Home for Christmas

Chapter 18

After a restless night and with no Tink to keep me company in my heightened state of stress, I had whizzed through my morning chores and routine and was ready to set off for the hospital just before eight.

Given that it was only a fifteen-minute drive up the road, I knew it was far too early to arrive and considered trying to telephone the main reception to find out what I could about Jude’s injury ahead of my visit. I had the hospital number already keyed into my phone and was just about to call but then changed my mind. Given the state I was in, I might well make a hash of the conversation and that could completely ruin my chances of blagging my way in to see him.

Ordinarily, in a crisis, I’d call Jeanie – and more recently, Holly, too – but the stressed state I was in also put me off contacting either of them. My anxiety and concern for Jude would make it obvious that I had more intense feelings for him than I had previously confessed to, and I didn’t think I could deal with my friends knowing and wanting to discuss that on top of everything else.

I couldn’t face breakfast and when I tried to settle downstairs to make a fairy or two, I quickly discovered that my shaking hands weren’t conducive to doing that, either. I tried reading but couldn’t focus on the words, then watching TV but could find nothing to hold my attention, and in the end I settled on moving the Christmas decoration boxes into the rooms they were destined for. The decs would have to go up soon. I was already three days behind my usual December routine, and if I didn’t make a start before long, I’d never catch up.

By the time I had finished shifting the boxes, it was time to go, and I left the house wearing my most convincing ‘concerned partner’ expression, which, given how upset I was, wasn’t a stretch at all.

‘I’m here to see my partner,’ I boldly told the hospital receptionist. ‘I’ve just had a message, which somehow got delayed, telling me that he’s been admitted here following a car accident on Sunday evening.’

The words caught in my throat, but that wasn’t part of any act because saying them out loud was upsetting.

‘I don’t know which ward he’s on.’ I swallowed. ‘Is there some way you can help me find him, please?’

‘What’s his name, my love?’ the receptionist asked kindly, as she speedily pressed a few of the keys on her keyboard.

‘Jude,’ I told her. ‘His name is Jude.’

‘Jude what?’

‘Sorry?’

‘What’s his surname?’

I felt heat begin to build in my cheeks. I couldn’t remember if Jude had ever told me his surname, or if I’d known it and the shock of what had happened had knocked it clean out of my head.

‘Oh,’ I faltered. ‘It’s…’

‘Bella?’

I spun round to find Kirsty standing behind me in a nurse’s uniform.

‘Oh, Kirsty!’ I said, thinking how her dad in his taxi had come to my rescue at the Brambles party and now she might be about to, too. ‘Hey.’

‘Are you all right?’ She frowned. ‘You look a bit peaky.’

The blood which had formerly rushed to my face now felt like it had fallen to my feet.

‘Yes,’ I said with a nod. ‘I’m okay. Sort of. I’m just trying to find someone, but I don’t know which ward he’s on.’

‘It’s someone called Jude,’ the receptionist piped up, and I realized there were three other people waiting behind me to talk to her now.

‘Leave it with me, Patsy,’ Kirsty said briskly, moving me away. ‘Come on, Bella. There aren’t that many wards to choose from, so we’re bound to find him at some point. He’s not on mine, which narrows the search, and I’m early for my shift, so I’ll help you look.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Absolutely,’ she insisted. ‘Come on.’

Kirsty hit the jackpot with her second attempt, and while she introduced me to the nurse in charge, my eyes quickly scanned around the beds I could see in the ward opposite the nurse’s station.

‘There he is!’ I said, the words coming out in a loud, strangled sob. ‘That’s him.’

Lying with his eyes closed in the bed furthest from the door and closest to the window, looking battered, bruised and deathly pale, was Jude.

‘Oh my god,’ I gasped. ‘He looks terrible!’

‘You go and sit with him,’ the nurse who Kirsty was talking to said to me, ‘and when he wakes up, he can fill you in on what happened.’

I’d been so desperate to find him, but in that moment my feet felt rooted to the spot. I didn’t know what I had been expecting, but the sight of Jude in the hospital bed and looking so poorly tore my heart in two.

‘Bella?’ Kirsty said, lightly touching my arm. ‘Do you want me to come with you?’

‘No,’ I said, coming out of my reverie. ‘I’ll be fine, but thank you. And thank you for helping me find him, too.’

‘I’m sure he looks worse than he feels,’ she said, smiling. ‘Bruising can be like that. Go on. He’ll be relieved to see you.’

I walked quietly on to the ward and sat as gently as I could on the chair next to Jude’s bed. His hands were resting on top of the sheet, and I fought back the urge to take them in my own because I didn’t want to wake him. I could now also see a bruise beginning to bloom on his right shoulder and wondered if that was from the seat belt tightening when the other car ran into his. I was staring at the livid colour of it when his eyelids began to flutter. I looked back at his face just as he let out a long breath and opened his eyes.

‘Bella,’ he croaked, as he turned his head and slowly focused on my face.

‘Hey,’ I said, my eyes filling with tears and the lump from before returning to my throat. ‘What have you been up to, then?’

He awkwardly inched himself a little higher up in the bed, grimacing and gasping as he did so.

‘Just trying to do a good deed.’ He smiled weakly, after he’d taken another breath.

‘I heard there were deer involved,’ I said, leaning further forward in my seat and determinedly blinking my tears away. ‘I hope they weren’t Santa’s.’

I immediately wished I hadn’t said that, given the outcome for a couple of them.

‘I’m not that averse to the season,’ Jude said with a smile, then winced.

‘Well, that’s good to know.’ I smiled shakily back. ‘So what happened? Can you remember? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’

I let out a breath, aware that I was prattling on.

‘I can remember,’ he said, ‘and I don’t mind telling you. I’d stopped to let these few deer cross the road in front of me. They were almost away, but then suddenly, from out of nowhere, there was this car.’ He swallowed, and I held my breath. ‘It was absolutely flying, in spite of the icy conditions. It smacked into the back of me, and that shot my car into the path of a truck which was coming to a stop on the other side of the road.’

It sounded horrendous. I wondered what had happened to the other people involved.

‘So you got hit at the front as well as the back?’ I choked.

No wonder he looked so beaten up if it was a double impact.

‘According to what the hospital staff have told me, I’ve got off quite lightly.’ He shrugged, then groaned because the movement had pained him. ‘That said, some of the details about what happened after the event are a bit hazy.’

That was probably no bad thing.

‘Oh, Jude,’ I said, wanting to give the driver who was going too fast a piece of my mind.

‘I’m desperate to find out what’s happened to my car,’ he went on, sounding stressed, ‘because it’s got all my work in, my laptop and my luggage. Everything to do with the book I’m writing for the Connellys and all the copies of the documents they gave me. If that’s all been lost or gone missing—’

‘Hey,’ I said, cutting him off, because he was looking even worse than when I first found him. ‘Stop. You don’t need to be worrying about any of that. I can find out where your car’s been taken and get your stuff back for you. In fact,’ I said, pulling out my phone, ‘I’ll get Angus on the case. He’s desperate to do something to help.’

Especially now he knew he’d messaged someone else rather than me after the crash, but I didn’t tell Jude that. He already found Angus frustrating to deal with, and there would be nothing to be gained from adding to his exasperation.

‘The sister who was on duty yesterday said he’d tried to visit, but she wouldn’t let him in,’ Jude told me, as he struggled to reach for the cup of water on his bedside locker. I jumped up and passed it to him. ‘I did appreciate her stopping him,’ he told me after he’d slowly drained the cup, ‘because I don’t think I could have coped with seeing him. Not then, anyway.’

I nodded in understanding and poured more of the water.

‘Well,’ I told him, ‘I don’t think she would have let me on the ward, either, but I’ve blagged my way in thanks to an old school friend – and if anyone asks, I’m your partner.’

‘My partner ,’ Jude echoed, raising his eyebrows.

‘Yes.’ I blushed, as an alarm started to sound. ‘I had to say something and was worried it might be relatives or partners only.’

It wasn’t until the nurse came over that I realized that the sound was coming from Jude’s bed, but as far as I could see, he wasn’t hooked up to anything.

‘Can you turn that off?’ the nurse asked me briskly, sounding cross.

‘I haven’t got anything to turn off,’ I responded, feeling embarrassed and then mortified when I realized that I had. ‘Oh, hang on,’ I said, grappling in my bag. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I apologized, as I pulled out the Father Christmas kitchen timer, ‘I must have knocked it when I got my phone out.’

I eventually worked out how to shut it down, and the nurse looked at me as if I were mad.

‘I don’t usually carry it with me,’ I told her as my face flushed scarlet.

‘Ow!’ Jude winced, as he simultaneously laughed and held on to his ribs.

Clearly my discomfiture had amused him.

‘Never mind,’ said the nurse, holding up her hands. ‘I don’t need to know. We had that Angus Connelly in here yesterday. One eccentric a week is enough for any hospital ward.’

‘I’m not eccentric…’ I started to object, but she’d already gone.

Jude smiled with an uncomfortable nod to the timer. ‘It arrived, then?’

‘It did,’ I said, holding the jolly chap up for him to see. ‘And I love it.’

‘Clearly,’ he said, ‘if you’ve taken to carrying it around.’

‘I wanted to show it to you,’ I explained. ‘I thought it might break the ice if the conversation was a bit… stilted.’

Jude looked upset.

‘I’m sorry I was in a bit of a weird mood the morning I left,’ he said.

‘Doesn’t matter now.’ I shrugged, knowing that if I considered it too deeply, then I’d find that I probably had been, too. ‘And you haven’t left, have you? You’re still very much here.’

‘Yes,’ he said, frowning, ‘and I’ve no idea what I’m going to do about that.’

He had a point, because he was in no fit state to carry on with his journey.

‘Can you grab my phone?’ he asked. ‘I think it’s in the locker. It was in my jacket pocket the night of the crash, which is how it didn’t get lost along with everything else.’

‘Nothing will be lost,’ I reassured him. ‘We’ll track it all down in no time.’

‘Looks like it’s nearly out of battery,’ he said once I’d handed the phone over, ‘and there’s at least two dozen missed calls and messages from the hall.’

‘Everyone has been really worried about you,’ I told him as I connected his phone to my portable charger before it shut down completely. ‘Me included, since I found out what happened. I didn’t know until last night, because Angus messaged someone called Bunty rather than me,’ I said, letting slip what had happened in spite of my earlier conviction not to. ‘Apparently, we’re listed next to each other on his contacts list.’

‘He has mentioned a Bunty to me.’ Jude frowned in re-collection. ‘I think she’s a distant cousin and, to quote Angus directly, as mad as a box of frogs.’

I rolled my eyes at that. Bunty must have been really something if that was Angus’s opinion of her.

‘Oh crikey,’ Jude said as he started to read through the messages. ‘Apparently, I’m not to worry about trying to carry on with my journey or how I’ll look after myself when I’m discharged, because I’m to go back to the hall, where a downstairs room is being made up for me. To quote Angus again, I can recuperate with the Connellys.’

He looked at me and pulled a horrified face, and I couldn’t say I was surprised by his reaction. I wasn’t sure how much recuperation he’d be able to do under the hall’s roof, even though everyone living under it had only the very kindest of intentions.

‘I do love the Connellys,’ Jude went on, echoing my thoughts just as a consultant walked on to the ward, ‘but they’ve got even more family about to descend for the Christmas holidays, and those who are already there drove me to distraction when I first moved in. Through no fault of their own, of course…’

Clearly we were on the same wavelength, and he didn’t have to remind me of his reaction to his brief time spent living with them. That had been the whole reason why he’d ended up under my roof.

‘Good morning, Jude,’ the consultant said, smiling as he strode over. ‘How are you feeling this morning?’

‘Like I’ve gone at least seven rounds with Muhammad Ali,’ Jude sighed, putting his phone down.

I wondered how much of that was to do with his injuries versus the Connellys’ kind offer to recuperate at the hall.

‘If you’d gone seven rounds with Ali, my friend,’ the consultant laughed, ‘you wouldn’t be capable of talking to me right now.’

‘That’s true,’ Jude agreed. ‘I am still feeling pretty banged up, though.’

‘I’m not surprised. You had quite a knock in that crash. Let’s see if any more of the bruising is starting to come out.’

‘I’ll leave you to it,’ I said, standing up.

‘This is Bella,’ said Jude, introducing me. ‘My partner.’

There went my heart again. I tried to mentally chant Jude kissed someone else, and I’m over him , but it didn’t help.

‘You can stay, Bella,’ said the consultant. ‘This is only a quick check-up and examination. It won’t take long.’

‘No, it’s okay,’ I said, reaching for my bag. ‘I have a call to make, so I’ll come back in a minute.’

The Wynbridge winter air felt even colder after the tropical temperature inside the hospital. I wasn’t sure if I was shaking because of that or the continued shock of seeing Jude looking so damaged.

He really was in a state, and if what I’d read online about post-car crash trauma the evening before was anything to go by, he was only likely to feel rougher over the next few days, or even weeks, as the bruising and stiffness made its presence felt. There might even be some psychological suffering associated with driving again for him to deal with, too.

‘Bunty, is that you?’ Angus asked, the second my call connected.

‘No,’ I tutted. ‘It’s me, Bella.’

‘I know,’ he said. ‘I could see it was your number, I just thought a little joke… but under the circumstances, perhaps not. Have you got in? How is he?’

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I’ve got in, and we haven’t really had a chance to talk through his injuries yet, but he doesn’t look great and he’s feeling terrible.’

‘The poor boy!’ said Angus, as if he were talking about one of his sons rather than an employee. ‘I had a horrible feeling he wasn’t going to be at his best, but we’ll soon get him back on form. I’ve got loads planned to keep him occupied. I’ve messaged and told him that he must come here to recuperate. I’m more than happy to help him.’

‘But aren’t you going to be too busy organising the Festive Fair?’ I tried on Jude’s behalf. ‘It’s only a few days away now, after all.’

‘There’s not all that much to do,’ Angus told me, sounding carefree. ‘Jamie has it all in hand, and I’m on Winter Wonderland planning duty.’

‘I’d forgotten about the Winter Wonderland,’ I tried, ‘that must take up even more of your time, Angus. Surely you won’t have time to—’

‘No, it’s all easy peasy,’ he cut in, sounding entirely unfazed. ‘Now it’s been running for a few years, it practically organizes itself, so I’ll have plenty of time to help Jude.’

There didn’t seem to be any way around it, and it hardly felt fair of me to keep pushing to find a reason for Jude not to go to the hall given that Angus was offering to help with his welfare at the forefront of his mind. But it was still an unsatisfactory state of affairs given that Jude had previously tried to live with the family and it hadn’t worked out. There had to be another solution.

‘You could actually start helping him right now,’ I then suggested, remembering the purpose behind my call.

‘How so?’

I explained about Jude’s concerns regarding what had happened to the contents of his car, and Angus said he’d get straight on the case. He had a pretty good idea of which Wynbridge garage the car had most likely ended up in, and he would contact his local friend on the police force to find out if recovering Jude’s work things, suitcase and other belongings would be a possibility.

‘And how’s Tink?’ I asked, after I had thanked him for taking that on.

‘I would say she’s missing you…’ Angus chuckled.

‘But she hasn’t actually noticed I’ve gone?’ I laughed.

‘Got it in one,’ he confirmed. ‘We’ll see you later, Bella.’

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I’ll see you all later.’

Jude was sitting with his legs over the side of the bed and one hand resting on his ribs when I returned to the ward. He looked, if it was possible, even paler than before.

‘So,’ I said, trying to keep my voice even, ‘what did the consultant say? Will you live?’

‘Apparently,’ he said with a smile, ‘though I’m going to feel worse before I feel better.’

That tallied with what I’d read online, and if he was going to have Angus buzzing about him – no matter how well intentioned it was – he was going to feel much worse before he felt the tiniest bit better.

‘Did you really have to make a call?’ Jude asked me.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I spoke to Angus, and he’s going to track down your car and everything you’d got in it.’

Jude nodded and let out a long breath.

‘You’re a star to think to do that,’ he told me. ‘If he comes up trumps, that will be a huge weight off my mind.’

‘Oh, he will,’ I insisted. ‘You know Angus. He’s got connections to everyone. I daresay he’ll have all of your things and the hall documents arranged in your room before you’re even discharged. Have they said when that’s likely to be?’

‘Tomorrow,’ he said, gingerly levering himself into a standing position. ‘I’m going to be discharged tomorrow.’

‘And what exactly are your injuries?’ I asked, feeling the discomfort of every movement as he awkwardly climbed back into the bed.

‘Nothing broken, which is a blessing,’ he told me, sounding out of breath from the exertion of moving. ‘But a lot of bruising. The chest-wall bruising could take up to six weeks to heal.’ That put his recovery well beyond Christmas. ‘And whiplash, which, believe me, is nowhere near as much fun as I used to think it was when I first came across the word as an innuendo-obsessed tween.’

I was tempted to laugh at that but didn’t.

‘Shouldn’t you have a brace for your neck?’ I asked.

‘No,’ he said, going to shake his head but then thinking better of it. ‘And I mustn’t keep my head in the same position for too long, either. I need to keep active, well, moderately active, because it will help me heal faster.’

‘But you mustn’t overdo it,’ I insisted.

‘Do I look like I could overdo anything ?’

‘No, well,’ I concurred, ‘I guess not.’

‘I think that was your phone.’

‘Nothing wrong with your ears, then,’ I said, as I checked the screen and saw I’d had a message from Angus.

‘I’ll probably wish there was once I’m ensconced back in the hall,’ Jude said ruefully.

‘Well,’ I told him, ‘at least when you’re there, you’ll have all your stuff around you.’

‘Really?’

‘Yep. Angus is going to collect everything you had in your car this afternoon, so you’ll have all your belongings back with you as soon as you’re discharged.’

‘Well, that’s something,’ he said, resting his head back, then lifting it up again. ‘These hospital gowns don’t leave much to the imagination, do they? And I missed my electric toothbrush this morning.’

I realized then that other than the clothes he came in wearing and his wallet and phone, which had been placed in the locker, he had nothing.

‘I’ll pop to the hospital shop and pick you up a few essentials,’ I said, checking I’d got my purse.

‘You don’t have to do that, Bella.’

‘I know I don’t have to,’ I told him, ‘but I want to. Just enough bits to tide you over until you’re reunited with everything tomorrow.’

He didn’t object further, so I knew he didn’t really mind, and I headed off to buy a makeshift wash kit and find some snacks that I thought he might fancy. The shop didn’t have much, but Jude would be able to freshen up and brush his teeth, and that would be enough until the next day.

He was talking on his phone when I arrived back on the ward, so I waited at the nurse’s station until he ended the call.

‘Please don’t tell me that was Angus giving you the lowdown on all the boardgames he’s got lined up to play with you,’ I said. Jude looked horrified. ‘I’m kidding,’ I added quickly, but I wasn’t, really.

‘No,’ he said, ‘not Angus. How much do I owe you?’

I handed him the bag.

‘Nothing,’ I said, ‘because they didn’t have much.’

‘The luxury of brushing my teeth alone has got to be worth at least a tenner,’ he said, then started to cough, which caused his complexion to dramatically change colour. ‘Damn,’ he said, taking a second to catch his breath once the moment had passed. ‘That really hurt.’

‘I could tell,’ I sympathized.

‘And knowing it could get worse before it gets better isn’t much comfort.’

‘No,’ I said, biting my lip. ‘I can’t imagine that it is.’

‘It was my mum, by the way,’ he said.

‘Sorry?’

‘On the phone,’ he elaborated. ‘I was talking to Mum.’

‘I’m guessing you told her what’s happened.’

‘Yes,’ he said, ‘well, as much as I needed to.’

‘Was she upset?’

‘Mum doesn’t really do upset,’ he said, and I wondered what that meant.

‘Can she get to see you?’

‘No,’ he told me. ‘She and Dad are travelling abroad until the end of January, so I won’t be seeing either of them until I’m completely healed.’

My mum was abroad, too, but if she’d known I’d been in a car accident, she would have rushed straight back to Wynbridge to look after me. I knew it wasn’t my place to judge Jude’s parents, but I thought it was a bit much that they hadn’t at least offered to cut their trip short.

‘Which means,’ Jude went on, ‘that their place in Surrey is currently empty.’

‘You’re not going to suggest you head there, are you?’

‘I had considered it,’ he sighed, ‘but I don’t think I could manage the journey. Even in the roomiest vehicle, I’d be bound to stiffen up even more, and to be honest…’

‘To be honest, what?’

‘Oh, it doesn’t matter.’

‘No,’ I said, ‘go on. What were you going to say?’

‘Well,’ he said, looking embarrassed, ‘I’m not sure I want to be in a car at all after what happened, and especially for that amount of time. I suppose that sounds a bit feeble.’

‘It doesn’t sound feeble at all,’ I said, reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze. ‘It must have been terrifying to experience what happened, and you’re more than entitled to feel shaken up, Jude. I was knocked off my feet when I heard what had occurred myself.’

‘Were you really?’ he said, looking straight at me.

‘Of course I was,’ I told him, squeezing his fingers even tighter.

We were quiet for a second, just staring into each other’s eyes, then he let go of my hand and reached into the bag for the Jelly Babies I’d picked up in the shop.

‘I’m absolutely dreading the drive to the hall,’ he confessed. ‘I’m guessing the only way to get there will be to go by the crash site, and I’m not sure I can face that.’

An idea had been slowly forming in my mind, and his admission consolidated it.

‘You won’t have to face it,’ I therefore forthrightly said.

‘There’s another way?’ he asked, struggling to tear into the bag.

‘No,’ I said, taking it from him, opening it and handing it back, ‘there isn’t, but I mean that you won’t have to travel that way at all.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because you’re coming back to mine,’ I said firmly. ‘You’re coming home with me.’

He looked at me and blinked. My suggestion took a few seconds for him to process.

‘No way,’ he said eventually. ‘I can’t possibly do that, Bella. I’ve already put you behind a whole month, and you’ve only just got back into the house. There’s no way I could manage the stairs up to the apartment, and I’m not turfing you out again.’

A compromise was needed.

‘Well,’ I said, ‘in that case, we’d better come up with a plan, because you can’t really go back to the hall, can you?’

Being with the Connellys in the run-up to Christmas would be stressful enough, but getting to the hall ahead of that was too traumatic a thing for Jude to face so soon after the crash. He’d had no processing time at all.

‘How about if we share the house?’ he asked, after a few moments of thought. ‘You have your upstairs bedroom, like you usually would now, and I have the small one downstairs with the shower room attached.’

‘Yes,’ I said with a nod, pleased that he wasn’t putting up a fight or finding reasons for my suggestion not to happen, ‘I suppose that does make sense. That way, I’ll be on hand if you get into trouble, won’t I?’

‘I didn’t mean that you’d be around to tend to my every need,’ he said quickly.

‘Neither did I!’ I shot back, and he carefully laughed, then groaned. ‘You’ll have to put up with my decorations, though. I draw the line at not putting them up. I’m already three days late with festooning the place.’

Jude drew in and let out a breath, wincing as he did so and letting out a louder groan.

‘All right,’ he said finally, offering me his hand to gently shake, ‘I will take you up on your extremely generous offer, Bella, but only if you promise not to try and make me fall in love with Christmas.’

That wasn’t going to be an issue at all, because I was going to be focused instead on putting all of my energy and effort into not falling back in love with him.

‘Deal!’ I said, lightly shaking his hand. ‘But don’t blame me if some of my enthusiasm rubs off on you,’ I added. ‘Because that will be completely beyond my control.’

‘Oh,’ he laughed, clutching his ribs again, ‘it won’t impact on me. Given how I’m feeling, I can say that for certain. I’m going to be more of a Grinch than ever.’

I really hoped he wasn’t, otherwise we were both going to be in for a very un-merry Christmas.