Hung By the Fire (Evergreen Lake: Under the Mistletoe)

Chapter 12

twelve

COLE

I hopped in Will’s car with a wave to the rest of the team as another long night came to an end. Unlike my first night back, this one dragged on with barely any calls. It was the bane of a firefighter’s existence, wanting to be busy but not crazy busy, wanting the action but hating how it affected others. To some, it made us a weird lot. To us, it was simply normal.

This catching a ride shit, however, was not. I thought I’d outgrown that in high school.

“Sorry about this man. I hate putting you out of your way,” I told Will as he reversed his truck out of the station’s lot.

“Like I keep telling you, it’s not a problem. Not like I have anyone to run home to. The house is too damn quiet without all the kids running around.”

“How’s Darlene’s mom?”

“Doing better. I’m going to be taking off right before the holidays to get out there. Hate to leave the crew shorthanded, but I wanna see my kids and wife for Christmas.” He slammed his hand on the wheel. “Damn, I’m screwing you over too.”

“First off, I’m glad you’re getting out of here. You need to be with your family on the holiday. Second, not a problem. I’ll figure it out.” Bethany had said I could borrow her car if I needed.

Bethany.

It had taken every ounce of willpower I possessed to walk away from her yesterday morning. Watching her fly apart in my arms again could easily become addictive. Hell, it already was. A handful of times, and all I wanted was more.

More often.

More moans.

More her.

This was not fucking good. Never in my life had I thought this way about a woman, had never even considered it before. I’d seen shitty relationships, grew up in one, and I swore on everything I knew that I would never put myself through that. Never subject a woman to living in the only type of relationship I’d ever known. Not that I thought I was a lick like my piece of garbage father who would sooner stomp on a stranger than help them. I didn’t. Somehow life and the military had given me a moral compass, unlike my old man.

Still, what kind of role model did I have for a relationship? Better to avoid them than try to figure it out and screw it all up in the end.

“C-man. Yo. You gonna answer?”

“Sorry, man. Lots on my mind.”

“Like that beauty I saw you with at the tree lighting? I’m assuming that’s who’s watching Joy.”

“Why were you at the lighting? The kids weren’t even around.”

“I’m from Evergreen Lake, fool. I’ve been to that lighting every year of my life, unless we were actively on a call somewhere. I don’t think it would even be Christmas for me if I didn’t go.”

The words struck me because this was the first year I’d gone. Since moving here four years ago, I’d never even considered it even with all the talk around town about it. Holidays had never been a favorite of mine. Growing up, my mom would try to do something nice with whatever money my dad didn’t drink or gamble away, but that would inevitably end up in a shouting match between the two because Mom had “wasted money.” After a while, she’d given up and Christmas or Halloween or Easter just became like any other day in the Brawner household—a drunk dad, cowering mom, and a kid trying to be invisible.

The other night had actually felt good. It felt like a real holiday, like something to be celebrated.

“Notice you haven’t answered my question.”

“What question?”

“The question about the woman? Mrs. Madigan’s niece, right? That’s who you were with?”

Bethany. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I pictured her, Joy in her arms at the tree lighting. The mental image quickly shifted to her yesterday morning, head thrown back as I rocked her over my cock.

Coughing, I pushed the second image away and answered Will. “Bethany. Yeah, she’s helping with Joy.”

“She definitely helped you out with the Trouble Trio. I saw the ladies making a beeline for you.”

“That was them? I’d heard you guys talking about them, but somehow I’d managed to avoid them.”

“Yup,” Will spoke before rounding the corner. “That’s only because you’re apparently incredibly stealthy. Darlene’s mentioned overhearing them talk about you a few times, especially after bringing Joy home, but they were confounded at their inability to ‘hunt you down.’ I believe that was the phrase my wife used. Damn buddy, but they found you now.”

“I sort of wish they hadn’t.” I didn’t even want to think about how grateful I’d been for Bethany’s rescue the other night.

“They’re harmless. Well, mostly.” Will chuckled before continuing, “They may be slightly inappropriate at times, but it’s all in good fun. You know you managed to do it again.” He stared at me as we pulled in front of my place. “Bethany?”

I didn’t talk about my personal life with most people. The guys at the station had the basics down, and that was about it, even Will. Same with Mrs. M. The only people I’d ever opened up to were Brian and Tricia, and with them gone, there was no one. I’d felt their loss as if a void had opened inside of me, one I didn’t think would ever be filled. Leaving home, cutting off my parents, hadn’t even created that. I didn’t even know if they were still alive, and I honestly had no desire to find out. Losing Brian and Tricia was a different story all together.

So why did I feel like opening up to Will? Of all the guys and gals at the station, he was probably the one I’d spent the most time with and even that was barely anything.

“She’s been great with Joy. Joy adores her, probably more than me.”

“First, stop with that shit.” Will threw the truck in park but kept it running. “You kept saying crap like that when you, me, and Darlene were talking about Dar watching her. I’ve seen you with that baby, and you’re doing a damn fine job. Dar will tell you, I almost dropped Joey more times than I could count when we first brought him home. No fucking idea what to do with a kid. He’d cry and I’d stare at him, willing him to stop or tell me what was wrong. You’re no different than any first-time parent.”

“Except I’m not her parent.” Brian and Tricia were her parents.

“You are now, buddy, so get over it.” His words hit me, but he didn’t give me time to even think about it. “Second, she seemed pretty great with you too. I don’t know what’s going on, and I haven’t known you for four years without knowing you’re probably not going to say a damn thing, but I’ll say this. Sometimes people come into your life for all the right reasons, you just have to be willing to see it.”

I reached for the handle, anxious to be out of the car. Will’s words hit hard, and I didn’t know what to do with the road they were taking me down.

Also, Bethany was inside and the pull to go to her, to see her, hear her, touch her, was almost magnetic. It was the same pull that drew me to the flames. Except those I wanted to douse and save whatever they consumed.

I’d let the flames with my whiskey girl consume everything I am.

“That may have been too heavy for seven in the morning. Sorry about that. Dar says I get serious when I’m first off shift.” He shrugged it off as if he did not see it the same way. Will leaned forward, peering out the front window, then the sides. “Um, C-man? Notice anything about your neighborhood.”

I followed his gaze to the other houses. Nothing looked wrong or out of place. “No.”

“Decorations, man. Where are yours? You’ve got a kid now. You need lights. Some sort of weird inflatable character on your lawn that looks like shit when it’s just lying there without air. Do you even have a damn tree?”

I hadn’t had a tree since I was six, I think. The barracks or whatever camp I’d been in had a tree, but my own personal space never did. It’s not like I had people to put presents under a tree for.

I do now.

I doubted Joy would understand presents at this age, but she loved the lights the other night. Had stared at them endlessly and kept reaching for them as if she could gather their brightness to her. Maybe I owed it to her to bring some of that home.

Will sat there, looking at me expectantly. “No, I don’t have a damn tree. Or any decorations. I’ve never put any up before.”

He shook his head. “We’ll discuss your lack of holiday spirit another time. Good thing you have the next couple of days, a farm with more trees than you could imagine, and a holiday festival filled with a shit ton of decorations at your disposal. Maybe take Bethany with you, I mean if you need any help or anything.”

I pushed open the door and stepped out. “Maybe I will, jackass,” I joked as I slammed the door shut.

Suddenly, the idea of celebrating the holidays didn’t seem as gloomy as it usually did.

I pulled my truck from my driveway and around the corner to Mrs. M’s about five hours later. Getting out, I opened the back door to a smiling Joy.

“I know, you’re probably asking yourself why I’m leaving you again, but I promise you’ll like the result.” Unlatching the car seat bucket from the base, I grabbed the handle and lifted it out of the truck. “And you love Mrs. M, so it will be fun.” The fact I was having a full-fledged conversation with a child who couldn’t speak was not lost on me. It also didn’t matter. The books said she could understand at least the feelings behind the words, so I was determined to let her know she was taken care of and cared for.

The hair on the back of my neck stood on end before I even saw Bethany. My entire body was attuned to her, and oddly enough it didn’t bother me.

Well, except for the fact my dick was remarkably uncomfortable whenever she was around. I think Joy understood more of what I was telling her than my dick did because it did not want to listen to me to calm down.

“You know, you’re sort of adorable when you talk to her.”

I turned and damn near lost my breath. Soft dark curls flowed over Bethany’s shoulders from under that fuzzy pink hat. This time she wore a dark puffy coat instead of her usual white, paired with jeans and black boots. She looked like a dark angel come to tempt me to sin.

It wouldn’t take any work at all. I’d fall at her feet in a heartbeat.

Oddly enough, that didn’t scare the shit out of me as much as it should have.

“The books say she sort of understands.”

She reached in the truck to grab Joy’s diaper bag. “She probably understands the tone and sound of your voice. Don’t you, Joy?” Joy perked up at hearing her name. “See, she understands things, and she knows you love her.”

I jerked to a halt.

“What’s the matter?”

When I first saw Joy in the hospital, I’d fallen in love with the little bundle of just-born-alien-looking cuteness because she was my best friends’ little girl. In this moment, it hit me that I loved her now for herself. Because of my role in her life. For better or worse, she was now mine. I still didn’t deserve the gift of her and knew damn well I didn’t deserve the responsibility, but in a few short months she’d carved a space into a heart I wasn’t sure I had simply by being her.

I shrugged and tried to put into words what I was thinking. “I hope she does know, because I do.”

Bethany grabbed my free hand and even through our gloves I could somehow still feel her touch. “Of course you do.”

Hand in hand we walked up to the front door. For something I was sure as hell not used to, it felt natural.

Like everything with whiskey girl.

Before we could touch the door, Mrs. M pulled it open. “Give me my cupcake.” She plucked Joy’s bucket seat right out of my hand, the diaper bag from Bethany’s, and moved to the couch without a word to me.

“Way to make me feel like chopped liver, Mrs. M.”

“You’re cute, Cole,” the words were spoken to me but she never looked away from Joy as she unfastened the harness, “but you’re not cupcake cute. You are not good enough to eat up,” she called out before nuzzling Joy’s neck to the baby’s squeals of delight.

“I don’t know about that,” Bethany whispered next to me, and as if on cue, my dick responded.

We hadn’t talked about what happened between us yesterday morning when I’d gotten home a few hours ago. I’d barely had the chance to ask her for help this afternoon. She had been all ready to head out, having to help her aunt with something, and I didn’t know what to say anyway, so instead I avoided it. If I thought we could go back to the “nothing happening between us” agreement, I had a feeling I was wrong.

I leaned in closer to her ear, Mrs. M completely oblivious to us, and matched her whisper, “If you want a taste, all you have to do is ask. I’ll give you as much as you want. As much as you can handle.”

Her tongue peeked out and licked at her bottom lip.

Fuck me.

My whiskey girl was going to be the unwitting death of me.

“You can go now.”

Mrs. M sat on the sofa, Joy in her lap, snowsuit already off, and a little picture book on her lap. Guilt over completely forgetting about Joy and Mrs. M came over me. This woman was doing crazy stuff to my brain.

“Are you sure you’re okay watching her today? I know it’s your day off, and with the festival you’ve been busier than usual.”

“First of all, watching this cupcake is never a problem. Secondly, I can’t think of a better way to spend my day. You two go and do whatever it is you’re planning on doing.”

I know she knew our plans since I’d told her myself when I asked her about watching Joy, even after Bethany had. So why then did she seem as if she were unaware, as if she were a bit suspicious.

Bethany spoke up, “We’re going to get a tree.”

“Of course you are, dear.” Mrs. M smiled a smile which should scare me. “We’ll be here whenever you get back. Go now.”

She completely turned her attention back to Joy. Bethany glanced my way and shrugged before leading me out the door.

It wasn’t until we got to the truck that I realized I still held her hand in mine.