Howl (Monster Boyfriends #1)

Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

JAMIE

I follow my uncle to the large wooden shelter in the center of camp. Built completely from naturally fallen trees provided by the forest, it serves as the pack’s outdoor dining hall. There are several rows of long picnic tables and matching benches stretching from one end of the structure to the other. An area of water and other beverages sits at the back left corner, and to the right, there’s a buffet style lineup of food.

I catch sight of Paloma's golden hair as she serves a line of elders. She spots me watching and gives me her signature sweet grin: closed lipped, cheeks full, and eyes closed. She always greets everyone with the same look, like a dog happy to see its owner after they’ve been gone for several hours.

Instead of walking over to say hi, Rhett leads me to an empty table away from all the others. A young girl with rich brown pigtails hurries over with a steaming cup of corn chowder and a stick of corn bread. “Paloma said this is for you,” the girl tells me. She then skips away to join a small group of girls her age.

“This looks good,” I say, mouth already salivating. “Has she made her award-winning white chicken chili yet?”

“Nah.” Rhett scratches his beard thoughtfully. “Too early in the season.”

I scoop a spoonful of chowder onto my spoon and swallow it. The delicious flavors of the base broth coat my tongue, and the sweet and soft texture of the corn mixed with lightly mashed potatoes slides down my throat with a warm comfort.

There are select werewolves in the pack who enjoy the thrill of a hunt in their wolf forms, but most try to satiate their hunger before each shift. I am one of the latter. I do not enjoy killing other creatures, even in a less human state of mind. Yet, when I think back to the moment Patrick was in my grasp, I was only a heartbeat away from ending his life, all for laying his hands on Raegan.

It would seem that she is unquestionably the defining factor when it comes to my rage. I wonder just how far I would be willing to go when it comes to protecting her. Would I attack my own pack? The question sends a shiver down my spine, and though I doubt they would ever do anything to hurt someone they knew was important to me, I pray I’m never in a situation that would force me to find out.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” I ask in between mouthfuls of chowder. Rhett passes me a glass of water and I take giant gulps to wash down each bite. Then I grab the cornbread.

“What makes you think I want to talk?”

I give him an incredulous look. “You pulled me away from the others and gave me food so I would shut up and listen to whatever you have to say.”

Rhett smirks and lifts his chin, proud to see I nailed his motives. Our relationship has always been like this. He tests me, and instead of giving him the answers he wants, I test him back.

His shoulders sag, making him appear smaller than the towering man I know. “I believe you are the one who has a question for me.” His hands fold together on the table in front of him, weathered skin and broken nails on full display as he waits for me to ask the question he already knew was coming.

I clear my throat and wipe my mouth on the corner of my sleeve. “What were the signs when you found out Paloma was your mate?”

His eyes crinkle knowingly. “Is it Raegan?”

I’m momentarily caught off guard. “I was hoping you could tell me that.”

A deep laugh escapes his chest and it forces me to relax. “Jamie, if you’re asking me for what signs to look for, I’m pretty sure you already have an idea of who it is. Or better yet…who you want it to be.”

This last part strikes me. “I have a choice?”

“In a way,” Rhett alludes. “I believe we are presented with the mate our spirit believes would be the best match. But in the end, it is our hearts that decide. When the spirit finds a match, it reaches for its perfect companion like a separate hand reaching from your body. It can pull you in the direction it wants to go. But if you ignore that pull for too long, eventually your spirit will give up trying.”

A pull.

It’s the exact sensation I’ve been feeling toward Raegan. When I’m not by her side, it’s as if my mind is trying to convince my body to go to her. But it’s more than just my mind, or my heart, it’s my spirit, my soul.

I must have an enamored expression on my face, because Rhett is now looking at me in absolute glee. I’ve never seen this man so goddamn happy before.

“So it is Raegan,” he suggests coyly.

“What about her side in all this?” I ask. “Doesn’t she get a say in whether or not she wants to be tied to me for the rest of her life?”

“That is where the choice comes into play,” Rhett answers. “If your spirits truly are a match, they will both feel a pull toward one another. But it is possible for one spirit to feel a pull when the other does not.”

Rhett glances at a man sitting at the end of a table to the right of us. He is surrounded by others talking animatedly about something they deem hilarious, but the guy doesn’t seem too interested in the conversation. Every so often he’ll nod along and fake a laugh, but the moment the others look away, his face falls back to a frown. He looks young, maybe in his early twenties, but something about him gives off a severe loneliness, and I want to know why.

Rhett soothes my curiosity, “Ezra thought he found his mate six months ago, but the bond was rejected. From what I know about the situation, he felt a love for Ezra, but I don’t think he was ready for a lifelong commitment.”

My heart sinks in my chest at the idea of Raegan having those same thoughts. We aren’t as young as Ezra, but still…what if Raegan doesn't want to be tied to me in such a permanent way? We’ve never talked about how the other feels toward marriage and serious relationships. As just her friend, it’s never been my place. But now…

“What if he changes his mind down the road? Could they still be mates?”

“I’m not sure,” Rhett says curiously. “I’ve never seen it happen, but anything is possible, I suppose.”

“You and Paloma were about their age when you mated. What made you feel ready?”

Rhett’s face glows with the thought of his wife. I’ve never seen a more true love between two people than the one I see with them. “I’ve never been one to question my gut,” he says. “Back then, I had a gut feeling that I should never let her go, so I didn’t.”

“Seems simple enough,” I mutter.

“The reason why I bring this up isn’t to force you to make your decision. I just want you to be aware that having an unclaimed mate can create a vulnerability for us. The others might sense your desire to protect her as a challenge for dominance. I don’t think many would try, but I know of one that might consider it.”

As if he heard his name being called, Banks slowly cocks his head to stare at the back of Rhett’s mane of red. Banks is one of the loudest who routinely labels me a rogue wolf. He’s a mid-level delta, just like me, but if he could have his way, he’d challenge my status and call for my exile. He’s always wanted to have more of a say in the pack. And if I’m not mistaken, I think he’s had his eye on being beta for a while. Though as long as Rhett and Paloma are our leaders, I doubt they’ll accept anyone but Woody by their sides. He may be an elder, but he’s still our second strongest. No doubt Banks is just waiting for the day Woody passes.

“You think he would threaten Raegan?” I ask, referring to Banks.

“I think very few still consider you a member of this pack, and instead more like a loose string they want to cut.”

The comment stings. I glance at Banks again, taking in his cocky smirk. He reminds me of Patrick, and immediately my blood starts to boil. “Why don’t you put them in their place?” I growl. “They’ve seen my loyalty. I might not live with the pack, but I always come back.”

“Packs are meant to be our family, Jamie, and family sticks together.”

I scoff. “There are plenty of families who live apart,” I say. “My mom and dad are in the city, but they’re still my parents.”

Before Rhett can give a retort, hurried footsteps race toward the shelter and skid to a halt just in front of where we’re seated. A flushed teenage boy around the same age as Casey is breathing heavily and clutching his side.

“There’s someone here to see you,” the kid huffs, still trying to catch his breath.

I assume there’s someone here for Rhett, but when I meet the young wolf’s eyes, he’s looking right at me.