Lark Lake Lodge

Chapter Twenty-One

Hiding from Harlan

I had every intention of leaving the next morning. I really did. To just follow the plan Harlan had laid out and come right home the day after the party.

But somehow, I couldn’t make myself leave. The bombshell Rob had dropped on me kept re-exploding in my head, followed by nauseating waves of worry over my absent period. I probably could have taken a test at that point and gotten an accurate result, but it didn’t seem right to take it without Harlan there. He was just as invested as I was in the outcome. The only problem was, I didn’t know how to face him.

The last time I’d caught him in a lie, I presumed all kinds of horrible shit about his intentions. I didn’t want to do that again, but I also couldn’t fathom how something this personal could remain unsaid. My ex-husband was the impetus for his divorce, and worse, for his daughter being dragged away from him. A montage ran through my mind of every time I watched Harlan get angry at the mention of Rob. He’d had so many windows to say something and he simply hadn’t.

Lying on the pullout sofa in Brian’s basement on Monday morning, I worked myself up into a near panic about what to do. My heart raced at the thought of going back to the lodge. I certainly couldn’t pretend I didn’t know the truth. But I also feared confronting Harlan.

After dressing, I headed up for breakfast. The house was in full swing. The girls and Brian sat at the table eating cereal while Patty made lunches. I poured myself a coffee and sat down. Over breakfast I floated the idea of staying on a day or two. Brian and Patty seemed surprised and happier about it than I expected.

Harlan’s voice rang in my head. You’re running. You’re a runner.

Once the girls were off to school, Brian headed to work, and Patty went out to run errands, I quickly settled back into my role of depressed-ghoul-that-lives-in-Brian’s-basement, spending the day on the pullout sofa watching streaming shows on my tablet and trying to convince myself that I wasn’t hiding from my life.

Harlan called in the afternoon. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. After letting the call go to voicemail, I checked the message. His voice made my throat tighten.

“Hiya. Just wondering what time you’ll be here. Thought you’d be here around lunch time, but I know you haven’t seen your family in a while, so I understand if you got a late start. I just miss you so much and it’s only been one day. Sounds pretty pathetic…well, anyway, call me and let me know when you’ll be home so I know when to start dinner. I—uh…I can’t wait to see you. Bye.”

Sweet Jesus. He was going to say ‘I love you’.

I didn’t call Harlan Monday night, or all day Tuesday. It was really shitty of me, but I just didn’t know what to say. Over that time, he left me five voicemails, each getting progressively angrier. He didn’t know Rob had told me about their shared past, so just like my disappearing act at the Firebrand, I’d ghosted him without letting him know why.

Thanks to guilt and immobilizing worry, I spent Tuesday in bed. I felt really shitty both physically and emotionally, to the point where I thought I might be coming down with the flu. I only emerged from the basement for dinner and that was only because I’d run out of snacks. Though I’d done a halfway decent job of hiding my emotional duress from the girls, Brian wasn’t having it. While Patty was putting Chloe and Katie to bed, he pulled me aside for a talk. He made us each a cup of tea and we sat at the kitchen table.

“What’s your deal, Maze? You’re acting all depressed, the same as you did when you left Rob. Did he say something to you?”

“No—I mean, yes. But it’s not Rob. It’s nothing to do with him. Well, it does have something to do with him, but in a totally roundabout way.”

“Are you broke? I can help if you need it.”

“No. No. It’s not about money.” My brother had always been my confidant, my advisor, and my therapist. Now should be no different. “I’m…seeing someone.”

“Holy shit! You’ve been here for three days and this is the first time you mention it? What the hell?”

“I know, I know. It’s just…it’s complicated.”

“Of course it is. This is you we’re talking about.“ He chuckled. I balled up my napkin and threw it at him. “Is it that guy whose phone you’ve been having me call? What’s his name? Harlan?”

“Yeah. He’s my neighbor. His family built the lodge back in the day. He’s a hard worker, an avid reader, and insanely hot.”

“Look at you. You’re nuts for this guy.” He gave my shoulder a brotherly shove.

“Yes…but there are a lot of factors. Rob and Harlan have a very unsavory past. Rob used to spend summers at the lodge with Uncle Randy when he was a teenager. During one of these visits, he had an affair with Harlan’s wife that led to their divorce. It was a whole mess I guess.”

“Holy shit,” Brian said. He thought about it a second and chuckled. “You two must have a dart board with Rob’s picture on it. I could see how hating that turd could bond you.”

“That’s just it. I knew Harlan’s wife cheated, but never knew who the other guy was until Rob told me after the party.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Harlan never said anything about that? Wow, Maze, I don’t know about this guy.”

I suddenly was defensive of my man, hating that Brian might think my new boyfriend was dodgy and duplicitous. In reality, Harlan had been amazing. He was supportive, caring, and so good to me. The more I thought about how great he was, the worse I felt for how I’d shut him out.

“In his defense, he’s not a big talker,” I said.

“Still, this is kind of major, don’t you think?”

Maybe I could defer Brian’s judgement of Harlan for a bit if I distracted him with the real humdinger.

“That’s not all.”

“Jesus. What else?”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

His reaction was completely unexpected. He popped up from his chair with a gleaming grin on his face.

“Oh my God! That’s amazing!”

He was so accustomed to thinking of me as incapable of conceiving that it must have seemed like a miracle. He was excited at the prospect of me having a baby, regardless of my sketchy relationship, and I loved him for it.

“You think so?” I asked.

“Of course I do! Look, you’ve wanted to be a mom forever. Just because this isn’t the way you pictured it, doesn’t make it any less awesome. Whether or not things work out with this woodsy guy, you’ll still have the baby you always wanted to have. I think that’s great. I really do. ”

It was exactly what I needed to hear. Brian had a knack for that. He was right. I’d been judging the gift by its odd wrapping. I’d find a way to deal with my Harlan confusion in order to have this baby. If indeed there was a baby.

“Thanks, B.”

“You bet. Now go to bed. You’re going home in the morning.”

He said it as though he’d decided for me. Ignoring my stubbornly independent streak, I had to admit he was right. It was time to go home and face whatever my future was.

***

At ten o’clock the following morning, I was packing my bag in the basement when I heard the doorbell ring. Patty answered it. Muffled voices followed and then there was silence. The basement door opened and Patty came down the steps. She looked worried.

“Maisie, there’s someone here to see you. He says he’s your boyfriend.”

Oh my God.

When his calls stopped, I should have known that Harlan had hit the wall. He was a doer, so sitting around waiting for me to come home must have driven him crazy. When I looked up at Patty, she was a little pale.

“Honey, I need you to be honest with me. Is he a violent man? Should I be worried? He seems awfully angry.”

A laugh bubbled up out of me. The idea of Harlan raising a hand to me or any woman was utterly unthinkable. But I’d seen him stew and it could be pretty intimidating. So, I was thankful my sister-in-law cared enough to make sure.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. He’d never hurt me. He just has a totally legitimate reason to be pissed off. I’ve been a jerk. ”

“Well, I’d prefer it if you get your jerk ass up there and apologize before he punches a hole in one of my walls. Angry guys always want to punch walls and I just had the living room painted,” Patty said with a smile.

My slow walk up the stairs was like heading to the gallows. Harlan looked strange sitting in my brother’s living room. He had dark circles under his eyes and I knew from his messy hair he’d been running his hand through it during the whole drive over. With his forlorn face, and his unkempt work clothes, he looked out of sync with Patty’s well-appointed suburban living room. Worst of all, he was chomping on a piece of gum, so I knew I was in trouble.

When he saw me come through the archway, he stood. “So, you’re alive,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Yes, I am. Harlan I—“

“Get your stuff. We’re leaving.”

“ Excuse me ?”

Though I had been ready to take my lumps and knew I deserved to get chewed out, I wasn’t about to put up with Harlan’s authoritarian nonsense. It didn’t matter that my bag was packed and I was ready to head out. I was immediately ready to dig in my heels and move back in with Brian and Patty solely out of defiance.

“You heard me. Let’s go.”

“Harlan, just wait a second, okay? Can we please talk about this?”

“I gave you plenty of chances to talk every time I called. But you didn’t answer. So, the time for talking is done. I just want you to get in my truck so we can go home.”

“What about my truck?”

“Leave it here. Your brother can sell it, donate it, whatever. I don’t care.”

“You’re kidding, right? ”

“No. I’m not. The only thing you ever use that truck for is running away from me.”

His voice faltered at the end and the sound of his hurt sparked a sharp ache in my chest. Nevertheless, I wasn’t going to let one vulnerable comment make me capitulate to his bossy demands.

“Harlan, I know you’re upset with me, but I’m not getting rid of my truck.”

“It’s not about me being upset.” He paced back and forth a bit before stopping and letting out a deep breath. “If I leave without you, how am I supposed to believe you’ll follow?”

I took a chance and walked to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. “Trust. You have to trust me.”

He stepped out from under my touch and put some distance between us. With a chuckle devoid of actual amusement, he said, “Trust isn’t something I have an abundance of right now.” He chomped his gum and stared a moment. “Look, I want you to come back with me. I have no idea if that’s what you want or not, so I’m going to go sit in my truck. I’m going to sit there for ten minutes and then I’m leaving. You either get in and ride home with me or I’m done.”

He turned on his heel and marched out the screen door.

“Harlan. Harlan, wait!”

What exactly did he mean by done ? Did he mean he was done with the argument? Or that we were done? My stomach wrenched so hard, I nearly gagged.

Standing and staring out the front windows, I wrapped my arms around my middle in a self-hug that did nothing to calm the whirlpool of emotions swirling around in my chest. Once Harlan climbed into the cab of his truck, he hit his palm hard against the steering wheel three times. Guilt washed over me in a hot, nauseating wave .

Patty’s stocking feet made no sound against the carpeting as she approached, but I could sense her presence. She hugged me from behind and dropped her chin on my shoulder.

“You okay?” she asked.

“No.”

“What’s he doing?”

“Waiting for me to figure my shit out.”

“He’s going to be there for a while.”

I was baffled at how she could make me laugh in the midst of one of the most prime time drama level intense moments in my life. My shoulders shook and my amusement came out in puffed breaths through my nose.

“Shut up.”

“What’s the fight about?” Her arms dropped and she moved to stand beside me, joining in on staring at Harlan.

“It started with me being a childish shit and running from problems. And now it’s about him being high handed and controlling just because he’s mad and hurt.”

“Well, I don’t know all the details, but if a guy with that much hot dad energy drove three hours to drag me back to his place by my hair, I’d consider abandoning my feminism. At least for about forty-eight hours or so.”

I laughed again. “You’re not helping. He wants me to leave my truck, like forever, and I feel like if I do, it means he wins.”

“Ah, okay. I get it.”

Harlan looked toward the house. My first instinct was to drop to the floor and hide. Instead, I prayed there was a glare or something that kept him from seeing me and my sister-in-law watching him like he was a reality show.

Patty turned toward me, took my shoulders in her hands and spun me to face her. “Sometimes we have to give them the appearance that they’ve won.”

“Um, what? Is that a thing? ”

“I do it with your brother all the time. You agree to whatever their thing is. The one they cling to like a dog playing tug of war on a rope toy. And then you make whatever plans you need to make to satisfy yourself. For example, you go with Harlan now, and I’ll figure out a way to get you your truck.”

“You’d do that?”

“To see you happy? Of course I would. Maisie. No one I know deserves happiness more than you do. And even though this guy only said a few grunted words to me, I get a really good feeling about him.”

“You’re a goddess,” I said, wrapping her in a tight hug. “My brother doesn’t deserve you.”

I turned toward the kitchen to walk through to the door to the basement. Before I took two steps, Patty grasped my hand and tugged me back.

“I put your bag by the door. Get out there before he drives away.”

My eyes welled as I hugged her again. She walked me to the door and I slung my bag over my shoulder.

“Text me when you get there,” Patty said in her best motherly tone.

I nodded and pushed the screen door open. Stepping out onto the porch I locked eyes with Harlan. His face lit with a smile momentarily and then he must have remembered he was mad at me. The smile faded and he chomped his gum, turning to stare at the road ahead of him.

Before climbing into the passenger door, I took one last look at my truck parked in the street behind us. Even though I knew I’d get it back, a weird little flutter flitted around in my chest. That dumb pickup had delivered me to my new life, and now I had to leave it behind so I could put that life back together.

Once I climbed in, Harlan started the truck. We drove off in silence.