It’s Always Us (Abandoned Brothers #3)

Chapter 9

MARK

I wince as my physical therapist rotates my arm, checking my function and mobility, that’s becoming more and more limited. The day after a game, the pain is incredible, and my stomach rolls as my torture agent finally eases up.

“Sit tight while I grab a few things.”

“How about a saw? You might as well completely sever it from the rest of me.”

Tyler steps away, pulling something from the table beside me. “I’d think about it, but you’ll need it next week, and I’m in the business of helping you make it there.”

I take a couple of deep breaths, knowing I’m living on borrowed time. I’ve been Band-Aiding this injury for the last two seasons, and I’m paying for it in more ways than one.

As soon as the season is over, I’m walking straight into surgery that will hopefully repair the separation so I can start physical therapy and get back into training. I need time to show I can still throw the ball, maybe even better.

What’s not factored in is my wife, and my current projection has me unable to be anywhere near her in the coming months. I might have to convince her to come to me, but after what I told her, I wouldn’t blame her if she told me to go screw myself.

Telling her our relationship needs to remain quiet was unfair, and I know it hurt her. I feel like the biggest asshole in the world. She’s the absolute last person I’d ever want to hurt, but my words and request did. I knew it the instant she bit back.

I have to show her that she’s not something I want to hide. I know why she might think that, but she’s dead wrong.

She was right when she said that we’ve changed and don’t know each other like we used to. Lex has changed. The tentative, quiet girl is a strong-ass woman, and even though her words are still few and she’s difficult to read, she knows how to stand her ground. I freaking love her even more for it.

“All right, let’s get you hooked up and see if we can get the pain to come down.” Tyler sticks little patches to my skin. “You doing ok? You’re awfully quiet.”

My mouth might be quiet, but the voices in my head are loud as hell. “I have a lot on my mind.” And my right shoulder feels like it might actually be detached and hanging on by the ligaments.

“You should be flying high after that win yesterday.”

“Yeah, well, this isn’t helping.” I gesture with my head to my shoulder, pain shooting through me at the simple movement, and I suck in air. “Did you watch the game?”

“Yeah. I was on a date, but I would’ve rather watched it alone.”

“That bad, huh?”

He finishes with the patches and hooks up the cords. “I hate dating. I asked if she was fine watching the game, and she said yes. Then, she whined about how long the game was. Why can’t women be honest about what they want? If she didn’t want to watch the game, why didn’t she say so?”

“Maybe you’re dating the wrong women.” I try not to sound annoyed, but part of me doesn’t give a shit today.

He chuckles. “Sandberg, I’m sure with all the women you’ve dated, most have only told you everything you’ve wanted to hear.”

There’s been one who hasn’t. “I haven’t dated that many women.” I want to smack down his assumption, but then I want to punch myself, knowing it’s not just his assumption. It’s what everyone thinks, and I have no one to blame but myself.

He laughs. “Right.”

“Don’t believe everything you read, Ty,” I spit out, my irritation with every single thing creeping higher .

Buttons beep as he presses them. “You’re saying I shouldn’t put stock in the rumors that you got married the other night.”

He laughs like it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world and pisses me off. I should be happy that people think it’s fake news, but I want the entire world to know I married the only woman I’ve ever loved.

When I don’t respond, he continues. “Well, maybe I’ll take a cue from you and keep things light. Dating is too much work.”

I rest back and try to clear my mind, waiting for the pain to lessen. I’ve let the world think I’m a playboy. I’m a flirt, and I like to have a good time. But it’s easy to put on a show when you know that once the lights turn down and everyone goes home, you’re still left with a giant hole that nothing can fill.

I’m no saint, and I’ve done some really stupid shit that I regret, but I was young and dumb. I never met someone who could get me to forget Lex. So, I quit trying.

She’s the only one I’ve ever wanted to date, to be committed to, and now she’s my wife.

Shit. I need to date my wife.

Lex said we don’t know or understand each other, but we haven’t changed that much. That was clear as ever to me the other night. She and I belong together. I just need a little time to remind her of all the reasons why.

______

I toss my keys on the counter, grab a water bottle from the refrigerator, and then pull my ice pack from the freezer. My apartment is finished with the finest things someone can buy, and tonight, it’s emptier than ever.

On my way to my bedroom, I stop at the floor-to-ceiling windows and stare down at the city. It looks like thousands of fireflies zooming around below. For years, I’ve stood here, reminding myself I made it. I’d survived and overcome. I’m living the dream.

There was a time when I wasn’t sure I’d make it to my next birthday. I was removed from the hell I lived in and thought my life was over. I didn’t know where I was going or where I’d end up. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d be here. I have it all, but like all the other times I’ve stood staring out at the world, there’s one thing missing.

I take a sip of water, allowing a soft smile to creep across my face as I dial her. As it did this morning, my heart skips, anticipating her voice. My excitement begins to slump on the fourth ring, but then—

“Hold on.” I hear a clang and a bang, and I know exactly where she is. The fact that I can call her and talk to her is everything. It’s not the same as kissing her or having her body tangled with mine, but I’ll take it. For now.

After a few seconds, she’s back. “Hey.”

“Is the door locked?” It’s after hours, so I assume she’s alone. Well, I hope she’s alone. The thought of her being there late with a guy causes every muscle in my body to tighten.

“What?” The music dies, and then there’s silence.

“Did you lock the door? If you’re there by yourself, the door needs to be locked so no crazies can get in.”

“That’s only happened once.” I know by the way she says it one side of her mouth is creeping upward.

I long to see her perfect lips. “Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

Thank God. “Is the door locked?”

“Yes. Slade gave me a talking to the other day as well.”

The hairs on my neck prick to life while a roar awakens in my belly. “Slade?” I don’t care for the name or the fact that it’s likely attached to a man who gets to be around her every day.

“He’s a friend. He’s worked here almost . . . ”

She doesn’t have to finish. I know the end of that sentence is something like, almost as long as you’ve been gone. I hit the video button, wanting to see her face when I ask my next question.

It takes a second and her face appears. “Hi.”

A black bandana holds her blonde hair back, the long strands falling around her shoulders. She has a smudge of grease on her forehead, where she scratched and left a mark. A lot has changed, but some things are exactly the same. She’s in her element, and it’s still the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

“I wanted to see your face.” That earns me a slight smile. “This guy, Slade, do I need to hate him as much as I want to right now? ”

Her head falls to the side slightly, and I’m not sure how to interpret that, but I don’t like it.

She shakes her head. “No. He’s just a friend.” Her eyes drop away. “He’s my best friend.”

It’s a punch to the stomach. “That used to be me. You should know I have every intention of shoving him to the side.”

She bites the corner of her bottom lip, and I want to kiss her. “You’ve never been good at coming second.”

“Damn straight, I haven’t. Never when it comes to you.”

Her fingers find her stud earring and twist it as she studies me through the screen.

I head to my bedroom, confident with my plan.

“I know I was an asshole this morning, and what I told you hurt you.” Her fingers continue to twist around and around. “My schedule is chaotic and full, at least until the season is over. You have no idea how much I wish it were different, but this is my life. I have contracts and agreements, and I don’t always have a say in how things go. This is one of those times if I want a chance of signing with a team that’s going somewhere next season.”

I sit on the edge of my bed, readying myself to ask a question I’m a little terrified to get the answer to. I’ve never been one to shy away, and I need to know where we stand.

“Lex, I need you to be completely honest with me.”

Her blue eyes, the color of the shallow waters of the Caribbean Sea, stare back at me. “Ok.”

“I know things aren’t perfect or even remotely close to how I’d like them to be, but do you think you’d consider dating me and getting to know one another again?”

Her brows raise and then quickly move inward. “What?”

“I know we can’t date like normal couples, at least not yet. I can’t be there with you the way I want to be, but I want to date you in whatever way we can.”

“Date?” Her frown hasn’t eased, and I can’t tell if she hates the idea.

“I want to eat dinner with you, even if it has to be over the phone. I want to talk to you before you go to bed like we used to. I want to be the one who knows everything about you again. I want to know your tones and your breaths and your faces, and I want you to know mine. I want to be your best friend.”

Her light eyebrows tip in further. “You want to date me. Like long-distance phone dating?”

“Yeah, or however you’ll date me, given our current unaccommodating and unique situation. I’ll call, video, text, write long love letters, whatever you want. I just have to get through the end of this season, and then . . . ”

Her eyes drop away and I realize what I said. Shit . I detest the distance between us.

“Lex, look at me.” She doesn’t. “Please.” It takes a second, but her eyes finally make their way to mine. “No letters. I want to talk to you. I want to see your face all the time.”

Her lips press together slightly, which used to mean she was thinking. “I guess I’ll date you.” A playful smile appears, and dammit, she’s going to kill me.

“You guess?”

“I mean . . . I already married you, so I’ll give dating you a go.”

I fall back on my bed and hear her laugh. It’s the first time I’ve heard that sound, and it’s so powerful it creates a burning sensation in my throat. I give myself a second and then bring the phone to my face again. “Thank you for giving me a chance.”

“You’re lucky I married you. I’m not sure your form of dating will work out for us. I’m not much of a talker.”

“Baby, I’ll just listen to you breathe on the other end of the line.” She has no idea how much I mean that.

“You’re still a flirt.” Her cheeks turn a bit pink, and this not being able to touch her thing is for shit. “Where are you?”

“I’m home. In my room.” I move the phone to show her my space.

“How is it living in the city?”

“I’ve gotten used to it. At first, I loved it. The constant busyness and hustle, but I miss the quiet and calm. I’m ready for a change.”

“What’s on your shoulder?”

I press on the ice pack that’s beginning to thaw. “Ice pack. My shoulder is shot. I have to have surgery as soon as the season’s over. I’m afraid I’ve waited too long.”

She sits on a stool, propping her phone on the workbench .

“Will you have that there . . . in New York?”

I remove the ice pack and prop my sore body against my headboard, not wanting to talk about this part but knowing we have to. “Actually, in Phoenix. I have the best surgeon, and Sean’s there. He and I will train together in the offseason once I’m ready.” I hesitate to share the next part, but I want to be open with her. “Rumors are the Kingsnakes might be interested. Their quarterback is done after this season, and it’d be a nice change. Playing with Sean would only sweeten the deal.”

She nods but doesn’t say anything.

“This surgery has to work, and I’ll have intensive physical therapy. I have to prove that I can still throw, or any interest will die. New York could be history, too, if they want to change things up.”

One cheek scrunches, creating a small crease to the side of her mouth that’s new. “Is this all why you and I would be a big deal? I’d make it appear like you weren’t taking things seriously.”

I weigh my head from side to side. “Lex, it’s all business. Each organization wants to have the best team, and the best teams have loyal and focused players. Getting married the night before a big game shows where my focus was. Any organization would lose its shit over that. If somehow it leaks, it leaks, and I’ll deal with it. Maybe it will be the end for me, and I will have lived the dream.” I wait for her to look at me. “I will never regret it, no matter what.”

“So, you’d be fine if your playing career was over?” Her question is blunt and hits hard.

I contemplate it to be sure I answer honestly. “Fine probably isn’t the right word. I don’t want to be done playing yet. I love it, except this, not being able to be with you.” I shrug and then wince. “It could be the end anyway if the surgery hits a snag or the pain isn’t better.” A fist presses down right in the center of my chest, and I want to be done talking about this, so I change the subject. “What are you working on?”

She rubs her forehead. “Dodge Ram with a bad fuel pump. The owner put dirty fuel in it and clogged it up. She’s going to have to sit for parts.”

“What else?”

She glances around her space. “A blown transmission with a bad torque converter. The guys pulled it today.”

The guys. I loathe them and their proximity to her.

“You still drive that old truck? ”

She smiles. “She still runs like a dream.”

Talking cars with her was the only way I could get her to talk to me at first. In the science lab, I made a kid move so I could sit next to her. She didn’t say a word for the first two weeks. When I found out she worked on cars, I had my in. Her face lights up just as it did back then.

“Those old beaters still your favorite?”

“Of course. Although, Mustangs are becoming a close second,” she says, biting her lip to hide a smirk—those lips I want to tackle with my own.

“Mustangs, huh? Why?”

“Just something Grandpa said.”

“Hmmm.” I study her face, the slight lines next to her bright eyes. “How is the old man?”

“Ornery as hell and still the absolute best.”

I love that man. Besides my brothers, he’s one of the best men I will ever know.

“Have you told him?” I know how close they are.

“No.” She twists her earring again. “I figured we’d just keep things between us for now. I won’t lie to him, though.”

“Good.” I stare at her, wanting to memorize every detail to carry me through the night. “When can you have dinner with me?”

She smiles. “Umm, my schedule is more open than yours.”

“How about Wednesday? I’ll call you. But I’m calling each night unless I’m on the road.”

She nods. “Ok.”

“If I charter a plane, will you come to have a real date with me sometime? It might only be for a night, but I want you here.”

She rests her chin on her hand, thinking about it. “One thing at a time. We’ll see how the first date goes.”

“You know, I’m pretty confident it’ll go really well.”

“Still humble, I see. Do you ever get told no, Mark?”

I grin. “Lucky for us, I’m good at getting what I want.” She rolls her eyes, but her mouth cracks, and I love that smile. “Text me something when you get home.”

“Ok.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Hey, Mark. ”

“Yeah.” I wait.

“Just so we’re clear, all those things that happened the other night, I don’t do that with guys I’m only dating.” She works hard to hold back a grin. One that’s just for me, and dammit, if that doesn’t sound like a challenge.

Heat from the memories and the sass in her tone consume my entire body. This part of Lex is brand-new to me, and I am in deep shit. Deeper than I’ve ever been.

“Then, as of this moment, we are officially done dating. We are in the full honeymoon zone. I’m sending a plane.”

Her head tips back, and a laugh spills out, making every minute of torture worth it. All the time we’ve missed out on, the heartache, it’s over now. And I’m going to make her mine all over again.