It’s Mother-Pucking Christmas!

31. Dakota

31

DAKOTA

“ M om, I can do it myself.”

“It’s just like when you were a little baby,” my mom cried, holding up the soupspoon. “Let me feed you. You screwed up with Ryder, and now I won’t get to do this with any grandchildren.”

I gritted my teeth as my mom slowly spun the soupspoon toward me, making airplane noises.

Granny Murray set down a glass with a straw. “Vodka slushie. She doesn’t want any of that soup, Babs.”

“It’s minestrone. You like minestrone soup, Dakota,” my mom exclaimed.

“It’s too bad Ryder’s not here. He’d like it, I’m sure.” Her sister scrolled through hockey Instagram posts on her phone. “Oh, this is a nice picture of him. Save!”

“Oh, is that an unattractive photo of Dakota?”

“The outside matches the inside.” Aunt Gianna sniffed.

“Also save.” Aunt Stacy tapped her phone.

It had been like this for the last day and half—in the emergency room while I was told I had a sprained knee, fractured nose, broken wrist, and two broken fingers. At the dentist’s office when they said that they needed to wait for the swelling to go down to fix my chipped tooth. And now at my parents’ house where it was twenty-four seven Ryder on the news and as the topic of conversation amongst the family. I had to listen to the passive-aggressive and fully aggressive statements, the general gist of which were that Dakota was a complete idiot. All while my cousins were trying to steal my pain medication.

My uncles, brothers, and cousins were glued to the sports news station on the TV. The story about the brawl in the Icebreakers stadium was playing nonstop. It was the story of the season. And Ryder was the hero.

“This just in,” one of the announcers said as Breaking Sports News flashed on the screen in gold 3D letters. “The AHL has just decreed that the game between the Icebreakers and the Arctic Avengers will remain a draw. They will not be replaying this game as there is another match against the two teams in a few weeks.”

“That’s right, and now let’s talk about the speculation that O’Connell will be joining the Direwolves next—”

“Whoooo!” My brother jumped up off the couch. “Yeah!” Timmy pumped his fist, grinning, then the grin faded as we all looked at him.

“You look suspiciously happy.” My sister regarded him.

“Just, er… you know. It’s not a win.”

I was exhausted and heartbroken. “I thought you needed the Icebreakers to lose.”

“Shut up!” he hissed.

“Didn’t win what?” my mother, who had six kids and knew when shit was going down, said.

“Er…”

“Aunt Babs,” Gracie said, “Timmy owed the mob like eighty thousand dollars from bad hockey bets. He convinced Dakota to break Ryder’s heart to throw the game.”

“You what?” My mother went DEFCON 1. “ You! You took my grandbabies.”

“Dakota’s not pregnant!” Timmy took off at a sprint, almost bowling over the Christmas tree.

“Get him!” My uncles jeered as my mom chased Timmy around the packed living room.

“Dakota, if you didn’t already have two black eyes and a broken hand, I’d beat your ass too,” my mother screamed.

“Snitch!” Nico declared, “But also…” He slugged Timmy. “What the fuck, bro, you just lost us the Christmas hockey game.”

“Dakota can get back together with him now, at least,” Violet said, sitting behind me and rifling in the pocket of the robe I was wearing.

“I think Aunt Stacy already took the Percocet.”

“You better go get him,” my five-times divorced Aunt Ruth said with a heavy smoker’s rasp, taking the rest of my soup. “I dated an NFL player once—”

“You didn’t date him, you showed up naked in his hotel room, and he called the cops,” another aunt interjected.

“Potato, potahto. I’ve regretted it ever since. You get a man like that, lock him down. Now I have to watch him with his beautiful young wife and lovely children all over Instagram with their nice, big house and all her shopping. She got a reality TV show.”

I burst into tears. “I don’t want to watch Ryder move on with another woman.”

“If Ryder gets signed by the Direwolves, he’s going to be drowning in pussy,” my brother Nico said matter-of-factly.

“I’m going to lie down.” I groaned.

“I’ll bring you some tea,” Gracie said.

“She doesn’t deserve tea!” Nico yelled after me.

“Shut up!” my mom yelled at my brother. “She’s heartbroken and is regretting the consequences of her actions. We should all feel sorry for Dakota.”

With tears rolling down my bruised nose, I lay on my bed and scrolled through my phone.

Ryder was everywhere. Literally everywhere. There had already been a number of internet forums that had sprung up around him due to the stalker. They’d exploded after the footage of the fight, then it was as if they’d been doused with gasoline after news of his potential NHL career.

All the talk shows were talking about him.

“You think Ryder needs a publicist?” Aunt Stacey came out of my bathroom toweling her hair and plopped down on my bed. She sprayed hairspray all over her hair, making me cough violently. “I told you Violet’s starting her publicist consulting firm. She’s doing PR for Lainey’s hair salon.”

“I don’t think that’s what Ryder needs,” I groaned.

“Tell him he gets a family discount.” She grabbed my pj’s. “Come on. Let’s go out.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can, because I’m your favorite, coolest auntie!”

“Nooo,” I moaned.

Going out with my family, even like a quarter of my family, is a massive undertaking. We take up like half a restaurant. We’re loud and noisy and drink too much.

The Yule Log Tavern was thankfully run by the sister of my mom’s cousin’s husband, and she let us push tables together. My ears rang as my female family members chatted about what they were going to order.

“Look at this. She’s got dried oranges in this cocktail with bourbon.”

“That sounds delicious.”

“Do they have fries here?” I asked.

“You shouldn’t eat that with your tooth,” my sister warned.

“You should have stayed dating that dentist,” my aunt said to Marie. “Then he could have fixed Dakota’s tooth for free.”

“What about some crab dip, Dakota?” Gracie said.

“Nothing crunchy,” my sister warned. “Get her the Jolly Jell-O.”

“I don’t want Jell-O.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement.

“Crap!” I shrank down in my seat, wishing I’d worn a hat or, better yet, hadn’t come at all.

Ryder came out of one of the private dining areas and shook hands with three men in suits.

The scouts.

“Go talk to him,” Gracie whispered.

“I can’t,” I said, miserable. “He deserves someone better than me.”

“Damn right he does.” Cousin Violet pushed up her boobs and crawled over my cousin Bella.

“You seriously going to let Violet get him?” Gracie hissed. “Have some goddamn self-respect, Dakota.”

“I’m not wearing makeup. Or a bra.”

“You’re not wearing a bra, Dakota?” my mother said, way too loudly.

Ryder looked over. He gave me a hopeful smile then jumped when Violet materialized beside him and tried to kiss his cheek.

I raced over, pretty sure I reinjured my bruised leg I moved so fast.

I dragged my cousin away from him.

“Don’t. That is not who I meant,” I warned Ryder before Violet could open her big mouth, “when I said you needed to find someone nicer. Go away. Leave him alone, Violet.”

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and glared after my cousin.

Ryder reached out to cup my face tenderly. “Dakota, you’re hurt.” His face went dark. “I’m going to kill those guys.”

“Don’t bother. They were in the emergency room with me. They got off worse.” I laughed then trailed off when he just gave me a pained smile.

I looked down at my shoes. “I hope I didn’t ruin your chances at the NHL.” I wanted to run a hand through my tangled hair, but one of them was in a cast and the other in a brace, and I thought better of it.

“She didn’t.”

“Uncle Nate, what the hell?” I jumped, turning around to see him, my dad, and two of my dad’s ex-hockey player brothers-in-law all jammed in a booth.

“I just had to make sure everything went okay.” My dad shrugged.

“So you’re spying.”

“We’re not spying. We need to make sure Ryder gets called up. I used to play with those guys when I was on the Arctic Avengers,” Nate protested.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” my dad said to Ryder as they all stood up to inspect him, never mind their terribly injured daughter-slash-niece.

“No bruising?” Uncle Geoff asked, testing Ryder’s arms. “We gotta make sure you’re in fantastic shape.”

“Protein, protein, protein,” Nate instructed. “And ice. Lots of ice baths.”

“We’re meal training at your house. Do you have any allergies?” my dad asked. “I make a mean smoked turkey.”

“That’s nice, but you don’t have to. I’m fine,” Ryder said. “The doctors say that the effect of the pepper spray should go away by tomorrow. They gave me eye drops.”

My dad hissed. “You have your big chance coming up. You’re family. We’ll make sure you get there.”

“But Dakota…”

“Turns out none of my children are that smart.” My dad sighed. “I have other daughters. Dakota is the only one that’s gainfully employed, though.”

“Hey!” The word turned into a sharp whistle as another chunk of my chipped front tooth disintegrated in my mouth.

“Thit!” I said and clapped a hand over my mouth.

Ryder peered at me. “Did you lose a tooth?”

“No.”

He tugged my hand away

“Ith just chipped. Don’t look at me!” I rushed outside into the cold.

Ryder was behind me though.

“I told you to get lost.”

“Dakota…”

“I was mean to you and lied to you and ruined your life,” I said, the words whistling past the tooth. “I’m sorry, Ryder. I’ll never forgive myself.”

“I forgive you, Dakota,” he said softly.

“You’re too nice for your own good.” I sniffled. “How did you even make it this far in life?”

“Because,” he said, “I knew that one day I’d meet the girl of my dreams, and she would make me happier than I’d ever been. And against all odds, I found her. You’re everything I’ve always wanted, Dakota.”

He tugged my bruised hands away from my mouth.

“I don’t want any other woman except you. I told you. I love you, and I want to marry you. I know we’ve only known each other a few days, and it’s too soon, but I want you to know. I don’t mean to scare you off. I guess I shouldn’t have said it, but I’ve never felt that way about anyone.” He looked a little sad.

“It doesn’t scare me,” I said quietly. “I love you. I mean it. I love being around you, I love talking to you, I love spending time with you. It feels right, like that’s how it’s supposed to be—you and me.”

“You and me,” he repeated.

“But I made you miserable. You got pepper sprayed and almost lost a game because of me—almost lost your chance at the NHL. I refuse to take responsibility for the stalker, though,” I added.

A smiled played around his mouth as I talked, every so often whistling one of the words.

“I can’t be mad at you. You’re so cute with your chipped tooth.” He kissed me gently on my bruised nose. “Besides, with both of your hands out of commission…” He kissed my neck then whispered his next words hot in my ear. “How are you going to touch yourself thinking about me?”

I leaned into the familiar heat of his body. “Okay, that’s not how apologies work. You can’t just forgive and forget. You have to hold the other person’s mistake over their head for years and extort things from them.”

“Extort?” His voice dropped an octave.

“You sound way too interested in that,” I said with a shiver.

“I can,” he said, finally kissing my mouth, lips gentle, “think of a few things I’d like to extort you for.”

“Oh yeah?”