I Knew You Were Trouble

Chapter Thirty-One

At eight a.m., I stare from my window, clutching a steaming cup of coffee. I didn’t sleep the whole night: a guilty, hollow feeling in my stomach, making me nauseous. I showered early, switching on the TV for a distraction, then switching it off again, pacing to the window and back. I considered sending Aidan a message to his phone, asking to talk, but in the end, my fingers only hovered over the keyboard, my brain at a loss as to what to say after the events in the night.

I’m still staring when there is a knock at my door. I guess it’s either Meredith or Duncan, the only two people in the world who are probably still speaking to me. But when I open it, Ziggy is standing there with Aidan, who looks directly at the floor, hands in the pockets of the American-style varsity jacket he’s wearing, on top of the same clothes from last night.

‘Good morning, Lexi,’ Ziggy says curtly. ‘We need to have a chat.’

‘Come in,’ I manage, moving back inside, willing Aidan to look my way. His presence sends my heartbeat into overdrive.

‘First things first,’ Ziggy says, once they are both inside and the door is closed. ‘You’ll be pleased to hear that Miller’s nose is not broken, so we’ll not be pressing charges after last night. On the other hand, he’s got a bruise the size of bloody Iceland and we’re gonna have to use a helluva lot of make-up to have him performance-ready for the show tomorrow night.’

I swallow tightly, giving a single nod of acknowledgment.

‘Secondly,’ Ziggy says. ‘Aidey filled me in on what you’ve been up to with the hidden cameras. Now, I don’t wanna get the lawyers involved, so you’ll be returning to me any footage that you took without specified consent, understood?’

I stand my ground. He knows I don’t agree, but my tears expose my devastation at the turn of events.

‘Your time here is up, Lexi,’ he continues. ‘I can only assume you have enough legitimate footage to turn it all into some bullshit documentary for Silverpix, so that’s what you’re gonna do. I want you and that cameraman of yours out of this hotel and away from this tour as fast as humanly possible.’

I open my mouth to speak, but no sounds come. My cheeks are wet. ‘Aidan,’ I whisper, hoping he will deign to look at me. When he does, I can see that he hasn’t slept either, the fury welling in his eyes as raw as it had been last night.

‘Wish we could have parted ways under better circumstances, Lexi, but there it is,’ Ziggy says.

I look at Aidan. A muscle pulses in his jaw.

‘Take your things and go,’ he says in a low tone, then turns on his heel and walks out of the door. He doesn’t look back, his lack of acknowledgement another stab-wound to my gut.

‘He’s very protective of them all, you know,’ Ziggy murmurs, looking back at the closing door. ‘It’s probably for the best.’

When Ziggy is gone too, I slump down on the bed. The look on Aidan’s face told me that now isn’t the time to race down the corridor after him, which is all that I want to do, so I sit and cry. When I’ve composed myself, I message Duncan and Meredith, asking them both to come to my room.

On seeing Duncan’s swollen lip and nose, Meredith looks horrified. He sits motionless on a chair in the corner of my room, not saying a word, a scowl on his face.

‘We’ve been asked to leave,’ I tell her. ‘It’s over, Mer. I suggest you go back to California. Duncan and I will book a flight back to London. I’ll need to explain myself to Vaughn.’

Meredith gives another nod. My heart goes out to her. She looks so dejected, clasping her hands together, eyes down, fixed on her feet, though flitting up occasionally to see if she can catch Duncan’s eye.

‘This is all my fault,’ she says. ‘I’ll go get my things and check out. I can take the Greyhound back to LA.’

‘Right.’

‘Lexi… like I said last night… I… I’m so sorry for everything.’

I nod, not entirely in the mood for consolation. ‘We’ll talk, okay?’

She embraces me, the heavy silence hanging over the room interrupted only by the distant hum of Las Vegas traffic.

‘What did Aidan say?’ Meredith asks.

I pull away then shake my head.

‘What will you do now?’ I ask.

She’s gripping her balled fists to her chest. ‘Go back to the office, I guess.’

‘If you need a reference or anything, ask. And thank you again for all your hard work.’

Meredith attempts another smile. It fails miserably. Her gaze goes back to Duncan.

‘Are you alright?’ Meredith asks him.

‘Aye,’ he grimaces. ‘Your boyfriend’s got quite a right hook.’

He looks at her just once before his eyes move away. It’s a low blow. Meredith seems to hold her tears inside, but only just. ‘He’s not my boyfriend,’ she squeaks. Embarrassed, she flees the room in tears, without even saying goodbye.

When she’s gone, Duncan buries his face in his hands.

I finish packing my things, including all the camera equipment and lighting into the oversized Peli cases. My shaky concentration is broken by yet another knock on my door.

This time, I am met by Cal, holding hands with Bianca.

‘Hey, Lex,’ Cal swallows, in an uncharacteristically subdued tone.

‘Hi,’ I try to smile.

‘Can we come in for a sec?’

‘Sure.’

Inside, Bianca wraps me in an embrace. I hold my tears on the inside.

‘Thank you so much for everything,’ she smiles, her own tears leaking down her face, her eyeliner smearing everywhere. ‘We owe you so much.’

‘You don’t owe me anything. I just held up a mirror to each of you.’

Cal’s arms snake around Bianca’s waist. It’s gratifying, seeing them together and happy. He says, ‘I wanted you to know that last night we took a vote. I mean… my first reaction was, can’t we do this in the morning , ’cause I just wanna spend time with my girl , but Aidey insisted. So I voted for you to stay. Look, I love Aidey, but he’s not my boss.’

I blink at him. ‘So… nobody else voted for me to stay?’

Bianca looks to the floor.

‘Ravi did too, at first…’ Cal says. ‘Until Miller persuaded him to change his mind.’

I swallow. ‘Look, I wish you both every happiness,’ I say, attempting a smile. ‘I don’t know why, Cal, but I’m going to miss the sound of your voice.’

‘That’s the Aussie charm, love,’ he winks. ‘Look after yourself, Lex. Thanks for everything.’

On their way out, Duncan appears. Cal thrusts out his hand. ‘No hard feelings, mate, yeah?’ Cal says, and Duncan shakes it.

‘Bye, Duncan,’ Bianca waves and he raises his hand in a muted farewell.

‘You ready?’ Duncan grunts at me when they’ve gone.

I look around, nodding, a sadness weighing heavy in my chest, knowing the one thing I’m leaving behind is the person I can’t take with me.

‘I need to do one more thing,’ I say.

At the departure gate at Harry Reid Airport, awaiting our British Airways flight to London, I sit beside Duncan in silence. The border security guard stared at Duncan’s passport for a long time, taking in the unusual swelling on his face.

At the hotel, I sent a text message to Aidan. It read, I love you. I’m so sorry.

On my screen, I can see the message has been sent, indicated with a single grey tick. There are no two ticks, meaning it hasn’t yet been delivered to Aidan’s phone.

‘Are you alright?’ I say to Duncan at length, the airline crew readying the departure gate for boarding.

‘Angry at myself,’ Duncan mumbles bitterly in response. ‘If I hadn’t been so pissing afraid, Meredith might’ve been with me last night, and not with that bawbag Danny Miller. But then… what you told me about her… I think she had her heart set on Miller from the outset. Would explain a few things.’

‘Promise me you won’t judge her too harshly. Sleeping with Miller gave her a stark dose of reality, I think. Destroyed all her teenaged boy band fantasies.’

‘Aye,’ he says grimly.

After another silence, I say, ‘You warned me not to do it. You warned me not to film them that way and I should have listened to you.’

Duncan offers me a half-smile. ‘It’s what I love about you, Lex. You never did like listening to anyone else. You stick to your guns.’

‘Sticking to my guns has got us a one-way ticket back to London. And I’ve left Ziggy none of the footage.’

‘You think he’ll come after you for it?’

I blow out my cheeks. ‘Guess I’ll find out.’

In London, in the darkness, I struggle to find my keys. The taxi driver has dropped me at the corner to my block of flats facing the Thames. Inside my building, I lug my suitcase upstairs, followed by the Peli cases one by one up the stairwell. The lift appears to be out of action again, and I’m grateful that I only live on the second floor.

Once the door has closed behind me, it occurs to me that I’ve reached the end of the line.

It’s over.

My legs give out from under me and I sink to the floor.

A long while later, when I get up again, I switch on the heating, shower and change into a pair of pyjamas. Climbing underneath the covers of my bed, I shiver in the late January cold. Images of the last twenty-four hours flash through my mind. My chest tightens at the memory of Aidan’s rejection, triggering an emotional reaction I’ve not experienced since the day my father left; one that so far I’ve managed to hold tightly inside. Now my emotions weigh heavily on me.

In bed, I check my phone again. It’s been more than twelve hours since I sent Aidan my message. As my phone connects to the Wi-Fi inside my flat, I hold my breath, hoping to see that my message has at least been received, maybe even replied to.

I stare at the single grey tick, willing it to change, knowing deep down that it won’t. With a heavy heart, I abandon my handset to the side of the bed, accepting as the phone leaves my fingertips that, even before I’d sent him the message in Vegas, Aidan had blocked my number.