Lark Lake Lodge

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Tug of War

I don’t know why I blabbed to Rob about Harlan’s intent to move away. Actually, I do know. While Rob and I were fishing off the dock behind the lodge, Harlan sat on the water’s edge, far enough to be out of earshot, but near enough to keep up his constant monitoring. I glanced at him in the one moment he wasn’t eyeing us. Both Roger and Ralph had flopped on their backs on either side of him and Harlan was rubbing their bellies, smiling and chatting them up. The initial burst of warmth in my chest immediately turned to an icy jab. This couldn’t last. He didn’t want me anymore. So, when Rob continued to dig for dirt on our relationship, I caved and told him something I shouldn’t have.

When Harlan turned and looked at me with a knitted brow and intense eyes, his hands limply holding a lobster claw, my cheeks flushed with shame and my stomach curdled. I’d made a horrible breach of trust. And trust was very important was to him.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’d been considering it,” Harlan said. “However, after a lot of thought, I’ve decided this isn’t really the time.”

His declaration came just I was about to pop a butter-soaked chunk of lobster in my mouth. My fork froze a few inches from my gaping lips and butter dripped onto the towel covering my chest. I stared, stunned, until Harlan looked at me with cheery eyes. He wasn’t smiling per se, but he was clearly sending a message that he’d decided to stay for me. It took everything in me to tamp down the unruly hope in my chest, knowing that it was very possible this was an attempt to get a final leg up on his old enemy. By the time Rob checked out, Harlan could morph back into a block of ice.

“Well, that’s a relief,” Rob said, taking a long swig of his beer. His eyes were starting to get a little hazy and his words were running together. Bad decisions were on their way. “Glad to know you’re not the kind of guy to abandon your kid. At least you’ll get it right the second time around, huh?”

Oh Jesus.

“You just don’t know when to quit, do you? I suggest you shut the hell up and go to your room.”

Harlan’s warning was accompanied by a terrifying glare. Were I Rob, I would have made a beeline upstairs. But of course, my ex was made up of about ninety percent arrogance and ten percent obliviousness.

“You think you can send me to my room? I’m not your kid, Stahl. Last I checked, she lives halfway across the country.”

“Yeah, thanks to you!” Harlan stood and pushed the bench out behind him.

“I didn’t tell Kayla to leave. She was already planning that. I just helped her blow off some steam. ”

“Go to your room, Hendrickson, before I make you swallow your teeth.” Harlan’s voice took on a low gravelly tone I’d never heard before.

“Fuck you, Stahl.”

As Harlan took in a deep breath to vent his vitriol, I reached over and took his hand. My touch seemed to startle him out of his tirade. He looked down at me and I didn’t let go. I watched his face relax as he mentally shifted gears. Without releasing me, he reached with his free hand to pull my placemat next to him. He tugged me to his side, by the bench. His arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me close.

I didn’t care that it was his attempt to signal some type of ownership of me to Rob. I didn’t care that the whole situation between us was undefined and confusing. I only cared that it felt like heaven to be pressed to his side. My inner feminist and I could duke it out later. He wordlessly told me he wanted me, and I was here for it. Even as we sat down on the bench, his grip on me never wavered, making my heart flip-flop with joy.

“So, is this some reunion? Are you two suddenly a thing again?” Rob asked.

“That’s none of your damn business,” Harlan said.

“Actually, it is my business. That’s my wife you’re putting your greasy hands all over,“ Rob raised his voice once again. I stared back, amazed at his self-delusion.

“I don’t know if you hit your head real hard while four-wheeling, but in case you forgot, you and Maisie are divorced.” Harlan said before tipping back his beer.

“For now,” Rob said, with a weird, steely determination in his eyes. “Maisie and I are meant for each other. We’re the same. We’re from the same place. We have the same friends. We like the same things. She doesn’t belong with some woodsy oaf with no TV and a bunch of dogs. I came up here to try to make her see that, but every time I turn around, you’re there, trying to keep us apart. If you’d just get out of the way, things could be as they should be!”

Wow.

I knew he was angling for forgiveness, but I didn’t think he was this delusional. I thought it was some kind of make-peace-with-your-past thing that his therapist was making him do.

“Come on, Rob. You don’t really think that,” I said.

“Yes! I do! Maze, all this…” he motioned to me and Harlan, “lovey-dovey shit is just revenge. He wants to get back at me for Kayla. I fucked his wife so he’ll fuck mine.”

“Watch your mouth. And stop calling her your wife .“ Again, Harlan’s voice held growly warning. Not gonna lie, it was super sexy.

Rob kept his focus on me. “The longer I stay, the closer he gets. It’s all an act. It’s all some petty game he’s playing with you. When I got here you two were broken up. And one day later he’s all snuggly and protective? Doesn’t that seem weird to you?”

Shit. It did.

I tried not to let on that Rob had touched on a worry of mine, but as I looked up into Harlan’s eyes, he saw my concern. A flash of panic lit his irises. He was about to refute Rob’s accusation once again, but I had to speak up. I was tired of being batted around without chiming in.

“Rob, just stop. You’re weaving conspiracy theories out of thin air. Harlan certainly is no fan of yours, but he’s not sitting around making Bond Villain plans to exact revenge on you.”

Harlan let out a breath and looked down at me. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

“Oh, sweetheart, is it? You’re a more forgiving guy than I thought, Stahl. Last I heard, you asked her to marry you and she said no.”

I wanted to slap the smug look off his annoying face. “Where did you hear that?” I asked .

“Your mom told me.”

Ugh. That woman. When would she ever stop rooting for this idiot?

“Who goes to a woman’s mom for intel? That’s messed up, man,” Harlan said.

“Besides. I didn’t exactly say no, okay?” I said. “It was more complicated than that.”

Harlan’s spine stiffened and his arm dropped from around me. He scooted away a bit and turned to fully face me.

“Um, yes, you did. You said no.”

When I tried to recall what I said and the events of that tragic afternoon, it was all jumbled and hazy.

“Well, I don’t know my exact words, but—“

“Let me refresh your memory. I asked you, you puked, and then you said no. The night is seared in my memory.”

“You what ?“ Rob asked and then burst into laughter. Harlan slammed a palm on the table and shot him the look of death.

“Would you go to your fucking room already? Jesus!”

“Hell no. This shit’s getting good!” Rob said, grinning.

“Harlan, I just said it was too soon. I was overwhelmed.” I knew I’d hurt him, but I hadn’t realized the depth of rejection he felt until that moment. Maybe that was why he’d been rejecting me back for so long.

“No, you said you didn’t want to get married again because your first go ’round was such a dumpster fire.” He delivered the last half directly to Rob.

“Oh, come on. It wasn’t that bad,” Rob whined.

“Just…go to your room!” I stood and shouted. “Yes! It was that bad ! In just one month of dating, Harlan showed me more care, more affection, and more honesty than I received in all the years you and I were together. You were selfish, neglectful, and you lied to me about the thing that I wanted most in the world.“ My hands flew to my belly, and somehow, my little guy knew I was thinking of him. Butterfly wings fluttered. “If you coming here was some grand gesture, some attempt at reconciliation, you need to book a lot more sessions with that therapist of yours. I’d rather drink hot lava than get back with you. I’d rather share a house with a family of possums. I’d rather sleep on a mattress stuffed with spiders—“

“Okay, I get it,” Rob said, suddenly looking exhausted, drunk, and crestfallen.

I’d been so full of adrenaline in telling Rob off that I hadn’t noticed Harlan staring at me dumbfounded from his seat on the bench. “So, wait. Are you saying your answer wasn’t ‘no,’ just ‘not right now’?”

“Yes! That’s exactly what I’m saying. Harlan, we’d just come off a huge fight and I was about to take a pregnancy test that I was sure would be positive. Not to mention the fact that we’d only known each other for, like, a month. Really not the ideal time for a marriage proposal.”

“But I had to lock you in!” Harlan blurted spiritedly.

“What the hell does that mean?” Rob asked.

“Go to your room, Rob!” I snapped. He didn’t answer. He and Harlan had started up another death stare.

“You’re gonna make me do this in front of you? You really won’t get the hell out of here?” Harlan asked Rob. My petulant ex crossed his arms and shook his head like a stubborn toddler. “Fine.” Harlan turned to me and his face softened.

“Maisie, being deserted by Kayla and having Shannon torn from my life was the hardest thing I’d ever gone through. I spent years convincing myself that I drove them away or that I deserved to be left behind…left alone.” My heart ached. I took his hands in mine. “And all those years before you came around, I avoided letting any woman into my life because it opened me to get hurt again; to get left behind again. But somehow you snuck in. From the moment I saw you crying on the porch I was a goner.” He looked down and he ran a hand through his hair. “You know they call Bassets ‘Velcro dogs’? You know, because they wanna stick by your side. That’s how I was about you from the moment you got here. I couldn’t take my eyes off you, couldn’t be apart from you—even for a second. For you, I was finally ready to open myself up and try again. But I knew if you and I were going to have any real future together, I needed a firm commitment. I couldn’t bear to be left behind again. And you’d already proven yourself to be a runner.”

“I never thought about how that might be a little…triggering,” I said with remorse. “If it’s any consolation, I never really wanted to get away permanently. I always hoped you’d come after me. And you always did.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t know that at the time. I thought I was forcing you to stay because I wanted you here, not because this was what you really wanted. I worked myself up to a point where I couldn’t even bear to have you out of my sight. I just knew at any minute you’d leave. I’d drive you away. It was all this big déjà vu. I needed to know you wanted to be with me, for good. But you said no. And I thought it was no…forever.”

His voice got tight with emotion. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and kiss him until he smiled again. But that would be a tad awkward, considering my idiot ex was sitting there watching the whole thing like it was a riveting documentary.

“It wasn’t no forever. I think you may have surmised by now that when I get overloaded, I tend to get rash and a little unpredictable. That day was peak overload. I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t want to.”

His eyes were overflowing with emotion and bluer than they’d ever been. “Well, don’t feel too bad. Simon warned me it was a terrible time to propose.”

“He did?” He’d never said one word to me, even after the fact.

In his desperation, Rob inserted himself and made a last-ditch effort to drive a wedge. “You see? You really think you can trust him? He was scheming with your best friend behind your back! ”

“Scheming to ask her to marry me. It’s slightly different than some of the whoppers you’ve told in your day, don’t you think?” Harlan said to him and then turned to me. “Simon helped me pick out the ring.”

My heart swelled with joy thinking of the two of them ring shopping together. It was probably the best day of Simon’s life. “No wonder it was so beautiful.”

“You only saw it once,” Harlan said.

“Yeah, but you can’t forget a ring like that.”

“So…if I were to ask you again,” he said tentatively as he turned toward me, swinging his leg over the bench so he could straddle it. “Is it possible you might say yes?”

I should have simply said yes. His eyes were so scared and plaintive, he deserved a simple yes. But I couldn’t forget the months he’d shut me out and how cold he’d been. I couldn’t give in so easily. Also, it felt a little weird to agree to marry him in front of my drunk ex-husband.

“I guess you’ll have to ask me sometime and find out.”

“I knew I brought this for a reason,” Harlan said, reaching in his pocket.

Oh my holy God.

Both Rob and I watched in amazement as Harlan pulled out a small velvet box. He didn’t move from the bench to get on one knee and I was glad of it. I’d never liked the tradition of the begging male and it would have given me flashbacks to our last proposal disaster.

Harlan sat quietly, holding the box in both hands and looking down at it. He was formulating his thoughts as usual. He looked up and we locked eyes. Intense waves of emotion pulsed between us. It was finally our moment and we both knew it.

Rob was instantly panicked. He popped up from his seat across from us and yelped, “Maisie, don’t do this! You can’t marry him. You can’t! ”

Harlan and I looked at one another before we both turned to Rob and in perfect sync, barked, “Go to your room!”

Our collective outburst made us sound as though we were already co-parenting. Rob’s eyes welled and his jaw clenched. Finally getting the message, he stepped over the bench seat and stumbled his way to the stairs, slowly climbing up like a sulky child.

“You want to ruin your life…go ahead. Don’t say I didn’t try to save you from living in the middle of fucking nowhere. You’ll be sorry when this all falls apart. Well, don’t come crying to me…” He sounded like an annoyed grandpa with a pronounced boozy slur.

Night night, Rob.

Once we were finally alone, a collective nervousness seemed to settle between Harlan and me. There had never been a moment since we’d met where there wasn’t some sort of obstacle, some barrier. My past, his past, or something awkward in the present always seemed to get in our way. Having a moment that was solely about our way forward was daunting.

Being the crafty problem solver he was, Harlan didn’t start with words. He leaned in for a soft, introductory kiss. It was the perfect tension breaker. The smell of his aftershave and the soft brush of his beard on my lips and chin were comforting and familiar. When our lips parted, I let out a relieved breath.

His face hovered near mine. His breath against my lips had delicious notes of beer and melted butter. This time, he didn’t make the long speech he had during his first proposal. I was a little dismayed as I’d missed the whole thing amid the chaos of my panicked thoughts.

“Marry me, Maisie,” he said softly and pressed his lips to mine again. He took my face in his hands and deepened the kiss. How the hell was I supposed to answer if he kissed me until I was too dizzy to even speak? He came up for air just long enough to say, “Please. Marry me. I can’t live without you. ”

He leaned in to kiss me once more and for some ungodly reason, my hands appeared on his chest and started to push him from me. My body was engrossed and entranced with him, while my heart was still a little leery.

The words passed my lips before I even knew I felt them. “You seemed just fine without me for quite a while.” Good point, me. He was really cold. And it hurt. “Why would I just fall into your arms after you treated me like The Invisible Woman for the last four months? You wouldn’t talk to me. You made sure we were never alone. Hell, you could hardly even look at me. I felt like garbage, Harlan. It’s a lot to bounce back from, regardless of how good you smell or how much I want to climb into your lap and ride you into the sunset.”

I didn’t mind that he laughed. I was trying to be funny. He rubbed the back of his neck in that boyish, self-conscious way that I loved and looked up at me with contrite eyes.

“I know I was distant,” he said.

“ Distant ? The North Pole is distant. You were in a whole other galaxy.”

He laughed again and scooted closer. I turned and swung my leg over the bench so I could fully face him. Our knees pressed together. His smile faded into an earnest stare.

“My every thought, every moment, was about you. Knowing you wouldn’t be mine and still having to be near you…it’s been torture. I was so mad you wouldn’t marry me, but still so crazy about you. I had to constantly remind myself not to touch you or to look at you for too long. If I gave in just the least little bit, I’d end up crying at your feet, begging you to change your mind. And I was convinced you never would. I drove myself so insane I thought the only way out was to go away. But the moment I said it and saw the look in your eyes, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I love you so much, Maisie. I want us to be a family. Please say yes. Please. I’ ll do anything.”

He held the ring box in front of him and opened it. There was the lovely ring that I’d memorized. I immediately took it from the box and slid it on my finger. His grin was gleaming as I looked up and nodded at him, my throat too thick with emotion for words. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him with such eagerness that it was a bit of a clumsy effort, my teeth clashed against his and he chuckled into my mouth. Sliding my legs over his, I wrapped them around his waist, essentially climbing into his lap. His arms slid around me and he stood, never breaking our kiss.

Harlan carried me to my bedroom and we celebrated our reunion and engagement with spirited and fairly loud lovemaking. Harlan was overjoyed at my new, fuller breasts and was adorably afraid to lie on top of me, regardless of how many times I assured him he wasn’t going to smother the baby. Ah well, there are plenty of other ways to skin a cat, so to speak, and we made our way through most of them.

Lying in the sweaty, panting afterglow with Harlan’s heaving chest pressed to my back, I felt his hand slip over my hip. His warm palm spread over my baby bump and immediately a lump formed in my throat. He pressed his lips to the back of my neck and I was unable to keep my breath from hitching the way it always does just before I cry. I felt his lips curl into a smile against my neck.

“Those better be happy tears,” he said.

I grinned as the tears he spoke of spilled down my cheeks. “Oh, this isn’t about you.”

“No?”

“No, I was sad because we never ate that pie you brought.”

I got a hearty laugh out of him with that. “Oh, does baby want pie?” I turned and nodded with the most pitiful, girly, pouty-lipped face I could muster. Now that he was back to being my man, it was time to reap the rewards of being the pregnant lady. Baby wanted pie big time, and sending him for a snack would help me breathe through the massive feelings that were banging around in my chest.

He disappeared for a moment and when he returned, we capped off the craziest roller coaster of a night by sitting in bed naked and eating half a pie straight from the tin with two spoons.