Late Nights & Love Lines (Single Dad Hotline #2)

34. The easiest goodbye I’ll ever have

34

THE EASIEST GOODBYE I’LL EVER HAVE

ROWAN

I ’m drowning in a sea of Sebastian. It’s the only way to describe this kiss. It’s an all-consuming, goosebump-inducing, fear-stealing kiss that leaves me mindless and maybe a little punch-drunk.

When he finally pulls back to rest his forehead against mine, we’re both panting hard, and someone is whistling in the background.

“Don’t run,” he whispers, and my shoulders begin to relax.

“I’m not running.” I say it like a vow because it is. I’m done running. “Please tell me that the kids are okay.”

“They’re fine.” He inhales sharply, as if he’s hanging onto his sanity by a thread.

“But we couldn’t have you running all over the East Coast trying to fix shit either. That’s our job as the merry fucking meddlers,” Beck says, cracking his first smile of the day.

“I—I tried. I tried to make Coleman stay with you. Why would you tell him to go to hell? Why would you put yourself in jeopardy that way? Jacob would have done what I asked, I’m almost sure of it.”

Sebastian growls against my cheek. “That would have only eased his guilty conscience, and I’m not making anything easy for that fucker.”

Beck snorts. “Neither is he. I saw this morning he’s dismantling his father’s company piece by piece. He works fast.”

“He’s by no means innocent,” I say. “But I think Haley did some shitty things that impacted his life too.”

“Don’t make excuses for that sack of shit,” Pappy barks from the front seat, and my stomach crawls into my throat.

“Pappy’s here too? What the heck?” I hurry to the front seat and open Pappy’s door. He grins and pulls me in for a hug. “Why are you all here?”

“Isn’t that obvious to you yet, Row?” Pappy asks softly.

I shake my head, too afraid of the emotions clogging my throat to look at him.

“We’re here for you,” Seb says.

Pappy pats my back once, and then I pull away from him. Seb takes the opportunity to tug me straight into his arms.

“But…why? I was going up there to get closure, and nothing they say or do can hurt me anymore. I could have done this myself and been home in a couple of days. It wasn’t necessary for everyone to come.”

“It was,” Beck huffs.

“If there weren’t kids at home, the girls would be here too,” Leo says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts.

More confused than ever before, I try to pull answers from each of their expressions before Seb cups my face in his palms.

“We’re aware that you could have faced your past alone, Peach. We’re pretty sure you can do anything and everything you set your mind to. The difference is you don’t have to do this by yourself anymore. You don’t have to do anything alone ever again—unless you want to.”

“He’s right,” Leo says. “You’re family, Row. We’re not letting you go now.”

“The orphanage for lost souls.” I giggle, actually freaking giggle.

Without allowing myself to think too much about it, I fling myself at each of the guys and wrap them in a very short hug. Hugs are still not for me—I’d prefer a fist bump, but they’re all a bunch of huggers, and today, I want to meet them halfway.

“Thank you.” I choke out. “I ah, didn’t really have a plan here. I haven’t even planned out what I want to say to them.”

Beck places a heavy hand on my shoulder. “Sometimes, goodbye is all you need.” So many emotions flood his gaze then. What kind of ghosts does he have in his past that makes him able to relate to mine so easily?

Seems we all have some baggage that weighs us down at one point or another.

“You sure you want to do this?” Seb asks, holding my hand and squeezing it as we stand staring at the driveway I never thought I’d set foot on again.

“I’m sure.” Turning to face him, I find my future, and it’s brighter than I’d ever imagined for myself. “You chose me, Seb.” He frowns, then looks over my head at the guys. “You’ve chosen me day after day, and you chose me over Coleman, not even knowing if I could give you all of my tomorrows. You chose me.”

He blinks, and his face softens with understanding. “Sweetheart, I’ve been choosing you since you were eight years old. If I’d known you were always an option, I never would have let you go.” Sebastian kisses my forehead, and all feels right with the world.

“I choose you too, Sebastian. I choose you for today and all my tomorrows.” His grin pierces my heart, which syncs to his rhythm for eternity.

“So, how are we going to play this?” Alexei walks up behind us with his arms crossed over his chest. “Should we pretend we’re her security and scare the shit out of them?”

“What are you, the mafia?” Beck asks.

Alexei’s cheek twitches.

“Are you mafia?” I gasp, staring at each of them in turn.

“No.” Sebastian laughs.

“Jesus, Row. Are you reading those mafia romances with Stella? That shit doesn’t happen in real life,” Beck mutters.

I lift my gaze to Alexei. He doesn’t say a word. His eyebrow raises with his shoulder, and he sports a smirk that could get a nun to drop her panties.

Holy shit.

“Stop messing with her, Alex.” Sebastian smacks him in the back of the head, and then all eyes are on me again. “It’s your call, Peach. What do you want to do?”

I take strength from the hand he keeps at my lower back, then square my shoulders. “Let’s go say goodbye to my past so I can move on to my future.”

“Atta girl, Row. I knew this day would come. I’m damn proud of you, kid.” Pappy’s never been shy about showing his emotions, and he doesn’t attempt to brush away his tears now.

“Thanks, Pappy.” Glancing around, I burst out laughing. “We make quite the sight. All five foot two of me surrounded by giant men. My mother will clutch her pearls.”

Alexei waggles his brows. “I’m happy to play up the reverse harem if you really want to stick it to her.”

“Jesus, Alex.” This time, Leo flicks the back of his head because Seb’s too far away.

“One thing before we go up there,” Beck says, handing me his phone. “The girls wanted to say hi.”

Peering down at the phone, Tabby, Stella, and Seren all cram their faces into the screen. Seren tears up the second I come into view.

“Hey, Ser. I told you I was coming back. Don’t cry.” My heart starts thwacking at my chest as if it’s punishing me for being here and not at home with her, where I belong.

“I know.” She nods with exaggerated movements that cause her tears to flow faster. How can love so profound grow in such a short amount of time?

“Hey, Row-Row. See ya tomorrow,” Kade yells in the background.

“Yeah, buddy.” I swallow my tears. “I’ll see you all soon.”

Stella, Tabby, and Seren all lean in. “Go kick some history’s ass,” Tabby says, then whoops. “We’ll all be waiting for you when you get home.”

And I know they will. For all my todays and tomorrows, these crazy people will be my home.

“Do you want me to knock?” Beck asks on my right. I’m sandwiched between him and Seb, with Leo and Alexei flanking the rear as though I’m the president or something.

I shake my head. Pappy opted to remain in the car because he couldn’t promise to keep his hands to himself, and the last thing we need is for him to break a hip or something trying to protect my honor.

“Take a deep breath,” Leo says in his calming yogi voice. I follow his instructions and feel Beck and Seb’s shoulders rise and fall with the exercise too.

“Ready?” Leo asks, squeezing my shoulder in support.

I nod, and before I can talk myself out of it, I thump the door three times, then jump back and allow Beck and Seb to close the gap, partially hiding me from view.

A few moments later, the door opens, and my entire body goes into lockdown as if I’m ten years old again. White noise fills my ears until Leo places a hand on my shoulder, offering silent support.

My stepfather’s face morphs from irritation to excitement when he faces Sebastian.

“Sebastian Walker?” He turns to Beck. “And Becker Hayes? My lord, what a pleasure to have you boys here. Sebastian, I used to work with your father.”

“That tracks,” Seb growls, but Tony Ford is too enamored by the collective wealth on his front porch to notice.

“This is quite the shock. You two are something of celebrities these days. I was reading the article on you boys in the Wall Street Journal just this week. Come in, come in. We weren’t expecting company, but my wife can whip something together. Is this about the Westford deal? I thought you boys might want in on that.” Tony’s still a slimy bastard out to make a buck on the backs of others.

“What a jackass,” Leo grumbles behind me.

Seb and Beck move as one, and then I’m face-to-face with Tony. His expression immediately hardens.

“What’s this about, Rowan?” The tone of his voice gives away the evil he hides behind careful masks.

When I don’t answer, he slips on another mask, this one with a too-charming smile, and says, “If she’s done something, it’s on her. I’m not claiming responsibility for anything that monster has done. Vicky,” he shouts to my mom. “Get me Hayley’s number.”

Shutting me out of the conversation completely, he turns his venomous grin on Seb. “I’m sorry to hear about your divorce. I really think you’d love my daughter, Haley.”

My mouth falls open.

“Are you for real right now?” Alexei asks.

When I peer up at Seb, I find his jaw straining, the muscles in his cheek twitching as if he’s grinding his teeth.

“I wouldn’t touch your pathetic narcissistic spawn if she were the last woman on earth.” Seb growls the words like a rabid dog.

Tony’s head is on a swivel, looking from one set of eyes to another. “Are you… What’s the meaning of this?”

“Tony? What’s…” My mother stops talking when she enters the foyer. “Rowan?” Her hand flies to her mouth, but a second later, she drops it and stands with Stepford-wife precision.

“What are you doing here, Rowan?” Tony shouts, and this time, I meet his angry glare with one of my own.

He’s still so much taller than me, but he’s older, frailer.

“You know, in my nightmares, you have actual devil horns.” His hands twitch the same way they did when I was a child. He wants to backhand me. He might even try before I leave.

Instead, I enter the house. Seb and Beck follow until we’re all standing in a circle in my childhood home. The double staircase my father used to chase me up and down is aged and no longer filled with happy memories.

The air is stagnant and stale.

“Rowan, what are you doing?” my mother asks in the monotone voice Tony prefers.

“I used to break myself in half to get one ounce of your love. But you never loved me, did you?” I ask her.

“We’re not going down memory lane with you, Rowan. You were a problem child that needed to be dealt with, and obviously, I failed.” Spittle settles in the corner of Tony’s mouth. He’s glaring at me, so blinded by rage he doesn’t notice Sebastian step up to him until they’re face-to-face.

“Call my wife a problem child again, and we’ll see how well you can talk with a missing tongue.” Tony’s eyes widen at Sebastian’s threat.

“Jesus, Seb,” Beck mutters.

Wife? What the heck?

“What is it you want, Ellis?” He calls me by my last name. He used to do it when I was a child, too. It was a way of making me stand out from the family, letting me know I never truly belonged here.

“Honestly?” I say, working hard to keep my tone even. “I wanted to face my demons, the monster in preachers’ clothing, and tell you that you didn’t win. You didn’t break me. I’m still my father’s daughter.” I mention my father to get a reaction out of them, and they don’t disappoint. Tony’s hands ball into fists, and my mother’s armor cracks when tears pool in her eyes. “And you’ll never see me again.”

I stomp toward the door, fueled by adrenaline, when something catches my attention in the formal living room to our left. I’m standing in front of it before I can speak.

“You—” My voice cracks. “You told me you burned this,” I say, holding up the cribbage board.

My mother’s face pales, and Tony’s flames with anger. “What is she talking about?” he roars.

Clutching it to my chest, I know it’ll be coming home with me.

“Get out.” My mother’s voice barely carries through the small space, but I hear it.

“A mother should never be jealous of a child. You’re worse than pathetic, Mother, you’re useless.”

“ Get out ,” she screams.

“Gladly.” Before I reach the door, I glare over my shoulder at Tony. “Oh, and Tony? Your precious baby girl was arrested yesterday. She’s going to look fabulous in jumpsuit orange.”

He steps forward, and my courage gives out. I jump for the door and stomp down the stairs, something that would have earned me a punishment as a child. Then I step on every goddamn crack in their walkway while my family surrounds me and allows me to get my feelings out.

“Row,” Seb says eventually, pulling me into his chest. “We should go.”

Lifting my head, I suck in gasping lungfuls of air. The guys stand around, protecting me while allowing me the meltdown I needed to have.

Leo chuckles. “My mother was kind of a bitch too.” And without saying another word, he stomps on every crack between him and the Suburban.

I take one last look at the house I once called home, and with it, I take all the happy memories with me while laying all the wretched ones at its door.

This time, my goodbye is forever.