Just a Number (Thirst Trap #2)

31. Mel

Chapter thirty-one

Mel

I open up the Instagram app to check some details for a Bookstagram event I’m planning. And there he is. Alex . It’s been a month since he left and I still can’t look away.

It’s a video of him throwing on the pottery wheel and I’m entranced as he works with the clay to create something beautiful. It’s torture. The algorithm seems to have dialled into my yearning and he’s usually the first thing I see every time I open this damn app. I’ve been so close to unfollowing him, but I can’t do it. I want to see his success. I need to know that I did the right thing because it’s been pretty shit since he left.

He regularly posts videos like the ones I’m watching now and it would be hard to miss the comments that pop up about how attractive he is. It’s even harder to rein in the jealousy when I see them but, at least he doesn’t seem to interact with them.

I continue to stare at the screen as he centres the clay on the wheel before commanding it to his will. He brings it up to shape a vase and I’m hypnotised, watching his hands. I jolt when he looks up, making direct eye contact with the camera. Fuck. It’s like he’s staring into my soul.

I’m weirdly proud of him leaning into the adoration of followers, driving us all wild with the eye contact and the sleeves rolled up. He smirks down the lens and a shiver rolls along my spine as I remember a similar smirk when he was positioned between my legs and had just given me the hardest orgasm of my life.

I miss him.

So damn much.

There’s been no contact on either side.

I’m fed up at work which hasn’t helped my mood. I feel stuck, being micro-managed and not getting to call the shots. I’ve proven myself time and again and yet there’s no progression or encouragement from the people above me. It’s looking likely that I haven’t been successful with the promotion and that sucks.

I’ve been helping Cassidy out with some of her marketing on the side and I’m grateful for the side hustle because it brings some fun and satisfaction to my weeks.

Things seem to be better with Zack at least. He’s stayed over a couple of nights but is still at his father’s place most of the time. I’m so grateful for my friendship with Cassidy and Abby. Our little book club is the highlight of my week. We started out monthly, and now it’s a regular Wednesday night at the bar. We often talk about books but there’s a lot of life stuff in there too. Laura, Alex’s sister, is going to join us, too. In fact, I’m due to meet the girls tonight and I realise I’d better get ready.

I walk into The Thirst Trap to the sound of laughter. Cassidy and Jack are sitting up at the bar while Abby and Tom stand behind it. They are all chatting away with big grins on their faces. I take a moment to stand tall and plaster a fake smile on my face. I don’t want to bring them down. Hopefully, tonight’s catch up is exactly what I need. I head their way and Abby catches sight of me first.

“Hey, Mel, how are you doing?” She steps out from behind the bar and pulls me into a hug. The more I get to know her, the more touchy-feely she gets.

“I’m good, thanks. How about you?” I deflect. The last thing I want to do is tell them the truth and fall back into the pit of self pity. Actually guys, I’m terrible. I’m not sleeping well. I can’t stop thinking about him and every time I open up my damn phone, he’s right there trying to seduce me with his magic pottery hands.

“Come and grab a seat.” Jack points to the bar stool next to him. Cassidy leans round him and pats my arm as I take a seat. “What are you drinking?” Jack asks.

I bite my lip, looking across at the array of drinks on the back wall of the bar. “I dunno, but I got a taxi, so alcohol is good. Surprise me.”

“Cocktail?” he asks.

“Yes, please.”

“Ooh, me too,” Cassidy chimes in. “Something strong and fruity.”

I’m grateful for the chatter between the rest of them as Tom makes the drinks.

“Ah, there she is, my new bestie.” Abby’s shout gives me a jolt. I look over to the door to see Laura, Alex’s sister, come in and towards us. Her eyes skim over us all and stop on me. I pull in a breath and release it when she gives me a gentle smile.

“Hey guys, how are you doing?” She stands next to me.

“We’re good. Now you’re here, we can hear all about your girl's trip to Glasgow. Abby refused to spill the beans before you arrived,” Cassidy says. I have to hold in my sigh. I’m not sure I’m ready for this.

“Ah, yeah, it was good.” Laura’s gaze meets mine. “Do you really want to hear about it?” she whispers so the others can’t hear.

Tom places my cocktail in front of me, and I take a big gulp of it before nodding. “I want to know how he’s doing,” I tell her with a wistful smile. It might be hard to hear but I genuinely do care about how he’s getting on.

The girls bounce off each other as they tell tales of their Scottish escapades, including a drunken night at the pub Alex is working at. Tom reached out to his contacts and gave him a recommendation for a mate’s bar. I chortle when Laura describes a burly Scotsman trying to coddle Abby, not realising that she’s a fierce little pixie and isn’t scared of anyone. It’s like they’ve been friends for years as they tell story after story.

“And Mel, you should see the workshop Alex is working in. He’s in his absolute element, playing with clay every day.”

“That’s great. How’s he doing with the assistant role?” I ask, looking between Abby and Laura.

“He’s enjoying it for the most part,” Abby says, then pauses.

“What is it?” I try to work out what they’re not saying.

“We were ribbing him because it seems like Maggie has a thing for him. She was totally flirting when we were there, but he denied it and said she’s like that with everyone.”

It makes sense. They’re closer in age and would be better suited, but the sting of jealousy still snaps within me.

“And she’s running some elite workshop for sculptors and Alex has agreed to take his kit off for it and pose nude.” Abby’s eyes widen as it all spills from her lips.

“Oh, wow!” is all I can say.

“It’s mental. It’s like an art retreat and people are paying a grand to sculpt my naked brother.” Laura explains with an incredulous look on her face. Her eyes are wide and she winces when she says the word naked. “I really hope I don’t have to see any of the art they produce.”

I can’t hold back my chuckle. “I’m glad he’s doing well and enjoying himself.”

“He misses you, Mel,” Laura says quietly when the others start talking about the amazing food the girls ate in Glasgow. I close my eyes and take another big gulp of my cocktail. When I open them, she’s staring right at me. “Do you miss him?” she asks.

“I do. But he needed to do this, Laura. I don’t want to hold him back. This is doing wonders for his career and he doesn’t want to be stuck with an older woman.”

“He definitely doesn’t agree with that last part. I spoke to him and I think he’d do anything to get you back. But I agree that it’s good for him to be doing this. Just don’t lose hope, Mel. I think he’s going to be coming back for you.” She squeezes my hand where it rests on the bar.

“But why…” I trail off, unsure how to word the question I want to ask her.

“Why do I care?” she replies, raising a brow in the exact same way her brother does. It’s uncanny.

“Well, yeah. Surely he’s better off without me.”

“Mel, you make him happy and he deserves to be happy.”

“I hope that by the end of this he’ll have a better handle on what makes him happy and I don’t think it’ll be me,” I say. “And I’m not saying that with self pity. He deserves the best,” I tell her.

“We’ll see,” she says with a frown. And then we both get drawn into the conversation with the others about the best meals they’ve ever eaten.