Home for Christmas

Chapter 19

With our minds made up that Jude was going to come back to mine once he’d been discharged the following day, we then spent the rest of the morning working out the finer practical details about how sharing the house was going to work. There wasn’t all that much to think about, but it had taken me a while to convince him to get onboard with some of it.

I knew that bundling his washing in with mine, for example, would make more sense than him struggling to wash a separate load, but he had initially been reluctant to agree. It wasn’t until I finally pointed out the energy- and water-saving benefits that he finally acquiesced. However, when it came to my suggestion that I could just as easily cook for two as one, he was quicker to approve of that – as long as it didn’t involve baking, he said. The cheeky sod.

I left him just as lunch was about to be served on the ward, with everything satisfactorily arranged. And knowing that the consultant had lined up a scan for him in the afternoon, which could take a while, I felt easier in my mind about not going back to see him again later.

‘I’ll go and pick up Tink and explain about the change of plan – and assuming that Angus has now got everything, I’ll collect your things, too,’ I said to Jude. ‘And that will give me the rest of the day to make up the downstairs spare room for you and get some extra food in.’

‘Are you really sure it’s okay?’ Jude asked concernedly. ‘It’s a lot of extra work for you, isn’t it?’

I gave him a stern look.

‘Hardly any work at all,’ I said forcefully. ‘It’s decided. You’re definitely coming home with me.’

Having seen how the colour had drained from his face when he thought about the drive to the hall, there was no way I was going to let him back out of what we’d decided now.

‘All right,’ he said. ‘Thank you, Bella.’

‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ I said, pulling on my coat. ‘Message or call me when they’re ready to discharge you, and I’ll be straight here.’

‘I really appreciate it.’

‘I know you do,’ I said, smiling. ‘Bye, then.’

‘The nurse is watching us,’ he said in a low voice. ‘You’d better give me a kiss goodbye; you’re supposed to be my partner.’

I looked at him and raised my eyebrows.

‘I don’t think we should go there again, do you?’ I said quietly, still smiling.

Though perhaps no harm could come from just one tender kiss on the cheek…

‘Given that you’re the ultimate Christmas fairy and I’m the ghost of Christmas past,’ Jude sighed, sounding – to my mind, at least – rather regretful, ‘I suppose not.’

Not only were we incompatible on the festive front, but good old-fashioned common sense was also telling me that I couldn’t possibly allow him to again take up the space in my heart that seeing him kiss someone else had only just booted him out of. I ignored the fact that how my heart had reacted to hearing what had happened to him had been an obvious indicator that I hadn’t booted him quite as far away as my head was trying to make out.

I looked at him again and hoped I hadn’t made a mistake in inviting him to move back into the house. I was going to have to make sure I did everything possible to ensure that no lines were crossed and no misunderstandings about the parameters of our relationship flared up. With any luck, my full-on festive spirit would be enough to put him off me again. That was assuming he had ever really been… on me.

‘Would you mind if I kept hold of your phone charger?’ Jude requested. ‘I have a couple of messages I need to send and people I need to let know what’s happened.’

I wondered if one of those might be the person he’d been kissing at the Brambles party. That well-timed thought helped tamp down my feelings for him again.

‘Of course,’ I said. ‘You keep hold of that, and I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Jude had been right to be wary about driving by the crash site. There was police tape fluttering around the flattened verge, where I imagined his car had ended up, and skid marks which proved that the driver who had careered into him had barely had any reaction time at all. The sight of it made me feel quite sick, so it wouldn’t do Jude any good to see it at all.

‘Hello, love,’ said Dorothy when I arrived at the hall. ‘You’re earlier than expected. Is everything all right?’

‘Yes,’ I said, scooping an ecstatic Tink up. ‘All good, but there’s been a bit of a change of plan. Is Angus about, by any chance?’

She looked up at the clock.

‘He’s gone to collect Jude’s stuff from the garage, but he shouldn’t be much longer. Have you eaten?’

‘Not yet,’ I said, and right on cue, my tummy gave the loudest rumble.

‘Sit yourself down,’ Dorothy commanded, ‘and I’ll dish you up some soup.’

I wasn’t usually so ravenous at lunchtime, but then I remembered that I hadn’t eaten any breakfast.

‘Leek and potato all right?’ she asked.

‘Perfect,’ I said, as she lifted the lid on the pot and the delicious aroma filled the kitchen. ‘Thank you, Dorothy.’

The smell must have wafted further than the kitchen, because within a couple of minutes Archie arrived, along with Jamie and Catherine.

‘Anna messaged to say that she and Molly are staying in town for lunch,’ Jamie told Dorothy the moment he walked in. ‘But they’ll be back in time for tea. Hello, Bella. Did you manage to see Jude?’

‘You know she did,’ said Catherine, sitting next to me, while Archie handed out the soup-filled bowls from Dorothy. ‘Your father told you that before he left.’

‘Oh yes,’ said Jamie. ‘Sorry. Baby brain.’

‘Jude’s very battered and bruised,’ I told them all, ‘but thankfully, and miraculously, there’s nothing broken. He’s got a check-up scan this afternoon and then, all being well, he’ll be discharged tomorrow.’

‘That’s when the trouble for him will really start,’ Archie said ruefully. ‘Get him here with Dad again, and he’ll soon be feeling worse instead of better.’

‘Actually,’ I said, biting my lip, ‘I wanted to talk to you about that.’

‘He doesn’t want to come back, does he?’ Catherine said astutely. ‘I did try to tell Angus, but as he was the reason why Jude was so late leaving on the night of the crash, he’s going all out to try to make amends.’

‘But the accident wasn’t Angus’s fault,’ I said hastily. ‘That was down to the moron who was driving too fast for the conditions behind Jude.’

‘You try telling Dad that,’ Archie said gloomily.

‘Well, when I get the chance,’ I said keenly, ‘I will, but in the meantime, I’ve said that Jude is welcome to come back and stay with me.’

‘Oh my dear—’ Catherine began, but I cut her off.

‘It’s so kind of you to offer to let him recuperate here, but what with the fair at the weekend, and then the Winter Wonderland soon after that, not to mention the influx of extra Christmas visitors, it’s going to be so busy.’

‘And given that Jude doesn’t do Christmas,’ Dorothy reminded everyone, ‘it’s hardly going to be the most relaxing or healing place for him to be, is it?’

‘Bella’s hardly a subtle celebrator of the season,’ Jamie said with a grin, and I gave him a sardonic look. ‘But you’ve both got a point.’

‘And I daresay Jude might not be too keen to have to be driven by the site where the crash happened,’ Catherine added perceptively with a shudder.

I didn’t comment on that. It wasn’t my place to tell them that that was something Jude had said he was worried about. Unless, of course, they objected to him coming to stay with me, in which case I might resort to pulling it out of the bag.

‘On balance, then,’ Catherine proclaimed, ‘I think Jude staying with you will be a better solution, Bella. It’s extremely kind of you to offer, given that you’d already put yourself so far out for him.’

‘Um,’ Archie began with a wink, and Jamie swatted him, ‘really kind.’

I felt myself go hot, but pretended I hadn’t heard him.

‘I’ll pick him up tomorrow,’ I said to Catherine, ‘and take him straight to mine. I daresay, with me being so busy, we won’t see all that much of each other, so he’ll have some proper peace and quiet in which to recuperate. I only hope Angus won’t be offended.’

‘You hope Angus won’t be offended about what, my dear?’ asked the man himself as he walked in, rosy-cheeked and windblown.

‘Bella has done the kindest thing, Angus.’ Catherine smiled at him and proceeded to explain the proposed change of plan, while he fussed the dogs and then shrugged off his coat.

‘That is kind,’ he agreed once she’d finished telling him. ‘And on balance, you are right. It can be a bit busy here over Christmas, can’t it?’

That was a huge understatement, but we all let it pass without comment.

‘I’ve got Jude’s things in the Land Rover,’ he added, graciously accepting the new set-up, ‘so we might as well pack them straight into your car, Bella. If that’s all right?’

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘perfect.’

‘If you give me your keys,’ Archie said, ‘I’ll do it for you now.’

‘Don’t you want more soup?’ Dorothy asked.

‘I’ll have another bowl when I come in,’ he told her, neatly catching the keys I’d tossed him. ‘It’ll warm me back up again.’

With everything settled, Tink and I went back to the house, and I spent the rest of the day moving the last few things I wanted down from the apartment, stocking the cupboard and fridge and making up the bed in the downstairs spare room. It wasn’t the biggest bedroom, but there was a convenient ensuite attached. With everything on one level, it would be easier for Jude to manoeuvre around. Not that I was going to let him sit around all day, even if he felt inclined to. He’d already mentioned that moving about would aid his recovery, and when I was around, that was what I would help him do.

Jude messaged the next morning to say that he could come home as soon as he’d seen the consultant again and to ask me to take him some clothes to wear on the return journey. Having just cleared the house of the smell of him and his aftershave, opening his suitcase immediately topped it back up again.

I resolutely reminded myself of the heartbreak that, in my experience, was tied up with true love and resisted the urge to sniff his chunkiest jumper. While I selected an outfit that would be relatively easy to pull on, I forced myself to think about Mum’s relationship losses, the pain she had felt over being abandoned not once, but twice, and how she had been put off relationships for life as a result. And then I pushed myself even more painfully further on and recalled the chest- crushing agony of seeing Grandad struggle alone after Nanna had gone. And then how quickly he had followed her.

I was sunk deep in sad memories when my phone chimed with a video call notification and I jumped.

‘Bella!’ gasped Jeanie when I answered, as Holly pushed her way into the screen space next to her. ‘Oh my god! Have you heard what’s happened to Jude?’

‘Hey, guys,’ I said, sitting at the kitchen table and propping my phone up against the Santa timer, which was still the only festive decoration to be seen. ‘I have heard. And I’ve been meaning to ask you the same thing, but I’ve been a bit caught up in it all.’

‘I just found out literally minutes ago,’ Jeanie went on, shaking her head.

‘And I only know because I happened to be here when Jeanie found out,’ Holly added.

‘I can’t believe it hasn’t been the hottest topic in the pub,’ I said, blowing out a breath. ‘And even if it wasn’t, I thought Tim would have known about it. There must have been a fire crew at the scene.’

‘Tim hasn’t been to work for a few days,’ Holly said when Jeanie didn’t comment. ‘Has he, Jeanie?’ she added meaningfully, giving our mutual friend a nudge with her elbow.

‘No,’ Jeanie said, blushing, which wasn’t an everyday occurrence. ‘Tim hasn’t been on shift.’

‘How come?’ I asked with a frown, momentarily distracted from what had happened to Jude.

‘Tell her, then!’ Holly nudged again.

I’d clearly missed something while I was catching up with chores, making more fairy stock and assisting my returning house guest.

‘Tim hasn’t been on shift,’ Jeanie explained, turning even redder, ‘because we went away together for a couple of days.’

‘You’re back together?’ I gasped.

Jeanie nodded.

‘Where did you go?’ I asked, feeling so happy for her and even happier for Tim, who had loved her for so long.

‘To Wynmouth,’ Holly said dreamily before Jeanie had a chance. ‘To stay in the most romantic former fisherman’s brick and flint cottage, located right next to the beach.’

A smile spread across my face as I imagined the romantic coastal getaway.

‘Which was freezing,’ Jeanie said, obviously trying to play down the shift in her and Tim’s relationship, but not really succeeding because she looked radiant.

‘Which was the perfect excuse for them not to get out of bed,’ Holly added with a grin.

‘Oh, Jeanie,’ I said, feeling tears start to prickle, ‘I’m so pleased for you. For both of you. Goodness knows, Tim has put in the hours trying to win you back.’

‘He has,’ she agreed, looking unusually misty-eyed herself.

‘So,’ I sighed happily, ‘what else have I missed? How come you and Bear hadn’t heard about Jude’s crash, Holly?’

‘Because they haven’t been out of bed, either,’ Jeanie blurted out, getting her own back on Holly for so eagerly talking on her behalf. ‘They’ve been cosied up in the carriages all week and have only just emerged.’

It was Holly’s turn to blush.

‘Totally true,’ she said, grinning.

It seemed that both of my best friends were making the most of their relationships and had been enjoying some intimate private time. Ordinarily, I would have continued feeling pleased for them both, especially in the case of Jeanie and Tim’s rekindled romance, but if I was being completely honest, I suddenly felt, shockingly and wholly unexpectedly, a pang of jealousy that knocked my previously generous feelings off their pedestal.

This new range of emotions I was currently experiencing felt dangerously close to spiralling out of control. First, I’d developed genuine, deep feelings for a man. That was even rarer than Jeanie blushing. And now I was feeling jealous that my friends were both teamed up with their one true loves. Just a few weeks ago, I would have hotly denied that there was one person for everyone, especially me, but now…

‘What did you mean,’ Jeanie began, frowning at me, ‘that you’ve been caught up in it all?’

‘What?’ I replied, frowning back.

‘A minute ago,’ she said, ‘when I told you I’d only just found out about Jude, you said that you’d been caught up in it all.’

‘Oh yes,’ said Holly. ‘You did say that, Bella.’

‘What’s going on?’ Jeanie asked.

‘Oh, that,’ I said, trying to sound blasé. ‘I just meant that I’ve been to see him in hospital.’

‘I wonder how long he’ll be in for?’ Holly asked, while Jeanie scrutinized my expression.

‘He’s being discharged today,’ I told them both.

‘And going where, I wonder?’ Holly mused.

‘Yes,’ Jeanie said meaningfully. ‘Where, I wonder?’

‘To mine, actually,’ I said quickly. ‘He’s not fit enough to travel, and the Connellys offered, but there’ll be no peace at the hall, so he’s coming back here again.’

Holly gawped, and Jeanie looked pretty floored, too.

‘But what about Christmas?’ she demanded. ‘I can’t imagine Jude’s going to appreciate you in full-on festive mode, Bella!’

Little did she know it, but I was banking on that.

‘Well,’ I said, ‘if he wants somewhere quieter than Wynthorpe Hall to recuperate in, he’ll have to put up with me turning into the fairy on the tree, won’t he?’

‘Well,’ Jeanie conceded, ‘at least you’re not abandoning your seasonal principles for him.’

‘Of course I’m not!’ I tutted.

‘It’s really kind of you to take him back,’ Holly sighed, sounding dreamy again.

‘I daresay we’ll hardly see each other.’ I shrugged. ‘You know how busy I’m going to be during the next few weeks. And by the time I’m finally winding down for the Christmas break, I expect Jude will be well enough to leave.’

‘This actually has all the makings of a Christmas channel romance,’ Holly said, and it looked for all the world as if Jeanie might be about to agree with her.

‘With Jude’s aversion to the season,’ I hastily reminded them both, ‘that’s the last thing it’s going to be. Anyway,’ I rushed on, before Jeanie started to pick at the soft spot I had for Jude and which still hadn’t completely healed, ‘I’d better go. I’ve still got stock to make ahead of the fair at the weekend. I’ll see you both there.’

‘Yes,’ said Holly, ‘see you there.’

‘Hang on—’

‘Sorry, Jeanie,’ I said, blowing kisses. ‘I really have to go.’

I cut the call off, but my phone immediately rang again.

‘No,’ I groaned, but it wasn’t them.

‘I’ve just been given the all-clear,’ said Jude. I could hear the pain in his voice and wondered if he’d been prodded and poked during the discharge process to check he really was fit enough to come home. ‘Could you come and pick me up, please, Bella?’

‘I’m on my way,’ I told him, reaching for my keys. ‘I’ll be there in just a few minutes.’

‘Be careful,’ he said. ‘Don’t rush. I’m not going anywhere.’

Jude had stuffed the few things he had, along with the clothes he had been wearing when the crash occurred, into a carrier bag and was looking mortified about the fact that he needed help to get dressed as I slipped a pair of pyjama bottoms over his feet.

‘I know PJs won’t be the warmest,’ I said, while I tried to pretend that I wasn’t really helping him to save his blushes, ‘but I thought you could just pull them up and then you won’t need to get changed again when we get back.’

‘That was good thinking,’ he replied, grimacing as he stiffly stood up.

I turned away, and when I sensed he was done, bobbed back down and slid on and did up the laces on his trainers.

‘Shame you haven’t got Velcro shoes,’ I said, trying to lighten his mood, but he didn’t appreciate the humour and I slipped out of the ineffective and flimsy curtain while he finished up.

‘Everything all right?’ asked the nurse.

I daresay she thought it was a bit odd that I’d left my partner to struggle alone.

‘Yes,’ I said, grappling for a reason not to be helping, ‘all good. I just wanted to check what sort of painkillers would be best for Jude to take.’

By the time she had told me and given me a few pointers about how best to support my wonderful faux boyfriend, he was ready to go.

‘You stay here,’ I said, when we reached the hospital lobby, ‘and I’ll go and get the car. It’ll save you the walk through the car park.’

I hadn’t been able to park all that close, and it was freezing cold. Jude was already shaking, and I thought the first thing I’d do when we got back would be to turn the heating up another degree or two.

‘Do you want me to help you?’ I offered, once I’d pulled into a drop-off space and jumped out again. ‘Or would you rather I left you alone to get in?’

‘I don’t know,’ he replied, and swallowed, looking at the low seat in my little Fiat.

‘Let me take that bag,’ I said, ‘and we’ll see how you get on.’

He did need help getting the seatbelt on, and once I was back behind the wheel, I promised I would take the quickest, but quietest, route home, and drive the slowest I could get away with without being beeped.

‘All right,’ he agreed, nodding, and I hoped he wasn’t going to be sick.

The journey back happened without incident, but I could see how tense Jude was, constantly checking the side mirror to see how close any cars behind us were pulling up. I tried to make conversation, but he clearly wasn’t in the frame of mind to chat.

‘Come on,’ I said, as I pulled onto the drive. ‘Let’s get you inside.’

The lights in the porch were twinkling, and home looked wonderfully welcoming, but Jude didn’t notice.

‘We’ll have a cuppa, shall we?’ I offered once we were in and I’d nudged the heating thermostat up.

‘I think I’m just going to head to bed for a bit,’ he said, sounding dog-tired. ‘I barely got any sleep in the hospital, and when I did…’

His words trailed off and Tink padded over to him, clearly sensing that something was wrong.

‘You can come with me if you like,’ he said softly.

Thankfully, I was looking at the pair of them at the time and realized he was talking to Tink, not me.

‘I’ll make you up a hot-water bottle,’ I said, reaching for the kettle.

‘Thank you, Bella,’ Jude replied, nodding. ‘That would be great. You really are a star, you know.’

I left him tucked up and already nodding off beneath my weighted blanket, Tink lying on the bed next to him. I tried to usher her out, but she wouldn’t budge. I remembered then that she’d had a soft spot for Jude right from the moment she’d met him and in spite of the fact that he’d behaved badly. I should have known that there was more to him than his actions and attitude had suggested the day we’d met and got my heart guard up sooner. I’d never needed one before, so I had no idea how I would have done it, but I wished I’d at least given it a go.

I quietly closed the bedroom door, reminding myself that Jude hated Christmas, came with some hefty former relationship baggage and had also kissed someone at the Brambles party. Of course, in theory I knew that made him fling potential, but ironically it wasn’t a fling with Jude that I wanted, was it? Had wanted, I amended, immediately but not completely convincingly shifting the tense. I had wanted that; now all I wanted was to offer him the space to get patched up and go on his merry way. Didn’t I?

It was hours before Jude resurfaced, and when he opened the bedroom door, Tink immediately ran to the back door and I rushed to let her out.

‘How are you feeling?’ I asked Jude, who looked absolutely no better at all.

‘Not too bad,’ he said hoarsely, wincing with every step.

‘How are you feeling, Jude?’ I repeated, ignoring his first answer.

‘Like death warmed up,’ he said more honestly. ‘And in a lot of pain.’

‘You slept way beyond the time you should have had your painkillers,’ I told him, ‘but I didn’t like to wake you.’

‘I’m pleased you didn’t,’ he yawned, ‘because I really did need the sleep.’

Tink barked to be let back in, and once she was inside, I poured Jude a glass of water and popped a couple of pills out of a packet and into the palm of his hand.

‘Are you hungry?’ I asked him after he’d taken them.

‘Ravenous.’

‘Dorothy sent me back with chicken soup and some homemade granary. Do you fancy some of that?’

‘I would love that,’ he said, going to sit down.

‘Don’t get comfy yet,’ I said bossily, ‘I don’t think it would hurt if you had a little wander about the place, would it?’

He looked at me and frowned.

‘I’m not going to regret moving back in here with you, am I, Bella?’ he asked.

‘Time will tell,’ I said, smiling as I started to warm the soup on the stove. ‘Time will tell.’

Jude couldn’t deny that he felt better after he’d moved around for a while, and by the time I’d cleared away the fairies I had spent the afternoon working on and we’d eaten the meal Dorothy had so thoughtfully supplied, his spirits had lifted considerably.

‘I can tell you enjoyed that,’ I said, with a nod to the empty bowl and plate.

‘I did,’ he said. ‘It was just what I needed.’

‘It’s put you in a brighter mood,’ I said, biting my lip, ‘and now I’m about to push you back into the pit again. I’m sorry about that.’

‘Oh?’ He frowned. ‘How are you going to do that?’

‘Well, the thing is,’ I said, reaching for the Santa timer, ‘it’s the fourth of December today, and this jolly little fella aside, I’ve got nothing to show for the festive season so far. And if I’m being honest, my Christmas meter is woefully low. My seasonal spirit certainly couldn’t lift Santa’s sleigh, and that’s unheard of.’

I imagined Nanna and Grandad standing in the kitchen and looking thoroughly shocked that there were no decs up and not even a carol playing.

‘Oh, Bella.’ Jude swallowed. ‘I’m so sorry about that…’

‘It’s not your fault,’ I quickly went on, because it wasn’t my intention to make him feel bad.

‘But if it wasn’t for my accident—’

‘Exactly,’ I cut in. ‘If it wasn’t for the moron who ran into your car, we’d both be carrying on as we’d originally planned. It was their fault, not yours,’ I said more firmly. ‘But it’s happened, and now I need to get back on track.’

‘And how do you propose to do that?’ Jude asked. ‘You’re not decorating tonight, are you?’

‘No,’ I said, ‘that’s going to happen tomorrow. Tonight, I’m planning a festive reset. I’m going back to one of my first of December traditions and watching The Muppet Christmas Carol again.’

‘You’re not expecting me to watch it with you, are you?’ Jude grimaced.

‘Not if you don’t want to.’ I shrugged. ‘I just wanted to let you know that the film will be this evening’s televisual entertainment.’

‘In that case,’ he said, stacking his bowl on his plate, ‘I think I’ll have an early night.’

Tink and I were snuggled under a blanket, and I had a bowl of popcorn and a Baileys hot chocolate on the side table, when the door to Jude’s room opened and he stepped out.

‘I just wanted to top up my water,’ he said, as the opening titles appeared on the TV screen and that wonderfully familiar song, which I could never resist humming, started to fill the room.

‘You might as well sit down,’ I said a few minutes later, when I realized that Jude was still in the kitchen and surreptitiously watching the film from afar.

‘I suppose I should stay awake until I take my next dose of meds, shouldn’t I?’ he said, as he gingerly lowered himself onto the sofa and Tink turned her attention from my lap to his.

I didn’t say a word, but I did sneak the odd glance at him as he laughed and sighed in all the right places and barely looked away from the television throughout the entire film.

‘I’d forgotten how much I loved that when I was growing up,’ he said rather croakily as the final lyrics were sung and Scrooge found himself destined for a far happier future than the one he’d started out with. ‘I watched it every year when I was little.’

‘Me, too,’ I said, offering him the last of the maple syrup-covered corn. ‘And every year since I was a child, of course.’

‘I watched it every year, too, until Tabitha…’

He looked from the screen to me, and the sadness in his eyes broke me a little.

‘Please don’t let what she and Barny did taint your childhood memories or the things you loved about Christmas as an adult, Jude,’ I said, resisting the urge to reach for his hand. ‘You give them far too much power if you continue to allow that to happen.’

‘Perhaps you’re right,’ he said, looking at the scrolling film credits again, ‘but it’s hard, you know. When you’ve had your heart broken, you’ll do anything to protect it from happening again and go to any lengths to avoid triggers which might make those feelings flare up.’

I hadn’t had my heart broken in the romantic sense, but I’d seen the pain of it in my family and friends. It was the reason I was so keen to avoid it, and of course Jude had given my heart one heck of a jolt since he’d arrived, so I could understand a little of what he meant. His disassociation from the festive season was completely justified as a result. The whole of Christmas had become one huge trigger for him, the Muppets included.

‘Not that I expect you to understand the heartbreak bit, Bella,’ he said. ‘I can’t imagine, given that you’ve signed up to a lifetime of brief flings and fleeting dalliances, that you’ve ever had any reason to factor your heart into your relationships, have you?’

He stated what he thought was true about me without the slightest hint of judgement, and I knew he was only saying what it was that I had led him to believe. Nonetheless, hearing him say it, on the back of seeing Jeanie and Holly so loved up earlier, stung a bit.

‘Though I appreciate that your whole relationship ethos did spring from a place of hurt that was all to do with your heart,’ he said hastily when I didn’t respond. ‘It’s hardly surprising that you go in for one-offs when your dad and stepdad treated you and your mum so badly, is it?’

‘I’d better turn this off,’ I said, reaching for the remote.

‘I’ve upset you, haven’t I?’ Jude said worriedly. ‘I didn’t mean to.’

‘I know you didn’t.’ I smiled at him. ‘And you really haven’t, so please don’t worry about it. You’ve actually given me hope.’

‘Hope?’ Jude frowned. ‘Hope for a change in your future relationships, you mean?’

‘No.’ I swallowed. ‘Hope that, having watched your reaction to an evening with the festive Muppets, there might actually be a chance that I can get you a bit back onboard about Christmas before you’re fit enough to escape from my festive clutches. Perhaps I might be able to turn some of those negative triggers back into the happy memories they should be.’

‘Well, good luck with that.’ He smiled and I smiled back.