In the Wake of the Wicked (Veridian Empire #1)

54. Rose

54

Rose

T he ride back to the twin’s cottage was uncomfortable, the silence interrupted only by occasional murmurings from Horace and Chaz as they discussed the attack.

We’d spent hours helping the families from Emberfell tend to their wounded and restore what they could of the damaged house. Leo kept his distance from me, throwing himself into his work, his features tightened with intensity as he patched broken holes and cleared away debris.

When the sun began to set and we left the Lightbender refuge, he had mounted his horse and taken the lead, leaving me to Rissa and her pale yellow mare.

It was better this way. I didn’t know what I would do if I had to feel his chest at my back, his arms caging me in, the unease rolling off him in waves that had once been heated tension.

As we traveled back to the south sector, my regret gave way to a different emotion. Something icy and familiar that molded so perfectly back into my mind, it was like it had never left to begin with.

Anger festered inside me the more I thought about those innocent Lightbender families. They were seeking a reprieve from the dangers of their home province, hoping for safety these borders were supposed to provide, and they’d been met with brutality. Misplaced prejudice harbored by people who didn’t want so-called “outsiders” brought into their fold.

I had no idea how common of an occurrence this had become until I asked the others about it a couple weeks ago, but it was different seeing it with my own eyes. And I knew exactly who was responsible. Who was charged with taking care of his people, yet turned a blind eye to their suffering. Who let destruction and bloodshed run rampant in his streets as long as he kept their power in check.

How many times would I let Theodore make excuses? How many times would I accept his words because they sounded pretty and magical and full of promise? It was like I’d created a separation in my mind. Theodore, my father’s brother, the brilliant, isolated man who’d taught me in mere days how to accept my magic in its full glory and surrender to what it was meant to be. And Emperor Gayl, the quiet but lethal ruler pulling the strings of the empire, callously playing provinces like pieces on a chessboard and not caring who was hurt in the process. Two separate men, both powerful in their own right.

And both were dangerous. Both hiding their true motives and desires. Both capable of so much more than I knew.

If it weren’t for Theodore, I wouldn’t be keeping these secrets from Leo. I would still be living in ignorant bliss, set on spying and uncovering the truth behind the Somnivae curse, none the wiser to what truly happened twenty-seven years ago.

But…I also would’ve never known the freedom of my magic. The wild, restless part of me that beat vibrantly with every pound of my heart, every throb of my pulse.

For better or worse, this time with the emperor had changed me. Irrevocably. I didn’t think I could go back to the woman I used to be. I didn’t want to. How was I supposed to reconcile that with the man who not only welcomed ruthlessness and dissonance, but seemed to revel in it?

And how was I supposed to get Leo to understand any of this? To see how conflicted my thoughts had become, and how I desperately wanted to give him all of me.

But I was scared.

Fates , I was scared. Rissa had been right—I was letting fear of the unknown stand in my way. Fear of telling him the truth, fear of not telling him, fear of what would happen when this month was over, of whether or not I could find a way to stop the Somnivae curse, of the power I now held in my hands. Both literal and figurative. Because Theodore Gayl and I were the only two people who knew how to bring an end to this curse, and I didn’t know what I would do if I had to make that choice.

“Only you will decide who meets their doom.”

Rissa pulled on the reins, jolting me out of my thoughts as we approached the familiar wooden cottage in the forest. We all dismounted and shuffled in stilted silence to get our packs off the horses, exhaustion swirling around us. Rissa, Lark, Horace, and Chaz all made their way inside. Horace mumbled something about needing a stiff drink. I lingered by Rissa’s horse, gently running my hand along her mane and trying to quell my anxiety. I felt Leo’s presence hanging over me like a cloud, watching me from his own stallion.

The strip of cloth I’d wrapped around the cut on my hand was stained red. I picked at the fringes of it, the skin still tender and raw where I’d sliced it. The sound of crunching leaves met my ear and I turned to find Leo walking inside the cottage, leaving me in the soft moonlight of the clearing.

My heart sank. Of course he was angry with me. Of course he didn’t want to be alone with me. In one moment, I’d ruined everything between us, reminding him he couldn’t trust me and?—

The door creaked open again and Leo walked back out, a small glass vial and a roll of gauze in his hand.

“You never took care of that,” he said gruffly, looking at my haphazard attempt at bandaging.

I swallowed. “It will heal.”

“Always so stubborn.” His voice was tired, the usual cross between humor and exasperation now absent. “Come here,” he said as he turned over a bucket on the front porch and gestured for me to sit.

He knelt before me, placing the potion and gauze on the ground before taking my hand in his. His fingers were calloused but his touch was gentle as he unwound the cloth, careful not to let it brush against the open wound. When he unbottled the vial, the woody scent of cedarwood overwhelmed my senses. I flinched slightly at the sting as he poured it over my cut. He whispered a healing spell and rubbed the oil in soothing circles, his thumb dragging across my palm.

“Are you going to tell me what really happened today?” he finally asked, his tone quiet and even. No hint of malice or accusation. It sounded like he was resigned, which was worse than the anger I expected.

I bit the inside of my cheek. “I saved that boy’s life. Nobody had to die. Isn’t that what matters?”

“I suppose so.” He placed a pad of gauze on the cut and laid a fresh bandage on it, winding it inside my thumb and then back around the other side.

He made to stand from his crouch, but I held onto his hand. “Leo, please. Let me?—”

“Let you what, lie to me again?” The bitter edge was a welcome reprieve from the emotionless way he’d spoken before. A spark lit in his eyes as he met mine. “I’ve stood there and watched you keep things from me and lie to me as if it was your natural instinct. How can I believe anything you’ve said, Rose?”

I wanted to tell him that this was the first time, that it wouldn’t happen again, but the false words fell to ash on my tongue.

After these weeks of growing closer to him, of finally finding someone I wanted to let in, I had broken it in a single breath. We’d built something based on mutual respect and trust. We’d spent time learning how to take our walls down and not hide from each other. And I’d thrown that all away .

Had it even existed to begin with? Could a foundation made on omissions and lies ever hope to stand firm?

Fear gripped me when he stood, but this time, I knew exactly what I was afraid of—and it wasn’t the unknown. It wasn’t the future or the curse or the tournament.

It was him walking away.

“Blood magic,” I said steadily, keeping my eyes on him, letting him see I wasn’t hiding anymore. “There were no herbs, no new spells. I—I used blood magic to heal him.”

Leo clutched the glass vial in his hand, shaking his head in frustration as he looked away. “I didn’t want to believe it, Rose. How could you be so reckless ? Don’t you know what blood magic does? The consequences it has?”

I rose to my feet, thankful to have an outlet for my anxiety. “You just don’t understand it. I didn’t, either. We’ve been taught our whole lives that it’s some terrible form of dark magic, but that’s because we’ve never taken the time to understand it. To learn how to control it. You saw what I did today, how it can?—”

“I saw you bend laws of nature. That boy should have died .” His voice grew harder. “You’re not the Fates, Rose—you don’t get to decide who lives and who dies.”

“Screw the Fates! Those families wouldn’t have been attacked if the Fates cared at all about what was happening!”

“What if it had gone wrong? What if you had hurt the boy? That kind of magic is unpredictable and dangerous. And it always has a price.”

“All magic can be dangerous!” I shouted, raising my arm in the air. This conversation was eerily similar to the one I’d had with Theodore weeks ago. If only I could make Leo see it the way I eventually had…

“Why are Alchemists the only ones expected to use some sort of aid to do magic?” I pressed. “Why are we the only ones who can’t use what we’ve been given , our natural birthright and power?”

Leo clenched his jaw, turning from me and pacing further into the forest. “You sound like him , Rose. ”

I bit my tongue, fighting the urge to defend Theodore. “No, Leo, I sound like me. For once, I feel like I have a purpose. Like I can do something. I saved that boy’s life today!” I followed after him, desperate for him to grasp what I was saying. To stop looking at me like he didn’t know me. “It can be harmful, but it can also be controlled. Just like learning any new magic, it takes practice.”

He whirled on me. “And how long have you been practicing? Years? Months? Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“Since—since I started meeting with Gayl,” I confessed, wincing at the anger in his eyes.

He let out a disbelieving breath. “So while we thought you were working for us, trying to find out more about him so we could stop the curse and bring him down, he’s been teaching you dark magic?” He stepped closer, towering over me, the moonlight and shadows making his onyx eyes gleam.

“Rissa asked me to get close to him!” I protested. “What do you think I’m doing? I’m trying to find a way to end it. Have you ever considered that blood magic may be the solution?”

A vein in his neck throbbed. “Blood magic killed my father, Rose!”

“And it saved your life !” I exploded, realizing the moment the words left my mouth what I had done.

The air hummed around us as his brow slowly furrowed. I clenched my uninjured hand at my side.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, chest heaving.

I closed my eyes. The fight had drained from us both, leaving a cold emptiness.

The truth was all I had left to offer.

“I found out the full story about the night you were born,” I began. “The night the curse started.”

Leo’s jaw tightened. “What full story? Gayl protected my mother’s life as a ruse for cursing my father’s rule.”

“No, Leo, that—that’s not all of it.” I took a deep breath. “He didn’t just help your mother. He saved you . You died that night. ”

His head shook, his tail brushing against the leaves and dirt. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Gayl told me how there were complications with your birth and your father summoned him to help. Branock commanded him to do whatever it took to save you both. When your mother gave birth, you…you were born without life. But he used blood magic to bring you back.”

He looked at me, and I prepared for dismissal. For disbelief and rage. What I found was even worse.

He looked scared.

I stepped forward and took his hand, surprised when he didn’t pull away. “Gayl brought you back from the dead. But magic as great as that, it?—”

“Has a price,” Leo finished on an exhale.

I steeled myself and nodded.

“The curse,” he said, realization dawning on him. “The curse is—is because of me.” His words were low and drawn out as he put the pieces together.

“It was the cost Gayl warned your father about,” I whispered. “He tried to reverse it. He and your father tried for years, and almost every Alchemist since. The truth is what eventually drove your father from the throne. He wanted to keep you safe.”

“The truth,” he said slowly, his eyes locking onto our clutched fingers. Then he dropped my hand. “Because I’m the answer to reversing the spell he cast. It’s me . My death, as it should have happened.”

I held my breath, pulse pounding relentlessly in my ears. He turned away and closed his eyes. As he rubbed a hand across his face, my chest caved at the despondency on his features, every inch of me yearning to comfort him, to reach out and?—

Before I could stop him, he twisted and slammed his fist into a tree.