “You’re the best! Need any help?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks.” Alan gave him a smile, then made his way to their kitchen while taking deep, silent breaths.

Alan had read online that sharing a meal during a difficult conversation could help keep the mood friendly and respectful. He hated manipulating Eric like this, but it was for the best. In the end, they would both benefit from it.

He opened the fridge and took out the ball of dough he’d bought earlier while Eric was still sleeping. Leaving their apartment had allowed Alan to avoid finding out whether Flavien was the type to act like he didn’t exist. When Alan had come back home, Flavien had already left.

Alan put the dough on the counter, only then realizing it would have been best to let it sit at room temperature for a little while. Last time he made pizza, it took him forever to get it done, as he lacked the strength and endurance to knead cold dough quickly. Well, if anything, it would count as some kind of mini-workout.

“When were you planning on telling me?”

Alan’s anxiety soared at Eric’s tone of voice. He turned around and found Eric looking at his phone. “Eric…what are you doing?”

Eric gave him a venomous stare. “Answer me. When were you gonna tell me you’ve been fucking Jonah behind my back?”

“What? We’re not—”

“—Can I see you tonight? Yeah!” Eric read out loud, imitating their voices, before holding the phone out for Alan to see the screen. “Followed by a selfie of you wearing his hoodie .”

“I swear it’s not what you think. We haven’t—”

“—Yeah. Sure. He just accidentally sent you a picture of himself in bed with no shirt on.”

Alan took a few careful steps toward Eric, who was scrolling and stopping sporadically to read the texts he’d shared with Jonah. “Eric.”

“Wow. All he had to do was to talk to you about that shitty anime for you to end up in his bed.”

Alan took another step forward, anger rising in his chest as Eric kept violating his privacy. “We didn’t sleep together.”

“I never realized you were such a slut. Throwing our friendship away for the first dude with a big dick who gives you attention.”

“ Eric! Listen to me!”

“Or what?” Eric asked, his voice heavy with contempt. “You’ll suck Flavien’s dick?”

Alan gasped, and before he knew it, he slapped Eric across the face.

Alan barely had time to see the fury in his eyes before Eric gripped his shirt and gave a sudden tug, making Alan fall to the floor, his forehead hitting their coffee table with an explosion of pain. Alan whimpered and curled into a ball with his hands over his head, bracing for a hit that never came.

Instead, he heard a door slam, and when he opened his teary eyes, he saw that Eric had retreated to his room.

Alan spotted his phone on the floor next to him. He grabbed it with shaky fingers and opened his recent conversation with Marina.

? Alan: eric needs you

She replied immediately.

? Marina: where?

? Alan: in his room

? Marina: I’m coming

Alan got up and held on to the sofa for a moment as the room started spinning. He let go and made his way to his bedroom as fast as his wobbly legs allowed, then closed and locked his door before sitting on his bed with a heavy heart. It wasn’t his first fight with Eric, but they’d never gone as far as physically hurting each other before. It was bad. Really bad. And it was all his fault.

It didn’t take long for Alan to hear the front door open and close. Marina living in the same building as them had been a blessing on more than one occasion. “Eric? What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Why are you here! Go away!”

“ Eric , if you don’t open the door right now, I swear to god I’ll kick it down!”

Alan exhaled the breath he’d been holding as he heard Eric’s bedroom door open and close. He put on his headphones to avoid hearing their conversation, then grabbed his backpack and shoved his laptop, chargers, and some clothes in it.

Alan rushed out of his room and snatched a few necessities from the bathroom before putting his shoes on and stepping out. He held on to the handrail with both hands as he made his way toward the exit, his wobbly legs threatening to make him fall down the stairs.

Stay calm , he told himself as he set foot outside, even though he knew it was a lost cause. The mere sight of Eric’s car made his legs give way, forcing him to sit against the building wall as he tried to keep his panic under control.

He would rather not get Jonah involved. It was Alan’s own mess. He had to handle it himself. But he couldn’t. It was too much. He was helpless.

Alan took out his phone with a whimper, his lips and hands trembling as he texted Jonah.

? Alan: I need help

His phone rang almost instantly.

“What happened? Are you hurt?”

The sound of Jonah’s voice squeezed Alan’s throat so hard, he found himself unable to pronounce any words.

“Alan? Talk to me!”

“I-I need—”

“Are you safe?”

“Yeah.”

Jonah exhaled. “Where are you?”

“Home.”

“I’m coming.”

Alan hung up, then buried his face into his hands with a loud sob, only then noticing the burning, throbbing pain he’d somehow forgotten about. He looked at the fingers on his right hand and gasped—how had he not realized he was bleeding ?

Oh, no.

Alan took off his headphones and rummaged through his backpack searching for tissues, then turned on the front camera of his phone to take a look at his injury. It was bad, really bad. Jonah couldn’t see him like this. It would remind him of Elliot and cause him distress, and then he’d tell Alan it won’t work out between them, and then he’d leave Alan behind to cry all alone in the parking lot.

Alan rubbed his temple and cheek frantically, but only managed to worsen the pain and make the cut over his eyebrow bleed even more. He balled a bunch of tissues together and applied pressure on his forehead, debating whether he should go back upstairs to wipe his face with a washcloth and put on some kind of bandage.

Had they even remembered to refill their first aid kit?

Alan didn’t have a chance to hesitate for long, as a red car drove into their parking lot and stopped right in front of him. “What happened?” Jonah said as he rushed out and kneeled next to him. “You’re bleeding!”

“I just…” Alan hissed as Jonah inspected his forehead. “I just bumped my head. It’s nothing.”

“Did you lose consciousness? Any nausea? Vomiting?”

“No.”

“Can you walk? How’s your vision, is it blurry? Any numbness? Open your eyes; look at me.” Jonah inspected his right eye, then his left, then his right eye again.

“I’m okay, I promise.”

Jonah got up and held his hand out to help Alan get on his feet. “You don’t look stable. We’re going to the hospital.”

Alan wrapped his arms around Jonah as soon as he got up and rested the uninjured side of his head against his chest. “I’m okay, I promise. I just—can you please bring me to a hotel?”

“A hotel? Wh—” Jonah took a sharp inhale. “I’ll fucking kill him .”

“Jonah, please,” Alan sobbed as he tried to stop him from reaching the door. “Please! I need…I just want to leave. Please . I beg you.”

Jonah halted; his hands balled into tight fists as he took a few sharp breaths. “You’re not going to a hotel.” He turned around and looked into his eyes. “You’re coming home with me. ”

Alan nearly collapsed in relief, but he did his best to appear calm; he would rather not spend the night at the hospital. He just wanted to go hide and pretend nothing happened until he had the strength to face the situation.

Jonah lived very close to his apartment, Alan found out, as the ride was barely long enough for him to spiral down from the heavy silence that had settled between them. When Jonah parked in front of a modest home with a nice lawn and garden gnomes, Alan was just starting to convince himself that asking Jonah for help had been a terrible idea.

Alan got out of the car with a painful tightness in his chest. Could he ever do anything right?

Jonah walked up to him and took another close look at his eyes and wound, then placed his hands on his shoulders. “I want you to tell me if you have nausea or start feeling weak or have trouble seeing—or anything you’re not supposed to feel, alright? Promise.”

Alan nodded.

“Say it.”

“I promise.”

Jonah sighed. “Okay.” He grabbed Alan’s backpack and took his hand, then led him to the back of the house, where there was a door leading to the basement.

It saddened Alan that he wasn’t in the proper state of mind to take it all in. He was barely aware of his surroundings. Jonah was letting him into his private life, which Alan knew was a big step for him—a significant display of trust. Because of Alan, however, neither of them would get to enjoy his first visit to Jonah’s house.

“Sit here; I’ll be right back,” Jonah said as he led him to what Alan assumed was his bedroom.

Alan nodded, then took a seat on the edge of the bed as he watched Jonah leave the room. Alan immediately noticed a portrait of Elliot on the desk in front of him. The boy looked back at him with such warmth and kindness, it made Alan cry again. Why was he so weak? His fight with Eric was nothing compared to what Elliot and Jonah had gone through.

Jonah walked back into the room with a first aid kit and a washcloth. “I’ll clean your face. It’s gonna hurt a little,” he said as he sat down next to him.

Alan braced himself but flinched nonetheless as Jonah carefully wiped the blood from his skin. Now that Alan was in a safe place and didn’t need to be afraid anymore, his physical pain seemed to have grown exponentially.

“Tell me what happened,” Jonah said as he started bandaging Alan’s forehead.

Alan would much rather not talk about it—he felt guilty, ashamed, and dirty —but there was no avoiding it. “I hadn’t told Eric yet…about you.” He took a deep breath. “I was gonna tell him tonight but before I had a chance to he saw our texts and now he’s convinced we’ve been sleeping together behind his back—”

“— What? Why the fuck was he reading our texts?” Jonah nearly shouted, his face twisting with rage.

“He didn’t do it on purpose! He just likes to change his contact name on my phone from time to time, and…”

“Don’t you have a password?”

Alan’s gaze fell to his knees. “I do. But he knows what it is.”

“Why don’t you change it?”

Alan’s eyes filled with tears again. Jonah was right; this situation could have easily been avoided. It was almost like Alan wanted everything to go wrong.

Jonah sighed and cupped Alan’s chin, making him look into his eyes. “Listen to me. Eric had no right to read our private conversation, and he had no fucking right to hurt you.”

“It was an accident! He didn’t mean to.”

“ Alan. I’m trying real hard to stay calm, and you’re not helping.”

“It’s true, I swear! He just pushed me out of the way to go to his room. I lost my balance and bumped my head on the coffee table—besides, I’m the one who hit him.”

Jonah’s eyes widened. “You hit him?”

“He was being really mean, and I…I lost my temper, and I slapped him.”

“Good,” Jonah said as he secured the bandage in place. “He got what he deserved.”

Alan whined.

“We’ll continue this conversation later. You need to rest now.” Jonah said gravely. “Is there a movie you’ve seen a million times?”

“Movie?”

“Mm-hmm. ”

“Uh…Mulan.”

“Then we’ll lie down and watch Mulan.”

“Okay.”

Jonah crouched next to the bed and started unlacing Alan’s shoes.

“I can—”

“Shh.”

Alan watched Jonah take off his shoes and put them next to his bedroom door, then he took the hand Jonah held out to help him up and landed softly in Jonah’s arms.

“How do you feel?” Jonah asked.

Alan exhaled a long breath as he melted in the safety of Jonah’s embrace. “Better.” He still felt awful about what he’d done—and the things Eric had told him—but it was easier to momentarily push those thoughts aside when he was cradled by Jonah’s soothing scent and warmth.

Jonah stroked his back softly, his own body relaxing perceptibly as they silently held each other.

Alan’s heart brimmed with overwhelming gratitude for Jonah’s remarkable self-control. It mustn’t have been easy finding Alan sitting against a building with blood trickling down his forehead. Yet, Jonah had kept a level head and given Alan the care he needed. If only Alan could find a way to express…

“Jonah?” Alan murmured as a sudden thought crossed his mind.

“Hm?”

Alan found himself unable to think clearly, like his brain didn’t want to analyze things in a rational manner anymore. His pulse quickened as the thought became louder and louder and reduced all the others to silence.

Alan knew with certainty that he felt safe and intensely attracted to the man holding him close. So how could it be a bad idea?

“Can I kiss you?” Alan asked.

Jonah exhaled a long, audible breath. “Yeah.”

Warmth rose and fell in Alan’s chest, leaving him a little dizzy, but not in a bad way. His pulse quickened even more as he pulled away, the look in Jonah’s eyes making tingles explode in his stomach and travel all the way to his scalp and toes. He reached up to rest his hand against the back of Jonah’s neck and stood on his tiptoes, then waited for Jonah to make the next move—in part to make sure Jonah really wanted this, but also because Alan was too short to close the remaining distance, even if he tried.

Jonah looked at Alan’s lips, then back into his eyes as his head inched forward and down—slowly, very slowly. His warm, minty breath tickled Alan’s skin as Jonah parted his lips just enough for the tip of his tongue to glide across them and wet them slightly. The side of his nose brushed Alan’s, prompting him to tilt his head and close his eyes.

And then it happened.

Their lips met in a soft, tender, perfect kiss.

Perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

Alan kissed him again, then nuzzled Jonah’s nose with a soft hum and kissed him some more. Jonah’s hand came to rest on the back of his head, and Alan gripped Jonah’s shirt. Then, their lips parted, sparking an outburst of affection and lust in Alan’s lower belly as he felt Jonah’s tongue brush against his own. He moaned, pouring his whole being into their kiss, which soon turned deep, and hot.Very hot.

Intoxicating. Dizzying. Excessively arousing.

If he were to be falsely accused of sleeping with Jonah, Alan figured he might as well make it true.

Alan slid his free hand up Jonah’s shirt and squeezed his waist with a groan, pressing his hips against Jonah’s to make the growing evidence of his desire known.

Jonah broke their kiss. “Wait. No.”

Alan’s burning lust came crashing down, to be replaced with deep shame and regret.

“You’re still in shock,” Jonah said. “I don’t—”

“—I’m fine!” Alan insisted.

“Alan,” Jonah groaned. “Not tonight. Not like this.”

Alan faltered. He’d promised he would respect Jonah’s boundaries, and here he was, doing the complete opposite. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t.” Jonah cupped his cheek and stroked it softly with his thumb. “I’m not rejecting you. I just…I don’t want to mess this up, alright?”

Alan breathed a sigh and gave him a strained smile. Whatever droplets of energy he still had just deserted his body all at once .

“You look exhausted.” Jonah let go of him and reached for the covers to pull them down, then patted his bed. “You need to rest.”

Jonah was right; Alan was completely spent. He climbed into Jonah’s bed and lay on the side that didn’t hurt, and as soon as his head hit the pillow, his eyelids felt heavy.

“I’ll put on the movie, but let me know if it doesn’t help you relax and I’ll stop it.” Jonah tapped his phone screen a few times, then joined Alan in bed as the opening scene started playing. He carefully wrapped his arm around Alan and pressed his chest against his back.

Alan reached for Jonah’s hand that had come to rest against his stomach and interlaced their fingers together, which prompted Jonah to press a soft kiss behind his ear. Alan hummed and squeezed his hand as tingles danced across his scalp and neck, toning down his pain for a few blissful seconds.

Alan watched the familiar scenes play on the screen, his anxiety slowly melting away as he drifted off. It would be a difficult day tomorrow, but right now, he was in Jonah’s house, in his room, in his bed, and in his arms.

He was safe.