His Tiny Sun

Chapter 25 - Afterglow and Aftermath

CHAPTER 25

Afterglow and Aftermath

“I’ll miss you,” Alan said.

Jonah brushed his nose against Alan’s. “I’ll miss you too.”

“Can I call you tonight?”

“Yeah.”

Alan wrapped his arms tightly around Jonah’s shoulders. “I don’t want you to go.”

Jonah returned his hug with a chuckle. “You’ll see me tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is forever away!”

“It’s not.” Jonah patted Alan’s back. “I gotta go.”

Alan let go of Jonah’s shoulders, then gave him one last—very long and very deep—kiss, his hips absolutely not grinding against Jonah atall .

“You little devil,” Jonah growled, narrowing his eyes as he pulled away.

Alan gave him a self-satisfied smile as he took a step back and waved. “Bye!”

Jonah glared at him as he adjusted himself, then fled before Alan had the time to try to coerce him into staying longer.

Alan breathed a contented sigh as he stared at the door through which Jonah had just disappeared. He walked to the living room area and flopped onto the sofa, where he gazed at the ceiling with a big smile on his face. What a perfect weekend it had been.

Well, not entirely perfect. There were some awkward moments here and there, as well as a tiny little fight, during which Alan had shed a few tears and Jonah had fumed in silence. It had soon ended, though, when they’d both decided to kiss each other at the very same time.

Electricity had sparked between them, and Alan had ended up pinned against a wall, where they’d given each other a vigorous make-up handjob.

Alan felt his stomach tingle at the memory.

He didn’t think he had any reason to be concerned by those hiccups. In a way, it was to be expected; they spent thirty-four condensed hours together for the first time. Jonah’s short temper would have inevitably clashed with Alan’s hypersensitivity at one point or another.

But they both cared and listened—two key ingredients for them to succeed in adjusting to their budding relationship.

Alan grabbed his controller and turned on his console to play his most recent purchase. It was a cute colony sim type of video game with a big focus on exploration and strategy.

He sucked at the combat component, but he enjoyed it all the same. He figured he could always ask Eric for help if he got stuck facing an opponent that was too difficult to beat.

Speaking of the devil , Alan mused as the building started shaking. He paused his game and looked over his shoulder at the door, a smile at the ready. “Hey!” he greeted as Eric walked in. “How was it?”

“It was fun,” Eric said as he dumped his backpack next to the door, his face not agreeing with his words.

“…You don’t look convinced.”

Eric shrugged as he took off his shoes. His hair cascaded in front of his face, tangled and greasy, looking just as dirty as his clothes.

“What did you guys do?”

“We hiked and we went fishing,” Eric mumbled as he plopped onto the sofa next to Alan, who did his best not to wrinkle his nose when he found out that Eric’s scent matched his looks.

Marina managing to convince Eric to sit around doing nothing and saying nothing for hours was almost too surreal to be true. Alan had always assumed Eric would hate fishing, but he wouldn’t have expected him to look so downright traumatized by the experience, though. “You alright?”

Eric shrugged, his gaze unfocused and alarmingly empty.

Alan unpaused his game and started playing again, all the while watching Eric out of the corner of his eye. Alan’s anxiety was through the roof, but trying to make Eric talk would yield no results. The fact that Eric came to sit down right next to him as soon as he got home meant he would eventually open up, though. Otherwise, Eric would have immediately hopped into the shower.

Nothing tragic could possibly have happened. Marina was with him the entire time. He’s probably just overreacting about something.

Alan set out to chop the wood he needed for his quest, but not even a minute later, Eric started talking.

“I had a lot of time to think…”

Alan paused his game and gave him his undivided attention. Eric having a lot of time to think could either lead to something very good. Or very bad. Or both. “Mm-hm?”

“I think it would be best that I stop dating for a while.”

“What made you come to that conclusion?” Alan asked, even though he was dying to praise him. Eric would definitely benefit from recentering himself, but making such a decision couldn’t have been easy. Dating had been at the core of his existence for the longest time. Judging by the look on his face, Eric obviously needed support, so the right move was to listen.

“I don’t like the person I’ve become,” Eric said.

Alan kept his features neutral. Eric’s words were confirmation that the rest of their conversation would be like navigating a landmine of self-loathing. “What do you mean?”

Eric looked at him, his eyes glistening with tears. “I harmed you.”

Alan had been hoping they could forget about their fight and move on, but Eric was apparently still haunted by it.

Alan willed his voice to sound calm as he said, “It was an accident.”

“ No ! Listen to me!” Eric shouted. “I wanted to hurt you.”

Alan put his controller on the coffee table.

Eric couldn’t possibly mean what he was saying. He was just overly emotional after a demanding weekend spent one-on-one with his thoughts.

“I lied,” Eric continued, his lips trembling. “I lied when I said I would have stopped seeing Jonah if you’d told me you were attracted to him.”

Alan scooted closer and reached for his hand, but Eric pulled it away andhastily wiped the big tears that were now streaming down his cheeks.

“I lied to make me feel better about myself,”Eric said.

“I don’t understand.”

“I want you to punch me.”

Alan blinked. “W-what?”

“Punch me in the face.”

“Eric. I’m not gonna punch you.”

“I deserve it. ”

“You don’t.”

Eric scooted closer and snatched his wrist, guiding Alan’s limp hand to his face. “I need it. Punch me.”

“No,” Alan said, trying to break free from Eric’s hold. “What you need is a hug.”

“Stop!” Eric shouted as he stood up, taking a few steps back as though Alan was suddenly armed and dangerous. “Stop being so tolerant all the time!”

Deep sorrow filled Alan’s heart. He always hated when Eric entered his recurring self-loathing phase, but he feared it would be much worse this time. Eric was convinced he’d intentionally harmed Alan, which would exacerbate his internalized certainty that he was good for nothing. There wasn’t much Alan could do to prevent it, seeing as he was at the core of Eric’s distress. He would have to call Marina to the rescue…again.

“I’m not gonna stop being me just because you think you deserve to be punched in the face,” Alan said calmly.

“ Fine , then,” Eric spat out, snatching his phone from his pocket. “I know someone who will.”

Alan frowned in confusion as he watched Eric tap the screen repeatedly, then bring his phone up to his ear.

“You were right,” Eric told whoever he’d called. “I hurt him. I did it on purpose.”

“Eric!” Alan sprang to his feet. “Don’t listen to him! It’s not true!” he shouted loud enough for the person—who he assumed was Jonah—to hear over the phone.

Eric held his free arm up in front of himself to keep Alan at a distance, two more tears rolling down his cheeks while he listened to whatever Jonah was saying.

Alan grabbed his own phone and accessed his conversation with Jonah, then started typing, hoping Jonah would put the call on hold to check his notifications.

? Alan: Don’t listen to him

? Alan: He’s in a bad place

? Alan: He still feels bad about the other day

? Alan: He asked me to punch him and I said no, so he called you

? Alan: He’s not gonna hurt me

? Alan: Please don’t listen to him

“No,” Eric murmured, making Alan look up from his phone. “No,” he repeated, visibly deflating.

Alan was dying to hear what Jonah was saying, but no matter how hard he tried to prick his ears, he couldn’t make out any of it. It seemed to be working, though; Eric was visibly calming down. Alan didn’t know if he should be proud, baffled, or worried about the unexpected turn of events.

“Yeah,” Eric said, his shoulders slumping.

His post-camping trip appearance made him look even more miserable, like a sad puppy that was left out all night in the cold rain. Alan hoped Eric would allow him to give him a hug after the call ended. He needed it. They both needed it.

“Mm-hm…” Eric nodded slightly. “Yeah.” He breathed a sigh, then hung up.

Alan looked at him expectantly, barely managing to keep his anxiety under control as he waited to discover in what state of mind Eric’s call with Jonah had left him. Alan felt his own phone buzz in his pocket, but before he had the time to check his notification, Eric took a step forward and pulled him into a hug, which Alan reciprocated with a sigh.

“Sorry. I really need a shower,” Eric said, squeezing him tight.

Alan chuckled. “You do.” Eric tried to pull away, but Alan held him for a little longer; he couldn’t care less that he smelled like someone who’d spent three days in the woods. Alan was far too relieved by the fact that Eric wasn’t urging him to punch him in the face anymore.

“Did you tell Flavien?” Alan asked as he let go of him, remembering their initial conversation.

“Yeah. I called him.” Eric scratched the back of his neck while averting his gaze. “We agreed to stay friends.”

Alan felt uncomfortable—would someone like Flavien truly accept to just be friends?—but he refrained from commenting. He would ask Jonah’s opinion later, though, and would make sure to offer Eric all the support he needed in the upcoming weeks to help him stay strong in the face of Flavien’s potential harassment. “I think you made the right decision.”

Eric exhaled a long sigh, then plopped down on the sofa. “Hope so,” he said, burying his face into his hands.

Alan sat down as well and reached for the controller to resume playing his game. He failed to focus, though, and after a long, heavy moment of silence, he decided to attempt to lighten the mood. “By the way…” he said tentatively, his gaze meeting Eric’s exhausted eyes. “You do know that if I ever punch you, I’ll hurt myself far more than I hurt you, right?”

A small smile appeared on Eric’s lips. “I guess I hadn’t thought this through. You should really come to the gym with us again. It’s only awful the first few times, then it gets easier. You’ll see.”

“Actually…I was thinking of taking self-defense classes instead.”

Eric perked up, all traces of his previous emotional storm erased from his features. “That’s a great idea! I could go with you.”

Alan paused his game. “You would?”

“Yeah! It’ll be fun,” Eric exclaimed excitedly, his smile turning a shade of wicked. “I’ll play the bad guy, so you’ll be forced to give me a beating.”

Alan chuckled. “I doubt that’s how self-defense classes go.”

Eric sprang to his feet. “I’ll find us the perfect place tonight,” he said as he rushed toward the bathroom. “Can’t wait!”

There were some perks to Eric taking over, Alan figured, even if his anxiety disagreed. Procrastinating wouldn’t be an option anymore, and skipping classes would be impossible. Eric would drag him there by force if needed.

Alan took out his phone, suddenly remembering the notification from earlier.

? Jonah: Everything okay?

? Alan: Yeah! he’s calmed down completely. What did you tell him?

? Jonah: I know what it’s like to feel like a piece of shit

? Jonah: Just talked some sense into him

Alan’s heart filled with warmth as he read Jonah’s texts. Eric and Jonah obviously weren’t meant to be together, but perhaps they could eventually become good friends.How awesome would that be?

Alan typed, ‘Would you like to take self-defense classes with us?’, but changed his mind before pressing the ‘send’ button. Friendship, just like love, shouldn’t be rushed. It would run its course in due time if it was meant to be.