Howl (Monster Boyfriends #1)

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

JAMIE

M y joints ache as I take the four steps up to my front door the next morning. I can still feel the chill in my bones from running through the damp, cold forest all night. Though my body is perfectly capable of handling such conditions as a wolf, my fragile human form is not. It’s as if I’ve run a marathon in a monsoon, and now I’m paying the price.

I take a seat on the top step and lean back against the railing to try and catch my breath, but my sinuses are completely blocked. I have to breathe through my mouth to fill my lungs, and my sense of smell is shot. My hearing must still be in working order though, because when I discern the subtle click of the door unlocking, I jump to my feet.

Raegan appears behind the storm door clad in an old T-shirt I grabbed from a volunteer job one summer. It’s a heather gray color with SHADOW HILLS written in block letters across the front. It falls past her hips and covers the top half of her worn leggings. It’s 6:30 in the morning, and her eyes appear bloodshot with deep circles beneath. I hope she didn’t stay up all night waiting for me.

But as soon as I see her familiar smile, I lose any care in the world. Right now, I just want to get past the door that’s blocking me from her warm embrace.

She must have the same inclination, because as soon as she unlocks the latch and turns the handle, she’s jumping into my arms. I’m overwhelmed with the smell of coconut in her hair and the sweet, vanilla-like scent of her bare skin. It’s not lotion or perfume, just her natural smell, and it makes me think she’d taste just as sweet if I ever got the chance to find out.

As I bury my face into her neck, I have to fight the urge to taste her right here, but we aren’t there yet. Though we’ve taken a step toward the place we both know we’re headed, it doesn’t mean she’s ready to start running. I know Raegan feels the same pull that I do, but I doubt she fully understands. Though it feels like I’ve been waiting for years, I have to take my time with her.

If I mess this up, our friendship will never recover.

Raegan pulls back to look me in the face as she runs her hands over my damp clothes. Her touch triggers a shiver to race down my spine, but I pointedly ignore it.

“You’re soaked,” she says. She ushers me across the threshold, into the house, and all the way up the stairs to my en suite bathroom. “Go ahead and take a warm shower, and I’ll make you some coffee.”

I ignore her instructions and pull her into the bathroom with me. “Did you stay up all night?”

She answers quietly. “No, but I didn’t sleep well. I woke up around five and decided to just wait for you downstairs.”

I cup her cheek in my hand. “Why didn’t you sleep well? You weren’t worried about me, were you?” I tease.

She nods shyly, embarrassed that I’ve called her out. I was only kidding, but I guess I hit a little too close to home.

“Rae.” I take my other hand and hold both sides of her face, playfully shaking her head to the beat of my words. “You. Don’t. Need. To. Do. That.”

She steps out of my grip and I worry I’ve made fun of her concern when it’s genuine.

“This whole wolf life might not be new to you, but it is to me,” she says, crossing her arms protectively against her chest. “I don’t know what warrants worry and what doesn’t. So, if you’re really going to tell me everything, it needs to start with that.”

She’s right. I feel like shit for not taking into consideration how this might affect her anxiety. She probably slept terribly because she was lying in bed thinking about all the things that might be happening to me out there in the woods, things she’s never had to consider before. After being unable to leave her house for two days because of Patrick, why on earth did I expect her to take this news so easily?

Jamie, you’re such a fucking idiot.

“I’m so sorry, Rae. Really.” I pull her into another hug. “My mind and body go haywire if I don’t shift when I’m supposed to, so it’s difficult to think about anything else. I wanted to explain everything to you yesterday, but there just wasn’t time.”

“I know that now,” she mumbles against my chest. “I just wish I could have put it all together sooner. I had no time to process. Once I realized what you are, you were already changing in front of me.” She pauses thoughtfully, but peers up at me with those beautiful blue eyes of hers. “I wanted to talk to my best friend about all this, but the wolf took you away.”

That punches me in the gut.

“Hey. I am always your best friend. Even if you can’t see me, I’m still in there. Sometimes I have to let the wolf take the wheel, but that doesn’t mean I’m not in the car.”

She rolls her eyes and steps out of my arms. “Nice analogy.”

I shrug. “I thought it made sense.”

“Did you—” She fumbles for her next words. “Do you remember anything when you’re in that form?”

“You mean once I come back? Yeah. But it’s different. It doesn’t play out in my head like it does when I’m human. My memories as a wolf rely on the five senses, and feelings. I remember what I was feeling more than anything.”

“And what did you feel this time?”

It looks like she’s waiting for me to say something specific, but I just say the first thing that comes to mind.

“Peace,” I tell her, voice quiet. “I normally resent my time as a wolf, because of how much control I have to relinquish, but this time I just felt peace.” I swallow the lump in my throat. As I try to focus back on the past twenty-four hours, something else comes to me. A smell. Her smell. “You were there, weren’t you? You didn’t leave.”

She scratches her neck nervously and averts her gaze. “I stayed long enough to watch you turn. But you saw me, and you—”

Panic seizes me. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.”

Her answer is quick, so I release the breath I’m holding.

Then she adds, “You recognized me. You made me feel safe.”

The relief that washes over me feels like a thousand pounds falling from my shoulders. Our bond must be a lot stronger than I thought. One of my biggest fears when shifting is what I might do to those around me, yet my selfish desire to push it off until the last minute only puts those I love in more danger.

“I’m glad you felt that way with me, but that doesn’t mean you’re safe around the others. I don’t want you going back to the camp.”

Her eyes narrow in scrutiny.

I never want to be the type of man to tell a woman what to do, but this is important, and I need her to understand. Yet right now, I can hardly hold my eyes open.

“I’m sorry. I’ll explain everything, just—” I give myself a once over, “can I take a shower first?”

Her face softens and she grabs a towel out from the small closet beside her. She knows this house like she knows her own, and now it’s hers too.

“Just sit right there,” I say, pointing to the edge of the tub. “I’ll be five minutes.”

My en suite bathroom is slightly smaller than the guest bath, but it came with a miniature clawfoot tub customized to fit the space. I heard the previous owner’s wife had severe arthritis and needed the tub to soak her aching joints, but I’ve yet to use the thing. Now I can’t stop myself from visualizing sharing it with Raegan.

Raegan’s cheeks go pink, and I can sense she’s about to protest, but I stop her by saying, “Just close your eyes if you don’t want to look.” Though by the subtle shift in her scent, I think she does.

I immediately start stripping away my damp and reeking clothes, not waiting to see if she’s going to stay, but once I climb into the shower and close the curtain, I take a quick peek to see her sitting stiffly on the edge of the tub.

My shower curtain is mostly opaque, but the top third is somewhat see-through, like looking through fogged glass. I can make out the outline of Raegan’s form outside the shower, but I can’t see the details of her face. Just the thought of her being only a few feet away while I’m buckass naked has my dick swelling.

“You alright there, lemon?” I ask, making sure she’s not overthinking the hell out of this. It might seem like I’m being lewd, but I only want to keep her close while still respecting her boundaries.

“Back to that are we?” she says in a flat tone.

I smirk to myself, knowing she secretly loves that I’ve started calling her that. “Just testing the waters.”

A beat passes before she speaks again. “It’s awfully steamy.”

My breath catches. “What?”

“The water. You’ve got the temperature up pretty high.”

I hadn’t noticed—my own temperature is only just now leveling back out to normal range—but she’s right. The mirror is definitely covered with moisture and the air feels thick. “My bad.” I adjust the faucet to keep from chasing her out with all the steam.

Several more minutes pass in silence.

“Your soap smells nice,” she says quietly. I don’t respond because I’m currently drowning my face under the spray of water. “Very manly.”

I almost choke on the water as I laugh out loud. I can’t stop the cough that invades my chest, and suddenly the shower curtain is ripped open to reveal a severely concerned looking Raegan.

“Are you alright?” she asks desperately. She hasn’t quite registered that I’m completely naked, given that she apparently thought I was dying.

I lean forward and pound my fist against my chest to clear my throat. “I’m fine,” I insist between gasps of air. “Just swallowed some water.”

When I stand up straight, she’s no longer looking at my face. Her eyes are trained south, right where my semi is on full display. She hurriedly looks away, face blotchy either from the steam or embarrassment. I would bet a million dollars it’s the latter.

“Sorry. I just…I thought something was wrong.”

“Nothing wrong with taking a peek, lemon. It’s yours whenever you want it to be.” I can’t believe how forward I’m being, but now that she knows about me being a werewolf, it’s as if the door between us is wide open. For so long it was slightly cracked, allowing me to have wandering thoughts about what could be while we remained just friends. But now, what’s stopping me from crossing that threshold?

Her, you idiot. It needs to be her decision.

She lets go of the curtain, letting it fall back into place without saying a word. “I’ll let you finish up. I’m going to go make us some breakfast.”

“Raegan, wait!” But it’s too late. I hear the soft click of the bathroom door and know she’s already gone.

I glance down at my dick, now losing its nerve. “Down boy.”

I’m seriously going to have to learn some restraint.