In Her Arms (Indigo Lounge #4)

12. Goldie

12

GOLDIE

G oldie sat on the balcony of her luxurious hotel suite and watched as what was left of the sunset faded into the velvety dusk. She tightly gripped a tumbler of whiskey, the strong amber liquid swirling as she stared out. The cool air brushed against her. It felt like a relief after the sweltering heat of the day. She wore a Japanese silk robe, but it offered little comfort. She was on edge, and no amount of luxury fabric or strong liquor could do anything about it.

A whole week had passed since that night at The Orchid. The memory of Cameron running away and disappearing into the night still kept her up at night. She felt every emotion: pain, empathy, sadness, confusion, embarrassment. That moment—the abruptness of it—had felt like a punch straight to the gut. She couldn’t understand what she’d done to deserve it. Goldie had never thought of herself as someone who could be left so utterly vulnerable, yet here she was drinking, not sleeping, fretting.

The street below her hotel room looked like it had a life of its own. Cars honked and people rushed by, each absorbed in their own dramas and utterly unaware of who was watching them from above. She appreciated the anonymity of a hotel. It was a rare feeling for someone like her, but in places like this, she felt unknown, ignored, and free. The city was immense, yet it felt impossibly small from where she was standing. Tonight, she was just another woman looking down from a balcony, her face bare and hair wrapped in a towel.

As she sipped her drink, Goldie’s thoughts drifted to stories she’d heard about Marilyn Monroe. How she could step out onto the streets and not be recognized until she chose to embody her star persona, turning on “Marilyn.” Goldie wondered if she had that ability too. Did she have a switch? Was there a part of her that she could turn on and off? Could she remove herself from the glamorous, untouchable persona that everyone adored? And what would that actually look like?

Her phone buzzed on the table beside her, breaking the silence of her contemplation. It was a familiar sound, yet it filled her with dread. She glanced at the screen but quickly turned away. It wasn’t Cameron. It never was. It was just reminders from her assistant, updates about the upcoming movie, and congratulatory messages from colleagues about her recent nominations. But not a word from Cameron.

Goldie took a deep breath. She thought about how they had clicked, how easily they had slipped into a rhythm when they had sex. Their first laugh, the way Cameron’s eyes sparkled when they chatted, the warmth of her skin. The connection they had forged had gone, though. What they now had was like glass waiting to shatter.

“Why did I let her go?” Goldie muttered to herself, frustration bubbling beneath her calm exterior. She was supposed to be strong, the confident actress who didn’t need anyone. Yet, here she was, on the verge of tears.

“Come on, Goldie,” she chided herself. “Get it together. You can do better than this.” This was why she always avoided feelings. This was why she buried that part of herself deep down below.

The press had already started posting pictures online, questioning Goldie’s new love affair. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was when her sexuality finally came to light.

Fuck it. She had no more energy to care. Even though she knew she should be proud of who she was, the industry made that feel impossible at times.

The door to her suite creaked open, and Steve stepped in. He looked smoking hot in a well-tailored suit, though his tie hung loosely around his neck, a sign of the long hours he’d been putting in.

“I thought I might find you out here,” he said. He saw the glass of whiskey in Goldie’s hand and moved to pour himself one. “The view is nice from up here, right? But what are you doing skulking?”

Goldie shrugged as she forced a smile. “Just enjoying the night air, I guess. It was a scorcher today.”

Steve sat down next to her and took a deep breath. He held it for a second before releasing it with a long sigh. “I didn’t come here to chit-chat about the weather, honey. You’ve been avoiding everyone. Not just the press because, hell, why wouldn’t you? But your friends too. What’s going on, chick?”

Goldie ran a hand through her hair. “It’s too complicated to get into with you. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“You could try me. I might be your agent, but I am also a very good listener,” he encouraged, taking a sip from his glass.

Goldie rolled her eyes. “It’s Cameron. We… Things got out of hand. I guess I was thinking I could keep it casual, you know? But then it turned into something else, something more, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I don’t think she did either.”

Steve leaned in closer, curiosity getting the better of him. “What do you mean? Did something happen?”

“Sure. Yeah, something happened,” Goldie replied, her voice straining as she let out the words. “It was a week ago at the club. Everything just…exploded. I think I pushed her away. Or she pushed me away. I don’t know what happened. But now she won’t talk to me. I didn’t think I’d care this much, but I do. And I’m so upset, Steve. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Steve nodded slowly as he absorbed her words. “You don’t do intimacy, do you?”

“Ha! That’s rich coming from you, Steve!” she snarked back at him.

“I’m just saying that you keep people at arm’s length. But now, you’re actually feeling something, aren’t you? This is different, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is,” Goldie admitted. “I didn’t realize how much I cared until she was gone. I thought I was having fun, but I can see it was deeper than that. I suppose I was scared. Scared of what it meant to let someone in. But I told her, and it didn’t go down well. At all.”

Steve smiled at her before continuing, his tone firm but gentle. “You know you’re allowed to be vulnerable, right? It doesn’t make you weak. It just makes you human.”

Goldie felt the tears welling in her eyes. She could hardly see Steve through her blurred vision, but she could feel his hand on her shoulder. “I just don’t know how to fix it. I tried calling her, texting, but nothing. It’s like she’s vanished.”

“No. She wouldn’t have gone anywhere.” Steve laughed. “She’s just gone into hiding. And if you care about her, you need to show it. Don’t wait for her to come to you, Goldie. Take charge.”

“Me? Take charge?” Goldie repeated, incredulous. “Do you have any idea how terrifying that sounds to me right now? I’m sure she won’t want to hear it.”

Steve leaned back into the sofa and crossed his arms across his chest. “You’ll deal. That’s what you do. But at least you’ll know you tried. Why are you choosing to be stuck in this limbo? You know it’s no good for you. This is not the Goldie I know. I’ve never seen you like this before.”

Goldie took a long sip of her whiskey, letting the warmth seep into her. “You really think I should just reach out? That’s what you’d do?”

“Yes,” he replied simply. “And don’t overthink it. Just let her know how you feel in no uncertain terms. Tell her you miss her. But don’t make it about you, babe. This has to be about her too. It’s how these things work. You can tell I have a subscription to Cosmo , right?”

“Yes. Everyone can tell you have a subscription to Cosmo .”

He was right, of course. She had always been so focused on her own fears and insecurities. But now, she knew that this was about more than just her.

“I’ll think about it,” she finally said, though she could hear the uncertainty in her own voice.

“Good,” Steve replied, his tone lightening. “And hey, if it doesn’t work out, we’ll just find you a nice, secluded island where you can drink whiskey and brood in peace.”

Goldie chuckled softly, grateful for his attempt to lighten the mood. “Yeah, maybe you could get someone on that? I need a tropical paradise with no phones or internet. And just one bartender.”

“A hot bartender? Can I come too?” Steve joked, raising his glass.

“Sure. Just me and you.” She laughed, clinking her glass against his.

“Just promise me you’ll think about heading out to find her instead of sitting in here and moping. It’s weird and doesn’t suit you,” Steve said after a moment. “You deserve to be happy, Goldie. And this might be the person who helps you achieve that. Fuck what people might say. You being with a woman will be old news soon enough.”

Goldie nodded, though the thought of reaching out still filled her with dread. She had built walls around her heart for a reason, and those walls had always served her well in the past. But now, they felt different. In fact, they felt like a cage.

The evening stretched on. They both poured another glass of whiskey and sat in comfortable silence. Goldie’s mind wandered as she gazed at a million tiny stars flickering in the night sky. She thought about the barrage of interviews and events awaiting her. She remembered the Indigo Lounge and the way Cameron’s eyes lit up when she spoke about it.

“I’ll be back for the press junket,” Goldie said suddenly, breaking the quiet. “I should check out that bar she talked about. Maybe I’ll find her there.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Which one?”

“The Indigo Lounge,” Goldie explained. “Cameron said it was special to her. I think it might be a great place to start.”

“You go, girl,” Steve encouraged. “But remember, it’s not just about finding her. It’s about facing up to your feelings too. You need to be ready to be totally honest with her. And hey, maybe consider that therapist I sent you the card for?”

Goldie could feel the weight of his words as he said them. “I will. I promise.”

“Good,” Steve said as a satisfied smile crossed his face. “You’ve got this, Goldie. Just take it one step at a time.”

They continued to drink, and as the night deepened, Goldie felt a flicker of hope ignite in her chest. Maybe she could face this. Maybe she could take the leap and reach out to Cameron.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” she said, her voice lightening, “but I’m totally going to do it.”

“Now that’s the spirit, my Goldie!” Steve exclaimed, raising his glass in a mock toast. “Let’s drink to bravery and second chances!”

Goldie felt a shift within herself as she laughed at Steve’s antics—a tentative step toward reclaiming the parts of her heart she had locked away.

“Thank you so much, Stevie,” she said sincerely. “You’ve saved my ass. You’re always saving my ass. Who knew you were basically a therapist too?”

“Not always. No, you’re right. Always,” he replied with a giggle. “Now, how about you go and get some rest? I’m going to make a few calls.”

“Yeah, I could use some sleep. Calls? At this time?” Goldie asked, rising from her seat.

“God, you people have no clue what we do,” Steve replied, shaking his head and giving her a wink.

As they stepped back into the suite, Goldie knew the path ahead wouldn’t be easy. But she knew she had to try.