Just a Number (Thirst Trap #2)

30. Alex

Chapter thirty

Alex

I wake at midday. My head is pounding, and I want nothing more than to hide under the covers and sleep the rest of the day away. After checking Mel had locked up behind me, I came inside and collapsed on the sofa bed, still fully dressed, and stared up at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. The numbness I felt then was preferable to the pain radiating in my temples and my chest now.

That’s it. We’re done.

Last night, when I heard Mel scream, I was so worried. Helping her sort herself out after the power cut had kept me busy. And then she’d looked so lost at the thought of being left alone. Of course I couldn’t leave her.

Sitting on the floor with her, playing cards and talking had given me hope. Hope that she’d get past this block of being with a younger guy. That she’d let herself be happy. I mentally go over what we’d been talking about. Was it something specific I said that caused her to retreat again? Why is she so determined to set me free? Anger rises again. Why won’t she believe that she’s exactly what I want and I need and that we can figure out the rest as we go?

I sigh, puffing out a long breath, as I rise from the bed and make my way over to the kitchenette.

I long for a coffee from Mel’s fancy coffee machine, but it’ll need to be instant today. I need to keep my word and show her I’m serious, that I’m worthy of her love and affection, which means I need to find somewhere else to live. I need to stay away from her. Getting to the end of the day feels impossible right now, never mind a whole fucking year.

The coffee gives me a half-hearted kick-start and I grab up my phone to start looking online for room listings. I have a missed call from Brenda at the Arts Centre and a text from her:

Brenda:

Hi, Alex. Maggie has asked for your contact details. Please confirm I can give her them. Thanks, Brenda.

Rather than text back, I call Brenda and she happily hands over Maggie’s number so I can call her directly.

“I guess it’s about the modelling we discussed?” I say once I’ve noted down the number.

“Yeah, possibly. Although she’s heading away for an Artist in Residence spot, so not sure when she’s planning to fit that in?”

“Oh. Okay, I’ll give her a call and see what she wants. I’m not due in today, but will catch you in the week.” We say goodbye and I hang up.

There’s no time like the present. At least the modelling fee would come in handy if I need to pay a deposit on a new place. I add Maggie’s number to my contacts before pressing the call button.

“Hello, Maggie Sinclair speaking.”

“Hi, Maggie. It’s Alex Campbell from the pottery studio at the Art Centre. Brenda said you wanted to speak to me?”

“Hi, Alex. Thanks for calling. I wanted to run an idea past you.”

“Is it about the modelling? If so, I’m keen.”

“Oh, I’d forgotten all about that, but perhaps that will be a nice little side quest for my other offer. What are your thoughts on Scotland?”

“I’ve never been. I’m sure it’s lovely.”

“Hmmm, and how would you feel about an extended visit?”

I run my hand through my hair, a frown tugging my brows together. What the fuck is she on about? “Well, I don’t really have the funds for a holiday right now. But hopefully, I’ll get to visit soon.”

She chuckles down the line. “I’m heading there next week to start a six-month Artist in Residence placement in Glasgow. I’ve secured funding for an apprentice potter to join me. What do you say?”

“Err, what?” I’m shocked. This is the last thing I expected when I called her. I was convinced I’d be getting my kit off and getting some money for letting people sculpt me.

“I know it’s not much notice, but I only just found out that the position is confirmed. I was so impressed with your work when I met you and I spoke to Brenda, who gave you a glowing recommendation. I’d love to consider you for the position.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. This is completely out of the blue.”

“Let me talk you through the setup and what’s expected, and then you can have some time to think about it. You won’t have to be there next week.” I listen carefully, eyes wide as Maggie explains everything.

I’m in a complete daze after finishing up the call with Maggie. We left it that I’d take the next day or so to think about her offer and then touch base so she knows if she needs to start looking for someone more local if I don’t accept.

I’m due at the bar for a shift later, so I shoot a text to Tom and Abby asking if I can speak to them if I go in a bit earlier. It’s crazy how quickly they’ve both become friends and people I go to for advice.

I blow out a sigh, running my hand through my already wild hair from all the times I’ve done this exact same thing. I need to get to the bar. Hopefully, talking this through with someone else will help.

When I hung up, the first thing I wanted to do was go and find Mel and explain the craziness of it all, but I can’t do that. It crossed my mind as I was listening to Maggie that this could be exactly what I need. The housing and living expenses are covered. I’d have studio time for my own work and would only be required for apprentice duties for part-time hours. It would mean I could get a part-time job on the side for some income. It’s like all my prayers have been answered. Except for that one that’s tugging on my heart. Mel.

I shake that thought from my brain and head out on my bike to the bar.

When I pull up, Tom and Abby are standing by the back door chatting. It’s hard to miss Abby’s appreciative stare as I climb off the bike and remove my helmet. I raise a brow in her direction and she grimaces.

“Sorry, Alex, it’s just that Mel’s got me reading smut with a motorcycle-riding male character. It’s changing my brain chemistry, I swear.” She grimaces as I chuckle. My ego wonders if Mel read it after meeting me, but I do my best to stuff that smugness back down. I need to focus here.

Tom shakes his head with a tut, resulting in Abby punching his bicep. He frowns while he rubs the spot where she hit him.

“Err, you can quit that disapproval right this second boss, given what your girlfriend writes. Don’t tell me you don’t read it too. Cass told me.” She pokes her tongue out at Tom cheekily.

He throws her one more sideways glance before looking across at me. “You wanted to talk?”

“Err, yeah. I’d appreciate your advice on an opportunity that’s come up.” I pause, realising how daft it is to be speaking with these guys about it. They literally just offered me a permanent position and now I’m here wanting their thoughts on my packing up and leaving. What the fuck am I thinking?

“Is this in the capacity of being your boss and colleague, or as friends?” Abby asks with a hint of curiosity.

“Friends. If that’s okay. My… err… life has been all over the place lately. I could really use some friendly ears, but I don’t want to overstep.” I take a step backwards. “Fuck, sorry, I shouldn’t be speaking to you about this.”

Abby closes the space between us, placing her hand on my arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’re friends, Alex. I’ll be insulted if you backpedal now. Tell us what’s going on. If we can, we’ll help.” She looks across to Tom, who gives a nod of agreement.

“This is off the work record if it needs to be Alex,” he confirms in his low tone.

I take a moment to gather my thoughts. “I made an agreement with Mel to go and sow my wild oats and have some freedom.” I pause as a gasp escapes through Abby’s lips, her hand covering her mouth. “If I’m still hung up on her in a year, we can try again.” I close my eyes, absorbing the tightness in my chest. Every time I think about it, it hurts. “And then I got this offer completely out of the blue. It’s an apprentice role to a potter for an artist in residence placement. It would be an amazing experience. Not only to assist her, but to show my own work alongside hers.” Excitement bubbles in my veins as I say the words. “But, it’s in Glasgow.” I pause, looking between them. Whatever look I see on their faces is encouraging. “She said there’s the opportunity for it to be extended or possibly go on somewhere else afterwards. The initial contract would be for six months.”

“It sounds like an incredible opportunity,” Tom says.

“It is. And I’d be on my way there like a shot if this had come up before Mel, but now…” I trail off.

“If you’ve agreed to take a break anyway, it could be good to get a change of scenery,” Abby chimes in, her lips tilt in a sympathetic smile. “And I’ve always wanted to go to Glasgow. I’ll come and visit you.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why I didn’t say yes. It’s all happening at once and I don’t have a fucking clue what’s the right thing to do.” I lift my chin, staring up at the sky, hoping for the answer to fall from it.

“What does your gut say?” Tom asks quietly.

“My gut feels completely battered right now. I really thought this thing with Mel would work out. I know this opportunity will be great for my creative work. And I guess it will give me the space from Mel. It solves my housing problem. I don’t know why I’m hesitating.”

Abby takes me unawares, reaching up on her tiptoes to smother me with a tight hug. “You have been on a rollercoaster, Alex. It’s no wonder you’re uncertain. But this sounds amazing. Why don’t you work today, sleep on it, and see how you feel tomorrow? I’m happy to meet you for a coffee in the morning if you want to talk again?”

“Yeah, I think that’s worth a shot. Thank you, both of you.”

“Well, if we might not have you much longer, I may as well get you doing all the crappy jobs today. That alright with you, boss?” Abby checks with Tom, who smirks.

“Sure, Abby.”

Oh great, well, at least if they keep me busy, I won’t be in my head about it all.

Fuck, I’m really doing this, I guess, I think to myself a week later.

There’s a crowd outside my mum’s house where I stayed last night. I peer out of the kitchen window to see them all standing around, chattering. There’s Maggie with her car and a moving van and its driver behind her with a small collection of my belongings and pottery equipment now added. Tom and Cassidy are there with Jack, who’s now back from his stint in New York. Abby is standing near Cassidy and the guys, talking to Laura.

They’ve all been so supportive about this. Helping me get all my shit together to head up to Scotland today. I decided there was no point dragging it out. Not when everything was arranged.

I’ve not seen Mel. Zack came over and collected my key when it was time to leave. He’s staying with Mel for a couple of days, which I took to be a positive sign. He wished me well and when I offered him to come up and visit, he didn’t immediately refuse, so perhaps I will see him. But perhaps it would be better if not. I’m not convinced I’d be able to hold back from asking about Mel, and I don’t think that would go down well.

Footsteps sound behind me, and I turn from the window to see my mum approaching.

“Hey,” I say as she steps close and draws me in for a hug. There’s a sniffing sound, and I lean my head back to see tears welling in her eyes. And here I thought she’d be pleased to see the back of me. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“I’m proud of you, Alex. I know I don’t say it enough. I know I’ve let things… well, people… get in the way of our relationship. I’m sorry for that, but I can’t let you walk away now and not know how proud of you I am.”

Woah, what the fuck? “Thanks, Mum.” I give her an awkward pat, with no idea how to deal with this situation. “Where’s Doug?” I ask.

“Oh, he had that important work thing he couldn’t get out of.” Her gaze skitters away. Yeah, right. He just doesn’t like it when he’s not the centre of attention. Not that I’d want him here anyway. “I know you two haven’t always got on, and I know it probably seems like I always take his side, but I do love you, Alex.” She reaches up to press a kiss to my cheek.

I’m not sure this is the best time to have it all out with her. But she’s trying. “Maybe you can come up with Laura and visit me?” I suggest.

“That sounds good. Perhaps when Doug goes on his fishing trip, I could come up then.” She gives me a hopeful smile. It’s hard to hold back the sigh. Why does she stay with him? She shouldn’t have to pussyfoot around him when it comes to her kids.

“I’d like that. Let me know if you can swing it.”

She pulls me in for another tight hug before stepping back. There’s a sound at the doorway and I look over to my sister waiting there. Her eyes widened in surprise. How much did she hear?

“Hey, just checking what was keeping you.” She comes over and grabs me in a headlock. She’s surprisingly strong, given she’s smaller than me. “I didn’t know we were getting all emotional in the kitchen and trying to fix all our family problems.” I catch her giving Mum the side eye.

“Leave it,” I murmur under my breath as I wrestle myself out from the headlock and gather her into my arms for a hug. “You’re gonna come visit next month, yeah?” I ask to distract her.

“Yep. I was chatting with Abby and she’s keen too, so we might come up together.”

“Sounds good.” I draw in a deep breath. “Right, time to head off, I guess.” We’re not travelling in convoy but it makes sense to leave with Maggie. I’ve already planned a route taking me along some of the best roads for biking.

I make my way outside with Laura and my mum following close behind. Maggie heads over straight away. “Alex, we’re going to get going. Call if you need anything. Otherwise, you’ve got the address for where we’re staying, yes? I’ll see you there tonight?”

“Sure thing. Thanks, Maggie.” She gives me a smile before climbing into her vehicle and her and the van drive away.

“Right, let’s not draw this out,” I say as I take in the crowd, waiting for me to leave. “It’s not like I’m moving to Australia. It’s Scotland, for fuck’s sake. You can come visit if you want.” Jack and Tom chuckle as Cassidy gives me a warm hug, followed by Abby.

Before I can climb on the bike, Laura draws me in for another hug and then I’m putting my helmet on, checking my backpack straps, and getting on the bike. I look around at them all, trying to ignore the squeeze in my chest at the obvious absence of one woman in particular. I give a nod, pull down my visor, and start the bike.