Knocked up by the Mountain Man (Silver Ridge Mountain Men)

15. Clara

15

CLARA

“ T he eggs!” Abby’s sharp warning breaks through my thoughts, and makes me jump. “Here, let me take it.” she says.

“Oh my God, sorry.” I take a step back and let Abby take over. “My head really isn’t in it at the moment. I’m not usually this terrible a cook. Today has just been... a lot.” I sigh heavily.

“I so wanted to make you a nice dinner to say thank you for everything you’ve done. You’ve been such a good friend to me, Abby. Ugh, I’m such a mess right now.”

Abby doesn’t seem too bothered by my idiocy. She simply tosses her head back and laughs. “It’s okay. This is very sweet, but I don’t need you to thank me. You know I don’t need thanks for everything I’ve done. I don’t mind helping.”

She really doesn’t, and that’s what I find so incredible about her. Abby is just so willing to do whatever I need. She nearly sends me into tears because she’s so good to me. I don’t know how I’ve coped all this time without her.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Abby asks as she starts to dish up food. “With you? And I assume Beau?”

I glance over to Thomas, who is completely engrossed by the cartoon he’s watching, so he isn’t listening to what Abby and I are talking about. I sigh heavily, knowing Abby is going to have to kick my ass for being so weak. The only way I can deal with this is to rip it off quickly like a band aid and put it all out in the open.

“We… slept together.” I hang my head low, refusing to meet her eyes. “I know it shouldn’t have happened, but it did.”

Abby stops what she’s doing and pops her eyes wide in surprise. “Oh my God, are you for real?”

“I am for real. I’ve avoided him since because I can’t stand to see him.” My heart feels heavy in my chest. “I know we need to have to have a conversation about it all and... well, I don’t feel ready for it.”

Since Thomas ate a little earlier because he couldn’t wait, Abby and I take a seat at her breakfast bar to finish our food. We sit in silence, chewing for a while, both of us lost in our thoughts, presumably over the mess I’ve gotten myself into with Beau. Because it truly is a mess, a never ending mess that only seems to get worse with time.

“The way things happened...” Abby finally pipes up. “Was it like he forced himself on you? Because he’s your boss now, isn’t he? Or at the very least someone you’re contractually working for. It’s a bit weird, isn’t it? Plus, he’s that rich wealthy asshole now, isn’t he? The sort of man who might take advantage of any woman who crosses his path, like his father...”

“No, it wasn’t like that,” I immediately jump to Beau’s defense. “It was far more romantic than that.”

“Ah, I see.” Abby cocks her eyebrow at me. “So, it was romantic, huh? I see. So, feelings came back, did they?”

“I didn’t say that.” A heat burns in my cheeks as I realize she knows me better than I know myself. I can’t let words come flying out of my mouth without thinking them through or I’ll give myself away. “I just meant...”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to worry.” Abby grins at me. “If there are still feelings there, you can’t help that.”

I know she’s right, but I don’t want to admit it out loud. As soon as I start talking about my feelings, they’ll be out there in the world and impossible for me to deny or take back. Especially from Abby.

“It doesn’t matter if I still have feelings,” I finally say glumly. “We can’t ever go back there. Like you said, he’s like his dad now...”

“But don’t you think that might be an act?”

I stare at my friend, confused as she shrugs and continues. “I mean, he was a mess when you left. Completely off the rails. He wasn’t the same person at all.”

My heart skips a beat. “What do you mean?”

“He fell apart, Clara. Really, he did. He started drinking a lot, got into fights, and was reckless with everything. He wasn’t the Beau you knew. It was like he lost a part of himself when you left. No one knew why he suddenly changed, but… well, I’m starting to get it.”

A lump forms in my throat as her words sink in. “I... I had no idea.”

“Of course you didn’t. You weren’t here to see it. But it makes sense now, doesn’t it? The way he’s been acting, trying to keep up this tough, unfeeling persona. Maybe it’s all a facade because he’s still hurting.”

I look down at my hands, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. “I didn’t know I had that kind of impact on him.”

“Maybe he was in love with you.” Abby’s eyes widen and she sucks in a gasp of air. “Maybe he still is.”

I hold up my hands to stop her from talking because her words are too much. I can’t let them sink in and affect me. I’m already confused enough about the whole mess with Beau without making assumptions about love.

“Abby, you sound like you’re on Beau’s side now, like you want me to get back together with him or something.”

“I don’t think you should have to worry about getting back with him.” She shrugs. “But I don’t think you should shut down the idea completely either, especially if you’re both still into each other. I mean, three years is a long time to hold a candle for someone.”

“Which would be all well and good,” I shoot back with a thick ball of emotion lodging itself in my throat, “if I wasn’t keeping something particularly major from him.”

Abby’s eyebrows knit together in concern. “What do you mean, Clara? What are you keeping from him?”

I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of my secret pressing down on me.

This is it… the moment I’ve dreaded for so long.

But if anyone deserves to know, it’s Abby. She’s been by my side through everything.

“Thomas is his son,” I finally admit, my voice barely above a whisper.

Abby’s hand flies to her mouth, her eyes wide with disbelief. “Oh my God, Clara. I knew you two were hanging out, but I didn’t know you... you slept together. How did I not know this?”

“It was only once,” I admit, my voice trembling. “But it was enough.”

“Does he know?”

I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. “No, he doesn’t. I never told him.”

Abby’s concern deepens, her brow furrowing with worry. “Why didn’t you tell him, Clara? He deserves to know.”

Tears stream down my cheeks as I struggle to find the words.

“Life was so messy back then. I was planning to go to college, and I didn’t know what Beau would think. And then...” I pause, taking a shaky breath. “My uncle found the pregnancy test. He kicked me out before I could make any decisions. He basically made me leave before he told Wyatt. And I couldn’t stand Wyatt finding out.”

Abby’s eyes widen in disbelief. “Oh, Clara. I had no idea it was that bad.”

“I was scared and alone,” I continue, my voice a soft murmur. “I thought leaving was the only option. I didn’t want to burden Beau with an unwanted pregnancy. I thought I was protecting everyone. I didn’t even get the chance to tell you…or say goodbye.”

“But now?” Abby asks gently, reaching out to squeeze my hand, forgiving me.

“Now I realize I’ve been living with this guilt,” I confess, my voice cracking. “Thomas deserves to know his father. And Beau... he deserves to know he has a son. I just don’t know how to tell him.”

We both look over at Thomas, worried he may have heard. But with his focus on the TV he’s blissfully unaware that we’re discussing his father. It hits me suddenly that he’s never asked about his dad or expressed any curiosity about him, not even during Father’s Day. He simply seems to accept that he doesn’t have a father. But that won’t be the case forever. One day he’ll want to know, and what will I say to him then? There’s no way this whole story isn’t going to get messy. Being in Silver Ridge has brought all of that to the surface.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t picked up on it yet,” Abby comments idly. “Thomas looks so much like him. I’m shocked I didn’t guess either. But what about Wyatt?”

I’m stumped, my mind racing with conflicting thoughts.

I take a moment to collect myself before responding.

“I... I don’t know what to do about Wyatt. I never know what to do about Wyatt…”

Knock, knock.

I look at Abby in surprise. “Are you expecting anyone?”

Abby shakes her head, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. “No, I’m not. I wonder who that could be.”

I can feel my heart pounding as Abby heads for the door. As the door swings open, my breath catches in my throat.

It’s Beau.

He stands there, looking agitated and upset, his eyes look beyond Abby, searching the room before circling back to land on Abby.

“Is Clara here?” he demands, his voice rough with emotion.

Abby steps across the doorway, shielding me from view, her protective instincts kicking in. “Beau, what are you doing here?”

“I need to speak to Clara. It’s important.”

Abby glances back at me, silently asking if I want to let him in. I swallow hard and nod, stepping forward.

“It’s okay, Abby. I’ll talk to him.”

Abby steps aside reluctantly, and Beau enters, his eyes locking on mine. “Clara, we need to talk. Now. Come with me.”

“I can’t go with you, Beau. I need to take care of Thomas,” I say, my voice trembling.

Abby places a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Go, Clara. I’ll look after Thomas tonight. He’ll be fine.”

I hesitate, glancing over at Thomas who is still engrossed in his cartoon, unaware of the tension in the room.

Finally, I nod. “Okay.”

I guess we’re doing this then.