Hung By the Fire (Evergreen Lake: Under the Mistletoe)

Chapter 6

six

COLE

The door closing behind Mrs. M gave me very few options, but only one I would actually follow through on. It may be awkward as hell talking to my whiskey girl in the cold light of the fading sun, but I wouldn’t insult Mrs. M by brushing her off.

“Have a seat.” I motioned to one of the Adirondack chairs as I was seating myself. Way to be a host, jackass. Pausing in my descent, I watched as Bethany settled herself down. “Do you want something? Coffee? Water?” Entertaining was not my strong suit, or really any suit, so my offerings were decidedly lacking. At the shake of her head, I gave an internal sigh of relief and lowered myself in the chair next to her.

“Aunt Nadine briefly mentioned Joy’s parents,” she began, looking out at the scenery. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks.” The one-word answer was all I gave. I knew I sounded gruff, but Brian and Tricia, Joy’s loss, were not up for discussion.

Taking my silence for what it was, an end to that topic, she nodded and began again, still not looking at me, “So, Joy’s why you could only stay a little while last night?”

The words struck me because I wasn’t sure if we should even acknowledge what had happened. Though, sitting next to her, there was no way my body wasn’t acknowledging it. The minute I’d recognized her, something akin to an electrical shock traveled through my system.

I nodded. “Yup. Your aunt told me to get out for a little bit last night. Relax.” I looked her way and noticed she’d rested her gaze on me. “Flirt with a pretty girl. I hadn’t planned on that.” I watched as she stiffened, not knowing where I was going. “But then again, I hadn’t planned on you.”

That faint hint of pink I’d grown fascinated with the night before tinged her cheeks once again.

“Ditto.” Setting the chair rocking, she glanced away again. “Aunt Nadine told me your childcare fell through.”

I sighed, because I’d thought I had at least one thing handled in this whole nightmare. I should have known fate would conspire against me. “Yeah, it did. It’s unsurprisingly difficult to find someone to watch a child, one that isn’t their own, for twenty-four straight hours.” Bethany nodded in agreement. “And Joy’s still a baby. She gets up at night. She cries. Your aunt told me she may be teething, though that gel stuff she got seems to be soothing her a bit.” Before I realized what I was saying, the words came out, “She deserves so much more, and I couldn’t even manage to get this taken care of.”

“Don’t.” The word came out terse and short. “Even in the few minutes of seeing you two together, I could tell you adore her. Not to mention, I was told about how wonderful you are with her no less than ten times in the walk over here. The short walk here. If my aunt says you’re doing a great job, then I believe her.”

Well, apparently that made one of us. Disbelief at her words likely etched all over my face.

“Thanks.”

Bethany nodded before continuing, “My brother is a firefighter, so I get it. None of his team has little kids, but others in his station do. It’s not an easy life, especially with a family.” I couldn’t agree more. It was one of the reasons I’d never planned on having anyone try to rely on me. “Especially on your own.”

The words held a hint of a question in them. Like she didn’t really believe it was only me and Joy. Like I didn’t have someone ready to jump into whatever role I wanted them to.

“Told you last night there was no one waiting for me.”

“Well, that’s not exactly true.” The smile tilting her lips up did something to me that I really didn’t want to think about. “Though I could understand how announcing there was a baby at home could kill the vibes with the ladies.”

Inexplicably, I wanted to set the record straight. Set her straight. “There are no ladies. I’ve had Joy with me for two months now, so it definitely hasn’t been in that time. Even before that, I wasn’t some playboy that fucked my way through the town.” I didn’t want her thinking of me that way, and I didn’t know why. I enjoyed the occasional night with a woman, but it was just that. Occasional.

“Sorry,” she said before reaching over and resting her hand on mine. The contact at once setting my nerve endings alight. “I didn’t mean you did, but I can’t imagine the women here are blind.”

At that, I tried to let my apparently unknown playful side come out. “Are you saying I’m easy to look at?”

Bethany scoffed, “More than.”

Something about the way she said it pleased me. “You’re pretty spectacular yourself, whiskey girl.”

“Now, wait a second, I didn’t say spectacular. Don’t get ahead of yourself.” The tease was evident in her voice, but I had to wonder if the pinkening of her skin was due to the compliment or the nickname. “Anyway, I know the situation is a little awkward considering last night, and I did come to help Aunt Nadine, but if helping you makes her happy, I’d be more than willing to do it.”

I knew this was the type of woman, of person, Bethany was. She’d help wherever, whomever, and whenever she could. I helped when I worked, but after that I stayed to myself. Truth be told, I was sort of shocked when Will and Darlene had even offered to help me out with Joy. It’s not like I’d taken them up on any of the offers to come for dinner or join a team outing. Still, they’d offered, and Darlene had been damn near in tears when she had to back out. I didn’t warrant that kind of reaction. I told myself they were doing it for Joy.

Because I’d never been worth much, at least not according to the only people who should have intrinsically thought so.

Bethany was likely offering for the same reason, and of course for Mrs. M. It had nothing to do with me, and no matter how much something inside told me it would be nice if it were, it wasn’t.

My silence must have had her questioning her offer. “I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want my help. Um, maybe you already thought of another option.” She stood, glancing out into the distance, and then at her aunt’s house. Really, she looked anywhere but in my direction. “That’s cool. It’s not like you have to tell Aunt Nadine all your plans.” She turned away, propping her hands on the porch railing. “And it would probably be weird to have me help out after last night. Maybe we could flip, and Aunt Nadine could watch Joy. That is if you really don’t have someone. But it’s okay if you do.” I’d noticed last night when Bethany got worked up about something she would start to ramble a bit. As if to soothe her own nerves or worries. I didn’t want that for her right now.

Or at all.

Standing, I made my way over to her. I leaned forward, my right hand next to her left on the railing. Close but not touching.

Because I knew I shouldn’t.

“I didn’t say I didn’t want your help, and no, between getting home last night and now, I did not come up with another option for Joy.” I stayed gazing outward, not looking at her as I wasn’t sure what would happen if I did. “And it wouldn’t be awkward. We agreed to one night, right? Last night I said I couldn’t, I don’t, do more. That’s still true. If you’re good with that, I am too.”

Her silence stretched on for what felt like hours but probably lasted no longer than a handful of seconds. Anticipation thrummed through me for her response, but oddly enough I didn’t know what I wanted to hear. That she’d help? That she could put last night behind us like was planned when we thought we wouldn’t see each other again? That she couldn’t forget about what it felt like when I touched every inch of her body?

Yeah, if she says yes, this is going to be a disaster. Because no matter what I said, something about this woman called to me.

“I’m good. I’d love to take care of Joy when you need me.”

I knew what she meant, but my head only heard one thing.

Need me.

Two words never scared me so much.

Mrs. M was thrilled she’d found a solution for me.

“Bethie is going to work out perfectly,” she’d remarked from her place on the porch next to me. We were standing there, the large picture window allowing us to watch Bethany and Joy get to know each other in the warmth of the kitchen. Or at least as well as a person could get to know an almost five-month-old. “Now, I don’t know if one of her sisters would have been as good of an option.” She shrugged before continuing, “They’re amazing too, just not as familiar with children as she is. This is what Joy needs.”

Joy needed her parents back. Joy needed not to be saddled with someone who could barely qualify as competent to care for a baby. Not to mention, I wasn’t thinking about the future. What about as she got older. My parents were crap role models, spending more time screaming at each other or me, to really teach me anything I could actually use. Joy was a pure and innocent baby, and she’d have to deal with me.

“You’re doing it again.”

‘Doing what?”

“Thinking you’re not good enough to take care of her.” Mrs. M had an uncanny and almost frightening ability to read me. “What have I told you about that before?”

I could recite this conversation by heart with the number of times she has tried to drill it into my head. “That I am. That Brian and Tricia wouldn’t have made me her guardian if they didn’t think I could do it.”

“Exactly. All that and more.” Mrs. M leaned into me. “You’re doing a great job, and I know Bethie is going to help tremendously.”

If I could get Bethie out of my head that was. I’d been having a hard enough time trying to lose the memories of the night when I knew there would only be that one time. Never in my life had I felt the need to have more of a woman. It wasn’t like I was always one and done. I’d had a few short-term relationships, and by short, I meant a couple of months.

This was different. The minute I’d stepped out of her hotel room last night, I’d wanted to go back in. If I didn’t have Mrs. M and Joy waiting on me I would have, but what scared me was the intensity with which I wanted to take out my phone and tell Mrs. M I’d be later. Maybe I wouldn’t even be home until morning. That was sure as hell unlike me. Even with those few relationships, I didn’t stay the night. I didn’t want to wake up wrapped around the woman I was with. I didn’t want to kiss her before we did anything else that morning.

I’d wanted that last night.

But I couldn’t want it. Sure as hell not now, with the very same woman watching Joy.

The same woman who gently picked Joy up from the bouncy seat and began walking around the room with her. Joy’s little face was scrunched up, like she was getting ready to voice her considerable displeasure. Except the strangest thing happened. I watched as one by one every muscle on her face relaxed, her eyes grew wide and her mouth popped open into the cutest little “O” shape.

“I told you. She has a way.” Mrs. M grinned as she took in her niece.

“I think the Madigan women have a touch.”

“Ahh, Madigan is my married name. I’ve been divorced years now, but never changed it. Bethie is my brother’s daughter.”

We both continued to watch the duo inside. Joy had gone from detonation level to smiling, and to say it didn’t do something to me would be a lie. I was many things, but I didn’t lie.

“You know, my niece is very special to me. Of course, most aunts probably say that, but there’s a connection I have with Bethie that holds a deep place in my heart. It’s been a long time trying to get her to come here, to come back to a place that holds both good and bad memories, but I think it was the right move.” Mrs. M smiled, a wistful look on her face as she took in the view before us, before turning to me. “Sometimes things happen for a reason, and we never know why. Other times, they happen and it’s perfectly obvious. Sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re bad, but we have to make the most of what life hands us.”

The hairs on the nape of my neck stood up, because it was clear to anyone Mrs. M was trying to impart some wisdom. Except I’d been burned one too many times by things happening and life tended to hand me shit, so I wasn’t really on board with her train of thought.

I looked once again into the kitchen, Bethany stood at another window, both her and Joy staring out into the woods. I followed their gaze and stared along with them, separated by walls and thoughts and who knew what else. A flash of red caught my eye as a cardinal swooped onto one of the nearby trees.

Again, I thought on the words Mrs. M has spoken. We have to make the most of what life hands us.

I had to wonder: what was life actually handing me?