Into You Series: The Complete Collection

30. Saria

CHAPTER 30

SARIA

I drive to Smith Mechanics that evening, right before closing time. I know I love him. I know this is the right thing to do, but going right as he closes the bay doors for the day will at least give him an out if he doesn’t want to see me. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

The gravel lot is just as rumbly as I remember. The tall sign above the garage is just as big and inviting. The feeling in my chest before seeing Harry is just as unsettling. But they’re like flutters of gentle butterfly wings. Not harsh or unwelcome, simply unsettling. The only thing about this place that’s changed is the garage itself. It’s been restructured, rearranged. There’s another lift that wasn’t there before, and to the side, there’s a small bit of construction. He’s expanding.

I smile. I can’t help it. He’s achieving his dreams just like he said he would. Harry is always a man of his word.

I park, stepping out of the van and peeking around. There’s only the Red Hot Chili Peppers playing through the speakers in the garage. His favorite.

“Saria!”

I know that voice.

Cara runs down the stairwell, tumbling when she hops down the last couple stairs. Even over the course of two months, she’s grown, and something in me is sad that I missed even a single second of it. My heart was racing before, and now it’s overflowing with love as tears bite the backs of my eyes.

She runs up to me and hugs me around the legs, laughing. This girl and her laugh could sprout wings for an angel.

I crouch down to give her a proper hug.

“Well, look at you, Care-bear!” I say, tucking a curl of hair behind her ear. “Give me a twirl. You look so much older!”

She spins a couple times before pretending to be too dizzy and going cross-eyed.

I steady her, and she smiles. “Where’d you go?”

“Places,” I say. “A small town. You’d like it.”

She winds her hands together. “Sounds fun.” It sounds defeated more than anything.

“Wasn’t as fun as being here with you, though,” I tell her reassuringly.

“It was weird without you.”

My nerves jolt at the sentence because I understand exactly what she means. Even though I lived twenty-one years without Harry and Cara, I somehow can’t remember a time before them. But there’s nothing to be done about it now. I’m here, and whether I’ll be allowed to see Cara as often as I used to, I’m not sure. But I hope I can.

I hear boots walking toward us, and when I look up, I see Harry stopping to lean against the frame of the bay door with his arms crossed. His presence is intoxicating, an absolute shot of longing piercing through me. I see the way he looks like he wants to smile but can’t. I admire how his shirt pulls taut against his muscles. He’s been working hard all day and here I am, ending it with a sad whimper. I’m desperate to reach out to him. Thankfully, Cara brings me back to our conversation.

“Are you here to stay?” she asks in a low voice, as if embarrassed to even be wondering.

I look back to her and nod. “Yes.”

She nods back quickly, likely not sure what to do. I can see her eyes glassing over.

“I missed you,” she says. I bring her in for another hug while she laughs in my arms.

“Aw, hey, me too, kid.”

“How was van life?” Harry asks. I almost forgot how deep and comforting his voice is, but how could I?

“Fun. Difficult.” I pull my lips into my mouth, trying to parse through what could come next. I want to kiss him, but that’s not fair. I’m not ready. I don’t deserve him yet. But I came here for a reason. I look down at Cara with a smile. “Hey, do you mind if me and your dad chat real fast?”

“Can you stay for dinner?” she shoots back. Master negotiator.

I hesitate, but ultimately shake my head. “Maybe another day.”

Her face falls, and god if that doesn’t rip me to shreds before she shuffles off and back up the stairs.

Harry and I don’t exchange any words. I wonder if he’s wanting me to speak first. I should, so I muster up everything I have to start talking, though my voice still shakes with the effort.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “For all of it. You didn’t deserve any of that. Cara didn’t.”

“It’s okay,” he says. Oh, Harry.

“It’s not.”

“No, it’s not. You broke my heart, Saria, but you’ve got stuff to work out. I know that.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just…need some growing up.”

He tilts his head to the side and nods. He doesn’t need to say anything. That is enough.

“I’d like to see Cara again,” I say. “Sometime. If that’s okay.”

Harry nods again, this time slower, as if considering before nodding more fervently. “Yeah, she’d like that.”

We don’t speak again. A silence between us. There’s never been such a thing as awkward silence between us, yet here it is for the first time.

“Well, I just came to say hey, I guess. And…yeah.” It’s hard for me to form words or even conjure up complete thoughts. That is all I came here to do. Anything else would be selfish and unfair to him.

“That’s it?” he asks.

“That’s all I should give,” I say.

“Should or want to?”

“Should.”

Harry inhales sharply then exhales again before continuing to nod, as if the motion is comforting in itself.

“Well alright then. Take it easy.”

And then he closes the bay doors.