I Knew You Were Trouble

Chapter Thirty

Las Vegas, USA

I hate it. I hate being away from him.

Following three sell-out shows at Soldier Field stadium in Chicago, the tour has moved to Nevada. The visual spectacle that is the Waldorf Astoria on Las Vegas Boulevard would have impressed me, if it wasn’t for being another five-star hotel in another sprawling city. Life on the road certainly takes its toll. I don’t know how some of the older rockers survive it.

Filming continues, but since Chicago, Duncan has offered to do most of the legwork. He knows I’m arguing with Aidan; he doesn’t know why. He’s tiptoeing around Meredith, too. I remain out of the way, setting up an office in my hotel room overlooking the MGM Grand. The tour has taken up two entire floors of rooms, and I know from the list Meredith showed me that Aidan’s suite is situated at the other end of my corridor. On our last night in Chicago – after we’d had our fight – Aidan was photographed with Miller, bleary-eyed and falling out of a Chicago club at three a.m., the pictures beamed around the world via the wonders of social media. Since then, we haven’t spoken. I feel it’s safer to remain in my room, people-watching on the Boulevard. It doesn’t distract from the fact that, in three days, Aidan and I haven’t even exchanged phone messages, and it hurts like hell. If I feel a little crazy or obsessive, I decide it’s because I’ve never been in love before, and I both adore and despise the constant churning sensation in my belly.

On our third night in Nevada, I go to bed early. It’s not a show night, yet I wake to a knocking.

I raise my head from the pillow. In the darkness of my suite, the air conditioning keeps my room at a cool temperature, and I check my phone beside me on the nightstand. The screen reads 10:58 p.m. I’ve been asleep for less than an hour.

I throw back the covers, walk to the door and check the spy hole. On the other side of the door, I see Meredith.

When I open it, she stands there, half-dressed, minus shoes, clutching what looks like her underwear and a pair of tights scrunched up into a ball. Her cheeks are tear-stained, her lips red and puffy.

‘Mer,’ I whisper. ‘What on earth… what happened?’

‘C-can I please come in?’ she begins to sob. ‘I’ve messed up. B-badly.’

My attention is drawn to a commotion down at the other end of the corridor. Voices have been raised. Glancing to my left, I then witness all five members of Rebel Heart marching down the corridor towards me.

My heart lurches. I nudge Meredith’s shoulder, guiding her past me. ‘Get inside,’ I say.

I keep my gaze fixed on the corridor. Aidan is at the front, in bare feet, wearing ripped jeans and a roughhewn T-shirt with a faded beach logo on it.

His eyes meet mine the moment he’s close, his look determined. I let go of my door, not quite sure what conversation should take place in the corridor, or whether I should keep them all away from Meredith in her current state. I fail to recognise that it’s impossible to close hotel fire doors quickly, and the next thing I know, Aidan has barged in after me, followed by Miller, Cal, J.B. and Ravi bringing up the rear. Ravi stays back, holding open the door.

I stand my ground, blocking the route to Meredith as they bear down on me.

‘Is it true?’ Aidan raises his voice at me. ‘Is it fucking true?’

‘I have zero idea what you’re talking about,’ I say in response.

‘That you’ve been filming us without our permission this whole time, is it true?’

An explosion detonates in the pit of my stomach.

‘It’s true, Aidey, Meredith admitted the whole thing to me,’ Miller blurts. ‘Lexi’s been lying to us since she got here.’

Aidan’s eyes are bloodshot. ‘I need to hear it from her ,’ he growls.

Duncan enters, presumably having heard the commotion, pushing past them towards me, stopping short when he sees Meredith sitting on my bed.

‘Yes, it’s true,’ I say simply, because there’s no point in trying to hide it anymore. My heart swells as a flash of disappointed devastation fills Aidan’s gaze. Miller mumbles obscenities under his breath. ‘Now I have a vulnerable woman in here, so I would appreciate it if you could all please leave.’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Aidan breathes.

‘Out! Now! All of you!’ I snap crossly, pointing my arm towards the door.

‘You heard the woman, out now, fellas,’ Duncan echoes, trying to herd them.

Aidan is the last one to leave. As Duncan holds the door, Aidan’s furious gaze doesn’t leave my face. He walks out into the corridor, stopping and crossing his arms over his chest, as though waiting his turn. He turns to nod at the others moving away down the corridor before returning his gaze to me. The hurt in his expression is visceral.

I swallow, a bubble of fear rising inside me. ‘You too, Duncan,’ I say, though he is already moving towards Meredith.

‘I can stay with her,’ he says.

‘No. You need to step out. I’m responsible for her, Dunc, I’ll come and find you.’

‘Please, Lex—’

‘Go back to your room, Duncan, I will come and find you.’

I emphasise those last words and he takes the hint. When he’s gone, and the door is closed, I go directly to Meredith. She sits on the bed, doubled-over and miserable.

‘Mer, look at me,’ I soothe her, kneeling down on the carpet. ‘Tell me what happened. Did somebody hurt you?’

Meredith shakes her head, tears coming thick and fast. ‘I’ve messed up so bad,’ she manages through gasping sobs.

I hold onto her, rubbing her back, trying to pacify her, fetching a bottle of water.

‘I s-slept with Miller,’ she manages, a moment later.

‘Oh, Mer,’ I sigh, my shoulders sinking, lost for words . ‘You have to tell me, was it consensual? Did he force himself on you in any way?’

Meredith shakes her head. ‘No. No. It was all completely consensual.’

I am reminded of Miller’s interview back in Chicago. Meredith’s face contorts, more tears flooding her cheeks. ‘It’s just that… I thought he’d… you know… wanna stay with me or something. Soon as it was over, he… he got out of the bed and got dressed.’

‘Oh, Mer,’ I say again, putting my arms around her, wrapping her in an embrace. Miller’s behaviour hardly surprises me. ‘I’m so sorry. Please tell me you used protection?’ Meredith nods her head furiously. ‘That’s not the worst of it though,’ she continues. ‘Lexi, I haven’t been honest with you, or Duncan, from the start.’

‘What do you mean?’

More tears. ‘I l-lied to you. On the plane to Japan. You said I couldn’t be more than twenty-four and I didn’t correct you. I’m… I’m twenty-one.’

I let out a sigh. Something clicks into place, as though I’ve known all along that she was younger than she’d claimed to be.

Meredith’s chin wobbles. ‘I wanted to tell you in Dubai. I first got into Rebel Heart when I was sixteen. I watched the TV show. I was, like, a… this massive s-super-fan… obsessed doesn’t even begin to describe it. I camped out; I bought all the merch, everything. I wanted to be, like, this groupie. I was like one of those girls we see outside all the hotels. So then, when I heard about the documentary through my father, I begged him to try and get me this job. I wanted… I wanted so badly…’

I picture Miller having sex with Meredith like she was just another conquest. It’s not that I believe he would have intentionally wanted to use her, but it’s always been clear that he only cares about his own gratification.

I tuck a lock of hair behind Meredith’s ear. ‘You wanted to meet your obsession,’ I finish for her.

‘I’ve ruined everything,’ Meredith sobs, then covers her face. ‘They know, Lexi… about the filming. And it’s my fault.’ She takes a breath, wipes her eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to let it slip. Miller asked me something and I admitted it in a roundabout kind of a way, but then his curiosity was piqued and he grilled me to get the truth. All I wanted to do was get outta there. Then he finished getting dressed and said he needed to talk to Aidan. Lexi, I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen.’ She starts sobbing again. ‘Oh god, and Duncan, what do I say to sweet, sweet Duncan? I’ve ruined everything.’

‘I’ll talk to Duncan. He’ll understand.’

‘Why would he? What did I do? I’m a horrible person.’

‘You’re not. You went after what you thought you wanted. You’re not the first woman to regret her actions. Me included.’

‘Can you ever forgive me?’ she asks.

I wrap her in an embrace. ‘There’s nothing to forgive.’

We sit quietly for a moment, absorbing everything. ‘I think I wanna go to bed,’ Meredith murmurs. ‘Will you walk me to my room?’

I help her up, wrapping her in another embrace.

‘Thank you, Lexi,’ Meredith says, and I feel a fresh wave of tears wetting the front of my pyjamas. ‘You’ve been so good to me this whole time.’

When I open the door, the sight of Aidan still waiting, leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, causes a bubble of nervousness to burst in my chest. He straightens as the door opens.

‘I’m taking Meredith to her room,’ I say, trying to keep a level head. ‘Then I’m going to go and see Duncan. Then you and I can talk.’

‘Oh, so I’m third down the pecking order now?’ he says bitterly.

‘I will be right with you, Aidan. I’m sorry; this is the best that I can do.’

‘Is she alright?’ Duncan blurts before I’ve even made it inside his room and allowed the door to close behind me. ‘Should I go see her?’

‘She’s going to bed. Maybe send her a message. Wait until morning to see her in person.’

‘What happened to her? Was she hurt?’

‘She’s okay. She’s a little upset.’

‘Tell me, I can take it.’

‘She’s not twenty-four. Meredith’s twenty-one.’

‘What?’

‘She is… or used to be… a Rebel Heart super-fan. Obsessed, and mainly with Miller. Followed the group everywhere. So, when the documentary happened, she persuaded her father to land her this job.’

‘Holy shit,’ he breathes.

‘Duncan…’

He raises sad, worried eyes. It’s like he already knows.

‘She slept with Miller tonight. By all accounts it was over pretty quickly. But it was consensual. She isn’t hurt… just… reeling from a not-so-great experience.’

He’s already pacing, both hands squeezing the top of his head, a muscle flinching in his jaw, like it’s raw anger that’s pulsing through his veins.

‘I’ll kill him,’ Duncan spits, and punches the wall. ‘I’ll knock his fucking lights out.’

‘Dunc, no. You mustn’t. You can’t do anything. There’s security around them, don’t forget. All you can do is be there for Meredith. Forgive her. She feels terrible for what she’s done.’

He’s still pacing. I’ve never seen him this angry and it scares me.

‘Promise me you won’t leave this room,’ I tell him. ‘I need to talk to Aidan then I’ll come back.’

‘Why were they all in your room?’

I swallow. I know I have to face the consequences of my decisions. ‘They know. They know about the covert filming, about the body cameras. Meredith let it slip to Miller by accident. They’re not happy.’

He raises his brow. I give a nod of acceptance, but equally, I feel sick. ‘I know. Boy band. Not a sweatshop. You did try to warn me.’

When I close Duncan’s door, I shuffle back down the corridor. Why did I not come clean? Because I should have, a long, long time ago. Outside my room, Aidan is still waiting for me, his legs apart, chin jutting out in a defiant stance, a look of palpable devastation on his face.

I approach him on jelly legs, nerves shredding the inner lining of my stomach. I need to justify my actions, and I need to do it quickly. Because if I don’t, judging by the resentment pooling in his pale blue eyes, I am dangerously close to losing the man I love altogether.

I hold the door open for him with trembling hands. He stalks inside.

‘Thank you for waiting,’ I say, once we’re alone.

‘You gave me no choice.’

The spotlights on the ceiling cast shadows over his face. He looks tired. There’s a lump in my throat. ‘Well, I appreciate your patience.’

I can see Aidan’s throat working, the same way it had when he was trying to explain away Taylor’s messages. His tone is almost businesslike. ‘I’m not just here for me, I’m here for the whole band. Because I’m still holding out hope that you haven’t been lying to us all this time.’

I step forward. ‘I… I didn’t lie to you… But I haven’t been entirely honest with you either.’

His jaw is set in a grim line. ‘Did you do it, yes or no?’

‘I knew that if I had cameras on you all the whole time, everything you did would be staged. I wanted to capture real people. Real reactions. Intimacy. Genuine moments. Truth.’

He turns his back to me. ‘Truth?’ he chokes out, his voice sounding strangled. ‘It’s a complete breach of our trust.’

‘Ziggy was telling me what I could and couldn’t film,’ I argue, trying to justify my position. ‘Professionally, I don’t do well on embargoes. I should have told you, I’m sorry.’

‘ When? ’ he demands. ‘When were you filming us when we aren’t aware of it?’

My mind goes blank, struggling to remember the different times I had wired myself – or Duncan, or even Meredith – up with the hidden body cameras.

‘The day Ravi came out to you. When Cal first watched the video of Bianca’s interview. The time you came and asked me to look at myself in the mirror.’

That last admission draws shock from him, and I know I’ve crossed a line. The look he gives me – that my betrayal is complete – sends a barb to my heart. I backtrack, trying to explain myself, yet I’m fighting a losing battle. ‘When you came to me… when I was still wearing a camera… it was by accident. It was never my intention to film you. It just happened.’

His silence speaks volumes. Disgust flares in his eyes and his gaze scrapes over me in contempt. ‘I don’t even know you.’

I forget to breathe. ‘Aidan, it’s what I do . It’s how I work. I’m sorry. Please—’

He looks away. Without realising it, I’m sobbing.

‘I trusted you,’ he murmurs.

I want to go to him but there’s a commotion outside. Voices. Shouting. Aidan’s eyes snap up and the next thing I know he’s pushed past me.

I follow him out of the door, down the hotel corridor. Aidan breaks into a run. I come to a halt, horrified at the scene playing out at the other end. Duncan is on top of Miller, landing blows with his fists against Miller’s face.

‘…You’re a prick! You’re a lowlife scum!’ he is growling, Miller trying to cover his face with his arms.

Cal launches himself at Duncan, with Aidan arriving in time to help Cal drag the Scotsman off. Bianca lets out a cry of dismay as Miller twists, landing a lightning-fast punch to Duncan’s nose, sending him flying backwards, almost careering into me. Cal and J.B. yank Miller backwards. Aidan drags Duncan up by his shirt collar and slams him against the opposite wall, right beside me. Aidan then shoves Duncan away in revulsion. Duncan collapses to the carpet. I crouch down to see blood gush out of his nose.

Miller has got to his feet, hands clutching his face, J.B. and Cal having to hold him back, Ravi behind them, shock etched into his features. ‘She practically threw myself at me,’ Miller snarls in a raised voice, lunging back at Duncan. ‘What did you expect me to do? You’re the goddamn psycho.’

Bodhi arrives on the scene with Ziggy.

‘WHAT THE EFFING HELL IS GOING ON HERE?’ Ziggy roars, still in his pyjamas. ‘Everybody, back in your rooms!’

‘Zig, I need to talk to you,’ Aidan breathes. ‘Right now.’

‘In a minute!’ Ziggy snaps. ‘Bodhi, take Miller to the emergency room. He’s going to need that seeing to. The last thing we need is a broken bloody nose.’ He thrusts a bony finger at me. ‘You, get him out of here. You two are not my responsibility.’

Shaking, I help Duncan to his feet.

‘Back to your rooms, NOW!’ Ziggy thunders again, and the others do as they’re told, shrinking away from the corridor. Everyone except Aidan.

‘Come on, we need to go,’ I whisper at Duncan, edging him back towards my room.