Hope Blooms in Tuppenny Bridge (Tuppenny Bridge #5)

Chapter 10

TEN

They’d met up on the Saturday, even though Noah only had a couple of hours to spare.

‘I promised Aunt Eugenie I’d help her in the garden, and if I don’t turn up she’ll say something which might get back to Isobel,’ he explained. ‘I’m sorry. I wish we could have the whole day.’

‘It’s okay. I get it. We can still have a nice time, getting away from it all for a couple of hours,’ Daisy reassured him. ‘Where shall we go?’

Noah thought about it. ‘There’s a village called LittleWhitsun. It’s about half an hour’s drive away. I know that won’t leave us long but there’s a gorgeous park there with a lake, and there’s a teashop. We could get a drink and a sandwich, walk around the lake…’

‘Sounds perfect,’ she said.

He wondered at how easy to please she was. She never made a fuss or complained. It was as if she could find the positive in anything. He’d never met anyone quite like her before.

The drive to LittleWhitsunwas, thankfully, without incident, and they ordered sandwiches and tea at the teashop and ate them at an outside table, admiring the views of the park. It was far too nice a day to be stuck indoors.

As they walked round the lake, they talked about silly little things. Things of no real consequence, like if they’d ever been on a rowing boat, what their favourite flavour of ice cream was, and when was the last time they’d ridden a bike. Noah couldn’t remember when he’d last felt so relaxed, despite everything.

Daisy, he realised, couldn’t be more different from Isobel. Being with her was so undemanding, in a good way. So joyful.

They sat on the grass and watched the ducks swimming along in the lake.

‘Have you got sun lotion on?’ Daisy asked suspiciously.

He laughed. ‘Of course!’

‘That’s all right then,’ she said. ‘I wouldn’t want you to burn.’

He watched her as she shaded her eyes with her hand and gazed out over the water. God, she was so beautiful! Every time he looked at her his heart seemed to leap up into his throat, as if it wanted to escape his body and make a new home with her.

His eyes drank in every detail of her, from her neat little nose to the curve of her chin, from her thick, dark hair which was just begging him to run his fingers through it, to her soft lips which looked so inviting they were pulling him in. There was a moment when he half hesitated, asking himself what he thought he was doing, but even so he knew he couldn’t stop himself.

He leaned over and gently turned her face to his.

He caught the surprised expression in her eyes, but then his gaze dropped to her mouth, and finally he did what he’d been longing to do for far longer than he’d admitted to himself.

For a moment she was still, then she put her hand on the back of his neck and kissed him back, while his heart thumped with joy and excitement and all thoughts of right and wrong scudded away like clouds being chased by the breeze.

Until he remembered…

‘I’m so sorry, Daisy. I shouldn’t have—’ Noah looked stricken as he pulled away from her.

Daisy blinked away the tears that had threatened at his words. She stared fixedly at the ground, dimly registering that some sort of beetle was scurrying away from them through the blades of grass.

Eliot had never kissed her. Never shown any signs of wanting to, however much she’d longed for him to do so. But Noah… She’d honestly thought for a moment that this meant something, but now here he was rejecting her and basically telling her it was a huge mistake. And the worst—the most frightening—thing was, it hurt even more than Eliot’s indifference to her had. She’d wanted Noah to kiss her. She realised now she’d wanted it for a long time. But he’d ruined it. Where did they go from here?

‘Daisy?’ He cupped her chin and tilted her face to look at him. ‘Oh, God, you’re crying! I’m so sorry.’

Daisy shook her head, confused. ‘What did you expect when you’ve just said it was a mistake?’

It was Noah’s turn to look confused. ‘I never said it was a mistake.’

‘Did you want to kiss me or not?’

Noah cupped her face in his hands. ‘What do you think? Of course I wanted to kiss you! But that doesn’t make it right, does it? I’m a married man.’

She couldn’t argue with that, even though the hollow pit in her stomach told her she wanted to. Desperately.

‘So why did you do it?’ she asked heavily.

‘Because…’ He gave an exasperated sigh, running a hand through his hair and gazing around him in frustration. ‘I—I wanted to. That’s the truth of it. I need you, Daisy, and I know that’s horrible and selfish and deeply unfair, and that’s why it won’t happen again, and why I’m so very sorry.’

His words were lost as Daisy threw her arms around him and kissed him hard. All she’d heard was that he wanted to kiss her, and that he needed her. Nothing else mattered.

His arms enfolded her, and he pulled her to him, kissing her with a desperation that left her breathless until suddenly he let her go and sprang to his feet.

‘I can’t! This can’t happen!’

Daisy buried her face in her hands, feeling completely stupid. He was right. Of course he was! Hadn’t she learned anything from her long years waiting for Eliot to see how badly wrong his relationship with Jemima was?

‘You still love her,’ she said flatly. ‘I should never—I’m sorry.’

There was a long silence, then Noah said, ‘I don’t love her, Daisy. Not anymore. That’s not what this is about.’

She stared up at him, not understanding, even though his words had given her a sudden flare of hope. ‘Then…?’

He held out his hand and helped her to her feet. They stood facing each other, both pink faced and a little embarrassed.

‘I don’t know how I can explain things to you,’ he confessed. ‘I don’t even know if I understand them myself. The point is, I have to draw a line here, even though I don’t want to.’

‘Don’t you?’ Daisy asked. ‘Because I don’t either.’

She wished she hadn’t said that when she saw the look of anguish in his eyes.

‘I can’t offer you anything, Daisy. I can’t make any promises. Everything’s such a mess and I don’t know how to get out of it.’

‘Get out of what? You mean, your marriage?’

He nodded, biting his lip.

‘Do you—do you want to get out of it?’

‘Yes,’ he said, so quietly she had to strain to hear him. ‘I do. But it’s really not as easy to walk away as you might expect. There are so many complications, not least hurting Isobel. She’s more vulnerable than you’d think, and I don’t want to cause her any more pain. She doesn’t deserve it. But the thing is, she and I—it doesn’t work. It hasn’t worked for a long, long time. Knowing it and doing something about it are two very different things.’

She wondered what he’d say if he knew what she’d witnessed at the café. How would he have reacted to Sally’s and Kat’s veiled accusations? She was torn between wanting to tell him what was happening and wanting to protect him. He would be devastated if he knew how people were jumping to conclusions and judging him so harshly.

Looking into those sad, blue eyes, she was more certain than ever that they were wrong. Noah was a kind, honest man, who wanted to protect his wife even though their marriage was deeply troubled. And he was looking out for Daisy, too. This man had no violence in him, she would swear to it.

‘She seems—difficult.’ She didn’t want to appear eager to badmouth his wife but couldn’t help wishing he saw her as she did. Even those who were worried about Isobel didn’t particularly like her.

‘Huh!’ He rubbed his neck, a humourless smile on his face. ‘That’s one way of looking at it. But then,’ he added with a shrug, ‘I’m not perfect. The truth is, the Isobel you see now—I made her like this. Well, me and her parents. She didn’t have the easiest childhood. Oh, she was rich and wanted for nothing as far as material things went, but the lack of love left its mark. I can’t really go into that. It’s not my place to tell other people her business. It wouldn’t be right. And I don’t mean that you’re just other people ,’ he added quickly, as if he’d read her thoughts. ‘You’re far more than that to me. But it would be disloyal to talk about Isobel’s family life to anyone, even you. Especially to you. Do you see?’

She did and nodded slowly. ‘She just seems so bitter.’

‘She has every right to be.’ He held her gaze for a long time, as if trying to work out what to tell her. ‘Daisy, I can’t talk about Isobel. And the thing is, I don’t want to. These days with you, walking in the countryside, visiting the castle and the theatre, going to the pub together, they’ve been so precious to me. An escape from home and all the problems there are there. I can’t tell you how much you’ve come to mean to me. I wanted a friend and I found one in you. But somehow, you’ve become more than that. My feelings for you aren’t just feelings of friendship any longer.’

Daisy’s heart raced. ‘But it’s the same for me! Exactly the same!’

‘Except it’s not. You’re free to have those feelings, whereas I’m not. I never thought this would happen to me. It’s all such a mess.’

Daisy put her arms around him and, after a moment’s hesitation he rested his chin on her head and held her tightly.

She was lost in his embrace, but her common sense told her she couldn’t stay this way forever. She should walk away now. He’d just made it very clear that he couldn’t leave his wife, so what was the point? And yet…

‘This isn’t what I expected when I bumped into you that day in Camacker,’ she admitted.

‘I know,’ he murmured. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Are you? Because I’m not.’ She realised she wasn’t. However difficult this relationship was she was glad it had happened. Her feelings for Noah were stronger and more real than anything she’d experienced before and knowing that he felt the same way about her made everything worthwhile. And if he was so unhappy with Isobel—well, it couldn’t last forever, could it? Their marriage had to end at some point, surely? One day Noah would realise that being with his wife was far too painful to endure any longer and he’d walk away. She was sure of it.

And when that happened they could start their relationship over, on new terms. Daisy understood Noah well enough to realise that, while he was with Isobel, she would never get to know the part of him that he considered belonged only to his wife. He just wasn’t that sort of person, and although it hurt she realised that’s what made him so special.

If she let him go now, if she gave up on him, lost patience, she could lose him for good, and she didn’t think she could bear that. In fact, she knew she couldn’t.

‘I’d wait for you, if you told me there was any hope.’

‘One day,’ he said wistfully. ‘But I don’t know when that will be, Daisy, and how can I ask you?—’

‘You haven’t asked me, though. I’ve volunteered. I’ll wait, Noah, until you’re ready. You’ll know when the time’s right.’

‘That’s not fair on you,’ he said miserably. ‘What sort of life would that be? You could find someone else. Someone who deserves you.’

‘I just want you,’ she said, meaning it. ‘I think I knew from that day we met up in Camacker, and you hadn’t brought any lunch, but you had a flask of tea and you let me drink nearly all of it without saying a word. There was something about you that day. I started to see you differently. I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it.’

‘I think I knew from the moment you started singing along to “Mr Blue Sky” in the car,’ he said softly, his eyes shining. ‘And whenever I hear that song now that’s what I picture. You and me in that car, driving home, singing our heads off and frightening the sheep.’

He gazed around him, perhaps hoping to see a solution to their problems written in the peaceful landscape of the park. ‘What I really need is a friend. The truth is, I can’t tell you how this is going to play out because I don’t know. My head’s in bits, Daisy. I’m a wreck, and the last person in the world you should saddle yourself with. I can’t start anything with you. Do you understand that? I couldn’t live with myself, and I don’t think you could either. Besides, apart from anything else, I’m so messed up I don’t think I could cope with it.’

She gazed up at him, wondering what was really going on and longing to ask, but afraid to push him. Something was tormenting him and the last thing he needed was her nagging at him. Right now, she needed to be patient and let things unfold in their own time. Noah would tell her when he was ready. ‘Whatever you want.’

‘You’d really be happy with that?’

‘Honestly? If friendship is all you can offer me for now, I’m happy with it.’

Well, perhaps happy was too strong a word, but she could deal with it. They’d figure the rest out in time.

‘It won’t be forever, Daisy. I’m not stringing you along, I promise you. I just need you in my life, but if it’s too much I’ll totally understand if you walk away.’

She put her finger on his lips. ‘I’ll wait for as long as you need. There’s no pressure. Let’s just see what happens, shall we?’

She wrapped her arms around his waist, and they held each other tightly. Who knew what lay ahead of them? Right now, it didn’t matter. They had each other. For the time being it was enough.