Learning to Love (New Zealand Sailing #1)

Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Sam

The first thing that I can hear underwater is my own breathing, my own air bubbles. If they were to stop, it would be quiet in the ocean. That blue Moki over there would continue hiding among the kelp. The school of silvery yellowtails disperse in all directions as soon as I swim towards them, and regroup further along, away from the perceived danger.

Tom and I are diving, while Dad is waiting for us on the boat. I haven't dived for a long time, maybe a year or more. Corey and I usually go spearfishing, but this time I promised Ellie some fresh scallops, so seafood it is.

We gather a legal amount of mussels, scallops, oysters and clams. Tom is the first to surface and get back on the boat. I'd love to stay more but I want to see Ellie again soon, so I follow suit.

“Good catch, boys. Just like the old days”. Dad goes through our shellfish, making sure there are no undersized ones to throw back into the sea.

“I wonder what the ladies are doing”. I'm voicing my thoughts out loud. Tom finds it hysterical.

“Bro, you're such a goner. We've only been away three hours, it's not even midday. I'm sure Ellie can spare you for a couple of hours”.

“Ah, but can I spare her ?” I wink at him, and all three of us share a good laugh.

“Fine, boys, I think we have enough now. I'm turning back”. Dad sets course for the harbor.

Tom and I cheekily shuck a couple of fresh oysters to tide us over until lunch time. Dad was right, it does feel like the old days. Spending time together, as a family, carefree. Like before Thea passed away. I try not to think too much about this. I know I need to have the conversation with Ellie, but I had hoped to avoid it for as long as possible.

In about half an hour's time, we get back to shore, and help Dad hook the boat to the tractor, to tow it back into the shed, and hose it down. Tom and I take our wetsuits off, keep our board shorts on, and shower quickly at the beach facilities. We walk home together, carrying the Kai Moana like a family treasure.

Ellie is in the kitchen but she won't look me in the eye. I wonder what's going on, what happened. One name sounds like a mourning bell in my mind. Thea. Ellie must have heard about Thea.

“Darling, how about we go pick some veggies from the garden?” I try to pry her away so I can talk to her. My heart rate has gone right up, and I can feel a humming in my head.

We walk out towards the veggie patch and Ellie starts picking out some lettuce, tomatoes, oregano, and dill, and places them in my basket. Silence is very unlike her.

“What do you want to know?” I face it square on, figuring she would appreciate more me telling the truth. She turns her brown gaze towards me.

“Everything”.

I run my hand through my hair, as she keeps on watching me intently.

“I was five. Thea was seven. Tom was nine. He didn't want to come play with us that day, so Thea and I went by ourselves to the beach… Without mum and dad knowing”. My voice breaks. I struggle to hold on to the emotions, and I'm transported back to that day over 25 years ago.

“Thea was always the better swimmer… but that day… there was a rip”. I think comprehension sets behind her eyes, as we both remember the day at the beach where she was caught in a rip.

“I…couldn't help. I shouted for help. I ran back home to mum and dad. By the time we returned… Thea was gone. She was never found”.

Ellie puts her arms around me and hugs me hard. “I love you”.

“I love you too”. Her words calm me down, like a kawakawa balm on fresh wounds.

“I'm always here for you if you want to talk about it. We're a team, remember?” She smiles through tears. I kiss her hard.

We walk back inside, and start preparing lunch. It dawns on me that tomorrow Ellie goes back to her house, I go back to mine, and any time together will be confined to short spans. This fills me with dread.

The afternoon passes comfortably into the evening, and once again I'm impressed and proud at how well Ellie gets on with my family.

Sophie is fully out of her shell, and Tom told me they're trying for a baby. For a fleeting moment I wonder what Ellie would look like pregnant. Does she want children? She looks after children for a job, so maybe she doesn't want any of her own. Or maybe she does want some.

“Time for Cards against humanity, I think”. Tom's words shake me out of my world of thoughts.

“No fucking way, bro. We're not playing that with our PARENTS”. I nod towards them.

“Of course not. They're going on a date. It's just the four of us”. Tom winks.

“A date? Whatever next”. I roll my eyes in mock outrage.

“It's just fish and chips on the beach, love”. Mum laughs. Mum and Dad pack a picnic basket and leave to make their way towards the fish and chip shop at sunset.

“Goals, right there”. Ellie is impressed. I am as well, they're in their 60s and still go on dates.

“We'll do it as well. Maybe make more sushi together”. I pull her closer and lean in for a kiss.

We spend a fun couple of hours playing Cards against humanity with Tom and Sophie. I decide on the spot we should see them more often.

“Guys, I know you lead busy lives but don't be strangers. Welcome to come up to Auckland for a long weekend and crash at mine. See some sights. Eat some food. Do touristy stuff”.

My brother looks very pleased. It's the first time I've ever invited him to come stay with me in Auckland.

“Definitely, my brother lives there as well. Plus some more shopping to be done in the big smoke. Right, Ellie?” Sophie and Ellie are thick as thieves.

It's been a very long time since I've felt so relaxed.

Ellie

We spent the final night of the trip together mostly awake, savouring all remaining moments together. We make plans on what to do together next, how we’ll spend New Year’s, and beyond that.

Why does it always feel like he’s saying goodbye, every single time? Is it the nature of his work? Or is it because of what happened to Thea? More importantly, is it something I can live with, this uncertainty of him coming back?

The morning light finds us embraced, unwilling to let go. After breakfast, Tom and Steve help Sam load up the car, and I say my farewells to Joan and Sophie.

“It’s been a pleasure, and hope to see you again very soon. Maybe you can come up to Auckland.” They seem pleased with my invitation, and take turns to hug me.

“See you later, bro. Take care”. Tom hugs Sam, and pats him on the back. Joan and Steve embrace Sam wordlessly, with tears in their eyes.

Because of what happened on the way there, we head off to pick up Daisy from my parents’ house in Sam’s car, and then get my car home, while I get it fixed or dig deep into my pockets for a new car loan.

On the road, Sam is even more quiet than usual. His lips set, his eyes covered by sunglasses, he looks like he’s in one of his sailing races, fight or flight mode activated. I put a hand on his leg.

“Everything alright? Do you want me to take over, while you rest a bit?”

He glances at me briefly. “All good. Just thinking”.

Oh boy. I can tell this is going to be one of those conversations where I talk my head off, and he’ll barely say anything.

“From tomorrow until New Year’s Eve, I have to go to work. The kids will be very excited, they’ll tell me all about Christmas”.

Sam nods, but doesn’t say anything.

“What do you have on this week?” I work hard to coax him out of silence.

He sighs. “Some meetings. Some press calls. Then more meetings. Maybe I can squeeze in a training day with Corey before next year”. He runs his fingers through his hair, impatiently. “When do I see you next, New Year’s Eve?”

I squeeze his thigh. “You can come by any evening, stay over, you know that. Tayla doesn’t mind”.

He remains silent. Something’s really bugging him. He takes off his sunglasses, and glances at me again.

“I was thinking… you could come stay at mine. Look after the house when I’m away, that sort of stuff”.

That’s not the least romantic thing I’ve heard in my life, but it’s definitely up there. The worst part of it is he probably can’t even tell that I’m grumpy by looking at me.

“Water the palms? Mow the lawn? Keep things clean? That sort of stuff?”. He’s taken aback by my response.

“You’re such a dick, Sam. Suuuuch a dick. What you want is a housekeeper”. I’m annoyed by this point. Can’t believe he’s being such a tool. I have a vision of him going gallivanting around, while I’m chained to an old-fashioned stove.

Sam looks very flustered, it’s probably not the reaction he was expecting, and is retreating back into his shell.

“I’m sorry, I… it came out the wrong way.” He's trying to choose his words carefully. “Corey would have said the right thing”. His voice trails off.

I get even more mad. “Fuck Corey. This is about US”. We're in his car, on a four hour journey, arguing. Just my luck. Out the window the landscape is passing by at speed, changing from jaunty volcanic hills, to corn fields, to tidy market gardens.

“I thought that… you could be there when I come home”. Sam's soft words make me really look at him.

“… that I wouldn't have to miss you like crazy all the time”. He picks up my hand.

“... that you could be an even bigger part of my life”. Sam kisses my hand, sending shivers through me. Just like that, I stand no chance, turn into a puddle of goo.

“What about Daisy? I can't leave her behind”. My first thought is to my sweet girl who's been with me through thick and thin.

“Daisy can come as well. She's stayed overnight several times now, she's used to the place”. Sam's feeling more confident now.

Another thought crosses my mind and I sigh. “What about Tayla? I can't leave her alone. She needs me”.

Sam, ever patient, finds solutions. “We'll help Tayla find another flatmate, to straighten out with the rent costs, and provide good company”.

I lean back in my seat. “It's settled then. Maybe I can move in February?”

He lets out an exasperated laugh. “No fucking way. Tonight”.

He's surely kidding. I can't possibly pack up everything I own and just leave with Daisy.

“It's not fair on Tayla, darling. Plus I need to pack all my stuff”.

He rolls his gray eyes at me. “How long do you need?”

“Make it after New Year's, that long weekend. At least I won't need to go to work, and I can unpack, get Daisy settled…”

He sighs, but deep down he knows I'm right.

We spend the time left to my parents' house chatting about the move, things to do in Bella Vista, how long the new commute to my work will be, and dog friendly cafés in the area.

My parents are out working on the winery, so we leave a note, pick up Daisy, and go back to Auckland, to Sam's house where I parked my car.

My presents and Daisy transferred to my car, Sam and I kiss passionately in view of the street, and promise to meet at Paddy and Gracie's New Year's bash, if not before then.

“What do you mean you're leaving? What a load of bollocks, Ellie. You've only been dating since September. What's next, are you going to marry him in March?” Tayla has been outraged since I came back home. The presents I got her from O'Neill's Bay haven't managed to soothe her sensibilities in the slightest.

“Calm down, dear”. My tongue in cheek comment fanned the flames.

“No, you calm down”. Tayla is pacing around the lounge like a pink-maned lioness. “You're moving too fast, Ellie. Search your heart. He's going to leave you alone in that fancy house in Bella Vista and traipse off as usual. You see him one day on, six day off, Ellie”.

Her words make me sad, and tears start coloring my cheeks. Tayla notices, stops her pacing and comes to embrace me.

“Oh Ellie, I'm sorry. I just care too much about you. I don't want you to get your heart broken”. The unspoken words “like me” hang between us. Tayla had her fair share of douche canoes. That doesn't mean Sam is one of them.

“Tayla, I know you mean well, but please be happy for me. I found someone I love and who loves me back”.

She hugs me harder. “I am happy for you. Maybe a little jealous. I wish I met someone like that”. Tayla winks at me, and we both laugh.

“We need to put a notice down the grapevine we're looking for a flatmate for you. I'm sure there will be someone we know who's super nice and keen. And I'll also pay my share of 6 weeks' rent to cover any shortfall”.

It felt like the end of an era, moving away from Tayla, from the house I'd called home for the last 6 years.