Hung By the Fire (Evergreen Lake: Under the Mistletoe)

Chapter 21

twenty-one

COLE

“This sucks,” Blake groaned.

Walker Hillard, another team member, nodded. “I’m so fucking tired I can barely see straight at this point.”

I glanced over as Blake backed the rig into the station house. We hadn’t even been on shift for ten hours, yet we’d barely spent any time in the station. A blizzard was bearing down on us, and we’d already dealt with cars careening off the road, a pile-up on the highway into town, and two idiot teenagers who decided to scale to the top of town hall and promptly fell off the roof. To say their parents were not pleased would be putting it mildly.

And the heaviest of the storm hadn’t even hit yet.

“You know this shit isn’t over,” Harley Oaks added. She may be the only female on our team, but she held her own with the guys. “Some other fool is going to do something stupid because ‘it’s just a little snow.’ If I had a nickel for every time that one kid said it today as we waited for the med truck, I’d be buying myself another Christmas gift.”

“Speaking of Christmas, what are the chances we’re stuck here?”

I tried not to think about it, but with the predictions that were coming in for what we’d be facing overnight, I doubt we were getting off shift like normal tomorrow morning, Christmas Eve. I hated the thought of screwing up the holiday for Bethany, even if she and Mrs. M had invited us over for Christmas dinner. She deserved time off, not more time watching Joy.

Though I couldn’t imagine anyone better for me to leave her with.

“Yo, C-man, time to get out of the truck,” Blake shouted over his shoulder before he closed the cab door, leaving me alone. I hadn’t even noticed the rest of the team had gotten out.

Pushing open the front passenger door, I hopped down, stripping off my turnout coat as I made my way to the area where we staged our gear. I hung the coat on the hook and slipped out of the pants, setting them the way I preferred so it was easy enough to hop right back in when I needed to.

I was the last one in the kitchen, anxious to down some coffee, when I noticed Cap had everyone gathered around. Oh shit.

“I have some bad news for everyone.”

A collective groan came out, all of us knowing what to expect.

“With the way it’s looking right now, we’re going to be here for the duration of our shift and likely the next one. Brass doesn’t want any of the crew on the streets tomorrow morning considering it’s just supposed to get worse between now and then. They’re hoping we can change out on Christmas morning, but we’ll see.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously, Masters.”

“Mom’s going to be bummed.” Blake was raised by a single mom who wasn’t too thrilled with her only son’s choice of dangerous careers. She also really wanted all her chickadees home for the holiday.

“She’ll live, Masters. At least you have somewhere to go.” Harley’s parents up and took off to see her brother.

“I told you and Walker to come over. Mom would love it.” Blake looked over at me. “You too. You know she’ll fawn all over Joy since she complains that none of her children have given her grandbabies yet. Hell, I’m still a baby myself.”

“You sure act like one,” Walker taunted before catching the bagel Blake threw at his head without missing a beat.

“Thanks for the offer, but Mrs. M and Bethany invited us over. I think they want to spoil Joy.”

Like it has nothing to do with you, jackass. Give those two women an opening, and you’ll be as spoiled as Joy.

“Of course they did,” Harley said with a wink.

Cap rolled his eyes. “Anyone hear from Will? He get in okay?”

I nodded and answered the question. “He called this morning asking if he should come back because of the storm.” He’d taken a couple of shifts off to go see his wife and kids for the holiday since they were still at her mom’s.

“I hope you told him no.”

“I most certainly did, Cap.”

He nodded in acknowledgment and strolled out, leaving us to our own devices until the next call came in.

While the rest of the crew set up at the kitchen table, I took the chance to escape for a moment of quiet.

Yesterday morning had been tough. I hadn’t told anyone about Brian and Tricia’s last days, but somehow I couldn’t hold back from Bethany. She’d shared so much of herself that it only felt fair to reciprocate. Except it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t a tit for tat type of thing. I needed her to know what happened. How much I’d lost.

But what about what you gained?

I couldn’t deny that Joy was a blessing I hadn’t really expected or knew what to do with. She’s become a part of me since that day at Brian’s house, since I knew I was the sole person responsible for caring for her, for loving her.

But what did I know about care and love?

Not a damn thing.

Really? You sure about that? You loved Brian and Tricia. You love Joy.

You love Bethany.

Pushing the thought away, I refused to let it take root, because once again, what did I know about that emotion? I liked Bethany, I loved touching her and hearing her purr my name in satisfaction. I loved talking with her and watching her with Joy, listening to her stories about her sisters and seeing her squirm on the couch when she read one of those sexy books she devoured.

I loved how she made me feel, how she got angry with me for doubting myself.

Did that mean I loved Bethany?

I startled as my phone vibrated in my pocket. Pulling it out, I glanced at the incoming text.

Whiskey Girl

You at the station?

Just got back in. You okay at the house? Can I call?

Instead of a response, the FaceTime notification on my screen chimed.

“Hey, whiskey girl,” I dropped my voice low, loving the way she reacted to the sound and the nickname. I could grow dangerously addicted to that response. Could grow? Okay. My inner self rolled its eyes because it knew even if I didn’t want to say the words aloud.

She smiled and balanced the phone against something on the coffee table, so I could see both her and Joy on the screen. My heart beat a little faster when Joy saw me and started clapping. She was like that whenever I came home from work or picked her up from Mrs. M. Something about it settled right into my heart.

“Hey, baby girl,” I cooed as I waved at her, “you being good for Ms. Bethany?”

“She’s an angel like always.” Bethany rolled her eyes at me. I think the woman refused to believe that, in those first few months, Joy was anything but an angel. Or at least not a happy one. “We’re good. Power’s fine and Aunt Nadine decided to come over to keep us company.”

The woman in question leaned into the screen. “Hi Cole.”

“Hey Mrs. M. Glad you’re there, ‘cause it looks like I’m stuck here.”

“What?”

“The department doesn’t want the next crew trying to get in tomorrow morning, so we’re stuck until at least Christmas Day.” I realized this made me a terrible parent. Parent? No, not parent. Guardian, yes. Caretaker, okay. But not her parent. And just like that, I was stuck hating myself again. “I even managed to screw this up. Her first Christmas, and I won’t be there.” With every little thing I did wrong, I wondered again how Brian and Tricia could have thought this was a good arrangement.

Bethany turned to her aunt, and they shared a look that clearly said, “He’s a dumbass.”

“Cole, she doesn’t even understand what Christmas is at five months old. I think celebrating it the next day or whenever you get home will be fine.”

“Brian wouldn’t have missed it.” I stopped, the words cutting through me. He was missing it. Both of them were.

Mrs. M took Joy walking out of view, while Bethany grabbed the phone and curled up in the corner of the couch.

“I hurt more than you can imagine for the loss both of you suffered, but beating yourself up because your job, as a first responder in the middle of a blizzard is not predictable and making you work, is not the way to go. You have done everything and more for Joy. Putting off a Christmas morning, that in all likelihood she won’t remember, for twenty-four hours or so is not going to destroy her or your relationship with her. I’m pretty sure she thinks you hung the moon.”

“She’d be far off on that assumption.”

“You’re doing it again.”

She’d started to get on me, and not in the fun way, every time I doubted myself.

Dropping my voice low again, I asked, “Are you going to punish me?”

“Yes, by not giving you what you want. How’s that?”

“Oh, whiskey girl, do you really think you can resist for long? You know you want the present I have for you.”

She threw her head back in laughter. “Okay, you’re probably right. My resistance to you is virtually non-existent, but I still hate you thinking and talking about yourself that way. Joy adores you and whenever she celebrates Christmas this year will be perfect.”

After we hung up, I stayed in the bunkroom, relishing the continued peace I knew wouldn’t last, and thought of her words.

I’d never had a good Christmas, let alone a perfect one. As a kid, they’d sucked. In the military, I’d made sure everyone else had time to call or FaceTime home, so I’d take extra shifts. The only times that had truly felt like a holiday were when I was with Brian and Tricia, and even then I felt like I was intruding on their perfect holiday, no matter how many times they insisted I wasn’t.

For the first time, I thought that this Christmas may be different.

Because what could be more perfect than celebrating with my girls?