I Really Can’t Stay (A.R.’s Holiday Standalones #1)

Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

I ’m convinced Heaven isn’t where you go after your soul leaves your body, it’s actually here, on Earth, in between the warmth of Zee’s lips.

Taking me as far back as her throat allows, her head bobs up and down my shaft, licking and sucking it like it’s a goddamn candy cane.

“ Fuck , Zee,” I moan, grabbing onto the top of her head as she hums appreciatively, sending vibrations through my veins.

Still straddling her chest, I grit my teeth and force myself not to drive forward like my body’s begging me to. It’d be so easy to slide down her throat from this angle and damn if that’s not exactly what I want to do, but I don’t want to hurt her.

My dick twitches as her delicate hands reach around to grab my ass, and she uses it as a way to take me down further.

I’ll never last more than two minutes if she keeps sucking me like this.

Reaching straight down, I grip her breast, tweaking her nipple between my finger and thumb to see if she likes it, and I’m rewarded with a low moan from her throat.

Her moans are the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard, and I want every single one of them to be mine.

I’ve gone and lost my mind over this woman.

Releasing her nipple, I decide to play her game. Rules are meant to be broken and bent.

Twisting my arm, I reach between her legs and stroke her perfect pussy, dividing her lips and playing with the arousal that drips from her, pulling her juices up to her greedy little clit that’s begging for my attention.

I’ll gladly give it all the attention it deserves.

As I play with her pussy, Zee whimpers and moans against my dick, intensifying her suction as I wind her up further.

My balls begin to tighten and the last thing I want to do is come before she does. I wonder if she’s into dirty talk…

“You’re so damn wet, Elizabeth. Your pussy’s practically begging me to slide into you. Are you thinking about how good I’d feel filling you inch by inch?”

“Yes,” she moans from around my shaft. Bringing her hand up to join her mouth, she wraps it around my base.

Pushing a finger into her, it slides in without resistance, the sound distinct and sexy as hell. I pump it in and out a few times before adding another, and use my thumb to strum her clit like it’s my own personal guitar.

“I can’t wait to slide into you, Zee. I just know your pussy will take me so well, just like your sexy little mouth is. Your lips look perfect around my dick, Snow Angel. I wish you could see.”

She hums around my dick again, and her eyes start to water, dripping down the sides of her cheek. My fingers are soaked, and I can feel her walls clench around them. She’s so responsive to my touch, so greedy in the best way possible.

Pulling off me suddenly, her fingertips dig into the tops of my thighs. “Miller, I’m coming. Yes. YES.”

“Say my name again,” I coax, thrusting my fingers into her as her hips lift off the bed.

“ Miller ,” she pants through strangled breaths.

“Again.”

“Miller.” My name combines with a squeaky moan as her body drops to the bed like she’d been levitating.

But she doesn’t miss a beat, and grabs my dick again and tugs it into her mouth. Groaning with pleasure, I look down at her as she pumps and sucks me, staring up at me. The sight is nearly too much to handle, and I recognize the signs of my release nearing.

Swirling my fingers inside her one last time, I bring them to my mouth and lick Zee’s arousal from them. Her eyes widen as she watches, whimpering as I take my time.

The combination of her taste in my mouth and the feeling of her tongue on my shaft is my undoing, and I’m so damn close it’s hard to hold it off any longer. “I’m about to come,” I grunt, and there’s a silent question in the air.

She answers it by sucking me harder, holding my dick and my leg tightly so I can’t pull away. My release hits me with the force of a freight train. Weaving my fingers in her hair, I hold her head and roar as she swallows me down.

“Look at you, swallowing every last drop I had to give. You took me so well, so perfectly, Zee. How’d I get so lucky?” My fingers brush down the side of her cheek and to her chin as she releases me from her mouth and licks her lips. A small amount of my cum drips from her mouth, so I swipe at it with my thumb, pushing it back into her mouth.

She takes it eagerly, her eyes fluttering closed as my finger rests against her tongue. She swirls it around, and I hear her skin slap as she presses her thighs together.

Moving off her, I lay on my side, resting on my elbow. “That was?—”

“Amazing,” she finishes. Leaning down, I kiss her, tasting myself as our tongues meet.

As if she can’t get enough, her hand finds my dick again, still half-mast, and she leisurely strokes it.

“You can’t keep doing that unless you want me to take you bare, Elizabeth.”

“Don’t tempt me with a good time,” she quips, and I fall back onto her pillow, groaning.

“That requires a conversation, at least , and right now, I think we’re both in too much of a sex-induced fog for that.”

Before she can answer, I roll and swing my legs off the bed so I can stand. Walking around to the side she’s closest to, I scoop her up into my arms and walk her into her bathroom.

“What are you doing?” she asks as I place her on her feet in the middle of the small bathroom rug.

Pushing the shower curtain aside, I turn the faucet so it’ll warm.

“You said a long shower was on your Christmas to-do list, so you’re starting with that, Snow Angel.”

“Are you joining me?” Her hand floats up to the center of chest, and she drums her fingers against my skin.

“Not a chance.”

Zee’s brows meet as she frowns.

The water feels hot against my hand when I test it again, so I turn to face her fully. Bringing my palm to her neck, I push against it gently until she's flat against the wall, then I kiss her. My fingers tease her entrance, and instinctually, her hips move against my touch. All I want to do is touch her, unable to get enough of her body now that I’ve had a small taste.

I can’t wait for more.

The small bathroom starts to cloud with steam as I slip two fingers inside her, letting the heel of my hand rub against her clit. I pin her against the wall with my hand around her neck. “If I get into that shower, I’ll end up inside of you.” My tongue licks the seam of her mouth and she opens it eagerly, moaning as I find a pace that has her writhing against the wall from where she stands.

“I can’t come again,” she mewls, her eyes closing from her body's overstimulation from pleasure. “Please—so sensitive, Miller.”

“Shh. You can come again, and you will. You’re already so close, Snow Angel. I can feel it. Your greedy little pussy is begging me for another orgasm. Has no one been taking care of it, beautiful? A pussy like this deserves to be worshiped. It needs to be kissed daily.”

Her head shakes, but she doesn’t answer me. Beneath my palm, I feel her swallow, her neck muscles constricting under my hold.

Bringing my head level with her ear, I whisper. “I’ll worship it every goddamn day if you let me, Elizabeth. I’ll worship you .”

“Miller!” she screams again, her body practically falling as every ounce of energy is expelled into this orgasm. Her arms fly around my neck as I let go of hers so I can wrap my arm around her waist. I’m still fingering her pussy as it clenches around me, and walk us backward until I’m sitting on the side of the bathtub.

The hot spray of the shower meets my back, and I pull her to sit on my leg. Her legs spread to accommodate my fingers that refuse to leave her warmth, but they slow to a lazy stroke as I rub inside of her while she comes down fully from her orgasm.

Placing her hand on mine, she stops my motions, and I pull my hand from between her thighs. My fingers glisten as I drop my hand to my thigh, and she lays her head against my shoulder.

“I’m not sure I can stand in there.” She lets out a small, breathy laugh. “You’ve literally made my knees weak.”

“Do you want me to draw you a bath instead?”

“Mmm. That sounds amazing.”

Kissing the side of her head, I lift her and place her to sit next to me, then turn to work on her bath. Along the bathroom counter is an arrangement of salts and bubble bath, so I fix it up to the best of my ability, making sure the shower curtain is completely out of the way, before I lift her legs and spin her on the ledge of the tub, dipping her feet into the water first.

She winces and lifts her legs out of the water a little.

“Too hot?”

“Just a smidge.” She reaches and turns the water to cool slightly.

Looking around the steamy bathroom, I see a candy cane scented candle and a lighter on the opposite side of the sink, so I light it and set it on the ledge of the tub.

“What else can I get for you?

“Nothing, but you can join me.”

Smirking, I shake my head. “It’s cute that you think I’ll fit in there.”

“I won’t be long, then.”

Kissing the top of her head, I wink. “Take your time. I’ll see if I can find us a movie to watch. Maybe I’ll see if Potato feels like bonding yet.”

“Don’t get dressed.” She bites her lip, her eyes dropping to my dick for a second.

“I have to,” I stress. “Trust me, the rest of today will be torture trying to keep my hands off you. Now, time to relax.”

With a final kiss on her head, I leave the bathroom in search of my clothes, her humongous cat, and my phone so I can look at the menus of nearby Chinese restaurants.

In that order.

“Okay, wait, tell me again what happened.” Zee’s laughing so hard, her fork bounces with every bout of laughter and a fried dumpling slides off it, landing on her plate with a small splat.

I shrug. “Lincoln thought he was tough shit and could handle the cold. I challenged him to spend five minutes outside on the porch, naked, to see if his balls could handle the shrinkage.”

“And you stole his clothes.”

“How was I supposed to know the most popular group of girls would walk down my road at that exact moment?”

“You didn’t have to steal his clothes!” Tears stream down her face as she sets her fork down onto her plate, sliding it off her lap and onto the coffee table.

“I was fourteen .”

“You were a menace.”

“At least he didn’t know who they were! He only knew they were hot. It’s not like he had to face them at school after break.”

“True, but that was still mean.”

“Says the woman who can’t stop laughing.”

“I never said it wasn’t funny!”

Zee and I have spent the day lounging in each other’s arms, watching the same romantic plot line over and over, just in different cities and states. At one point, we both fell asleep, and I swear I don’t think I’ve slept that well in ages. We shared a mug of hot chocolate, ate one too many Christmas cookies, and Potato even did that thing cats do where they rub up against your leg a few times.

Zee says that’s a good thing—I’m winning him over.

Today has been amazing, but the last movie, though, I felt a small shift in her. It was a movie she’d never seen before—one I can’t remember the name of, they’re all almost the same anyway—about a woman whose mother died, so she went back to her small town to clean out the house, and ended up falling for the neighbor.

She seemed to zone out after the mother’s death was introduced into the storyline, which was within the first fifteen minutes.

I suggested we turn it off, but she didn’t want to. Instead, she watched the full hour and thirty-seven minute movie with glassy eyes.

As much as I don’t want to force Elizabeth to tell me about things she’s not ready to talk about, despite all the laughter and fun we’re having, there’s a distance in her that wasn’t there a couple of hours ago, and I fear right now she’s a prisoner of her own thoughts.

When we’ve finished our dinner, I take the empty plate from her lap and go make myself useful in the kitchen, feeling her eyes on me as I clean up. I ignore the pull to her and instead focus on putting away the leftovers, and washing the plates and utensils.

After wiping down the sink, I turn and find her with her head on her hands, her elbow leaning against the kitchen counter. With her hair piled on top of her head, and her face free of any stitch of makeup, she looks effortlessly beautiful.

Teasing, I ask, “See something you like?” and flip the towel over my shoulder.

“Actually, I do. I’ve never had a man do the dishes in my kitchen before. I think I might keep you.”

“I hope you do.” Walking over to her, I wrap my arms around her waist and pepper kisses against her cheek.

She sighs, melting into me.

“Are you okay?” I tread lightly.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve just seemed a little distant since that last movie.”

“Oh. It was just a little heavy.”

“You can talk to me, you know. My aunt says I’m a pretty good listener.”

“I trust Tina’s opinion. It’s just… I don’t want to tell you, and have it change how you see me. Sometimes the grief hits me out of nowhere, and when it does, I see the way people look at me.”

“With concern?”

“With pity.”

“Zee—”

“Come on.” She grabs my wrist. “This conversation requires the couch.”

“I have a better idea.” I lace my fingers through hers and pull her toward her bedroom, turning off light switches as we pass.

Leaving the light off, I carefully walk us to her bed and toss back her duvet. Stripping down to my boxers, I crawl under her covers, holding the blanket for her to follow.

She does and lies with her back to my chest. I curl my arms around her, pulling her close.

“It happened over the summer.” She lets out a shuddering breath. “My parents, brother, and I went out to dinner on a Saturday night. It was a little later than we normally go to eat, but I had to work, so they waited until I got off. My brother picked up my parents on the way, and I met them there. We went to a small Italian restaurant, my parents' favorite place. Everything went perfect, our food came out quick, everything tasted delicious. There was laughter and happiness as we caught up with each other after having not seen each other for almost two weeks. That was unusual for my family—we typically saw each other at least once a week. It’s always just been the four of us, and we were also close…”

Her voice cracks, and I pull her tighter to my body, kissing the back of her head.

“I told my parents I wanted to treat them since we were celebrating their anniversary, but my dad pulled that trick where he said he was going to the bathroom, and secretly paid the bill instead. When we were done, we said our goodbyes. My mom told me she would call me in the morning, and we left. I got on the road first… I’ll never forget that I got on the road first. I should’ve waited until they left. They should’ve gone first. There were three of them, and one of me…”

She starts to shake in my arms, sobs racking through her body. Lacing our fingers together, I try to console her as best as I can. “Shh, Snow Angel, it’s okay. You don’t have to keep going. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

“As they were turning onto the freeway entrance, a car coming the opposite direction didn’t stop at the light. He didn’t even slow down. He just kept going, and T-boned them. Their car spun out of control, Miller. It crashed into the guardrail, and they died on impact. My entire family—my world— gone .”

Bile rises in my throat as Zee cries in my arms, the mental image of the accident playing over and over in my head. Anger starts to course through me, too. Was the driver drunk? How had he not seen the red light? The car?

“It should have been me,” she cries, clutching onto my hand tightly as she buries her head into the pillow. “They should have left first.”

“You can’t think like that, Elizabeth,” I bite, trying not to let my anger penetrate into my voice. But I’m so mad—this type of accident is preventable. Just fucking pay attention to the road . “I know it hurts, baby, but there isn’t anything you could have done to stop it.”

She nods her head and twists in my arms, flipping over to face me. Pressing her face against my chest, her tears soak my skin and I let her cry. I don’t tell her it’s okay, or try to change how she’s feeling. Instead, I hold her tight and hope that it brings her some comfort.

Eventually, when she’s calmed down, I press a soft kiss against her forehead. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share that.”

“Please keep it between us. I don't like to talk about it.” Her voice is quiet—drained. I wish this wasn’t how we were ending our Christmas. My heart feels heavy…I can’t imagine how hers feels.

“Of course, Snow Angel.”

Snuggling tighter against me, she kisses my chest, and having her close starts to melt some of my negative thoughts away. “Merry Christmas, Miller. Thank you for making today less lonely.”

A lump forms in my throat, and I nod, feeling the foreign sting of tears prickle my eyes. I think about the day, and her. How I met her just last night, as she came crashing into my life, taking some firs with her on the way.

What a whirlwind today has been. Unbelievable, in all the best ways.

Soft breaths of air puff against my skin, and I know Elizabeth is on the verge of falling asleep. Sleep threatens to take me too, but there’s still so much heaviness in my heart as I hold her close, wishing I could take the pain she’s feeling away from her and harbor it inside my body.

She shouldn’t have to carry it all herself.

Closing my eyes, I swallow thickly as my brain spirals, replaying everything she just told me as clips from the day flicker through my mind. I want to protect this woman from anything life throws at her, including her own grief. I want to only see her smile, and hear her laugh, because that’s what she deserves in life—happiness.

Not this.

No one deserves this.

Only time will help heal her, though, and logically, I know there’s nothing I can do to interfere with that process.

One thing’s for certain, though, now that she has me, she’ll never have to spend another holiday alone.