If I Were To Die (Artificial Suicide #1)

Twenty-four

They made out for quite some time. It felt like that calm after a storm, the energy so different from before that Noah almost fell asleep. He was drained after working the entire night and being pounded into his next life, and judging by the languid kisses, Kaj was nearing that point, too.

After a while, when their lips were so numb they couldn’t feel them, they stopped. In silence, they sat on opposite sides in the back seats and cleaned themselves, using so many baby wipes that Noah was sure they had emptied the box from the console. Once they put on their underwear, still not uttering a single word, Kaj rolled down the window and lit a cig.

Except for the river far in the background and a few early birds chirping, there were no other sounds in or out of the vehicle. It was strangely comfortable in this post-coital silence, but Noah had the sensation his time here was up. Reluctantly, he re-dressed. The sole idea of having to ride two trains now to go to his mom’s was exhausting, but he hadn’t grabbed Val and Theo’s apartment key, and he wasn’t going to wake them up at this unholy hour. So, yeah.

Once he made sure he had everything with him, he cleared his throat and finally looked at Kaj—hadn’t dared to do it before—only to find him staring back with a stupid, lazy grin plastered on his face.

“What?”

“Are you always this awkward after sex?”

Noah’s mouth twitched. “Shut up.”

He chuckled, letting out a cloud of smoke and throwing the stub outside before closing the window. “What were you going to say?”

“Nothing. I’m leaving.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kaj said as he put on his jeans. “I’ll drive you home.”

Noah let out a short, dry laugh. “Quite the gentleman.”

“I’m not, but it’s the least I can do after drilling into your ass the way I just did.”

“It’s far.”

“How far?”

“Taastrup.”

After putting on his tee, Kaj reached for the door handle on Noah’s side and slid it open. “Get in the front.”

Maybe it was all in his head, but with the engine roaring and some metal music filling the space between them, the atmosphere in the van was dense. He didn’t know what to say or think. What had happened, what they had done, how Noah felt toward this man. The way his brain was clinging to or inventing the connection they shared—wasn’t sure anymore—to hold on to who they used to be...

It was all physical, though. It had to be. He couldn’t stand his sarcastic remarks and constant belittlement. Hated the way Kaj spoke to him like he was insignificant or despicable, depending on his mood. It fucking hurt looking at him and all their shattered promises in his eyes that had turned into dust.

But at the same time, it was as if a firefly had come to life, shedding light on that dark corner inside Noah’s soul that he thought had been obliterated forever. A flicker of hope.

Noah sighed, looking out the window at the trees flying by as they sped down the road. Being fucked like that had raveled his wires.

“What are you thinking about?” Kaj’s voice brought him back.

“Is this gonna be a regular thing?” Noah blurted what had been on the tip of his tongue from the moment they’d hit the road.

“Do you want it to be?”

“I’m asking you.”

Noah looked at Kaj. His eyes were fixed on the road ahead of them, his body relaxed in a way he hadn’t seen since they’d first crossed paths again. Whenever they were in the same room, they were both stiff and ready to jump down each other’s throats, but he didn’t sense any of that murderous energy now. It was like a glimpse of the guy he once knew.

“Leaving what happened in the past aside,” Kaj said, glancing at him for a second, “and the fact that you’re not my favorite person—”

“Says Mr. Friendly...”

“Leaving all that aside,” Kaj repeated, “there’s something… Let’s call it chemistry. So, as long as you let me fuck you, I’m down for it,” he said, as if he were talking about the weather.

“Didn’t you say Mads is perfect? Why do you need to screw anyone else?”

“He is, and he’s been there for me when I needed it the most, but I have needs he can’t fulfill.”

Noah flinched. “I don’t know what you’re talking about exactly, but it’s not like you’ve asked me for my preferences.”

“You haven’t complained a single time either.” Kaj shrugged.

“Fair.”

“So?”

“Just sex?” Noah asked.

“Yup. No drama, no jealousy, no exclusivity, no small talk.”

“You’re talking right now.”

“To clarify things,” Kaj bit back. “We’re not friends, and I don’t intend to get involved with you in any other way.”

“Classy.”

“Just honest.”

“Whatever.” Noah blankly stared out the window again, clenching his jaw as he considered this absurd offer.

What they had done in that backstage room a month ago was the main reason he’d broken things off with Zach. Somewhere in his mind, he was still upset about it, no matter how good it felt the first time and the second. Recidivism would only cement that bittersweet taste. Besides, sex alone had never done it for him. Why would that be different now? Even when no romantic feelings were involved, he wasn’t comfortable sharing. How the hell did Mads do it?

“Look, S?rensen.” Kaj let out a heavy sigh. “What we had... I’ll probably never have it ever again, but what’s done is done. You have your life. I have mine. And I don’t want to blend them. It’s as simple as that.”

“You sure don’t mind our fluids blending.”

Kaj snorted. “That’s different, and hot.” He side-glanced at him, smirking. “I have no idea why, but it’s obvious you still want me, and apparently, you still do it for me, too.”

“Should I take that as a compliment?”

“Take it how you want.”

The rush, the nervousness, and the high taking over him an hour ago were gone now. This talk, Kaj’s coldness... it was all so clinical, Noah wanted to jump out of the van. This was stupid. Fucking while hating each other. No love or any other type of connection but the memories they shared, no friendship, no... nothing but pure, filthy sex. Some people would see it as the best pact ever, but not him. Thinking about it made Noah feel sick. He needed more than physical interaction, yet the idea of letting this man escape was even worse.

“Not that it’s any of my business, but I’m curious... does Mads also fuck around?” Noah asked out of the blue.

“You’re right, that’s none of your business, but—unless he’s lying to me, which I doubt—no, he’s not.”

“And how did you get him to accept this?”

“Because he’d rather give me the freedom to fulfill my needs than keep me all to himself, knowing I’d be miserable.”

“I see.” Though he still didn’t understand.

Was Kaj’s libido and stamina really that out of control? Because nothing else made sense for him to need to have several sexual partners when he had a boyfriend. Noah would have got it if Kaj was into knife play or something that Mads didn’t like. But the two of them hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary either, and since he hadn’t asked, the drummer couldn’t know if they shared any kinks. Noah was definitely missing some information.

“How would this ”—he flicked a finger between them—“exactly work? I just text you whenever I have an itch, and vice versa?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that what you did with the dude you were with the last time?”

“Not really. I didn’t even know his name.”

“That doesn’t make me feel safe.”

“Health-wise?” Kaj asked.

“Yeah.”

“I always use protection and test regularly.”

“You know STDs can also be transmitted through oral, right?”

“Like I said, I always use protection.”

“You didn’t with me.” Which had been reckless on both their ends. What was he thinking?

When Kaj didn’t answer, Noah looked at him. His nostrils flared and his brow furrowed, the tension in his body back. What the hell?

“You can say no if you don’t wanna do this. It’s not like I don’t have other options.”

“I’m sure you do, but you said it yourself... you want me ,” Noah countered as they veered onto his street. “I doubt you’d have asked and been this nice if you weren’t trying to make me join your harem.”

Kaj laughed at that, the sound vibrant and full of color. Just how he remembered it.

Clenching his fists on his lap to block how it made him feel, he added, “So don’t pretend like you don’t care.”

Kaj pulled up in front of Trine’s house and turned to Noah. “Is that a yes?”

Noah knew this was the worst decision ever, but he wanted it. He wanted Kaj. If something didn’t work for him at some point, he’d stop. It wasn’t like a legal contract was binding them. “Yeah.”

Kaj smirked. “You busy this week?”

“Who’s desperate now?”

“Just trying to see if I can fit you into my schedule.” Kaj flipped his non-existent long hair with an exaggerated hand gesture.

Noah chuckled, shaking his head as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “I have to work the entire week. Maybe we could meet next weekend after my shift again?”

“We have a gig in Odense. Unless you wanna come...”

“Would I get to fuck you?”

“I don’t bottom. Ever .”

“Not what I saw...” Noah mumbled to himself.

“What was that?” Kaj hissed, his demeanor shifting completely. He was back to being distant and cold, almost as if Noah’s presence disturbed his peace.

“Nothing. I was just wondering.”

“Well, there’s that. I’m a strict top. Any problem with it?”

“Not really.”

“Then we have an agreement?”

“I guess so.”

“Great. Now, if you’ll excuse me”—he gestured to the door—“I have a boyfriend to get back to.”

Noah rolled his eyes, but deep down, he was hurting and had no idea why. Was his ego really that fragile? “Sure.”

“Save my number and text me.”

Noah nodded as he got out of the van. “Night.”

“Bye.”

Before he put the key in the lock, Noah heard the van’s engine roaring again. Still processing what he’d agreed to, he went inside without looking back. Why? Why after such a long time couldn’t he let go of Kaj? Why had he said yes when he was feeling so uncomfortable while discussing the rules and details of this verbal contract? Why the hell did he have to enjoy sex so much with him? It’d have been easier if his shitty attitude had a useless dick attached to it. That way, he wouldn’t have to choose between his needs and his heart.

“Was that Kaj?” Trine’s voice made him jump in the dark before she switched on the foyer light, blinding him.

“What the fuck? What are you doing up at this hour?” Noah squinted as he kicked his sneakers off and left his keys on the sideboard.

“I needed to pee and then I was thirsty, so I went to the kitchen. That’s when I saw you getting out of the van.”

“Oh.”

“So... was that him?” she asked, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe that led inside.

Noah sighed, knowing there was no use in lying to this woman. “Yeah.”

“Not that I could get a good look at him through the windshield, but he seems... different.”

“He certainly is.”

“Did you two have sex?”

His lips couldn’t still be red from sucking each other’s faces, but he probably had hickeys or bite marks on his neck. “Why are you even asking when you already know the answer?”

“Just wanted to hear you say it.”

Noah rolled his eyes, walking past her. “I’m dead. Would like to go to bed. Can we talk about this any other time?”

“Doesn’t he have a boyfriend?”

“If he doesn’t care about that, I’m not gonna be the one worrying.”

“Noah!”

“They’re in an open relationship. It’s not cheating, okay?” He rubbed a palm over his face.

“Still. If you keep doing this...” Her expression twisted with concern. “I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I know, Mom. Can I please go now? I need to take a shower before going to bed.”

Trine chuckled with a mix of amusement and sadness. “Yeah, go...” She tiptoed to kiss his cheek as she rubbed his back. “Good night.”

After that brief conversation, Mom never brought the topic up again. She knew better than that.

In the past, she would have been so protective of him that some might have called her overbearing. However, as he got older, she had slowly let go so he could make his own decisions and mistakes. This, for sure, was the latter, because he hadn’t told Val and Theo about it. Even when they all met at the club Noah worked at, he and Kaj acted like nothing was going on between them. Although he was certain Mads knew something. The kindness in his eyes, usually hidden by a distant attitude, had been replaced by a cold glow that sent chills down his spine.

Under different circumstances, Noah would have already walked away, but he’d become greedier and greedier as the last two months had slowly passed. It wasn’t like he was doing something illegal. Mads was the one allowing his boyfriend to fuck other people. Besides, he had seen Kaj first.

Noah was dozing off with this growing ball of concern in his mind when his phone vibrated in his pocket, startling him just as the train reached his stop. One more minute, and who knew where he would have woken up. As he took the device out of his pocket, a grin spread across his face. It was Kaj—or Narcissisdick , as he’d named him in his phone.

On my way 4:26 AM

Be ready when I get there 4:26 AM

All Noah really needed to do was take a shower when he got home to wash away the tiredness in his body. He’d douched and put in a butt plug before leaving for his shift at the venue. Hadn’t eaten or drank anything that wasn’t water since, so he was more than ready.

Done 4:27 AM

During the time they had been spending together lately, what annoyed him the most was having to wait to be loose enough for Kaj to thrust inside without hurting him. Noah melted whenever he rimmed or fingered him, but sometimes he just wanted to be fucked into next Sunday. And tonight was one of those times. Trine was away on vacation with Sigrid, which meant they had the entire house to themselves.

As soon as Noah got home, he kicked his Vans off and rushed into the shower. Ten minutes later he was lying on his bed, wearing nothing but his underwear and a mild boner—that was the Larsen effect.

Checking his phone, he saw Kaj had texted almost half an hour ago, so he would be here any moment now. Poisoned Letters had played in Roskilde, and after hanging out with his bandmates, instead of going home, the drummer was coming over to spend the night... or the weekend.

Not knowing what to do with his excitement, Noah mindlessly scrolled up on their conversation.

19 May 2017

Can you make it to Odense tonight?

Not a chance

Can u meet tomorrow?

Your house?

No

Why?

I live with my mom

I’ll book a room

25 May 2017

I’m done for the day

Wanna meet for a beer?

Not doing the friends thing

Jesus, ur an asshole

It was just as a prelude

Where?

Blind Spot?

I’ll be there at 9

3 June 2017

Working tonight?

Yup

Want me to pick you up after your shift?

Sure

10 June 2017

You looked kinda jealous tonight, hahahaha

Go fuck yourself, Larsen

Awww

My poor heart

Do you even have one?

Don’t be like that

You knew what you were getting yourself into. I’m not gonna ignore Mads cuz you’re around

It’s hard enough pretending you haven’t been sucking my dick for a month, for me to actually have to see you dry humping him

He’s my bf

Why are you texting me right now then?

He’s asleep

And also, didn’t know you were that possessive. I kinda like that

Go to hell

26 June 2017

I’m so fucking horny

Good for you

Send me a pic

Go fuck your bf

Come on...

Just show me that beautiful cock you have

Let me have my fix

You’re so damn annoying

Maybe, but you love my cock

Let me see yours

Jerk for me?

Are u drunk?

Kinda

But mostly horny

Miss your dick

Videocall 17min

29 June 2017

My classes got canceled

I’m home alone until 3PM

Wanna come by?

Gimme 1h

30 June 2017

Pick me up after work?

1 July 2017

Got super wasted last night

Can you meet today?

2 July 2017

Yo, asshole

You better not have another dick up your ass right now

3 July 2017

Didn’t we say non-exclusive?

Yes

And you can fuck whoever

but your ass is mine

No it’s not

And also, you’re ridiculous

Tell that to my face

And childish

I was just with the guys

Meet me at 8PM

You gonna punish me?

Probably

Can’t wait

What hotel?

I’ll send you the address

4 July 2017

Fuck. Last night was hot

Can’t stop thinking about it

Need to repeat it

Whenever you want

Meet me tonight?

Name the time and place

9PM

?rstedsparken

Freaky

I like it

By the Satyr boy?

Yes

6 July 2017

I hate that I’m going to be away for the week

Need to find me some tight ass or I’ll die

You can always call if you feel too needy and frustrated

Phone sex?

I like the sound of that

Of course you do

8 July 2017

Let me know when you get back from work so we can play a little...

Ready when you are

Videocall 15 min

10 July 2017

Back and alone in the room

You awake?

Yup

Videocall 23 min

11 July 2017

You free tonight?

Not really

But give me 1h

Ok

Back

Show me what you’ve got

Videocall 27 min

12 July 2017

Longest day in fucking history

Let me see you

Not tired yet of seeing my dick?

No

And I am hard

Videocall 31 min

14 July 2017

Are you back?

Just got home

Missing me?

Not you, but your dick

Video calls are not enough

When can we meet?

Needy

Fuck you

Hahahaha

Tomorrow after your shift?

Works for me

Perfect

Make sure to clean yourself thoroughly because I’m gonna eat you out until you come

Holy shit

Noted

15 July 2017

Outside

Coming

Tuesday

So…

So?

I’m alone the entire week

Not this week!

I’m busy AF…

It’s alright

I have some meetings and a gig on Friday, but I’m free for the weekend

Can I stay over?

I work Friday and Saturday

You can go to work

I’ll just sleep around and wait for you to wake me up riding my dick

LOL

If you wanna stay, sure. But, where are you gonna sleep?

Your bed

I thought you didn’t do that type of thing

It’s not like I’m gonna cuddle with you. It’s just convenient for all the fucks and cum we want

What about Mads?

What about him?

He’s okay with you being away the entire weekend?

He’s busy

Okay

See you on Sat then

You bet ??

Today

On my way

Be ready when I get there

Done

A stinging sensation spread inside of him while reading their conversations. It was sad that their friendship, the years of support, love, and shared dreams, had been reduced to this. Whatever it was. But before he could dive any deeper into his thoughts, the doorbell rang.

Normally, Rocket would already be barking like a loon, but since Mom had brought him with her, Noah was completely alone. The only thing resonating in the space of this house right now was Noah’s heartbeat as he walked to the door. He had barely cracked it open when Kaj’s hand reached for him and their mouths were smashed together.

“Hello to you, too.” Noah chuckled bitterly.

“Hi. Yes. Talk later.” Kaj stepped out of his Vans and began to undo his jeans.

Noah arched an eyebrow. “What are you on?”

“Molly. And I have a raging boner that needs a release urgently .”

“Okay, but I’m riding you tonight.”

“Whatever you want.”

No more questions were asked after that.

They rushed into Noah’s bedroom and lost themselves in a carnal frenzy. Quickly undressing each other, they kissed, bit, and jerked off as if they hadn’t done it in ages. As if this was some sort of competition and they were running out of time.

Kaj wrapped a hand around both their dicks and furiously stroked them as Noah thrusted into his fist, precipitating toward the brink of his orgasm. He’d tried focusing on the lines of ink covering Kaj’s arms to distract himself, but his brain just wanted to soak in the obscenity of the flapping sounds mixed with their groans. His blown pupils. The piercing on his bottom lip. The curve of his shoulders. The veins on his forearms. His perfectly defined abdomen and the V cut over his hips that drew all the attention down to his shaft. Hard. Smooth. Delicious.

“Come here.” Kaj motioned for Noah to move up on the bed. “I wanna suck your cock before you ride mine.”

He did what he was told, scooting up on the mattress until he was framing the drummer’s rib cage. He angled his hips toward his mouth, holding on to the headboard, and fed him his dick.

Noah hadn’t had someone with a tongue piercing blow him before this man, and he didn’t think it would be that much different, but Kaj had proved him wrong. Or maybe he was just overly skilled. The way he flicked his tongue, rubbing the stainless-steel ball over the slit of his cock, around and under its crown, sent him to a different dimension.

With no hesitation in his moves as he fisted the base, Kaj sucked Noah between his lips. Nails dug into the flesh of his ass, eagerly coaxing him to push deeper into his throat. And he did, watching Kaj’s face turn slightly red from the effort of giving head in this position. Holy fuck . Noah would happily die here. The wet heat of his mouth felt like jumping in a pool and getting that bit of sensory overload the moment your entire body got submerged in the water, but concentrated only on the dick. It was delicious torture.

His precum blended with Kaj’s saliva and dribbled down his balls. “You’re gonna end me...” he said in a whiny tone, unable to stop his hips from bucking back and forth as he stared into those molten blue eyes below.

After bobbing a few more times, Kaj finally gestured to let him go.

As they shared open-mouthed kisses, grinding their dicks together, Kaj got rid of the butt plug Noah had been wearing for hours, throwing his body into an onslaught of sensations. First, weird in the absence of the strange object stretching him. Then, overstimulated when Kaj shoved several fingers into him and pegged his prostate.

“Love how easily I make you quiver,” he rasped.

Noah gritted his teeth. “You think you’re the only one who can do that?”

“I dare you to tell me I’m wrong.” He chuckled, churning inside of him.

“Don’t—” Noah panted. “Don’t play games with me, Larsen.”

“Not playing. I’m well aware of the effect I have on you. That’s why you keep coming back for more.” Kaj spanked and groped his asscheeks, pulling them apart only to squeeze them together again. “Fuck me. We’re both more than ready.”

While Noah spread a generous amount of lube in and around his throbbing hole, Kaj fumbled with his jeans that were lying on the bed beside them, grabbed his wallet, and pulled out a condom, sheathing himself in no time. Once they were both slick, Noah raised himself a little while on his knees, reaching behind him to align the drummer’s cock with his entrance, and thick inch by inch, he buried him into his ass.

“Jesus...” It was a breathy moan. Kaj pressed his head back against the pillow, fingers digging into Noah’s skin. “You’re so fucking tight, and so hot...”

With a smirk on his face, Noah moved up and down. In this position, he could feel Kaj’s entire length ravishing his insides. Just what he wanted. What he needed. Grinding and undulating his hips to add some extra friction, he abandoned himself to the urges taking over.

He propped on Kaj’s torso and slowly picked up the pace, making both of them groan with pleasure. The temperature soared. The atmosphere was laden with the smell of musky sweat, lube, and pheromones. The tautness in his ass was a sheer forbidden drug. But the best part of it all was the delectable sounds he was eliciting from Kaj. The way he was grunting and panting while biting his bottom lip, looking down at where they connected as he thrust up to meet him in the middle, was the most erotic thing ever.

Lost in rapture, Noah slid one of his hands over Kaj’s pec and gripped his neck. It was subtle, but he flinched. Almost as if it’d skeeved him out. Still, instead of spewing curses, belittling or manhandling him to show Noah he was in charge, Kaj closed his eyes and clawed his nails into his skin.

“F-fuck me—as hard as you can,” Noah husked, breathing so erratic he could barely get the words out.

Shifting his position, Noah squatted and braced himself on the drummer’s bent knees behind him. Kaj clutched his hips with such force he was sure there were going to be bruises the next morning. He loved it.

As he rammed up into him, a zap of utter satisfaction shot straight into Noah’s core. It was violent and so damn electrifying. His own dick was aching to be touched, begging for the release coiling at the base, but he didn’t want his clumsiness to ruin the moment. So, he clawed at Kaj’s knees as he kept bouncing up and down on him, focusing on the delicious sensation annihilating every nerve ending.

Kaj slammed into his ass mercilessly, rocking slightly when he bottomed out, rubbing the swollen head of his dick against the spot that had him spasming in sheer blissful agony. Slap. Slap. Slap. He shoved himself deeper with every thrust. The bed shook under them and the headboard hit the wall in time with their frantic thrusts.

“That’s all you’ve got?” he taunted. “Harder.”

Kaj readjusted under him, unleashing an orgasm of epic proportions with his next stroke.

“Fffuuuck!” Noah groaned as thousands of flames licked his skin, turning his brain to ashes. “Yes, yes, fuck, yes...”

Thick ropes of cum sprayed Kaj’s torso, the mattress, and Noah. He could barely keep himself together anymore, his entire body burning with exertion. But then Kaj sat up and wrapped an arm around his waist, holding him in place as he used his other hand and his legs to give himself leverage so he could continue drilling into him.

The heat, the fullness, and Kaj’s lips capturing his nipple made Noah feel like he was melting. “Shit... Fuck me. Yeah, keep going... Come inside me,” he babbled nonsense, scraping the drummer’s scalp as he fisted his hair.

Kaj smirked against his chest, raising his head to plunge those stunning ice-blue eyes into his. As he tightened his grip on Noah, their lips brushed, stealing the oxygen from his lungs before he lost his cadence.

“Fuck!” He growled through his climax, shivering and digging his nails into Noah’s flesh.

As he slowed down, drawing languid, hoarse moans out of Noah, too, Kaj let himself fall back on the bed. He swallowed hard, biting his own bottom lip. His dick, still half-mast inside of Noah, was twitching, tangling their aftershocks like roots in the dirt.

Noah leaned forward slightly, perching a palm on Kaj’s pec above his thudding heart, and brushed away a few wet strands stuck to his forehead. This man was so sexy, he couldn’t help himself.

“Holy Mary Mother of Fuck...” Kaj said out of the blue, vibrating with a soft chuckle.

“That good, huh?”

Kaj gave Noah’s hips a gentle squeeze and sighed. “Fucking addictive...”

They stayed there, connected in silence for some time. Noah’s mind was too drowsy to think about anything other than the dick inside him as he scribbled disordered patterns on Kaj’s chest and arms, slightly brushing his fingertips over the sparse scars on the inside of them. He’d never dared to ask, but he was certain that these marks, the one on his wrist, and the ones on the upper part of his thighs were somehow related to the tattoo under his collarbone that read “Not afraid to die” .

During the days and nights they had spent together, Noah had time to map his body however he wanted. It broke him in ways he couldn’t express, knowing Kaj had struggled so much at some point to hurt himself like this.

Noah didn’t know when it had happened or why, but he cared about this man. Even if they didn’t always get along. Even if this was just a toxic reflection of who they used to be. Even if all he would ever get from him were crumbs of attention, the urgent need to be there for him and listen, to embrace and protect him, grew every day. Because beneath all those layers of bitterness, sarcasm, and indifference, lay the kindhearted boy he’d known. Noah had seen him in his eyes and that lopsided grin more than once when Kaj thought he wasn’t looking.

Minutes passed as they both went limp. Noah’s body was sore to the roots of his hair, but he loved the coziness of the moment, the warmth connecting them. That, for once, neither of them had to leave.

However, something seemed to be bothering Kaj, or so indicated his pinched brows.

“You okay?”

“Mm-hmm. Coming down from the high.”

“I know we said only sex, but—”

“It’s nothing.” Kaj rubbed his hands over his face. “Just gotta make a tough decision.”

“Still, if you need to talk...” Noah’s heart thumped.

“Thanks, but no.” He cleared his throat, patting Noah’s leg for him to get up. “I’m hungry.”

Saddened by the discomfort in Kaj’s nonverbal language, Noah dismounted him and tamped down his disappointment, sliding into their usual dynamic. “And what do you want me to do about it?”

“Get me a sandwich?” He stretched on the bed and folded his arms under his head.

“Am I your maid now?”

Kaj craned his neck a little to look at Noah, smirking. “You would look kinda hot in that outfit.”

“Don’t even.” Noah slapped the side of his leg and rolled his eyes. “I’m not into role play, much less disguising as something you can boss around.”

“Bummer.”

“Besides, you have feet, right?” he asked, getting a raised eyebrow in response. “Then you can walk to the kitchen and make yourself a sandwich.”

“I don’t know where you keep the bread and all that.”

“Bread is in the cabinet beside the fridge,” Noah said, lying on his side. “Cheese, ham, and everything else is obviously in the fridge. Knock yourself out.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Kaj grumbled as he got up.

“One you seem to like too much.”

Kaj snorted and shook his head, giving Noah a glorious close-up of his tight Captain America-like bubble ass as he walked away.