Into the Light (University of Isles #2)

12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve

It was Saturday, and Marissa was in my apartment, per usual, as I was debating whether I even wanted to go to the hair appointment she set up for me.

“This is dumb,” I told her, shaking my head, insisting I could do my hair at home. We were sitting in the small bathroom of my apartment researching different hair styles I would like.

“It’s not dumb , you haven’t ever dyed your hair, and some highlights would be cute. You sure you don’t want me to come?”

“I’m not even sure I want to go.” I laughed, and she handed me the piece of paper she’d written instructions on. “I feel like you’re my mom or something, handing me what to tell the hairstylist.”

“Well, it’s a pretty big deal to actually get your hair done for the first time.” She winked at me. I had only ever done the box dye you get from the drugstore. She told me in order to feel good on the inside, you needed to feel good on the outside too. I’d be a rotten fruit, but at least I’d have fabulous hair.

We scoured Pinterest for styles and colors I liked and decided on some “babylights” and face-framing pieces. I told her I wanted to look as natural as possible with my dark hair.

“Santiago is insisting on walking me, so he’ll be there. No need to worry.” Her eyes narrowed in my direction.

“On another note, what’re you doing tonight?” She grabbed an apple from my fridge and took a massive bite. I stared at her, laughing. I never had a sister growing up, but this was how I’d imagined having one would be.

“Definitely not going to the Den,” I stated before grabbing my wallet and purse from the chair and making my way out the door with her.

“Ugh. Nothing I can do to convince you?” she asked, and I shook my head no.

“I need to finish my book and do some work. Maybe I’ll convince Santiago to play another game of Scrabble.”

“Ah, mija, so you can kick my ass? I think not.” He chuckled as he closed the door to his apartment. I glanced toward Santiago, feeling the warmth he exuded toward me with that small comment. It made me feel like we’d developed a father-daughter bond over the past months.

“You got a big date or something?” Marissa asked, and Santiago swatted her. Marissa’s older brother was friends with Santiago, so they knew each other from way back.

“Let’s go?” Santiago asked before pressing the elevator button. I hugged Marissa, and she told me not to forget to show the hairdresser the note.

The salon was next to the Tipsy Tavern in Isles. There was a small nail salon attached to it, and quite a few people were already inside. It was a large street in the middle of town with the same cobblestone alleys the quad had. There were small buildings with students coming in and out. Truthfully, since this was the main street, there was a lingering smell of vomit from the night before, but the salon looked modern and inviting enough to pique my curiosity.

“Are you okay to go in?” Santiago asked. This would be the first real outing, aside from class and the occasional grocery store run. Apart from the one time at the Den, I tried to keep it as low key as possible.

“Yes,” I responded before walking toward the salon and Santiago sat on a bench across the street in direct view.

“Hey. What’s your name?” the icy receptionist asked. She had her arms crossed over her chest and barely looked up from playing a card game on her phone.

“Oh, um, hi. My name is Ember Solis. I am here to see Tana.” The girl pointed to a set of chairs in the waiting area. There were large, oversized pillows on them that I presumed were there to make them feel more luxurious. I was standing in the front waiting room, and it was as inviting and modern as the outside felt. Beyond the receptionist desk was a drawn cream curtain where she’d just disappeared behind. Chatter came from back there, and I assumed that’s where the heart of the salon was. She came back quickly and took her place behind the desk.

“You’re the girl whose boyfriend died?” she asked, and I gulped the pain down.

“Yeah,” I muttered, hoping she didn’t hear. Shifting my gaze out the window, Santiago looked up at the same time. I shook my head because I didn’t want him to come in, I was only making sure he was in eyesight. There was a comfort in having him so close by.

“Come back. She’s ready for you.” I stood up, following her behind the curtain where a few stylist chairs were set up with a small shampoo bowl in the back.

She pointed to a chair as far away from the window as possible, which made me slightly anxious, but I swallowed, reminding myself this was all about an experience I never got to have. This was all about the new me and feeling good about myself.

“What’re we doing today, boyfriend killer?” I paused, making sure I understood what she said. My mouth hung agape as I processed the words.

“I-I’m sorry?” I must have misheard her. There was a smirk on her face when she looked back down at me.

“I said, what’re we doing today, honey?” I swear that’s not what she said, but being the innate people-pleaser that I am, I convinced myself she didn’t say what I actually heard.

I shook it off and then reached into my pocket and pulled out what Marissa had written.

“I’ve never gotten my hair done before, so my friend suggested this.” I gave her the piece of paper, then she looked down at my hair while smacking the gum she was chewing on.

“No.”

“No?” I cocked my head to the side so I could look her in the face and not through the mirror.

“This will look terrible,” she admitted.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, this is too neutral for your hair and your face shape. We are going to put large chunky lights in the front.”

“Is it going to be very natural looking?” I swear I saw a glint in her eye before she responded.

“Of course, honey,” she said coolly, and I sat back, trusting she was a professional and knew what she was doing. At any rate, Marissa and I were using Pinterest to find similar looks, we didn’t really know what we were asking for, so I trusted the professional.

Tana excused herself to go get the color, and I sat in the chair, awkwardly looking around when the salon had gone quiet. When I arrived, there was a hum of chatter heard throughout the building, but the noises had dropped to a dull whisper.

Huh. That is weird. I’m not sure getting my haircut is something I will do often in the future.

My eyes darted toward the window, but I couldn’t make out Santiago, so I sent him a quick text to let him know everything was okay in here. The last thing I needed was my big bad bodyguard bounding through the salon making a scene.

When Tana arrived back at the station, she started to put the color in my hair and wrap it in foils. I relaxed slightly because from what I’d seen on social media and YouTube, she seemed like she knew she was doing. Plus, this wasn’t in someone’s garage, this was in an actual salon. I kept trusting she was the professional and knew what would look best on me.

“So, what’s it like with your brother on campus?” she asked, and again, I did a double take at her. How does she even know my brother?

“Walsh Solis?” I asked, double-checking she didn’t have me confused with someone else.

“Yeah.” She looked down at me while she added another foil to my hair. “Come on, Ember. Everyone knows who you are and what you did to your boyfriend last year.”

My jaw dropped. I am so fucking na?ve. I knew people would laugh at me in public but never while working intimately with me.

“Yeah, it’s been a hard year.” This was the phrase Santiago and I had come up with to deter people from asking more questions.

“I can’t believe you actually came back to Isles. To what? Wreak more havoc on the Den?” I blinked a couple times, trying not to cry, but the girl kept going. “Hear you’ve been getting cozy with the best friend? You going to have your brother kill him too?”

“What the—”

“Wait here while the foils lighten.” She walked away to the back room, leaving me blinking my tears away. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I refused to let anyone else in the salon see she was getting a reaction from me.

Sitting at the chair underneath a large blow dryer, waiting as my hair lightened, I texted Marissa.

Ember:

Remind me to never get my hair done here by Tana again.

Then I tried a technique my therapist had suggested when I became flooded with emotions. Searching for five objects, I named them, then smelled five distinct smells, then touched five items around me. It helped ground me and prevent the panic from taking over.

After I had gone through my grounding technique, Tana had come by, moved the hair dryer, and brought me over to the bowl.

She gave me the quickest and most aggressive shampoo while she talked to another hairstylist.

“Yeah, I cannot believe nobody checked the schedule before allowing her here.”

“I didn’t realize until this morning, yuck.”

“Ha. You’ll see what she’s getting.”

It was just soundbites of what I could hear through the water sloshing around the bowl. She threw a towel on my head and brought me over to the station where I sat in front of the mirror again.

She looked down at me, a sly smile creeping on her face. “You ready to see your big reveal?”

“Totally.” She was a professional, there was no way she was going to—

“What the fuck did you do?” I screamed, jumping from the chair and running my hands through my wet hair.

Even though my hair was damp, it was streaked with large chunky highlights everywhere. It was nowhere near the natural look I had asked for. I hated it.

I hated it so much tears rushed from my eyes, as I was unable to keep them at bay this time. I didn’t realize how much sadness and anger an unwelcome hair style could make you feel. All I wanted was to feel better about myself. I was trying so hard to patch myself back together, and that ripped everything apart.

“Why did you do this?” I looked at the hairstylist who stood stoically behind the chair, her hands gripping to the back. At this point, I didn’t give a flying fuck that every person in here was staring at us. I was so upset. This was the exact reason I didn’t leave the house. It was exactly what I had hoped wouldn’t happen.

“The natural look you wanted just wasn’t going to frame your face well, so the chunky highlights—”

“But this isn’t what I asked for. I just wanted something small.” I wanted to crawl into my skin. Everyone at the salon was silent. I searched around desperately and could see Santiago crossing the street from the large window in front of me. The curtain was behind us, separating us from the front area, but passersby could still see through. The moment we locked eyes, I knew he saw the tears falling like a freaking waterfall down my face.

“No one at the Den wants you in Isles anymore. You’re ruining the entire organization,” Tana barked, and everyone turned their heads in our direction. When I noticed someone pulling out their phone to record this interaction, I decided to eat my words and take the high road.

I threw a twenty at her, then started to walk out of the salon.

Tana protested, “You underpaid me.” I couldn’t help but let out a crazed laugh, the frustration and sabotage from this woman getting to me.

Santiago looked at me but said nothing, simply taking my hand as we walked down the street. He removed his hat and handed it to me.

Outside, I put my still-wet hair up into the cap, not wanting to risk getting sick from the damp air. I looked up at Santiago, still in shock from the ordeal.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” I began, feeling a heavy weight pressing down on my chest, the disappointment overwhelming.

“What happened?” Santiago asked.

“I asked for a natural hairstyle, and then she started talking about Ash, blaming me and telling me I needed to leave,” I rambled on, choking on my sobs. I sat on the grimy curb, hugging my knees. “She then added these horrible highlights in my hair as some sort of revenge.”

“I’m going back in there,” Santiago demanded.

“Please don’t,” I begged.

“Come on, mija. Let’s go home,” Santiago urged, trying to help me up, but I felt glued to the curb. Frozen in place, I couldn’t move, overwhelmed by a deep sense of defeat.

“I-I can’t,” I murmured, realizing how embarrassing it was to be sitting on a curb in one of the busiest parts of Isles but not caring at all. “I want to go back to Dansport.”

For the first time, the thought crossed my mind and I wanted to admit defeat. Perhaps, in some twisted way, Tana was right. Maybe I was a boyfriend killer, and getting close to Rain meant putting him in harm’s way, too. My mom died because of what she did, maybe I was death’s best friend.

I needed to talk to Walsh to uncover the truth behind what had happened so the overwhelming guilt could begin to ease and I could find some semblance of peace, but right now, I was frozen in place.

“I don’t know how many deaths I can experience in one short time period and survive it, Santiago.” I cried, and worry etched into the fine lines of his eyes.

“Please don’t go back to that place.” He begged. “What can I do to help you?”

I shrugged because I had no idea. I had no one to call. My family got tangled in this web of deceit and lies. I had nobody. Yet, somehow, all I wanted to become was a nobody.

The anger I felt toward Ash bubbled to the surface. I was mad he left me here to deal with this alone. It was irrational and I knew this was simply a trauma response to what had happened, but I was so fucking upset.

“My mom used to say this phrase to me: ‘Into the darkness I’ll go, and into the light I’ll be’ when I was younger and scared of the dark. Santiago, she lied. She lied about all of it, because I am deep in the darkness, and I don’t know where the light is.”

“No. You do have light and you know exactly where it is.” He shook his head like I was saying something that didn’t make sense.

I rubbed my eyes, and he walked away momentarily before returning to sit next to me on the curb.

“I am your family, mija. I love you like a sister, and I hate seeing you hurt. What can I do? Please let me in, Ember.” His voice fell into a hushed tone at the end, and I looked out to the street.

“I just need to sit here.” I sighed, letting my shoulders sag, and buried my head into my hands. Sitting there, not caring that the cars were flying by or the people on the street were staring at two people sitting on a curb. I just needed to sit in it.

“Ember,” a familiar voice said from above me. I lifted my head, and Rain was towering over me.

I snapped my head over toward Santiago who shrugged before getting up. “I needed to call the one person whose hand you’d reach for. I’m not letting you go back to that place, mija.”

“You tell him everything now? I bet you even told him about—”

“Never. That is not a story for me to share. But I was, no I am, worried about you.” Santiago paused before turning toward Rain. “I’m heading back to the apartment. Let me know if you need me.”

He walked away quickly, and I let out a deep sigh. I’d stopped crying when the fourth truck had passed down the road, however long that was, but I was emotionally spent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as he replaced Santiago’s spot next to me.

I told him what happened, unfurling my hair from my cap, while holding back tears.

“I need to talk to the guys at the house. We need to clear Ash’s name immediately. Whoever’s been running your name is fucking dead to me.”

“I texted my brother. I’d like it if maybe you’d come with me,” I said, doing the one thing Santiago told me to, reaching for the hand of the person trying so desperately to pull me to him.

“I want to, but I don’t know if I trust him fully. I need to make sure we do it in a safe way.”

“Of course, it’s a no.” I rolled my eyes before his warm hands pulled my chin toward his face.

“I said I fucking wanted to, Ember, I just need to figure this situation out with your goddamned hairstylist first.” He ran his hands through his long hair.

“You don’t have to—”

“And for the fucking record, I am not going to leave, Ember. I cannot imagine a world without you in it, and I cannot imagine leaving you alone.” He jumped up, not letting me process anything he said before offering me a hand, which I took.

It actually surprised me how quickly he helped me get out of whatever frozen response had me stuck to the sidewalk.

“You what?” I asked.

“Ah, fuck, mi pareja, it doesn’t fucking matter what I said. Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” I shifted the cap so it was covering my hair, and Rain’s hand clenched as I did.

“To the Den.”

We walked together in silence before Rain walked in front of a motorcycle parked on the street.

“Get on.”

I stared back at him because he knew my thoughts on his freaking bike.

I crossed my arms. “No.”

“Come on, mi pareja.”

“Tell me what that means?” He scrunched his nose, and honestly, it was fucking adorable the way he looked like he smelled something foul, but then a small smirk formed on his mouth before he mounted the bike.

“One day. I promise.”

“I thought you’d tell me anything.” I huffed, arms still crossed over my chest.

“It’s the one secret I’ll keep from you, Em.” He threw me a helmet. “Get on.”

“You’ll keep me safe?” I asked, thankful that the helmet would at least keep the ugly ass hair hidden.

“Always,” he whispered.

Jumping onto the bike, my arms wrapped around his thick torso, and I leaned my head against his back. He revved the engine and pulled out into the street. He was going slow, but being on this bike for the first time was freeing. Plus, it helped that Rain looked so fucking hot driving it.

When we stopped at the first stop sign, he dropped one of his hands from the handle and clasped my hand with his.

I responded by lacing my fingers through his and pressing into his chest.

As the damp cool air whipped around my body, I felt exhilarated. Part of me wondered if all this grief I felt was part of some bigger plan for me. I was supposed to experience all this death in my life before I could actually live.

And maybe Santiago was right. I could see the one person offering me a hand, I just needed to reach up and grab it. Bringing the dead back to life was impossible, but I could live with the ones on earth until we meet again later.

Rain was right here. I just needed to let him in.